Wanderings of an Elusive Mind

I just watched the news – yeah, taking my mental health into uncharted territories, I know. The take-away from that activity is this: It has been 396 days. Can I deal with another 1064 days (+- a day or so)? The anger, the name-calling, the “if you’re not with me, you’re against me” attitude, the narcissistic personality. . . I have no patience.

And then there’s Congress, refusing to take responsibility and do its job. I’m sure there are some elected officials that are trying to do their jobs, that are trying to earn their pay – but not nearly enough. The government being shut down, or at least partially so? Really not a big deal, so far as I can see, except the Congress is still getting paid, while the little guys that are government employees and therefore at the mercy of its’ whims, are not. Fair? No, but then is anything fair right now?

Today there was a headline about measles which took me back to my childhood, all those many years ago – the years before vaccines, when measles and chickenpox and smallpox and whooping cough and dipththeria and polio were uncontrolled and a constant threat to the health of families. I remember getting measles multiple times, always during spring vacation. I was lucky in that they left no lasting problems for me. It would seem to me that the years of science that have developed the vaccines and the proof that they do help much more than any possible harm they might cause – any harm which is questionable at best – should be respected. Increased cases of autism? Or maybe just better methods to allow diagnosis more readily than in the past? And better communications so that we hear more about the diagnoses?

Fact-checking – I try, I do try, but with all the misinformation out there, how do we tell what is “real” fact, and what is “alternative” fact? How do we know who to really trust? I trust very few and very little anymore, but as in the past, I know what my feelings are, what my life tells me, and I have to make choices, just as we all do. It comes to this – believe what you choose to believe, but give me the same right, and do it with grace and kindness. Don’t call me names because we disagree, don’t worship those that do, recognize that in the end, all we have in this world is each other, and that fact needs to be respected and honored.

The Ks have been off on holiday to Germany this past week, so the cats have been forced to make do with me – that person who doesn’t get up as early as they really would prefer to be fed. I’ve awakened some mornings to two of the boys sitting on the bed staring at me. Pretty strong hint, I would say. They have not missed a meal, although the timing has perhaps been less than stellar for them. I have cleaned their litter boxes, and offered lap time as much as possible. As with most of my life, I’ve done my best.

I’m looking forward to the Olympics ending – I am a fan of figure skating, and my life this past two weeks has been wrapped around the event schedules so it will be nice to get back to a more regular schedule. I was sad when Ilya failed, happy when Alysa won gold – thrilled with her joy and appearance of calmness. I admire the dedication and work that these athletes subscribe to, day in and day out, for such a large part of their lives, but I don’t really understand that drive. And once you’ve become a celebrated athlete, where do you go from there? For those whose success continues, there must be so many that end up back in regular real life. It’s good we are not all like me.

I hope that, despite everything, your lives are filled with enough.

I feel like a little meander down the lane. Will you join me?

I get a lot of ads in my email for hearing aids for people over 50. So why are the pictures in the ads of women who are a long ways short of being 50?

I got a new iPad Air with a Magic Keyboard – suddenly, when I want a question mark, I get this dash-hypen thing. It is a challenge to find the key that creates the symbol I really want. This thing is apparently a little schizophrenic. I have an appointment at the Apple Store for next Wednesday. Maybe I will try a restart to see if that matters. Later.

Nope. Out of patience, already. I switched to my laptop, which I plan to sell, because I want my symbols to be where they say they are. I like the iPad and the keyboard – when they behave.

Having serious problems trying to get myself to watch the news. Things just seem to keep getting worse – how and why the heck is this happening? I feel like it’s time to move into a cave, except I’d go nuts without light. I have recently realized how much I need light – and how weary I am of our winter gray skies. No snow, lots of gray. I’m ready for barefoot weather. NOW.

I recently did something I haven’t done in a very very long time – I bought some fabric. You know, material fabric, the kind you make clothing out of. Yep. Gonna give it a go again. I used to make all of my clothes and then the price of fabric went up and I found stores where the price of clothing was reasonable. But – I’ve fallen in love with maxi dresses, but I want them to hit my ankles, not 6″ above my ankles. And I found a pattern I like – so, any minute now, I’ll clear off a table, spread out the fabric, pin the pattern on, and see what happens from there. It will be an adventure.

Hmmm – I’ll probably need to move some of my painting supplies in order to set the sewing machine up in my space, which will be the most convenient for me. That could be a bit of a challenge, since I’ve kind of filled up my space with supplies. I did just spend two full days organizing my cling stamps.

It seems the dry cat food I put out for Rose, Fritz and Herbert (the raccoons and possum) also attracts cats. Who would’ve thought? We have quite a variety of them that visit in the wee hours. Last night the camera also captured Kat on her way to the hot tub. You never know what might turn up!

I’ve been checking the neighborhood trees and the plants in my pots. No spring growth yet – except we do have some daffodils popping up in the more protected areas. I have to keep reminding myself it is still February, despite all my wishing for warmth and sun and spring.

I admire the bloggers who can do stream of consciousness posts and make them interesting. That’s what I was hoping for when I started this, but I’m not sure I made it. Oh well.

Here’s wishing you enough.

There are things to do – a kitchen that needs attention, errands to run, art awaiting creation, books to read . . . yet here I am, ready to share words, some happy I hope, probably more angry or despairing or sad. I’ll also share some of my art in between those words – perhaps a compromise, an attempt to add some cheer and beauty (depending upon the eye that looks at it, I’m sure).

If we are lucky, each day will give us bits of light to glory in, to enjoy, to soak up, along with some words of the non-political type, perhaps even wise or cheerful. Because our government will not give us that. Our government cannot even speak for our rights and the rights of others, our government that seems to be populated by sheep without eyes, brains, or voices, caring only about retention of their power.

We all need quiet places to revel in nature, to seek the harmony so missing in our daily discourse, in what we read and see. I try to create my own harmony, provide my own pleasure, away from the world, in the silence of my space.

Places where life goes on, with only the sounds of nature, birds singing their songs, places we can fortify ourselves, balance our needs and rights and wishes and pleas. Where we are safe from the outside world.

Peeking out – has the world come to its senses yet? No, then I’ll dive into a book where life is what I want it to be be, exploring people and the world and sharing adventures with pretend people, who seem now to be so much more pleasant that what I hear when I open my ears.

Sheltered, trying to believe in the good, in the gentle, in the kindness I know still exists, but is hiding to preserve itself.

Waiting for the world to open its ears and hear the answers – those things called logic, thought, common sense, empathy, life, peace, joy, love – for all. Let each of us differ and agree in peace, in acceptance. Let us not spread more hatred and violence.

So can we just have a new election, a new government, maybe some people with intelligence, logic, morality, integrity? I’m weary of the chaos, the hate mongering, the divisions.

I saw a Facebook post from a man saying “people, all Trump wants to do is put a military installation in Greenland ” – yeah, well we already have a military installation in Greenland and T’s rhetoric doesn’t sound to me like what you’re saying he’s saying.

Which brings me back to how we choose how to interpret words that are put out there – how we choose what we believe and what we trust.

Which also brings me great sadness. I’m so weary of being sad. Why is it countries so long maligned for violence are starting to sound peaceful to me?

I’ve been seeing a lot of posts on Facebook about “new series” that are soon going to appear on some streaming platform someday soon. Yet when I research to learn more, nothing can be found. It would be so nice if those people with all that time to send out disinformation could use that time more productively. Gosh, that’s a very old wish I’ve expressed, but I think it applies to more people now than it did not so very long ago. And that doesn’t even demonstrate the really harmful disinformation that keeps going around.

Conversations remind me far too often how much things have changed since I was young, and even since my kids were young. Yeah, I know all old people say that – but that makes it no less true. What is sad is that I think many of those changes are not for the best for our country or our people. A friend of mine has always said she thinks we lived during the best of times – the 1950s. I might even be starting to agree with her.

So I stay in and hide from the world as much as I can. Although I do need to go out today to buy some ice cream – because, in these times, ice cream is a necessity. Whatever comforts your soul – I say you should go ahead and indulge!

It is halfway through January already, and the sun in shining – which has to mean spring is on its way. Never mind our grass, which is still green, is tipped with frost and the hummingbird feeder in my window has a layer of ice in it – spring must be on the way, because we don’t get sunshine in the winter here.

I watched the news last night, which I usually do on Mondays and Fridays. Those days because there are features included that I like to watch. It was no less depressing than it usually is, but at least I feel somewhat informed between PBS and the feeds that come in my email – often uninvited. I spent quite a lot of time yesterday morning unsubscribing from mails to which I am certain I never subscribed. Interesting how that works.

Today I will actually leave the house – a trip to the post office for Kat, then a stop for birdseed because the birds are very hungry this time of year. I am hoping for a side benefit of feeding the birds – sometimes they plant sunflower seeds and we get a lovely crop of the happy yellow flowers in the summer. I wonder if I have a photo from last year – I’ll be right back.

Amazon tells me I have read 85 books in 2025. Amazon knows because I have the Kindle app – my preference over paper books. All of them easy reading, because that’s my preference. I wonder if that number includes a couple of books I started reading, but didn’t finish. Like one about RFK Jr. – recommended to me by a fan of his. I started it – realized it was written by a friend of RFK Jr., which explained why it sounded like a fan letter. I did not finish it.

I realize that last bit tells you a lot about what I believe. My son and I have parted ways on our beliefs lately, so we have agreed to discuss it no further. I have reached the conclusion we all choose what we wish to believe, and we can all find written words to “prove” we are right – which means we really can’t trust anything at all, can we? So, we also choose what we trust, right or wrong. It’s rather a sad way to live, I think. I can only hope we survive the next few years, and that maybe, someday before too long, the sun will rise, hearts will open, division will disappear, peace will return.

In the meantime, I amuse myself with my “things” – reading, occasionally writing something here, playing with my paints, stamps, and dies.

This one is watercolor on watercolor paper which was covered with cling wrap while wet, then let dry. It’s waiting for me to decide what more to do with it – perhaps some stamps, maybe some doodles. I love the shapes that formed – and I see an eye and a nose in part of the gold – I might play with that.

This one is also waiting for me to decide whether to do more. It’s watercolor on mineral paper and was a complete accident – I started out trying to reproduce the sunset I had been lucky enough to see earlier in the evening, but then added the dark foreground before the blue and pink paints were dry, so the darkness flooded into the sky and did its own thing. What I see is what I fear is happening to the world as we know (knew) it. It could be an explosion, it could be a giant tsunami heading our way, it could be a tornado. It could be . . . whatever you see.

I think I might let this one stay as it is. I’ve added a wee bit to what the paint did mostly by itself, and I am relatively pleased with it. It’s also watercolor on mineral paper.

I fight myself with my “art” all the time. I keep reminding myself I do it for the pleasure of it, with no real expectations, and that’s all that matters. So why do I constantly question myself? Stupid, I know. Sometimes I think we humans are our own worst enemies – or at least I think I am.

Now I shall leave you – and hope that despite the chaos of our world you have enough.

Today is winter solstice, the longest day of the year. Our skies and temperatures feel like winter, but no snow is in our forecast.

Tonight we pick up Gep at the airport, making my family complete for the holidays. I am happy.

Yesterday I mixed up bread dough – I baked one loaf and put the dough for another in the freezer. Today I plan to make chocolate chip cookies. That’s my version of being productive.

The smallest feline girl has joined me on my lap. She is my puppy cat, the one that is allowed to go outside because if she isn’t, we will all be unhappy. She is the one that follows me around when I go outside, and often follows me around when I am inside. Kat says she has a cute little nut face. She followed Kat home from Thailand.

She has established a relationship with one of our neighbors, which means I have a bit of a relationship with that neighbor. She visits them regularly for treats, and when she hasn’t been around for awhile, the neighbor will text me to make sure she’s alright. She insisted we send them a Christmas card this year. Of course, I obeyed her request – I usually do.

I’m still playing with watercolors in various ways on various papers. On mineral paper, letting the colors and water blend however they want.

On watercolor paper, using plastic wrap to create texture.

I am wishing for each and every one of you a special holiday season this year – close your doors on the world and enjoy your time with loved ones in the warmth of your homes, sharing your time and love.

The holiday season for us seems to be gray skies spilling water drops all over. It’s the time of year when solar powered gadgets never get charged so the bright little lights we have scattered about the backyard are not bright, and the cameras we use to capture the critter visitors that arrive in the dark of the night no longer capture anything. But it also seems to be the time of year when the critters don’t visit – the apple cores I put out a few days ago are still there.

All of which means we need to find other ways, inside ways, to entertain ourselves. Kat recently replaced her Glow Forge laser printer, which was often erratic and often caused language that definitely did not have the holiday spirit to erupt, with an X-Tool laser printer. She has been busy during her at-home times creating many little things cut out of basswood – or is it birch? It’s a very thin wood, in any case. Some of what she created was the parts for my holiday village – she adjusted the size of the patterns, laid out the parts on the piece of wood, and told the machine to go. Once they were cut out, my part was painting and putting them together. Between the two of us, we created this village:

I used my die cutter to cut the background stars out of sparkly paper. I am very happy with the results.

My inside activities, when I’m not reading news bits that arrive in my email and make me sigh with frustration or grumble expletives, have been messing with my watercolors, stamps, stencils, and die cut items. Less of that in the last week or so because of the painting and gluing those cut-out objects. Here are a couple of my completed art pieces:

The first was done on watercolor paper, the second on mineral paper. It’s all about blobbing water and paint on the paper and letting it do what it wants to do, which makes my heart happy.

I’ve also been reading books – light-hearted reading for the most part, nothing that requires deep thought. I’ve always been a reader, since my early days with comic books and movie magazines – which my father hated. It my view, read what you want, it’s the reading that matters. And I’ve been trying out some new recipes for dinner a few days a week. I’ve found several vegetarian recipes that are really good – I’m into one-pot meals in a big way. Healthy comfort food, that’s my goal. Last night we had a “loaded cabbage soup”. One of these days I’ll bake some bread again – haven’t been doing much of that lately.

Now I’m off to get ready for today’s adventure – taking my car in to get a new windshield, thanks to that chip caused by following a truck carrying gravel that I failed to get taken care of before it sent a crack all the way across the windshield. Moral of this story: don’t ignore chips in glass.

Wishing you all enough.

More playing with my watercolors – I added bits to the pieces I included in my last post

And I did a new one – I’m learning, slowly. The mineral paper does not absorb the water like watercolor paper does, and it takes forever for the painting to dry. I need to practice reducing the amount of water I use, and do a bit more spreading the colors with a brush.

This image is one I started this morning, using mostly liquid watercolors but adding white, black, and gold from pan watercolors, and being more careful with the quantity of water I used.

This one was done with pan watercolors

It’s definitely a learning process. But then, all of my watercolor/stamping/stencil/mark making/die cutting efforts have been learning processes – and I think that’s a lot of the fun. I think the mineral paper would make good card fronts – gluing them to a larger cardstock card. They also would be good for cutting out with dies – various shapes in multiple colors. The weight of the mineral paper is much lighter than watercolor paper – 100 lb. vs 140 lb.

The artist that got me started on this journey is Kendra Brazzel – check her out on You Tube.

Not at all sure that title is appropriate because I have no idea what I’ll say in this post. It’s going to be one of those “stream of consciousness” things I think. I’ve been debating whether to continue posting at all, but then it feels like this is kind of a journal, to look back on as time passes and revisit where I was in different stages of this life. So here I am – with no real destination.

Our fall colors this year were amazing. Did I share this before? Oh well. They were and I loved them.

This vine volunteered to grow along our backyard fence a couple of years ago, and it’s doing a great job. This was the first year it showed any color though and I’m so glad I encouraged it.

We have gone from grapes dropping all over the patio to grape leaves dropping all over the patio. Soon our wonderful yard helper, Carlos, will come to cut the grape vines back to ready them for a new year.

Most of the color now is inside my space – the holiday cactus has started this year’s performance, which occurs just before Halloween into early next year. She’s a prize.

The lemon tree has come back into the house for the winter, and if just a few of these blossoms become a lemon, we’ll have a bumper crop (this is a really bad photo, but it’s what I’ve got).

This guy

Did this

It appears he had a great time.

I’ve been playing with liquid watercolors on mineral paper – the flow and blending of the colors remind me a lot of my days using alcohol inks on Yupo paper. Love it, so much fun.

I put a lot of salt on these two.

Whether or not I do anything else with these remains to be seen. It’s all about relaxing and enjoying myself.

Thanksgiving will soon be upon us – I hope each of you has a day filled with love and joy, and lots of good food. Those things to be grateful for – things that are easily taken for granted.

I wish you days filled with enough. Until next time. . .