Existence

उस दिन की बारिश भी बड़ी कमाल की थी,
वो हल्की बूंदे धुंधली यादों की परछाई सी थी,
वो कांपते पेड़ किसीके आने की दस्तक से थे,
वो चंचल हवा में भी कई राज़ गहरे थे|

वो सुनी सड़क किसीके इंतजार में थी,
वो घर की बजती खिड़की जेसे खामोशी की गवाह थी,
वो भारी बादल दिल के जेसे कोई बोझ सम्भाले थे,
वो चांद के साए भी किसीके रहबर बने थे |

वो बारिश की रात, जैस  दिल की तन्हाई का गीत थी,
हर बूँद मे  बसी, एक पुरानी  प्रीत थी,
वो भीगी चुनरी , जैस  किसी की दस्तक की प्रतीक्षा थी,                                           हर बूंद कहती, वो आएगा, बस थोड़ी देर की बात थी ||

I sat in the balcony holding the thick book you liked , turning the pages, yawning and still convincing myself for that book you liked.. just to become the girl of your type.

I curled my hair, bought the shirt you liked , bearing the headache but gathering compliments for the scent you liked, just to become the girl of your type.

I climbed the mountain without the ouch so you would like, wore the sandals instead of shoes of your choice,  I came to club,  waving hands just to become the girl of your type.

Standing today in front of the mirror, I again combed my hair that way you like,  questioned myself are you the boy of my type ?

अब मुझसे क्या तू शिकायत करें ,
जिसका खुदका प्यार अधुरा है ।
अब मुझसे क्या तू दुआ मांगे ,
जो खुद दिन रात ना सोया है ।

मोहब्बत की, तू क्या ही अर्जी देगा ,
मैं तो खुद, रोज़ तड़पता हूं ।
मुझसे क्या तू इंसाफ मांगेगा,
मैं तो खुद ही, इस राह चला हूं ।

मुझसे क्या तू रूठेगा ,
मैं तो खुदसे ही ख़फ़ा बैठा ।
मुझे क्या तू अपना दर्द बताएगा ,
मैं तो हूं खुद, अंगार पर खड़ा।

बस एक मर्तबा मेरी भी सुन तू ,
तेरे प्यार की हिफाज़त करने, खुद मैं हूं खड़ा ।
सिर्फ एक पल मुझे, अब समझ तू ,
तेरा हर दुःख, मैं भी हूं झेलता ।

मैं तो खुद तेरा हाथ थामूंगा,
जिस,  दिन भी तू सम्भल ना पाएगा ।
ज़रा मुझे भी तो देखने दे ,
तू प्यार के लिए, कितनी सीमा लांघेगा ।

गर्व से कहूँगा मैं भी फिर ,
कोई तो अधूरी रेखा पूरी कर पाएगा ।
फक्र से झूमुगां मैं भी फिर ,
आखिर कोई तो रीत बदल पाएगा ।


………

There would be times , there would be fine lines, when you doubt and you crouch. But the place you have is the best you get , the environment you have is someone’s dream you catch . You fly high with all you have , you dive deep with all your mends . You make the best out of what you fetch , you consume the rest in your little head nest . You’re the one hero in your own movie , you’re the one fighter in your own story, you’re the one few look up to and right now, you’re the one you once wanted to.

एक दिन कहुँ कम तो दूसरे दिन थोड़ा ज्यादा , एसी ही हु मै शायद कभी कोई ना हो जानने वाला. पर तुमसे उमीद है, हाँ शायद तुम समझ लोगे, शायद मेरी चुप्पी भी तुम पढ़ लोगे !

बातें तो बहुत आती है साथ में गुस्सा भी लाती है, प्यार इतना की कोई डूब ही जाए और हक जताउ भी इतना ताकि कोई दूर न जाए . पर मेरी यह अदा भी तुम समझ लोगे ना , मेरे गुस्से के पीछे की वजह जान तो लोगे न।

सपने तो बहुत हैं पर कोई साथ निभाने वाला चाहिए, कहने को साथ तो हर कोई है खड़ा पर कोई भरोसे वाला भी चाहिए, मै जल्दी भरोसा नहीं कर पाती पर तुम फिर भी मुझे समझोगे न , मेरा कसकर हाथ पकड़ने तक का इशारा पहचान तो लोगे न.

छोटी छोटी चीजें मुझे सताती है , ज़हन में कहीं ओर और दिल में कहीं ओर ध्यान भटकाती है. पर मेरी आंखों में नमी तुम देख पाओगे न, तुम मेरे बिना बोले मुझे प्यार दे पाओगे न ।

बाहर से चाहे जितनी ही सख्त बनु अंदर से काफी नाजुक हू, मेरा हाथ पकड़ कर मुझे शांत करा पाओगे न , तुम मुझे कसकर पकड़कर फिर हसा पाओगे न ।

खुदसे प्यार काफी है पर शायद दुनिया से कम, लोग अच्छे है मैं जानती हू पर शायद फिर भी उन्हें समझ न पाऊ, मेरी नादानी पर तुम पर्दा डाल पाओगे न , बस एक मेरा साथ देने के ख़ातिर दुनिया से लड़ जाओगे न .

कहो न मुझे समझ पाओगे न , मुझे प्यार से सज़ा पाओगे न, मुझे दूर से निहार कर मुस्कराओगे न,मेरी जुल्फों को पीछे कर मेरी आंखे पढ़ पाओगे ना, मेरी खुशबु से मेरे होने का एहसास कर पाओगे न, बोलो न मुझे इतना प्यार दे तो पाओगे न?

Sun : you are fake and are so lame but why do people fall for you like you’re the only good face.

Moon : oh my dear , sorry if that made you feel bad , but that’s how this play works you can’t get love when you sit there expecting much.

Sun : show them your other side , why do you hide it from there sight. You know you can’t hide your outter marks so you cleverly wear it to grab attention with great spark

Moon : should i laugh on your thoughts, was it suppose to be cruel or was it funny in any class.

Sun : I’m beautiful too in way more ways than you can choose, oh my moon why are you bragging your fame when you dont even own the light you claim.

Moon : they would love me with or without spark, they know me without me speaking of any task . You do know i have the skill of understanding, well do you know or should I give you the extra class for further learning.

Sun : My love is never ending , my love is never fading, my love is unconditional and my love is over any bar and is rational.

Moon : Love is not the only thing you give it’s one of the things  you perceive. Making the comfort zone and not hurting even unintentionally is what i aim , understanding is what i wish till i fade.

It isn’t that tough, or is it .

Letting her go, watching her growth, missing her more and still not matured.

Well!! I do wonder what made me not keeping my self respect aside, to text her for one more time. I do wonder what kept me smiling, when i looked her story after this long time. I wonder if she miss this too, this.. that we built together for our future good. I wonder if we’re friends or were just each other’s temporary fools.

I stopped defending her in front of best friend now, she’s good but I won’t be screaming it loud now. I stopped expecting her to write a long paragraph to keep this bond alive since I know she isn’t coming back in my life.

Oh i do have this realization while writing, yes I still want to fight for her with my best friend, yes still I want to defend her, cause yes I can’t disown her.😶

oh my best friend, will you ignore my stupidity one more time, you can call me dumb and can punch on my stomach but let me call her mine just one more time. 🙃

Looking at the moon she asked,

Why is everyone in love with it, even after looking at it’s flaws , how is someone so in love with it.

His reply was sweet and simple ,

More the distance more the urge to get it , more the visible flaws more the tendency to accept it, more the shine more the obduracy to own it.

You know your moon is not gonna fade, your moon is not gonna crash, your moon is not gonna compel you, your moon is not gonna disown you,

your moon has all your secrets still is silent, your moon is in all your experience still is your mate, your moon watched your worst side still holds on your side.

How can someone not love it, when you getting everything in one shape. how can someone not fall for it when you getting a good listener free. How can someone not adore it when you know it’s not gonna fall free.

It’s love is unconditional, it’s love is inevitable, it’s love is permanent and it’s ending love is like my end.

You never know, who’s around trying to seek your attention and you’re busy filling them with tension.

Well!! Every page of her journal starts with “dear diary” and ends with “give me strength” . Someday or the other she wishes it to end with a pen crafted, laughter emoji.

Those were the days, yes those days… listening to “jeena jeena” song and sitting in a room, crying over not winning relay race and practicing dance which God knows who gonna witness.

Sometimes we’re so busy in the present that we forget what actually makes us happy.

🙂

You never know, who’s craving for your presence and who’s praying for your absence.

She’s loving solitude or explaining herself to love it doesn’t matter. What matters the most is she is experiencing it, it that she never would have thought of experiencing.

HOPE, a word that keeps pushing her, to conquer everything possible that she’s afraid of.

Him to her :

No, I guess I don’t want to hear words like ‘move on!’ or ‘nothing is between us’. I’m not ready yet.

Day 77 after breakup :

If you come back I’ll welcome you with same energy, if you look back I’ll run towards you with same enthusiasm, if you take one step towards me I’ll grab you with all my heart, if you call my name I’ll forget that time when you left me behind, if you hug me I’ll never leave you even if you ask me to.

After all these days, I haven’t spent a single day without your thoughts, haven’t spent a single day without self consolidation, haven’t spent a day without trying to move on.

But I can’t. I give up. Not on you. But on this thought of moving on, forgetting you or leaving your memories behind. I’ll learn. Learn to walk with your thoughts without any tear in eyes, will learn to keep myself calm whenever I’ll think of that day when you left me, will learn to trust people even with all the experience you gave not to, will learn to think about myself over anyone around.

I loved you with all I had and I can’t waste my feeling just by stopping myself. I’ll experience this love which is my invention and investment, until i feel like I’m done. I enjoy loving you and this moment where I find myself this dedicated. 💜