What dating with a chronic illness is REALLY like

After getting diagnosed with a chronic autoimmune disease when I was 20, every aspect of my life took a crippling, devastating turn. My love life was no exception. It took me some time, but in the six years of having a debilitating illness, I now know what I absolutely need from a person in order to view them as a potential long-term (or lifelong) partner.

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read the entire article here on xojane and let me know how you deal with dating while ill.

by devrivelazquez

The universe is waiting for us.

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The universe was waiting
for us.
We both spoke to it, and
it talked back, with hope,
in hopes of us
being obedient,
sensitive, aware, honest
to, of, with one another.
You were not prepared
to let your emotions surrender;
I was not ready
to be vulnerable again.
Our aquatic flow was disrupted
by the burden that was
acid rain on our commemorative
statue of openness.

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How ironic is it that
the last day we spoke
we had planned to visit the zoo
but were both against the idea
of evolving, thriving souls
being held captive
in unnatural environments
for the viewing pleasure of others?
Your fears of the unknown
were contagious to the touch.
Yet, my arms still flew open
at the sight, the vision, the view,
of you.
You had potential;
I had promise.

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Your statue wore down quickly
while the weapons of my mind dulled.
Our maker gave us a chance
to acknowledge the shift,
the movement in priority
to be free and love again.
Smothered, buried, decaying.
The wholeness of us
might find its way back
it can stay lost, too.
I will keep my better ear
pointed toward the universe;
I will find comfort
in remembering the ultimate plan
is not manifested by us.
The universe is still waiting.
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photos of me by Chelsea Jackson. follow me on Instagram @DevriVelazquez.

by devrivelazquez

Manifesting off the strength of faith

The key is understand that you will never really have control of any aspect that makes your life what it is. This is where the power of FAITH and MANIFESTATION shine their light.

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If you work off having more detail and control of a situation in order to execute it effectively, you’ll likely be waiting around till the world ends before you make a move on your ideals. This is the time to rely on your gut feeling–intuition.

Your inner voice is an ableist. Take advantage of this, but don’t let it deter you from believing you aren’t good enough to accomplish whatever it is you’ve set out for yourself.

If you dreamt the vision, you’re able to map out a plan; from that point, you test the capacity at which you can give said vision.

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Set goals for yourself that are realistic and fit what your actual abilities are, in that exact moment that you think of them. That means they’re liable to change whenever.

You’re allowed to manifest the direction you want to go in.

Don’t forget that, ever. There will be plenty of road bumps that encourage you to veer off and lose control of your spiritual vehicle. Unless it’s a mechanical problem (physical limitations), do your best to stay focused on the road ahead.

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The key is understand that you will never really have control of any aspect that makes your life what it is. This is where the power of MANIFESTATION and FAITH shine their light.

You don’t have the answers to the world, and that’s the beauty of it all.

Think of God as the bumpers in the bowling lane, if you will. The energy of guidance will always surround you, as long as you acknowledge and appreciate it. You must feed into that positive energy constantly and it will never let you down. Succeeding in the end goal will be determined by how heavily you relied on the bumpers.

The bumpers are not a crutch, but rather a form of assistance that as a complimentary gift to push you in the right direction. You weren’t owed them in any way, shape or form–you were granted this gift, so you may choose to take full advantage of it or deny it.

photos of me taken by Devin Mazza Photography. follow me @DevriVelazquez for more pics.

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by devrivelazquez

The veneration of self.

are you supporting my fight?

It’s perfect to publicly think highly of yourself so long as it doesn’t appear elitist. It took a lot of work to get here, and you ought to be proud to show it off.

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Flaws.

Everybody has a list of things they wouldn’t mind altering about themselves, both inside and out. That’s human, and it’s ok to feel that way. However, a ‘flaw’ really depends on a couple significant factors: 1)someone’s perspective on what is perfect, and your own willingness to fully embrace whatever you’ve claimed a flaw to be, on you or someone else.

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In other words, having ‘flaws’ are a made up thing. It’s impossible to set a single standard on what literally billions of eyes and minds see in their own light.

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You must live what you believe you deserve for others to follow suit. How you want other humans in this world to treat you is determined by two things: 1)how they view themselves, and 2)how comfortably you have become in your own skin.

Oftentimes a person’s insecurity about their own imperfections will cast a shadow over you.

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In this case, it has close to no value on how well you display your self-worth and value. It may move the needle, but someone who has refused to begin the inner workings of accepting his or her true self cannot currently see or appreciate the beauty of your sacredness. You are where they might hope to be, therefore they’ll likely keep you around (if you let them). But know that this will only, over time, lessen the value you have worked so hard to make yourself.

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Have an air about you and don’t apologize.

It’s important to showcase the world what you believe your worth is–through various actions and behaviors in your day to day life.

Don’t get this mistaken for being so self-involved that you forget everyone on this earth is your equal. This is no excuse for treating someone less than you. It’s simply a reminder and tool of reinforcing the veneration of self.
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The principles of love you live and breathe are neither silent nor passive.

That goes for not only the world around you, but starts with your feelings toward yourself. Although you should remain humble, it’s perfect to publicly think highly of yourself so long as it doesn’t appear elitist. And never, ever take credit for making it to this important center of self value. Without your faith in God, nature, and the universe, you wouldn’t have ever acknowledged what it means to love yourself in all its true, total capacity.

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these pics are from my recent trip to the beautiful Asheville, NC. follow me on Instagram @DevriVelazquez for more pics.

by devrivelazquez

The natural hair community helped me love myself more

are you supporting my fight?

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Why would I ever want to conceal this beautiful flower from the world? My natural hair is proof of the ability to withstand many trials and testaments given to me as lessons to both myself and those around me. These lessons are yet to be fully determined, but I’ve concluded that some of them are centered around these concepts: a recognition of strength, an acceptance of self, a movement towards growth.untitled (6 of 15)

Nature has given me a delicate flower to adorn my body forever. It loves me unconditionally, allowing me to change the color, length, volume, and texture of my flower without forcing me to sacrifice its original characteristics.

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Even if, beyond the surface, we have completely different views and values, I can still open my eyes a little wider and acknowledge the perspective of those walking the same Earth and breathing the same air as myself.

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read this entire post (and others) on naturallycurly.com.

lovely dress by Mysterious By NPN, photographed by Monique Rodriguez

follow me @DevriVelazquez 

by devrivelazquez

Then the page, it turns

are you supporting my fight?

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She wishes to thrive.

Her memories are bullets, packed,

ready to execute the innermost workings of her heart.

She isn’t fooled. She is aware.

In between her silly days of making a belonging for herself,

siding with the devil and constantly pleading for help from the Greater

her attentions are blankly awoken,

over and over and over.

Her mind draws blanks as her tireless hands continue

to push away the dirt and grime of all she has ever known.

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Her soul is sleepy.

She’s had this conversation before,

it never seemed to go anywhere.

When will the dead end destinations burn and be gone, forever?

She possesses a compass, but never understood how to use it.

So she tucks it away out of her sight

until Desperation’s echo starts drawing closer to her

in the wilderness of her thoughts.

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She knows how to silence her screams,

her eyes have become numb.

They don’t really feel what they see.

Blissful ignorance has let her sit comfortably in her own mental prison.

Her sentence never contains ellipses, only periods and exclamation points.

Then, the page turns.

A new day emerges.

She rises up.

Sleepy soul in pocket. Compass, too.

On to the next dead end conversation.

She isn’t fooled. She is aware.

 

photos of me by James Pennie Photography. follow me on Instagram @DevriVelazquez.

 

by devrivelazquez