Kota Mimpi

Kota Bekasi.

“Kenapa sih lo demen banget tinggal di Bekasi? Macet ke mana-mana, panas pula”, ujar seorang temanku. Dia tidak tahu bahwa disini tempatku merajut mimpi. Semua yang ada sekarang, semua yang telah kuraih sekaran bermula dari sini.

Bekasi bukanlah tempat kelahiranku. Benar. Aku lahir di Slipi, Jakarta Barat. namun di Bekasi lah aku besar dan belajar banyak hal. Mulai dari belajar baca tulis hingga nilai-nilai kehidupan lainnya. Bekasi, sebagai kota yang terbawa arus kemajuan ibukota Jakarta, memberikan pengaruhnya pada hidupku. Saat-saat TK hingga SD kuhabiskan dengan damai di pinggiran Bekasi. Masih bocah, aku ingat dulu aku selalu bersepeda tiap sore bersama bocah-bocah komplek lain, berburu kecebong di selokan, hingga ‘mengadopsi’ anak kucing yang terlantar di dekat pasar. Memasuki usia SMP, aku mulai mengenal kehidupan orang kaya (karena influence teman-temanku, sedangkan aku saat itu adalah ABG labil yang menyerap segala hal tanpa menyaringnya dulu). Kemudian ibuku berkesimpulan sekolah itu bukanlah tempat yang mampu mendidikku menjadi manusia yang baik, lalu akhirnya aku dipindahkan ke SMP Negeri di pinggiran Jakarta.

Nah, disinilah semuanya bermula. Aku tak lagi bisa ke sekolah naik ojeg karena sekolah baruku cukup jauh letaknya. Naik angkot 2 kali, masih oke lah, kadang-kadang diantar bapak naik motor juga. Seperti halnya kisah-kisah remaja di FTV, dulu aku sempat merasakan ‘peer-pressure’ sebagai anak pindahan. Tidak punya teman. Tak ada yang mau duduk sebangku denganku, kecuali temanku yang satu ini. Dia kemudian menjadi salah satu sahabat baikku (meskipun patut kusayangkan karena saat ini aku mulai kehilangan kontak dengannya). Di sekolah inilah aku mulai mengenal kompetisi untuk mengejar pendidikan yang lebih tinggi. Belajar mati-matian, ikut les ini-itu untuk bisa masuk ke SMA unggulan di Jakarta. NEM-ku dulu tidak seberapa, namun akhirnya aku berhasil masuk ke SMA Negeri 61 Jakarta. Di SMA ini aku kerja rodi. Berada di sekolah unggulan, it’s another peer-pressure. Aku yang biasa-biasa saja, berhasil masuk ke sekolah ini karena keberuntungan, mau tidak mau harus bersaing dengan teman-temanku yang luar biasa. Semua orang di sini punya satu cita-cita: ingin masuk PTN. Dan aku (bodohnya) mendeklarasikan cita-citaku sendiri pada saat itu: ingin masuk fakultas kedokteran. Aku yang setiap ulangan matematika saja musti selalu remedial ini kepingin masuk FK. Dulu wali kelasku pernah mengusulkan agar aku memilih jurusan lain saja karena nilai try outku tidak pernah mendekati passing grade fakultas kedokteran manapun.

 And again I was bold (or stupid?), ketika mengisi formulir ujian masuk (UM UGM, UM UNDIP, SMUP. Iya semuanya…) aku hanya menulis:

Fakultas: Kedokteran,

Jurusan: Pendidikan Dokter.

Di Bekasi lah semuanya bermula. Aku dulu mengikuti bimbingan belajar sehingga hampir selalu pulang malam, semua demi mimpiku itu. Yang dulu mungkin pernah dianggap tidak mungkin. Sampai detik-detik, nilai try outku tidak pernah mendekati passing grade. Tidak penah. Namun satu hal yang kuingat, dulu selalu kutulis mimpiku untuk bisa kuliah di fakultas kedokteran pada sebuah buku harian agar apabila nanti aku berhasil  menjadi dokter, aku bisa mengingat bahwa jalan yang telah kupilih ini merupakan hasil perjuangan selama bertahun tahun.  Bahwa jalan yang telah kupilih ini merupakan salah satu tanda kebesaran Ilahi, bahwa tidak ada yang tidak mungkin apabila Ia telah berkehendak. Bahwa jalan ini akan membawaku kepada satu arti hidup yang lain.

Semua mimpi-mimpiku berawal di Bekasi, tempat aku belajar makna perjuangan. 

Half-way

Postingan ini ditulis dalam bahasa Indonesia semata-mata karena gue sedang menunda pekerjaan yang seharusnya gue kerjain sekarang: bikin slide skripsi.

  • Iye, I’m a professional procrastinator
  • Iye, sidang skripsi

Sidang skripsi dalam 48 jam. Bahkan sampai detik-detik terakhir gini gue masih mager. Anyway kalau diingat-ingat, rasanya seperti baru kemarin gue duduk dalam antrian daftar ulang mahasiswa baru UNPAD di gedung PSBJ Sastra Jepang, lalu berkenalan dengan teman yang antri di depan gue (ternyata namanya Sasfia). Sasfia ini kemudian jadi salah satu teman yang lumayan deket sama gue. Gue inget banget dulu setelah daftar ulang, kami sama-sama jalan dari PSBJ ke Bale Padjadjaran (asrama untuk mahasiswa FK tingkat 1) dan ternyata kamar kami berhadapan. Waktu berjalan cepat sekali dan setahun kemudian, kami ‘diusir’ dari Bale karena ada angkatan baru yang siap masuk :”). Teman-teman ada yang kemudian ngekos. Begini dan begitu, setahun lewat, dua tahun lewat, dan gak kerasa sekarang udah mau sidang skripsi aja. 

Dulu pada tahun 2009, gue mati-matian belajar supaya bisa masuk FK, dan jujur ga kepikiran untuk memilih jurusan lain pada waktu itu. Orangtua gue juga fine-fine aja karena seperti orang-orang pada umumnya mereka beranggapan menjadi dokter itu sebuah prestasi dan predikat yang wow sekali. Satu hal yang luput dari analisa gue saat memilih jurusan pada waktu itu: FK itu seperti hell hole (lubang neraka). Atau kalau lo suka nonton National Geographic Channel atau Animal Planet, suka ada sejenis serangga yang bikin lubang jebakan untuk mangsanya dan sekalinya itu mangsa masuk ke lubang itu……..yaudah say goodbye to the rest of the world. 

Oke, mungkin gak segitunya sih. Tapi sekalinya lo memilih fakultas kedokteran (dengan tujuan atau motivasi apapun), lo bakalan stuck di sini selama bertahun-tahun dengan regulasi seenak dekan dan lo bakal banyak belajar mengenai kesabaran. Tujuh semester dihabiskan untuk masa pre-klinik (atau program sarjana kedokteran), dilanjutkan tiga semester kepaniteraan klinik (atau masa-masa koass), dilanjutkan UKDI, dilanjutkan masa internship satu tahun, dilanjutkan masa-masa menunggu keluranya surat-surat resmi yang menyatakan lo-sebenernya-udah-selesai-kuliah-tapi-tahan-dulu-sebentar-karena-negara-kita-isinya-orang-orang-ribet. Gue memperkirakan usia gue saat semua ini selesai yaitu 24 tahun. Temen-temen SMA gue pada usia yang sama nanti mungkin sudah pada selesai S2 (atau sudah punya anak 2 maybe) dan gue bakalan berstatus fresh-graduate-dan-numpang-tinggal-di-rumah-orangtua.

No, I’m not complaining. Seperti yang gue bilang tadi, fakultas kedokteran telah mengajarkan banyak hal. Satu yang paling penting bagi gue bukanlah materi akademik, tapi pelajaran hidup (yang mudah-mudahan berguna buat tahun-tahun ke depan) yaitu SABAR.

Smart and caring

It’s because I know what it feels like. That’s why I’m gonna try my best to be a good doctor.

My mother was lying on the operation table, then they cut her open. She was unconscious, the machine breathed for her.
Then they brought her to the recovery room, still under anesthesia. I waited for her. I was worried. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced in my whole life. And I’m about to go through all of it again by the end of this month.
I asked my colleague for a recommendation on the best oncological surgeon and he gave me a name. The surgeon was the chief of surgical oncology in our hospital and that makes him my future teacher. I prefer to take my mother to university hospital because all the doctors who work there are my teachers. They are my source of knowledge and they can’t be wrong. That’s what I’m thinking. I know it’s naive but if I’m gonna be a doctor someday, it’ll be because of them.
All I could do was to find the best doctor for my mother. Not just a smart doctor but also a caring doctor. A caring doctor, because we want him to take care of us as a person, not just as patient #38. Just like a quote from the movie Patch Adams: “A doctor interacts with people at their most vulnerable. He offers treatment but he also offers counsel and hope.”
That’s what we all want when we got a sick mother, right?

 

Third year, almost done

Hello.

It has been a while since my last post. Well, the third year of medical school has been very busy and without realizing it, I’m already done with it. Yes, I’m currently procrastinating on studying for the final exam. I still have two weeks in my schedule consisting of clinical presentation and OSCE, and then I will take a leave for a month for community duty before the fourth year starts. The ‘fourth year’ is not really a year, it’s been shortened into one semester but the academic schedule still puts the ‘traditional fourth year’ curriculum so we’re calling it like that.

By the way, I’ve got a research to finish then I’m getting my degree (Bachelor of Medicine) in January before the clinical year starts. I don’t know about you, but I feel like medical school is such a long journey. I’m very tired and I’m not even scratching the surface yet.

And here’s a gif to describe my feelings about everything

Image

Colleagues

Today a friend said a thing to me that I will never forget:

“I want to see you, us, as great cardiologists together.”

I will remember this, 30 years from now. This sounds silly for now, not sure if I want to be a cardiologist but…… I have no idea. Sometimes positive energy just came out from your close friend. Totally inspiring though, since I’ve been having low moments for a while.

“You come into medicine and science at a time of radical transition. You have met the older doctors and scientists who tell the pollsters that they wouldn’t choose their profession if they were given the choice all over again. But you are the generation that was wise enough to ignore them: for what you are hearing is the pain of people experiencing an utter transformation of their world. Doctors and scientists are now being asked to accept a new understanding of what great medicine requires. It is not just the focus of an individual artisan-specialist, however skilled and caring. And it is not just the discovery of a new drug or operation, however effective it may seem in an isolated trial. Great medicine requires the innovation of entire packages of care—with medicines and technologies and clinicians designed to fit together seamlessly, monitored carefully, adjusted perpetually, and shown to produce ever better service and results for people at the lowest possible cost for society.

 

When you are sick, this is what you want from medicine. When you are a taxpayer, this is what you want from medicine. And when you are a doctor or a medical scientist this is the work you want to do. It is work with a different set of values from the ones that medicine traditionally has had: values of teamwork instead of individual autonomy, ambition for the right process rather than the right technology, and, perhaps above all, humility—for we need the humility to recognize that, under conditions of complexity, no technology will be infallible. No individual will be, either. There is always a velluvial matrix to know about.

 

You are joining a special profession. Doctors and scientists, we are all in the survival business, but we are also in the mortality business. Our successes will always be restricted by the limits of knowledge and human capability, by the inevitability of suffering and death. Meaning comes from each of us finding ways to help people and communities make the most of what is known and cope with what is not.

 

This will take science. It will take art. It will take innovation. It will take ambition. And it will take humility. But the fantastic thing is: This is what you get to do.”

– Atul Gawande, MD.

(source)

I probably need to go to the grocery store

  • and buy some soy sauce and ice cream too I guess
  • nah, too much sugar
  • but I need them because I’m gonna stay awake all night doing this paper and I need to munch on something
  • nah, I need to stop writing and do a 30 mins cardio instead
  • ………………..
  • oh I have no more ginger ale
  • let’s go to the grocery store
  • canned coffee sounds good, eh?
  • nah I need to get this thing done
  • GOD I’M SO SLEEPY
  • I haven’t done anything much on this paper actually
  • *sighing*
  • okay go to the grocery store, then a 30 mins cardio, then shower and get back working on the paper

*then it suddenly started raining*

Biggest question of all

Is it wrong to JUST stick to the academic activity during medical school, and nothing else? Because I’ve tried some extracurricular activities and it was a huge distraction because then I got sick (too tired, not enough sleep, plus the classes I had to attend, you know) so I decided to quit. Now I kinda regret it because I was in an medical school community that helps to educate teenagers and women about sexually transmitted disease and abuse, and I liked that job.

:S

 

What to learn each day

What would you do (or feel) if you’re a scientist doing an IVF research and planted the embryo on a woman’s womb and just had no idea if the embryo would live or not, and met the living embryo 21 years later?

Today, during the embryology class, my lecturer told us that there was no successful in vitro fertilization in my country until late 2005.

I was born in 1991. I was the 46th successful IVF project in the country where I live.

I didn’t know what to say to my lecturer, that she had met a living petri dish-made embryo, right there, sitting in her class. (Maybe she knows nothing about IVF project, eh?)

Last year my mother decided to meet the team’s obgyn (because she had a large myoma/what we thought as kelloid or something, due to c-section incision) and they were thrilled to see me. Yes me. Partly because I’m still alive. Mostly because I’m their colleague, or almost.

I do believe in science. I was born because of it. When I met those docs, they said there were doubts that the IVF baby would have anatomical anomalies. Or mental retardation. Or would not live at all. I am alive, I have four limbs, and I have enough space in my brain to remember cranial nerves and differential cell counts. I think people are being pessimistic. The miracle of medical science is there, everywhere. You can see someone survived from a severe stroke or bleeding. You can see it every day.

I’m just mad because she said there was no living baby until 2005. I was just sitting there laughing inside.

The best thing about this week, or the reason I look forward to, is I will be able to put on IV catheter by the end of this day. On a mannequin.

Hopefully on a person someday.

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