Alone Time

Over the course of our marriage my wife has introduced me to the concept of "Alone Time".

When she first brought up her need for alone time I was traumatized. How could anyone, especially my newlywed wife, not want to spend every possible moment in my presence. Granted I did kinda follow her around, but I thought it was in a cute puppy dog kinda way.

Evidently not.

So I have come to accept that my good looks and smoking hot body can only be endured for so long.

Now add four kids into the mix. Any sense of self is completely gone. Someone is always touching her, screaming for help or following her around.

So Mindy has to grab alone opportunities whenever she can.

Last night she tried to sneak out to the grocery store while I got all the kids ready for bed. Yes we needed something from the store, but it was also "alone time".

Paige (10) sensed what was about to happen, ran to the car and ensconced herself in the third row.

Mindy tried to reason with her to get out of the car.

Mindy: Paige please get out of the car
Paige: No I want to go with you
Mindy: You don't even have shoes or your glasses
Paige: So
Mindy: At least go get some shoes on
Paige: No way. If I get out of the car you'll leave me

And she would have!!

So Paige stumbled around the store without glasses or shoes. And my sweet wife endured some additional quality time with the family.

Get Me To The Airport On Time

I will be the first to admit that I am particular about some things. Mindy refers to my tendencies as being "anal".

For example:

• Ice Cream must be eaten quickly to avoid any melting (and no microwaving)
• I have to eat all my french fries first, while they are still hot, before touching any other food
• If I am using the restroom I will not answer or converse with anyone under any circumstance
• If I am going to miss the lights going down at a movie I would rather come back another time when I can get there early
  
• When flying on an airplane if I leave in the morning I must have a USA Today and Wall Street Journal. If I leave at night I only need a USA Today

I could go on...and on...

Well last Friday my Mother-in-Law decided to test me and see if I would crack under the pressure. She struck at the core of my many neurosis - all my little travel fetishes.

You see over the years I have traveled over 1 million miles and to survive I developed little routines, much like people with obsessive compulsive disorder. (again Mindy would argue that I could be a candidate)

Rule number one: never arrive at the airport more than 30 minutes before a flight. Believe it or not I have only missed an airplane 1 time in all my years of traveling, and that was before 9/11. (My rule used to be 15 minutes)

Rule number two: never fly Southwest Airlines

So back to last Friday. Mindy's mother was visiting and we were going to be flying back to Arizona together on the dreaded orange beast.

The punchline:

We were seated at the gate 1 hour before our departure time, officially the earliest I have ever arrived for a flight. Lorraine was in the "A" group, and I of course was "D" or "E".

But truth be told I didn't melt or start to twitch. In fact I we had a great conversation and she saved me a seat at the front of the bus.

So I still abhor the cattle call at Southwest Airlines. Especially those people who remember to print out boarding passes ahead of time and arrive 1 hour early to stand in line.


But when I find myself in the horror of SWA it is actually quite nice to travel with an "Other".

So Mom I would love to travel with you again, even when you force me to be on time.

Un-Hip in Seattle

I am

shamed

humiliated

discombobulated

I discovered this week that I am not “hip”.

Granted you may have all realized this before me, but I still held out hope for myself. I seemed to have all the “hip” credentials. (Grup anyone)

I have even embraced the metrosexual lifestyle much to the dismay of my redneck brother and brother-in-law.

(Metrosexual: a heterosexual male who is in touch with his feminine side - he color-coordinates, cares deeply about exfoliation, and has perhaps manscaped)

So when I booked a room in the W Hotel in Seattle I was excited to test out my avant-garde’ness.


You see the W Hotels was one of the first Boutique Hotels. They hold themselves up as the ultimate in coolness. They call their gym "Sweat" and the garage is "Wheels". (more)

You get the idea. They think they are it.

After 3 days in the hotel I couldn't wait to get to the airport and see normal people again?

I hated it. I felt like an idiot. There was constant techno music blaring and dim lighting with candles everywhere. And the young staff all dressed in black was just annoying.

I guess the problem is I don’t quite look or dress like this guy.



As much as I wish I were hip I have reminders as to my true status in life. Such as this classic photo from my one and only “photo shoot” and magazine spread. Yes me and my dad made the cover of Computer Monthly all the way back in 1991.


Holiday Inn here I come!

One Year of Grafitti

So today marks the one year anniversary of my "Grafitti" here on this blog. (see my first post)

About 5 years ago I wrote down a goal to find a creative outlet. Something I could do that wouldn't take too much time but that would get noticed. Yes I actually wrote "get noticed". That's so narcissistic. But to be honest I wouldn't take the time to post if I didn't get a comment or two every once in a while. So keep feeding the beast with your comments.

A couple of stats from the last 6 months
(starting Jan. 1, 2007)
Total unique visitors: 436
Total visits: 3,319

A few of my favorite posts:

Trouble with the kids
- Booty Call
- How Was Your Day?
- My House Smells Like a Subway

Marital Bliss
- A Humble Prayer
- My Wife Can Beat Up Your Wife

Finding myself
- Mr. Darcy vs. Mr. Willis

Am I a Grup?

What is a Grup you ask? Well the basic definition is:

40-year-old men and women who look, talk, act, and dress like people who are 22 years old.

Trying to be the couple on the right when we should be the couple on the left.



(But that simple statement doesn't do it justice. You have to read the full article in the New Yorker Magazine. Click Here)

Lets see if we pass some of the Grup criteria:

ME:
big corporate job = check
brown rock T-shirt = check
expensive jeans = check
Puma sneakers = check
listening to Death Cab for Cutie on my Nano = check

MINDY:
stay home mom = check
low-slung Sevens = check
ankle boots = check
vaguely Berlin-art-scene blouse = check
TV-screen-size Olsen-twins sunglasses perched on her head = check

hmm. Not quite how I would describe my Mom and Dad when they hit 40.

This article really hit close to home when I remembered a conversation Paige (10) and I had about our mutual love of Green Day. Scary. I'm supposed to be appalled that she would consider such noise to be music.

By the way Mindy and I are hosting a "High School Musical 2" (or HSM2 as the texting crowd refers to it) party this weekend and dare I say it...ok we can't wait!!

What to you call 40-year-old men and women who get excited about the same Movies as 10 year old girls?

Yuppeens? (Yuppie + Tween)

(Tweens those 9-to-14-year-olds who aren't little kids but aren't quite "teenagers" either)

Surviving Summer

This summer we have been wondering if we can survive our kids.

Well mostly I sit in my 12 floor office looking out over Newport Beach, sipping on a cold bottle of Perrier and call Mindy to see how she is surviving.

Often the conversation goes something like this.

Me: Hey hows it going.
Mindy: Fine
(Background noise of screaming, crying, yelling and a host of other sounds)
Mindy: I gotta go

When we decided to start our family we talked often about what we hoped our kids would be like. I distinctly remember us using the word "spunky". Yep that's what we wanted, spunky kids. We thought that would be fun, you know, keep us entertained.

Note to self: Be sure to actually look up the definition of words before using them.


Results for: Spunky
Main Entry: bold
Part of Speech: adjective 2
Definition: brazen

Synonyms:
assuming, audacious, barefaced, brash, brassy, cheeky, confident, forward, fresh, gritty, gutsy, immodest, impudent, insolent, nervy, pert, presumptuous, rude, sassy, saucy, shameless, smart, smart-alecky*, spunky

Antonyms:
courteous, meek, polite, shy, timid

Source: Roget's New Millennium™ Thesaurus, First Edition (v 1.3.1)
Copyright © 2007 by Lexico Publishing Group, LLC. All rights reserved.
* = informal or slang

Technically Speaking

Recently Kate (7) has been losing her temper. Often with good reason given she does have two little brothers and an older sister, but we have been reminding her to keep her cool.

So last night I knelt with her as she said her prayers. During her prayer she did ask for help obeying her parents but she didn't talk about losing her temper.

So when she finished we had a little chat that went something like this.

Me: You know when you say your prayers you could ask for help with losing your temper.

(she thought for a moment)

Kate: Well, technically speaking I did. You tell me not to lose my temper all the time and I asked for help obeying you and mom.

Ooohhh.

She's good. I sat there on my knees for a moment not saying anything.

I gotta step my game up for this kid.