The Perils of Picking Your Nose

Garrett, like most little 4yr old boys, picks his nose.

If only it stopped there.

I am horrified to report that once he has extracted a worthy specimen he plops in into his mouth and enjoys a little booger treat.

In an attempt to stop this behavior I have been telling him that his snot is dirty and it will make him sick if he eats it.

He kept on eating.

But he came home from school the other day with a fever. As he laid on the couch moaning and waiting for the Advil to do it's trick he confided something to Mindy.

Garrett: Mom I know why I am sick
Mindy: Why honey?
Garrett: I was eating boogers today!

Ha! I knew it. Score one for Dad.

Spank Me Now

Garrett (4) has a fascination with how things work. This includes the mechanisms of a Toilet. We have caught him several times lifting the lid of the toilet tank as he presses the escape hatch.

We were afraid that during the excitement of watching a toilet flush he was going to drop the porcelain top and shatter it in a million pieces. So we came down hard on the little guy: No peeking under the hood or dire consequences will follow.

But yesterday Mindy heard that awful sound of porcelain hitting the tile floor.

Now she had to dish out the promised punishment.

Garrett gets to watch a pre-recorded TV show each day, something he looks forward to with great anticipation. Denying him Bob The Builder has been our most effective form of punishment. But this being a grevious act, Mindy wanted to add to the drama.

So she gave him a choice of penalty: A spanking or loss of the Kid Show!

At this pronouncement Garrett's face brightened and he quickly blurted out: I want a spanking. Through his newfound glee you could almost hear him saying:

"Are you kidding me, just a spanking? A couple of seconds then it's over versus missing out on the adventures of Handy Manny? Bring it on baby"

Mindy was dumbstruck. He was supposed to fear the spanking and plead for mercy, begging to miss his show and then sit wallowing in his remorse while the other kids starred blankley at the TV.

Stalling for time, and trying to wipe the smile off his face, she sent him to his room to await the impending whack.


After a few minutes Garrett quietly left his room and found Mindy. He then politely asked: Can I have my spanking now, I am bored in my room?

When I got home from work Garrett rushed up to me to share the news of the day.

"Daddy, I broke the toilet. Mom spanked me but it didn't even hurt." And then off he bounded.

So much for corporal punishment.

What Does Your Daddy Do On Sunday?

Once again the teachers at Garrett's pre-school are proving to be my nemesis.

Don't ask a 4 year old what their dad does on a Sunday. There is no way the kid is going to make his Dad look good. Which is exactly what I think these teachers have learned over the years. So now they ask these questions to mess with the Dads.

All year long I have been diligent about not watching football on Sunday. But recently I did make an exception. I taped the game and tried to get through it quickly in the evening. But that was just enough to make an impression on Garrett.

So when I arrived at Daddy Night, ready to be friendly and make a great impression, the teacher tormented me by sharing the following:

Sadistic Teacher: Garrett is so cute we really enjoy him. Oh it was so funny, the other day we asked him what his Daddy does on Sunday and he said 'He goes to church then watches football and eats salsa'

Me "the sometimes bishopric counselor": Yeah isn't that cute. Ha ha

Nice to know what makes an impression on the kid, the bazillion hours I spend at church or the 1 hour of fast-forwarding through a game with a bowl of salsa.

Note to self, next season make sure Garrett's in bed before I indulge in Sunday Football.

Don't Teach My Kid

For the most part we are happy with Garrett's (4) pre-school. He loves his teachers, the activities and especially the singing and stories.

But sometimes I take issue with what they teach him.

In my case I don't want a well-rounded kid...at least not yet. I'm ok with learning letters and numbers but don't give him skills to disrupt our life.

For example, teaching Garrett about 911.

The other morning as Mindy stepped into the shower Garrett decided to "practice" what he had learned in school. He competently dialed the numbers but after listening quietly to the operator decided to hang up.

Garrett was on to the next activity when the police called back and Mindy, well...the shower is precious alone time so she wasn't about to answer.

So once again the police converged on the Thomas home. If you are keeping track Garrett and Kate are tied at 2 incidents apiece.

Unfortunately Mindy was out of the shower and dressed when the doorbell rang. It would have been such a better story had San Diego's finest burst into the bathroom. But I digress.

The nice officer played the tough guy with Garrett and scared him to tears, as Mindy requested. As the police cars rolled away the neighbors started to emerge eager to hear the story.

Funny how they didn't even assume there was a real problem!