all i want is everything

as the term draws to a close, i’ve arrived at the busiest time of the year. Most of my time at work is divided between marking and talking – unevenly. Marking is lonely. You sit in your cubicle with stacks and stacks of paper and each piece questions your ability as a teacher – or, your ability to make sure they write grammatically. Well I’ve given up on the Great Mystery of Bad Grammar. I have stopped beating myself up over my students’ horrible grammar and illogical arguments. This is called letting go.

I am also at my laziest. Since there is no teaching or yelling involved, my days at work have been very pleasant. I no longer rush in at 645 to print the day’s work. I no longer dread getting up in the morning. Well, not by much anyway. Plenty of work to do and none of it involves high blood pressure and seething rage. At least not for now.

The time for reflection will come later. For now, I just want to get through a class of essays without finishing another pack of keropok. These things kill you – because the mindless chewing takes your mind off the numbing pain of endless marking, but it destroy your throat and appetite.

I haven’t written anything in a long time. Except for badly scribbled caustic remarks on a poor student’s work. I think I need to vent a little.

This term feels crazy and no less hectic than before. But I think my attitude has changed a bit – leave when I get time and don’t look back. Don’t let insufferable children get to me.

Work is still piling up, but I’ll manage.

Been more involved with my CCA recently, what with the performance at SCH and all. I was practically drowning in endless nostalgia with no one to share it with. I saw the figment of my past, sitting (quietly) amongst their peers at yet another performance. And it was surreal. I saw my cello teacher and couldn’t help but be excited to see her. It has been almost a decade since I last saw her.

My Coral kids were beyond excited about the performance. It was a rare occasion – us performing alongside the heavyweights at a public concert. Some were nauseous with worry; others simply couldn’t sit still out of anxiety. I looked to my right – a sea of crisp white shirts and black pants, students unfazed by the prospect of a public concert. We were used to it. We did this all the time.

And my heart swelled with pride as I looked at our little school. Kids who are indeed excited about performing and behave like little children during rehearsals. Embarrassing compared to the slick professionalism of DHSCO? I think not. When I was a part of them, I wanted to be a kid when everyone wanted us to be otherwise. So we were the naughty ones and I had forged friendships that lasttill now. So I say let the kids be kids. We all grew up rather nicely, didn’t we?

True nostalgia is an ephemeral composition of disjointed memories.

I live in Singapore, so I don’t get much of those late night programmes that are so popular in the US. However, Craig Ferguson’s Late Late Show is one that I try to watch as much as I can, dragging out episodes on Youtube before the all-encompassing evil corporations make them take it down. His humour is always endearing, and his guests always seem like they are having fun on his show. The latest episode with Stephen Fry was part of his experiment to return to a less formatted, more personal talkshow – a talkshow where people actually have a decent conversation without the noise of an audience. The two discussed topics from poetry to Twitter – it was rich and captivating to watch and listen to a decent conversation. Nothing felt forced, and I actually learnt new words while enriched by the programme, lightly laced with humour and wit and a touch a humility.

the 2 new words of the day

a.  Pleonasm (noun), pleonasitc (adj) – the use of more words than are necessary to express an idea; redundancy.

i’ve decided to move here. i think i’ll like it.everything is in varying shades of white and grey – easy on the eyes.