Share Me With Me

I’ve been cheated on in every relationship I have been in. Admittedly, this has made me a bit apprehensive with regard to relationships. Once bitten twice shy I suppose.

When I was younger I would dwell on the hurts of being cheated on for months. I was trying to figure out why I wasn’t enough or what I could have done differently. After compiling lists upon list of “maybe ifs” I could never come up with answers that would have left me feeling whole.

As I have gotten older I just try to walk away from the hurt having gained more wisdom. I no longer participate in the “maybe if” torture. I apply the question, “Is it working?” very ruthlessly to my life. If the answer is no, then I almost instantly cut the thing or person out of my life with no qualms. I am a bit of a minimalist in all areas, but even more so when it comes to mental clutter and emotional energies. I don’t give people very many opportunities to waste the goodness of me.

I am aware that this makes me come across as an Ice Queen to some, but I feel my love and time are things to be earned and respected. I don’t try to change myself in order to keep a man. If he feels the need to cheat, then his purpose in my life has been fulfilled, and his time in it expired. I know my worth, so I no longer wallow in shoulda, coulda, woulda mental anguishes. I’ve no problem with starting over in this love thing as many times as it takes to get it right. I know that I am a delight and treasure to be cherished because I am a giver of life and a Pandora’s Box of sorts full of much wonderment and amazement, a ceaseless mystery and oxymoron of a woman that carries her own weight and willing to help her man reach his highest potential all while keeping it classy, cool, sensual, and free.

Would I love to share the Queendom that I am building with another? Of course! But I refuse to settle for a man that treats me as anything less than the beautiful, rare, and simultaneously free spirited and logical gem of a woman I am. In the words of Eartha Kitt, “I fall in love with myself, and I want someone to share it with me. I want someone to share me with me.”

This video sums up what I am trying to convey here perfectly.

 

 

The Babysitters

 

More oft than not, they are passionate yet gentle and highly skilled lovers that seem to just know their ways around women’s bodies as if they created women themselves. These men exercise a most precise balance of asserting authority and submitting to their women’s desires. It’s hard to emotionally rid yourself of them once the relationships end because they never really do anything that warrant hatred or bitterness.

While they make women feel like beloved Queens they never fully emotionally commit to relationships. These gentle lovers harbor a simultaneous adoration and deep disdain for women. I imagine this to be a most complicated dichotomy. Loving them present challenges for the romantically involved women that truly want to love and support them. Companionship and genuine love is what these men profess to want almost more than anything else, but they seem to always thwart and sabotage receiving such.

The two things all these men seem to have in common are horny inappropriate ex-babysitters and emotionally negligent mothers. In most cases, these men were “broken in” or molested sexually by young babysitters that had been given charge over them. There is much debate and research surrounding the psychological development of females that have been molested and males that have been molested by other males, but what about the little boys that were molested by females that most times were not much older than them? Do they grow up seeking love via sex? Is this what makes them compliant lovers? I know many men would never complain about having had a babysitter that came on them, just like most men would secretly applaud their sons for having smashed a high school teacher, but what makes this okay?

Then there is the role of the emotionally unavailable mother. Does having such a mother breed emotional insecurity? Does it prevent them from fully opening up? Does the general distrust of women come from the babysitters or is the distrust really feelings of having not been validated in disguise? I don’t have the answers, just all the questions. I do know these kinds of men bring out women’s nurturing maternal instinct because they are so sweet and adorable, but loving them is a bit challenging because you can sense that they never fully allow ingress to the secret places of their emotions.