I laid across my bed this afternoon quietly reminiscing about
lovers past and smiling at the sweet memories. They each opened worlds in me I either
denied or didn’t know existed. I’m currently still not dating and have no
desire for exclusivity with anyone at the moment. I don’t want to belong to
anyone. I will never belong to another. I am my own person. By the same measure,
no other will ever belong to me. It took me a while to learn and understand
that. My possessiveness and jealousy wouldn’t allow it before, but life has a
way of driving its points home.
My mother asked me, “Are you afraid of being in a
relationship because you think you’ll have to change the way you dress and what
you post on social media? What does posting the way you do do for you? What do
you get out of that?” Her questions didn’t upset me at all. My mother always
asks to gain a better understanding. She’s a Virgo as well, so I get it. I
wouldn’t say I fear being in a relationship because I would have to change
anything, because I wouldn’t change anything about myself unless I wanted to. I
do, however, refuse to even entertain a man I felt would try to change me. If
that means being alone then so be it. I refuse to be in a relationship with
someone who tries to dictate to me what I can and cannot wear, who I can and
cannot associate with, where I can and cannot go, what I can and cannot write
about, or anything else. I honestly post for ME. I love my body, my hair, my
sexiness, my sensuality, my free spiritedness, my mind, my flaws, and everything
else about me. I wear what I wear, do what I do, and paint my toenails the
color I like because I genuinely just like me and what I like. If anyone else
happens to like it also that just makes it a bit sweeter. I don’t thirst trap. I post what’s appealing to me
and what rings true for ME. I’m not out here looking to get chose or for a
husband. What’s meant to be will be whether or not I’m out here dressed like a ho or covered head to toe, which I never
will be, by the way. I absolutely love the female form, and find nothing wrong
with its nakedness. Perverted thinking and religion have made a natural thing
of beauty out to be something defiled and unholy.
I don’t know where the whole mindset of telling women they
have to look, act, and dress certain ways in order to be wives as if being a
wife is the be all end all of life originated, but fuck that. I’ve been
married, and quite frankly I prefer being single. I don’t shun marriage at all,
and if I ever do it again I would prefer it be with a man I consider my best
friend, someone I can be totally naked, open, and vulnerable with, and someone
who sees my freeness as something to be embraced and not shunned. I’m appreciative
of people who are mature enough to accept all of me and let me be great.
