Warning: If you’re an AIB fan or supporter, please note that this blog will not be any filthy. So those who get offended by non-filthy language or content, please feel free not to read further.

For the past few days, the social media like Twitter and Facebook, have been abuzz with all the stir created by AIB (All India Bakch*d – I warned you that this blog won’t be any filthy). The roast videos went viral within no time, so as the AIB fans and the protesters. Also, the videos later were pulled down off Youtube probably because they caught viral fever!! Hehe!! But before I write something about those videos, let’s talk about the definition of such roast format (even though AIB has already said a lot about this in their own defense) for people like me who didn’t even know what Roast Comedy is.

This is what Wikipedia has to say about a Comedy Roast:

A roast is an event in which a specific individual, a guest of honor, is subjected to good-natured jokes at their expense intended to amuse the event’s wider audience. This type of event was created as a mock counter to a toast. Such events are intended to honor a specific individual in a unique way. In addition to jokes and insults, such events may also involve genuine praise and tributes. The implication is that the roastee is able to take the jokes in good humor and not as serious criticism or insult, and it is seen by some as a great honor to be roasted. The individual is surrounded by friends, fans, and well-wishers, who can receive some of the same treatment as well during the course of the evening. The party and presentation itself are both referred to as a “roast.” The host of the event is called the “roastmaster.” Anyone who is honored in such a way is said to have been “roasted.”

Such trends started in the Western countries and went on to be super hits. People laughed, clapped, whistled and cheered the roast. Probably a few would have danced naked as well in order to show their support to the format. But all of that is a part of their culture as we know.

But let’s not go too deep into their culture because I don’t know sea-diving!! Rather let’s talk about the Indian version of such roast comedy, the ‘AIB Knockout Roast’.

It all started with Karan Johar warning the audience about the filthy content of the show and then introducing those who would abuse (mainly all AIB members and a few other stand-up comedians) during the show and those who would laugh after being abused (mainly Ranveer Singh and Arjun Kapoor.. and also Deepika Padukone and Sonakshi Sinha and Alia Bhatt) during the show.

As the show went on, each roast-master stood up with pieces of paper, having all the raunchy and abusive lines written on those papers and abused the likes of Karan Johar, Ranveer Singh, Arjun Kapoor, Deepika Padukone, Sonakshi Sinha, Alia Bhatt, Virat Kohli, Anushka Sharma, Farida Jalal, the other roast masters and their families. They even didn’t spare Dr. Manmohan Singh – the former prime minister of India. Also, let me know if there were more people who were abused because I only watched the first part of the videos due to my intolerant nature toward abuses.

My first question to everyone who were directly and visibly involved in AIB Knockdown Roast is “Would you call someone a stand-up comedian, who cracks pre-written jokes on a stage in front of a huge audience and does not involve audience into the act?”.

The show turned out to be a huge hit, having 4 million hits in no time (just same as some senseless Bollywood movies doing business of hundreds of crores only within the opening week). The fans were all gaga for the show and praised AIB for such a stand-out concept and performance.

My second question to AIB members, who shows on YouTube, the comedy sketches and parodies on topics like politics and the Indian film industry, is “Would you not correlate the amount of hits your videos received with the hundreds of crores of business a few senseless Bollywood movies do? And if not, why?”.

But as they say, every cloud has silver lining, to some extent the vice versa is also true. Probably every silver lining has a cloud around it. The show also received a lot of criticism from some of the orthodox Indian protesters and their groups. A few of them went on to register a legal complain against such shows as they seem to be harming the Indians cultural values.

The AIB members had to eventually pull down the videos from YouTube, citing the reason of adopting a pragmatic approach to the situation.

They wrote about,

1. Their intentions to push the envelope of comedy in India with such videos.
2. How they never wrote anything with the aim of hurting people.
3. How they respect arguments that are critical.
4. The arguments which they don’t respect but they still respect everyone’s right to make arguments without impediment.
5. How it is their courtesy to wish that the ideology they nurtured worked both ways.
6. How they would like to say thank you to their fans and everyone else who is standing by them.
7. How they would like to reiterate that they are just a bunch of comedians who work, and have always worked, without any malicious intent whatsoever.
8. And most importantly, how they encourage any and all conversation on the subject of freedom of expression, for their own silly selves, and for people better, smarter and more courageous than them, for hundreds and thousands of artists, commentators and any and all citizens that do not have the privilege of social platforms and reach that they do.

Even though I didn’t like the AIB roast videos, I really appreciate AIB for coming out and pitching for the Freedom of Expression/Speech. Hats off to you guys!!

However, such defense resulted in more online stir and more importantly resulted in AIB fans coming out in full support to AIB and running all over those whom they find as a potential protester of AIB. This is where it all went wrong for a common man like me.

Being an active Twitter member with the handle of ‘Faadutweets’ and a constant desire to make people laugh with sarcasm (just like AIB guys do without any malicious intent whatsoever), I posted a funny and non-filthy tweet (https://twitter.com/FaaduTweets/status/561594833266302977). AIB guys probably know well about that as they also read that tweet and replied in a more sarcastic yet non-filthy and funnier way. I really liked the healthy discussion they got involved in.

But again like a cloud hovering with a silver lining, a few AIB Fans started bashing me for my opinion about the roast videos. They used almost all the filthy slangs to humiliate me, my age, my lifestyle, my workplace, my financial situation, my principles about life, my home, my family and even my grandchildren (who don’t exist as of now, but they didn’t even spare them)!! All they wanted to do is stop me from having a negative opinion about AIB videos!

Having never been involved in any scuffle or filthy arguments in my real life or on my Twitter life, I was stunned to see how a few people, on the name of being cool, can abuse people for their opinion in such a crass way! For sure, I was neither against AIB roast format nor those who were involved in it. The only crime probably I did was to express my opinion.

My third and most important question to AIB and all other celebrities who have a strong fan base (i.e., Salman Khan and Shahrukh Khan) is “Does the Freedom of Expression/Speech apply only for those who want to abuse others? Shouldn’t it be a generic freedom available to each and every person in this world? If your answer is yes, would you please indicate how you would propagate this understanding down to your most remote fan, who out of your knowledge suppresses others’ rights?”

The common, yet very serious and unnoticed problem/threat a common man on online media faces nowadays, is the bashing he/she receives for his/her opinions. The real problem lies in the fact that all the celebrities can create a huge and fanatic fanbase, but can neither pull them down not can control them.

I really appreciate how AIB came out in defense of their videos. However, citing how AIB believes in their ideology to work both ways and how huge and fanatic fanbase AIB has, I would really like to see (and thank them advance, if they do so) them coming out and ask their fanbase to behave in a respectful way to those who use their freedom of speech/expression to express their opinion on a subject matter. And this is not applicable only to AIB. It applies to all those celebrities in India who have a huge fanbase.

It’s important to know and use our own rights. But at the same time, the more important thing is to know what our duties are. Without the later part, the ‘Freedom of Expression/Speech’ that one pitches for is reduced to ‘Freedumb of Expression/Speech’ to a common man on social media (like me)!!

Day 1: Monday, 15th December, 2014.

Scene 1 (6:00 pm):

Imagine yourself to be a father. It’s your 10 year old son’s results today. You’re returning home from your work, expecting your son to score brilliantly in his exams. You reach your home and see your wife and son waiting for you. As you look at them, they look at each other with some discomfort.

You: Kya hua? Aise kyun dekh rahe ho? Sab khairiyat?
Wife: Aap ke bete ka result aa gaya hai. Dekhiye zara kya gul khilayein hain isne.
You: *looking at the marksheet* Yeh kya hai? Maths mein 95? Kaha tha tumse ki jee laga kar padhai karo. Pata nahi kab akal aayegi.
Son: Dad, galti ho gai. Maaf kar do. Next exams mein khoob mehnat karoonga aur 100 mein se 100 laa kar dikhaoonga.
You: Peechli baar bhi tune aisa hi kaha tha. Aur cricket khel. Aur ghoomne ja doston ke saath. Aur hansi mazak kiya kar school mein.
Son: Dad, pados wale Khan chachu ke bete ke sirf 77 marks hain. Fir bhi unhone kuch nahi bola unke bete ko. Mere to sirf 5 marks kam hain 100 me se.
Dad: Zabaan ladata hai, badtameez!

And you slap him. Your son bursts into tears and runs to his room. You feel proud of your behaviour thinking that you’re performing your duty of a parent wonderfully.

During dinner time, you are waiting for your wife and son to join. Your wife joins you but son doesn’t.

You: Kahan gaya nalayak?
Wife: Ro raha hai kamre mein. Manaa kar raha hai khane ke liye. Aap thoda pyaar se samjha kar le aaiye na usey. Bachhe ne subah se kuch nahi khaya hai. Bhookh lag gai hogi.
You: *In a louder tone so that your son can hear it* O jee. Koi naa. Acche se pehchanta hoon main is badmash ko. Nahi khana to mat khaye. Ek din khaana nahi khayega to mar nahi jaayega.

You complete your dinner. Watch TV for sometime and go to your bedroom.

Wife: Suniye ji. Main gai thi bachhe ke paas. Kaha khana khane ko. Par nahi maana. Sorry kaha hai usne aap se shaam ki badsaluki ke liye. Maaf kar dijiye na.
You: Usme itni akal ya tameez nahi hai ki mujh se aa kar sorry bole. Ab to hargiz maaf nahi karoonga. Khaana nahi khata hai to naa khaye. Dekhta hoon kitne din aur bhookha reh sakta hai. Kabhi to akad utar hi jaayegi.

And you fall asleep, feeling content with your behaviour. Next day when you wake up, your son has already left for his school without eating his breakfast.

Scene 2 (7.00 pm):

Imagine yourself to be an elder brother. You are having dinner with your mother, your father and your younger sister of 12 years. Your sister completes her roti-sabji and asks your mother for more rotis.

You: Aur kitna khayegi moti? Kha kha kar bhains ban gai hai. Kam khaya kar. Koi ladka nahi milega tujhe shaadi ke liye.
Sister: Bhaiya, bhookh lagi hai. Ab is mein main kya karoon.
You: Kam khayegi to marr nahi jayegi. Khud ko dekh aaine mein kabhi time nikal kar. Kini badsoorat lag rahi hai.
Sister: *with a few tears in her eyes* Maa, bhaiya ko bolo na mujhe aise na sataye.
You: Is mein ro kyun rahi hai? Rotlu kahin ki. Baat baat pe ro deti hai.
Sister: *leaves the dinner table crying* Nahi khaana mujhe. Bhookhi hi so jaaoongi.
Mother: Beta, jaa manaa le usey. Aise rulaya mat kar.
You: *while watching a cricket match* Arey karta hoon baad mein baat. Uski to aadat hai rooth ne ki.

And you get so absorbed in cricket match that you forget to say sorry to your sister. You fall asleep and wake up in the morning to find that your sister has already left for school.

Scene 3 (10 pm):

Imagine yourself to be a wife. You are preparing for bed after a long day and are upset with your husband because during the day you noticed his friendly conversation with one of his female friends over facebook.

Husband: Chalo ek aur din bit gaya.
You: Hmm. Aap ka kya hai. Aap ka to din acchha hi gaya hoga.
Husband: Kyun. Poora din school mein bachhon ko padhana koi aasan kaam nahi hai. Dimag thak jaata hai.
You: Haan. Haan. Kyun nahi. Isi liye to aap ke facebook friends hai na aap ke dimag ko theek karne ke liye.
Husband: Arey! Yeh kya baat ho gai. Kyun baat ko ghuma rahi ho. Seedhe seedhe bolo naa kya hua hai?
You: Kuch nahi. Aap so jao. Mujhe na kuch samjhaana hai aur naa hi kuch samajhna hai.
Husband: Yaar kyun aise kar rahi ho. Batao to sahi baat kya hai.
You: *not replying*
Husband: Yaar please. Maan bhi jao.
You: *not replying*
Husband: Chalo theek hai. Pyaar se good night to keh do.
You: *not replying*

And you both fall asleep, your backs facing each other. The next day you wake up, prepare breakfast and tea for your husband. Your husband tries to speak with you but you don’t reply to him. He says ‘Bye’ before leaving but you don’t even reply to that. Finally he leaves for school with a heavy heart.

Day 2: Tuesday, 16th December, 2014.

The news channels are all buzzing up with the sad news of terrorist attack on a school in Peshawar, Pakistan.

And yes. All the three scenes of previous evening were in Peshawar only.

For the father in scene 1, terrosists have attacked the same school where his son studies.

For the brother in scene 2, terrorists have attacked the same school where his younger sister studies.

For the wife in scene 3, terrorists have attacked the same school where her husband teaches the kids.

Irrespective of the role you imagined youself to be, you are in a shock to learn about the news. You almost become dumbstruck with the biggest shock of your life. You keep everything aside and run towards the school to make sure your loved ones are safe. You don’t think about anything else but to get a glimpse of them.

As you reach there, in a while you get a list of those people who died in that terrorist attack. And you find your loved ones’ names in that list.

Dear father. Yes. Your son died in that attack. Your neighbour Khan saab's son is still alive even though he got only 77 marks. You burst into tears thinking about the last evening. Kaash! Kaash! Bete ko bhala bura na kaha hota! Kaash! Bete pe haath nahi uthaya hota! Kaash! Kaash! Ek baar, bas ek baar bete ko khaane pe bula liya hota! Kaash! Kaash! Ek baar bete ko galey laga kar maaf kar diya hota. Kaash!

Dear brother. Yes. Your sister died in that attack. Even though your sister was as fat as a buffalo, her love for you was probably fatter than that. You burst into tears thinking about last evening. Kaash! Kaash! Behen ko bhala bura na sunaya hota! Kaash! Kaash! Behen ko pet bhar ke khana khane deta! Kaash! Kaash! Behen ko ek baar sorry bol diya hota! Kaash!

Dear wife. Yes. Your husband died in that attack while trying to save kids. Even though he had a friendly conversation with his female friend, he craved for your company all the time. You burst into tears thinking about last evening. Kaash! Kaash! Un se ek baar dhang se baat kar li hoti! Kaash! Kaash! Ek baar unki baat bhi sun li hoti! Kaash! Kaash! Ek baar jaane ke time par unko bye bol diya hota! Kaash!

But now you realize that theres none else to blame but yourself. You think about how differently you could have acted or behaved last evening. But then you realize that time is like sand. No matter how tight you grip it, you can’t stop it from skipping away. The only difference is the fact that unlike sand, you can’t bring back time and those moments associated with it.

Life is short and is all about living each and every moment with love and affection. There’s not enough time in life to have grudges for your loved ones. It’s simply not what the Almighty expected from you.

Never ever go to bed without saying ‘Sorry’ for your mistakes. Never ever go to bed without saying ‘I love you’ to your loved ones. Never ever go to bed without forgiving your loved ones. Because you would never like to repent for that one last evening.

Never ever sign off your day without expressing your affection to your loved ones. Who knows!! You may never get a chance to do that again!

No wonder, the title of this blog may have baffled you about the crux of it, but the saying ‘Good things come in small packages’ is a hint to calm your nerves down a bit.

Here’s a small psychological test. Choose one word from each of the five pairs given below. Give it a try.

BUNGALOW – bungalow
CAR – car
CELLPHONE – cellphone
TELEVISION – television
MONEY – money

Done with the choosing? Now be honest and ask yourself if you chose the words with big letters or the small letters. If no. of words you chose with small letters is more than the no. of words you chose with big letters, you may stop reading this blog further if you want to. But if that’s not the case, try reading this till the end.

If you’re still reading this, I assume you chose more no. of words with big letters than the no. of words with small letters.

I don’t want to go into the details about your selection, but would love to tell you something about an incredible experience I had.

Today evening while returning from work to my hotel room here in Munich, I was sitting in a window seat in metro and was thinking about how living in Europe is more fun than living back at home in India. It’s absolutely bliss to be in an European country in this part of the year.

The nice cold weather makes you feel as if being on a hill station in India during summer. Beautiful landscapes all around the Europe makes you feel as if you’re somewhere in a different world. Christmas is knocking on the doors and so as the first snowfall of the winter. Absolutely eye catching lights and decorations all over the city make you feel as good as anything. Beautiful people all around adds to the beauty of Europe. The developed infrastructures and public transportation makes one’s life so easy. People living here, are making their life big for sure. And hey, I am a part of this big life as well. Wow!

When I was thinking about all these things, the train stopped at a station. And I saw a guy walking, taking baby steps in fact, with his two year old son, holding his small fingers, talking to him, laughing with him and enjoying being together.

That was such a beautiful sight to have. But wait a minute! I should be happy to see that but instead it started to hurt me. I never intended that. While thinking about all the glam-shams of life in an European country, was I missing something?

The answer was pretty obvious. I was missing my one and half year old son, with whom I used to walk, holding his small fingers. I was missing all the meaningless babbles, he used to do. I was missing his voice, his way of calling my name ‘Malay’ as ‘Ma’. I was missing the bike rides I used to give him in the evening and was missing the shine in his eyes while getting the ride. In a way, was missing everything I used to love and enjoy. I was missing my best friend – my wife’s company.

And hey! Where have all the glitters of an European city vanished? The lights and Christmas decorations suddenly turned gloomy. The cold weather suddenly started making my nerves numb. The beautiful landscapes suddenly started sounding dull. All the infrastructure and development suddenly turned into mere concrete jungle. My big life here, suddenly started to look as small as it can be.

It didn’t take longer for me to realize the difference between LIFE and life. And I’m sure that the same is the case with you now.

Without your son, your daughter, your wife, your parents, your family, your friends, your loved ones, no matter how big LIFE you’re living, it’s just a mere survival.

If there’s heaven anywhere in this world, it exists in the company of your loved ones!

P.S. – Try the psychological test again. If now only one of you chooses more no. of words with small letters than the no. of words with big letters, I’d consider my blog a success.

*Friday, 1st August, 1.00 pm*

‘Ok. I’m done for the day. It’s a nice sunny day. I can’t be in the office anymore’ said the German colleague.

Being an Indian, my first reaction was to look at my wrist watch and confirm that I wasn’t sleeping and it was indeed 1.00 pm only. My second reaction was to wave a bye to her.

‘Enjoy the weekend’ she said.

Now this one got me thinking. I knew weekends are to enjoy. Germans are used to go on trekking, swimming, biking, jogging and what not over the weekends. In short, I knew Germans are used to really enjoy the weekends. It made my mind start thinking over how I’m going to enjoy my weekend.

After controlling my thoughts somehow, I thanked her and reciprocated the same wishes.

‘I will’ she said. And that was a blow below belt for me.

*Friday, 1st August, 10.00 am*

On a Friday morning, with the weekend in sight, I was planning the things to do over the weekend.

Wake up at 10.00 am on Saturday. Have brunch by 11.00 am. Have a bath. Get the pile of used clothes (over the week) washed in washing machine in the hotel laundry. Get them dried in the drier. Iron the office wears. It’s already 4.00 pm on Saturday. Get an afternoon nap for almost 2 hours. Wake up being drowsy at 6.00 pm. And ohh! It’s already evening. Cook some food. Eat it and it’s already 9.00 pm.

Sundays shall also pass the same way, except the fact that there’s no washing of clothes, no drying them and no pressing them. So the time saved by that is utilized in watching some shitty movie on my laptop.

Cool. Weekend planned!

Being on deputation in Germany and living the forced bachelor life had changed the entire meaning of weekends for me from passing the time with my family to passing the time without family!!

*Friday, 1st August, 3.00 pm*

It’s almost two hours since my colleague left the office. I am still recovering from her below the belt hit. She really kick-started the thought process in my mind when she replied ‘I will’ to my ‘You too enjoy the weekend’.

I still wonder why I couldn’t reply her ‘I will’ when she wished me ‘Enjoy the weekend’. And slowly but surely, I’m reaching the conclusion that I didn’t reply that because apart from household activities, I really don’t have anything to do and enjoy over the weekend!

At times, simple conversations, like above, are powerful enough to make you look at your entire life that you’ve lived till that moment.

I could realize that I only loved playing cricket during my childhood. I had no aspiration to become a cricketer though. In fact, to be honest, I don’t remember if I really wanted to become an engineer (which I’m now)! In short, I’m right now not what I wanted to be but I’m right now what different situations forced me to be!

Being on deputation to various European countries has had its impact on my thought processes. Unlike me, all the Europeans I met till date, are unique in some way or the other. Have a look at some of them as I mention them down here.

Brendan! A South African friend of mine is a brilliant engineer, but at the same time he’s a great swimmer. He normally can swim across the channels for miles. He started swimming at an as early as age of three. In contrast, I was always taught that water is not a toy to play with and it can kill me.

Steven! A Belgian friend of mine is an ace in project management, but at the same time he’s fond of heights. He loves trekking mountains, bungee jumping and sky diving. He normally spends 70% of his income on these activities. In contrast, I was always taught to be aware of heights and I can fracture my ribs if I fall down.

Nick! A Dutch friend of mine is a brilliant engineer, but at the same time he loves snorkeling and scuba diving. He loves clicking underwater selfies with sharks and other creepy sea creatures. In contrast, I was always taught that being under water is not something that a common guy can do. It needs skills and I can get killed if I don’t have those skills.

Dmitriy! A Russian friend of mine is a project consultant, but at the same time he is a brilliant guitarist and he can strum as good as Eric Patrick Clapton or Jimi Hendrix. He started playing guitar from the age of 8. In contrast, the only musical instruments I was aware of at the age of 8 were Harmonium and Tabla. I was taught that having skills of playing harmonium can land me in some municipal corporation primary schools as a music teacher.

These are only a few of Europeans I have met. I’ve met many such with some weird hobbies as well. But at least they were good in their hobbies and were passionate about them.

I think the description above is good enough for you guys to guess in which direction I want this blog to head. Yes. You guessed it right.

In India, you always want your kid to study well, become a graduate, get a good job, earn healthy amount of money every month, save at least 40% of that amount, get married to a good looking partner, have kids and then enjoy remaining life! And ‘enjoy remaining life’ normally means living a peaceful life by managing home and office with all the savings one had.

I don’t blame only Indian parents here. An Indian kid spends more of his/her childhood in school than at home. The prevailing education system is also such that it teaches you only how to earn money. It never teaches you how to follow your passion. The schools teach how to achieve good grades in exams and parents forces the kid for that.

My friends are of the opinion that I’ve got a good voice and I sing well. But it remains the fact that I never met any teacher (even music teachers in school) who could tell me that I am good at singing and I should pursue it as a career. My parents probably were aware of my talent and intentionally they didn’t let me know about my own talent.

The point I want to highlight here is the difference between the upbringing of a child in European countries and in India. In European countries, parents and educational systems focus on the passions of a kid as much as they focus on educational career of a kid. I now realize that none of Brendan, Steven, Nick or Dmitriy would’ve been able to pursue their hobbies if they would’ve born in India. The only hobby that they could have developed would be playing cricket at times and watching Indian cricket team playing on TV.

After so much of consternation, being in my early thirties, I realize that now it’s too difficult for me to pursue any hobby as compared to pursuing a hobby during childhood. My Saturdays and Sundays shall pass as I’ve planned them. But at the same time I’ve realized what exactly I shall do and I shall not do with the upbringing of my own son. No, I won’t force my son to get settled in Europe in his childhood. That would be a bizarre way to conclude my thinking. But I would want him to be an Indian with the European mentality because I want him to enjoy each and every bits of his life. I don’t want him to be a typical Indian as mentioned in my own tweet below:

https://twitter.com/FaaduTweets/statuses/377975411025522689

In the end, it’s all about finding the right balance between Passion and ‘Paisan‘ (Money)!!!

The other day, a friend of mine on Twitter posted ‘Pyaar hai par guts nahi‘ (Love exists but not the guts). She being a girl had straight forwardly targeted boys when she wrote it. I thought of explaining her my views on that but then Twitter provides almost no room to explain your views on such topics. This is what made me venture into blogging.

I guess that’s enough of the introduction part. Getting to the core of the subject, you guys must be wondering what kind of subject line is ‘P.S. – I Love You’. In fact the subject line itself is the crux of this entire blog. You’ll realize this as you read further down.

So. She said ‘Pyaar hai par guts nahi’. This is as true as ‘The Sun rises from the East’ and first of all, being an Indian male, I can’t agree more to her on this. But then, being an Indian male, it’s my birthright and utmost duty to explain her why it is like this.

Yes. A typical Indian male is shy or afraid or intimidated or use-any-sophisticated-word-for-the-term-Fattu when it comes to admitting to her that he loves her. And there are very genuine and you-can-ignore-them-but-can’t-avoid-them-kinda reasons behind this. I’m going to write down the most possible reasons behind this, which may sound funny/irritating and naive/suave. But that’s the reality and we’ve to deal with them.

The most important reason behind being inexpressive (only when it comes to express love) is being an Indian. Yes. There I said it. You may get me arrested for this but you can’t deny this. Directly or indirectly, an Indian kid is always taught the word ‘Love’ as being a taboo. They are never taught the true meaning of love. Never ever.

Love is not always what happens between a male and a female, which ends up in a physical relation as they show in movies. Love is what happens between two souls and souls have no gender. A man can love his mother, his father, his sister, his brother, his friends, his pet animals, the nature and include in this list any bloody thing that comes to your mind. The same is applicable for a woman as well. Unfortunately we, Indians, commonly consider the term ‘Love’ as something which happens only between a man and a woman who are not in any blood relations with each other. After living in various countries with varying cultures, this is the hard learned lesson to me.

In countries other than India, I witnessed parents teaching their one year old kid to say ‘I love you’. I witnessed kids saying ‘I love you’ to their siblings, to their parents and even to their pets without any fear of being reprimanded for that by anyone. I witnessed friends publicly planting kisses on each others’ cheeks for no reason whatsoever and regardless of the gender. And trust me, it has nothing to do with the physical intimacy thing. It’s the most subtle way of expressing your love to someone.

I still remember an incident during my schooldays. After months of consternation over to do it or not, a guy from my class asked a girl out for dinner. Result? The girl denied. And moreover she complained to the principal about that. The thing became a public joke for everyone in the class eventually and a lifelong embarrassment for the guy. I don’t blame the girl for this. Because she has done the right thing as per what she’s taught by her parents. She’s not taught that the term ‘Love’ is not a taboo. She’s not taught that it’s one of the expressions same as being angry, being happy and being sad. She’s not taught that expressing love is not a guilt.

Even Indian cinema and television shows are not helping a bit in this. I don’t remember any Bollywood movie, where the actor has not struggled or hesitated initially to express his love for the actress. It has been the story of all Bollywood movies since ages. Expressing love has always been represented as an unusual thing that usually ends up in fights between two families, two casts or even two states.

I know this has something to do with the mindset of people in India. Being part of India and knowing Indian mentality well enough for last 31 years, I can imagine what an uphill and almost impossible task it would be for us to change the frame of mindset we have. But even if everyone agrees to change their mindset, there’s another side (either good or bad) to it as well. With the change of mindset, the growing eve-teasing  incidents in India may reach its peak and cross the threshold limit. Or the change of mindset may bring a decline in such incidents as expressing love doesn’t remain a taboo anymore. On a positive note, I’m hopeful that changing the mindset will help us in being a better human being and making this society more livable by expressing love to someone with the same ease as of expressing our anger to someone.

Till the time this revolution happens and till the time we learn to freely express love, we Indians will remain ‘Fattu’ and are never going to express it directly in our infinitely long letters.

Love is always going to be an additional remark at the end of these letters- a post script.