Horray for Fall!

I LOVE fall and everything about it. The weather is beautiful, the food is delicious, we make our annual trip to the Maryland Rennaisance Festival (which is itself a mix of lovely weather and fabulous fried foods - most of which are served on a stick) and of course, my birthday rolls around!

And this year, it could very well be the last season before we...

(drum roll, please)

...TTC again! *skip to the bottom if you only care about that part*

I'll skip boring you all with more thoughts on the weather and my culinary delights, and move on to the RennFest.

I was planning on taking pictures and sharing them with you, but as usual I forgot my camera. And really, even if I had remembered it I probably would have forgotten to take pictures or taken horrible ones I would never share with anyone. We had a nice time and only got rained on right as we were watching Shakespeare's Skum, which happened to be the last thing we were doing before heading home. We sat through the light rain for 20 minutes or so and left feeling that we had really "lived it up 16th century style" that day seeing as how we had no umbrella and to my knowledge, neither did King Henry VIII. What else did we do while there, you might ask? Why spend money of course! After all, it's basically just a huge craft fair with a large bunch of people dorking out and getting hammered at one of the many "inns." Let me share with you pictures of our purchases.

First, we got coin necklaces made for Wally and Liz. Here is the front of each - a W and an E,



and the backs.



Wally's has a Phoenix, which according to the pamphlet means "immortal creature rising from the ashes: symbolizing regeneration of man's indestructible spirit." Liz's has a butterfly, which - again according to the pamphlet "represents spiritual rebirth, happiness and joy. Symbol for the human soul since ancient times. Dreams are brought by butterflys."

So after watching a hilarious rendition of Othello and getting slightly damp in the rain, we were heading out when something caught my dear hubby's eye.



Daddy just had to get his little girl flowers. Isn't it beautiful? Fitting for our little princess. All of their gifts will be going in or on top of their memory boxes. We won't get to buy birthday and Christmas gifts and celebrate with them, so it felt really great to get them some little trinkets.

And now on to the TTC update. We REALLY want to get going on TTC again. We still have a lot of money to save up, I'm still studying for my Series 7, I'm still losing weight...but we are ready to give it another go! I'm wishing and hoping and praying that things will work out and we will be able to start the cycle after we get back from Mexico in November. Fingers crossed, positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated!!!

3 Months

It's Wally and Liz's 3 month angel birthday! Time flies and it's not necessarily when you are having fun. I am understandably sad today, but I also feel good. I'm sure you've noticed I try to find the good in the bad. On the way to work today as I was thinking about my angels, I started wondering. How many miracles have they helped perform? Or are they angels that give comfort and guidance to others? Do they help welcome new angels to Heaven? Whatever they are doing, I know it's important work. I can't say how I know this...it's just a feeling. They aren't helpless. They are strong children and I know they are hard at some kind of important work. What an honor it is to be their mother!

Happy Birthday my little loves. Daddy and I are so proud of you!

A New Direction

Right now, we're waiting. Waiting for the grief to pass, waiting to save enough money to try again, waiting to bring a precious baby home with us. Instead of boring you with thoughts on the wait for the next 6+ months, I thought I'd let you in on some other aspects of my life. If you don't care to read about those, there is a TTC update afterwards. Feel free to skip down to that.

First off, I'm trying to lose weight. Not a big surprise since most of us PCOSers have weight issues. I'm using myfitnesspal.com, which has yielded some pretty good success so far. I'm down exactly 7 pounds as of this morning from my post-pregnancy weight. Funny that my post-preg weight was 10 pounds lighter than my pre-preg weight, but that comes with the territory when morning sickness kicks your butt! My first goal is to get under 200. I have 5.5 left to go before reaching that point. Not too shabby!

Second, I'm working on getting my stockbroker's license. I've been "working" on this for 6 years. Every time I start studying something comes up, or I get frustrated and I stop. I made a study schedule and I'm doing my best to stick to it, but it's not going well so far. Facebook apps are just so much more appealing after a long day at work!!! Anyway, I've mastered the first 2 Chapters, Equity Securities and Debt Securities, and I'm now working on getting better grades on the practice test for Chapter 3 - Municipal Securities. Thankfully, my boss is going on vacation so I should be able to get lots of studying in while he's away.

Third, we're trying to save money so that we can afford more fertility treatments and the cost of my being off work for up to 8 months (14 weeks until delivery plus maternity leave). I won't necessarily have to quit fully, but just in case we need to have that extra savings. We have very little accomplished in this department, but I have a plan in place to reach our goal so at least that is a step in the right direction.

Finally, we will be cleaning out what was going to be Wally and Liz's nursery. The room was formerly the "Mancave" and as it was inhabited by a man who wants to be in a cave, you can probably guess what a disaster it is. We had been planning to clean it out at the beginning of July, but once we lost the kids those plans fell by the wayside. Before we TTC again, one of the requirements is having this room cleaned up and organized so I don't have to worry about DH doing it while I'm stuck on bedrest. Well, DH has loathes cleaning so to help him out, I gave him one task to accomplish - gather up his gaming books. I told him that once he gathered them all, we'd go through them together and he would pick out which ones he's currently using or will need in the very near future, and the rest we would pack up and put in the garage. Yesterday while I was at the grocery store, he gathered up the books that he was going to use and put them in the place we had already designated for them. The rest of the books are still scattered throughout the apartment. I love my husband, but I swear he doesn't listen to me sometimes! At least he did part of it! I'm hoping to get in there tonight and get started on some organizing.

And now for the TTC update I promised. Since losing the twins I had been feeling like I wanted to be pregnant...still pregnant. I'm happy to announce that in the past week or so I now am feeling like I want to be pregnant...again. This is a huge step for me. In one week and one day, Wally and Liz will be 3 month old angels. The books and articles I've read on loss say that the deep, intense grieving lasts about 3 months, and what do you know? - I'm stepping out of that deep, intense grieving just about on time!

At first, you wish that the miscarriage had never happened. You want a rewind button to go back and save your children. You wish that this was just one of those pregnancy nightmares and you would wake up in the morning and still be pregnant.

Alas, it isn't so; however, I feel that I've finally come to grips with the fact that I will not get to be with my kids on this earth, and that's ok. This is not how I wanted things to go, obviously, but it is what it is. I can't change it and I'm through asking why. I think I'm starting to move on now and really get back to living my life. I've changed for the better so much over the past few months, and I owe it all to my precious angels. What fantastic gifts they have given me!