As I begun this year, 2011, I found myself focusing on the same goals. NUMBER 1 is always, DIET AND EXERCISE. How many of you have had this same goal, yet year after year, as time goes by, the desire to achieve drifts away.
This year started off the same way as usual, a month in Mexico for the holidays but my drinking was muted. That is, until pretty much the end of the trip. My goals however remained the same. Number 1, diet and exercise. After all, I had probably reached my worst state of physical being, now coming close to tipping the scales at 240! I often joke as I grab my pot belly, “this is my life’s savings.” Yes, no doubt that there were thousands and thousands of dollars of liquor poured into this mound of flab.
Returning home was as painful as ever if not more so. Having been out of work for two years and funds being depleted, I knew not when I would be able to afford to again visit my wife and family in Mexico. Painful painful painful. Naturally, I had several bottles of tequila to nurse upon my arrival. My despair ripped through my soul and the drinking became as heavy as ever, going through 1.75 liters of vodka every few days. I wanted to quit as the more I drank, the more depressed I became. That caused me to drink all the more.
The day came though, January 23rd, 2011. It was a sad day in Chicago. The Bears choked against their long-time rival, Green Bay Packers, as our star quarterback, left the game after performing dismally to boot. But despite the big disappointment, for me, it was the last day that I was to take a drink. It also was the beginning of my efforts to regularly go to the gym.
More than five months have passed now since this very special day. I still find myself sober although I must admit, early on, it was difficult. But somehow, perhaps through faith or Divine Intercession, I made it through the most difficult period. I found that going to the gym helped out greatly and as I went more, the better shape I found myself in. When life’s troubles would plague me, I would go to the gym, get on the elliptical machine, and go as hard as I could, for as long as I could. As one experienced in working out hard can attest to, when those endorphins kick in, there is nothing in the world like it. Although one told me that I am just replacing one addiction for another, this addiction has positive benefits.
Five months later, I find myself 30 pounds lighter and very close to my initial goal of getting below 200 pounds. I might have been there by now except for the fact that now, I work out very hard several days a week with the weights. I have undoubtedly added at least 10 pounds of muscle. My diet remains 80% clean, I exercise regularly and use working out as a remedy for the desires to go out and lose myself in alcohol.
FAITH HAS SAVED ME
I cannot take credit for this. I tried and tried on my own to quit drinking and couldn’t do it. I found myself crying out to God to save me from this horrible disease, alcoholism. It is only by the grace of God that I can share this happy update. I am convinced.
Today, July 1, 2011, I find myself again reviewing all of my new years’s goals. While I have achieved in some areas, I failed dismally in others. There have been some positive things though that have transpired throughout the year. In the end, I believe that it can only be described as “Responding to God’s Call.” How often have we heard that Jesus never gives up on us, always calling us to Him, giving us His mercy, providing us with special graces?
I have found myself becoming extremely active in my church. I must admit too that having improved my appearance and not constantly smelling like liquor has helped me to be around other people. While I find myself still to be a terribly miserable sinner, I can’t but help marvel at this constant calling by God for me to return to Him. If I, being so bad, can still hear God’s call, He must want me very badly.
WHAT SHOULD BE THE NUMBER ONE GOAL?
In years past, when sitting down to write out my goals, they are generally physical improvement, such as diet and exercise; mental growth, such as improving my Spanish and finally; financial goals. But always, there is the voice whispering in my ear, “Seek first the Kingdom of God and all things will be given to you.” And always, I say to myself privately, yes, I’d like to grow more spiritually. but it has never been a written goal. It has often been thought about yet never written.
But today is a new day. As I begin the second half of what I hope to be the best year of my life, 2011, I realize that all of my regular goals are but folly. I look at my lifetime as a grain of sand in the beach of eternity. I have but a few years of life left. When will I ever fully respond to the call of God? Today is that day!
Now I understand that making such resolutions are often difficult to maintain. Just look through the past posts of my struggles to quit drinking. Yet, it happened. Eventually, it happens. As long as that desire is there, and one does everything he or she can to achieve the goal, it can and does happen.
WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE?
Anyone who reads this and carries God in their heart, I ask you for your help in moving forward. Where do I go from here? I am Catholic and remain in my faith. Obtaining the sacraments regularly seems to be the first step along with daily prayer.
I also believe that one must practice mercy each day to grow in grace. I must imitate Christ in my life and always be open to Him.
One note I read advised to reflect on each thing I say or do during the day and ask myself, What would God think of this? Am I doing all I can to serve God? or myself?
Thank you for your kind responses.
Gary54's Blog 
