I am a Creative.

IzlainLeave a comment

I suppose I always have been.

In this recent stint of unemployment, I’ve discovered some things about myself, or perhaps rediscovered them. This realization spans more time than just these past couple of months. I can obviously point to this blog, podcasts and my YouTube content as many varied examples of being creative — or at least always needing an outlet.

Watching video content is something very passive. You are fed imagery and sound and your brain takes what it can from that — you either process and absorb new information, are entertained or otherwise forget said information. This could spark some of your own creativity but isn’t an outlet itself.

Gaming is more of an active pastime. You and your brain are part of a loop, where you feed inputs into a game and are presented with imagery and sound, but your brain gets the dopamine hit from achieving things rather than just being force fed something created by someone else. In that sense it does provide more of a sense of agency, and you do have a part of what is fed into the game, creating your own story and thereby having some level of creative output. Crafting and building game engines like Minecraft, mods and other creation tools that allow for level design provide even more of an outlet for creative folks.

Writing, painting or creating something from scratch is a true outlet, and I suppose that is what I’m coming back around to.

Back during the pandemic I attempted to pick up a new hobby in Warhammer 40k. I’m sure I don’t need to describe to you what that is, but I will say that I only got to the point of gluing the models together and spraying them with primer only for those same models to sit on a shelf until just last summer, untouched. When I did finally commit to trying to paint I was hooked. I enjoyed my share of model cars and such as a kid, and I was always attracted to Warhammer/Table Top Wargaming, it was always just a little too expensive. It still is a little too expensive, but with adult money I was able to buy some kits, grow an army and learn about painting, supplies and techniques. Painting is very cathartic and I didn’t really know that until I got fully into the hobby. I used to find deck-building and brewing for Magic: The Gathering soothing. Nah man, painting is where it’s at. Still have yet to even play a proper in-person game but I will have a nice looking army when I finally do.

Those examples aside, I was just trying to express my enjoyment for things that I guess I hadn’t really expressed in a while, and things that I’ve done for these years while I wasn’t blogging. It’s funny, I’ve always said this thing will never die, and though this was my longest absence yet, we are still here once again together on the Internet.

Another thing I learned is that I really enjoy making video content but it is simply much more work. I also think I pigeonholed myself where I don’t necessarily want to be forever, and as such haven’t posted anything on my channel in like 6 months besides some livestreams. I have a plan and changes will happen, but I am overall in a transitory state right now IRL, so there’s going to be some growing pains along the way. I am 100% positive that in the near future I will be able to not only post stuff here but also keep up with the aforementioned hobbies and also relaunch some new YouTube content and be able to keep up with it, because life should be much different going forward if all goes the way I expect. That’s an example of a run-on sentence and I’m leaving it just the way it is.

One last thing: I’m writing a novel. It’s one that I started probably fifteen years ago, but have actually started making some significant progress lately due to having the time but also participating in some writing-group style meetings with my sister, who is also working on various projects (and has some published stuff out there already). She introduced me to this website called “Living Writer” and it has made the process a little more efficient. I’m up around 15k words at this point, so maybe about 25% of the way but the framework for the whole project is mostly done. I think it packs some cool ideas but still fits within familiar tropes.

I have more thoughts on writing and also AI and the future of things coming up in a future post. Until then.

Me vs. Myself and I. Again.

Izlain1 Comment

You may have noticed some changes around here, if you happened to be subscribed or maybe I popped up in your RSS feed of “dead bloggers.” However you found yourself here, allow myself to reintroduce myself.

I’m Izlain. Or at least that has been the moniker for a while. It originated a very long time ago on an Everquest server that likely no longer exists. I started this blog back in Janurary of 2005, so you could say this thing is old enough to drink now. It has, actually been 21 years since 2005, so it is indeed a new anniversary for this blog. The caveat here being that I haven’t really touched it in 5+ years, so I’m not sure I can count all those years of not doing anything. I can give you the excuse that I transitioned into Audio/Video content and that body of work speaks for itself.

I’m not here to celebrate anything or even to make an excuse about my absence, nor am I committing to any sort of regular output. Instead, I’m reintroducing myself, and we’ll see what happens.

I pruned what was here. There were many posts about Football or Magic: The Gathering or even low quality personal posts that I removed from publication. Some of that was to protect myself from being potentially cancelled for saying the “wrong” thing decades ago, and part of that was trying to remove stuff that isn’t really “timeless.” In my opinion the gaming coverage and related posts still have some relevance to someone who might want to know about something “retro” at this point.

Obviously the logo changed and I have more to share about that and image generation in general these days, but I’ll leave that for another post I have planned. I also sadly am not paying for the domain name and extra storage anymore, so it’s likely I keep my posts image free from here on out, but I can do my best to describe things if needed.

I’ve been gaming through the years I haven’t posted, and there’s a lot I could share, and perhaps I’ll make a catch-all style post about those games. One thing some of you might find interesting is that I resubscribed to Everquest II, and it’s been damn near a decade since the last time I played it, but I discovered the classic style servers and the one I joined is currently locked at Echoes of Faydwer and that was literally my favorite era so I’m actually enjoying playing through the old starter areas. I am aware though that I’ve had that sort of relationship with the game and that this could last a while or be another short-lived excursion.

I’ve also loved the fact that cross-play is a thing now. I still have yet to acquire a Playstation 5, but I have my Playstation Plus subscription and have done the same thing with this console generation that I did with the last, where I claim all the games I can’t play yet but will have an “instant game collection” whenever I actually get the new one. I was considering grabbing a Pro model while I’m at it, but a console that costs half of a PC is a bit of a turnoff. Regardless, having the ability to play with friends regardless of if they’re on a Sony platform or a Microsoft platform or on any number of PC configurations has been a huge boon. Recently I’ve played games with friends who are on the Playstation 5 while joining in on my PC has been amazing. Discord has also been key in keeping us engaged with each other.

So yeah, I’m here, I’m back so to speak. More to come.

I am Jack’s wasted life

IzlainLeave a comment

I cried this morning.

When I think about it, I’ve cried more often in my 40s than I ever did as a younger man.

I’m emotional now. It happens when I least expect. A fleeting thought sends me into a spiral.

Dad died late 2022. It wasn’t exactly sudden, as he had a stroke the year prior and was staying in my home through most of 2021. We had a falling out towards the end of that year and he decided to go elsewhere. I never spoke to him again. He didn’t reach out from his deathbed.

I had the same job since late 2021 when he left my home. I had been unemployed for a while to tend to him, but rejoined the work force thereafter. I did well. Managed a promotion in under 2 years; was finally starting to make decent money. Sadly our economy had other things to say about that, so my rent was raised along with the cost of living and eventually it came to the point that I knew I couldn’t maintain my current lifestyle despite the fact that I was making more than I ever had to that point.

We moved into our current space mid-2025. It’s a clear downgrade and doesn’t cost much less but it allowed me to keep my job and it improved some aspects of life. Yet life itself tends to have designs for us that we don’t anticipate.

I lost my job in November. I’ll spare you the details but suffice to say that I was screwed over and am trying to get unemployment or some form of employment but that hasn’t come through yet. Thankfully I had almost 200 hours of vacation on the books so my final payout was decent but funds are running out and the walls are closing in.

A glimmer of hope tinged with sadness has come about. I lost another family member last month. She was my Father’s Aunt, my Great-Aunt, and essentially the Matriarch of that side of the family. She did well for herself and left a Will & Trust to take care of us after she passed. She was a great lady that I sadly had to put into a home when my Father had his stroke. She was 96 so by no means a young woman anymore, and she should have passed long before he did.

Since I was a boy he always told me about his plans. He had intended to execute the will, move off somewhere until his end of days and then leave me his estate when the time came. Now, things are different.

His sister, my Aunt, whom I hadn’t seen or spoken to since I was 10 years old was “helping” my Father between him leaving my home and his death. They didn’t speak for years, he’s always disliked her due to childhood traumas. She weaseled her way into becoming the Executor after his death, and honestly it was a weight off of my shoulders. Now it seems that she might have been doing some shady dealings for the last couple of years, but nothing is proven, just my gut telling me things don’t feel right.

I spoke to a lawyer. They are hopefully willing to take on my “contingency” case and I’ll know more soon. I’m not entirely sure what I’m owed and I don’t have the time to waste.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this. No one who reads this even knows me.

I suppose it’s cathartic, and this was a form of therapy for me in years past. I probably should talk to someone because things have been dark for a long time. That’s something for another day I guess.

I’ve thought about coming back here to write many times, but producing content on YouTube took precedent because it actually pays me a nominal amount. I took on editing for another channel as well, and if you or someone you know needs a decent editor, I’m open for more work.

I’m not sure what else to say. But I might make some sort of return in the future, even if it is just to get these fucked up thoughts out of my head.

Thanks for reading.

The 7th Hour

Izlain

Or in this case, month.

It’s been just about 7 months since I started my journey into YouTube content creation. My progress has been steady and I thought I would share a bit about it, along with documenting my progress for posterity. It’s been such a ride. When I started my channel, my thought process was “why not do something more with this hobby I love?” Clearly I’ve played Magic: The Gathering for a large portion of my life, and I’ve written about it here in years past. I was always brewing and playing with my IRL playgroup but eventually we all moved apart and I was stuck in a place without the ability to play with anyone. I still collected cards and was still brewing new decks, but not being able to play regularly took its toll. Eventually my Sister and her Husband invited me to play with them at family gatherings, but it still wasn’t enough. It took the pandemic to really turn this into a nearly-daily thing. The advent of Discord servers dedicated to MTG matchmaking, and the progression of tools like Spelltable, Moxfield and OBS really solidified playing paper MTG with strangers over the Internet. That eventually took on a life of its own, to the point where I joined a ton of servers and decided to get into the content creation end of things. I had been watching other creators put out gameplay videos for so long, and having decided to go ahead and do it myself, I realized that I could now play with the same people I used to watch regularly. Becoming more entrenched in this community has opened the door to doing even more, and I have additional projects in the works that are still relating to this channel but will expand reach.

Starting out I knew that my setup was crude, and I knew that eventually I would need to make some upgrades. One of the first things I did was get a new microphone. Despite the fact that I wanted to get a Blue Yeti, there was a sale around the end of last year that pushed me in the direction of the Hyper X Solocast Microphone. Previously I was just using my Hyper X headset to record, and I figured they were a reliable enough brand. The sale really pushed that over the edge. It was a standalone USB mic that came with its own stand, but I prefer the ability to move it around so I bought a boom arm for it which you can see here:

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Hyper X Solocast Microphone with pop filter installed on boom arm.

Early reports from viewers note a marked improvement in audio quality. I’m happy with the purchase. Another purchase I made that isn’t equipment but was still very important to me was the following:

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Custom Playmat from Inked Gaming

There was a deal over on Inked Gaming to basically upload an image and have it printed onto a playmat. Many creators have their own logos emblazoned on their mats, and I wanted to join the club. The mat is high quality, looks amazing in person and on camera, and didn’t cost all that much. I want to start offering this as part of a merchandise lineup but unfortunately have not yet found the right option to where I don’t have to spend a ton upfront without knowing if they will sell. Perhaps a Kickstarter or another option I am unaware of will be the right choice. For now, I really enjoy having my own mat and I use it regularly.

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Path to YouTube Partner

On to stat tracking, we’re getting quite close to another one of the requirements for YouTube partnership. As you can see above, the 4,000 watch hours requirement is nearly met. Honestly though the subscription numbers are starting to worry me. I was averaging about 150 new subscribers per month in the first few months of the channel’s life, but in the past couple of months it’s dwindled to about 40 per month. I haven’t really changed anything about the formula that should somehow affect the YouTube algorithms, but here we are. I still have about 5 months to go during my first year so it is definitely still attainable but I still wonder why the subscriptions dropped off so rapidly. I attributed some of this to the holidays but we’re into February and that shouldn’t be the case anymore. I’ll keep an eye on it and hope that some of the bigger guests and collaborations along with starting up some supplemental content in the coming months will get me there.

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Makin’ that money

Last time I checked in I only had 3 patrons and was making about $20/month. I’ve now earned about double the Patrons and double the income. It’s still not entirely where I’d like it to be, but it is also progress and getting paid a nominal fee to do something I’d be doing anyway feels good. There are other supplemental funds coming around as well. I’m proud to have people willing to pay me for my efforts. This is quite a time investment compared to things I’ve done in the past.

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Gimme those follows!

My Twitter following has grown as well. Last time I was under 100 followers, and now I’m on the uphill side of 200. Followers come in spurts, but I find the more I interact with the community there and the more I collaborate with people the wider net that is cast. I follow people and they follow me back, and vice versa. Par for the course. I still have not yet passed my original Twitter that is linked to this blog in terms of followers, but I imagine that will happen soon enough.

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Affiliate accomplished

Last time I was not yet to 50 followers on Twitch and was talking about how I was trying to become an affiliate. We hit affiliate status within a month of that last post, and are now sitting at 100 followers. Getting affiliate meant the ability to get subscribers (which = income) and I have had a dedicated handful of subs that have kept up with it for a few months now. We had our most successful stream to date this past weekend, where we had at one point almost 40 viewers. Normal average of views is around 10, so that was nice. There were gift subs given out, bits used to cheer, and a raid from one of the other channels I had collaborated with. Twitch seems to be my fastest growing platform at this time, but I still believe that the YouTube channel will bring in more dinero overall. Whatever the case Twitch has a policy of taking half of what you make and then only pays out once a certain threshold is made, so I have not yet seen any of the money from this, but will eventually.

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Fliers by Izlain

As I said earlier I was always watching MTG gameplay videos on YouTube and had followed a ton of channels that I watched regularly. This really took off during the pandemic and quarantine when I had nothing better to do than go down rabbit holes on the website. One of my favorite channels to watch started up back then, a show called “Play to Win.” When I started my own channel, it was immediately on my bucket list to get some games in with them. That is finally happening this upcoming Saturday. I’ve already played with a slew of other channels but this is one of the bigger ones. I’m hoping to not only have a blast but to bring more eyeballs onto my own content in the process. I’ve been making “fliers” like the one above each week for my streams and I think it’s done its work getting more people to watch the show.

I should also mention that I have an active Discord server, with over 100 members. If you are interested in playing MTG over webcam, we can help you get into it and learn the ropes. We primarily play cEDH but most members have decks of various power levels. We also have a sub group of regulars that play MTG Arena, and I’ve even featured a video of myself dueling Discord members in the game along with Streaming it occasionally on non-primary stream days. Others play a variety of video games as well, so there’s something for everyone.

If you have followed me here, there are links below where you can follow me on all of the platforms that I’ve spoken about today. Following costs nothing and really helps me out, so I’d appreciate the couple clicks it will take to do so. We’ll check back in soon. Until then.

The Possibility Storm YouTube Channel

TPS on Twitch

TPS on Twitter

Join The Possibility Storm Discord Channel

Everything else

 

The Journey So Far…

Izlain

I realize that I’ve been neglecting this blog, and I still have things that I want to write down for posterity. At this point, my content creation energies are going fully into this other venture, so I have been thinking about what I can do with the blog in the meantime. I can say confidently that at this point in my life, I’m not going to dedicate sufficient time to blogging anymore. I’m fully invested in other forms of content creation, and given my schedule, I can’t do *a lot* with both at the same time. That said, I do want to perhaps use this as a form of self therapy, and also as a way to self-promote at the same time. With that said, this post is completely about my other project: The Possibility Storm.

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The last post I made was announcing my new project. At that point, I was using shitty graphics that I made myself, and had just started the corresponding YouTube channel. At this point, I’m over 90 days deep, and I thought I’d share some of the “achievements” I’ve completed to this point. The first thing I’d like to share, is pictured above. I had a friend of a friend who happened to be in one of my early episodes, who also happened to be a graphic artist for his day job, and as a result I was presented with an opportunity to get free graphic design work for the channel. The new logo is fire, and I’m absolutely in love with it. Big thanks to Tallasis who created this for me.

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As I said, it’s been just over 3 months since I started the new YouTube channel, and this has already surpassed my expectations, but we’re at nearly 400 subscribers and 1500 watch hours. The channel also has over 10,000 views, and I’m aware of other channels that have been active longer than I that have less views and +\- the same sort of subscriber count. I am well on schedule to make the requirements for partnership at the one year mark. I’m simultaneously proud of this achievement and humbled by the support. To be fair, I have infiltrated the appropriate channels for this growth to be expected. I’ve been very active on Twitter, I’ve been a guest on many a stream of other creators, and I’ve shamelessly shilled whenever the opportunity has arisen. I’m not saying this has been easy, and I know that it’s been work on my part, but I’m very happy with the growth vs. the effort put out. Speaking of support, this has become lucrative in its own right.

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I’m not going to pretend like $20+ a month is “raking in the cash” but it’s a good showing for what I’ve done to this point. I’m well on my way to YouTube monetization, and I’m already making enough to cover most “costs” of the production of the show to this point. I of course want to invest into the show as well; getting a better microphone is high on the list, along with perhaps some better lighting and additional cameras for various production facets. I appreciate the support I’ve been shown, and I intend to continue this production and improve it as I go along.

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My Twitter presence isn’t where I want it to be, but we’ve managed almost 100 followers and I’m always having conversations with people about MTG amongst other things, and I’ve used the platform to collaborate with many a content creator. It’s still my social media platform of choice, and a great way to interact with the audience.

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This project started out as a completely video based feature, but I was also looking to expand in any way possible in order to gain reach and monetization where applicable. As such, I’ve expanded to Twitch in order to live stream recording sessions so that people can either watch the games live, or watch the edited videos later. In some cases the live streams are more entertaining for some, but the quick cut videos are more accessible to get to the end result more readily. We’re pushing the amount of followers to get affiliate status (we’re actually at 30 followers now, despite what that graphic shows), which unlocks the ability to gain subscribers and further monetization efforts. I think between Twitch, YouTube and the Patreon, I should be able to increase production value while simultaneously providing multiple benefits to those who pay into the show.

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Another revenue stream I’m looking into is channel branded merchandise. I’ve already had a surprising amount of “I’d buy that if you make it” in this regard, so I’m looking to get these products out as soon as possible. Pictured above is a t-shirt with the awesome logo my buddy made for me. I’m also looking to get logo playmats for MTG made. I’ve looked into several options for mass producing each, and in some cases, we can do batch orders in a Kickstarter fashion, where those who pledge towards the total goal will get a shirt or mat if the goal was made and I’ll make a profit. I’m being completely transparent here, in the sense that I want to create the content, but I’m also open to receiving some cash for the work I’m putting in. In this sense, these are amounts I wish I could have earned for the blogging I’ve done over the last 20+ years. I’m also going to be the first person to rock these t-shirts and have a playmat displayed during streams/videos.

So if you’ve followed me for the past 16 years, I’d sincerely appreciate a follow on social media, the YouTube channel or on Twitch. All of the support helps, even if you’re not contributing monetarily. If you can spare the extra change, the Patreon is at minimum $2/month, and once I hit the 50 follower mark on Twitch, that will open the option for subscriptions there, which are at minimum $5 a pop. For the cost of your morning coffee, once per month, you can help finance the channels I’m producing and I’ll love you for it. You can find all of my content and related socials on Linktree.

Thanks for reading through my shameless self-promotion. I appreciate you all.