Surrealism - Time flies 9
“You mean the board is still around?”

She continued playing with her ice latte and looked at the swing outside. I took a quick glance, turned back to her and cocked my head to my right. Patiently I waited for her answer. She took her cup up and took a small sip. I leaned forward a few centimeters closer and took a deep breath. She turned back and I looked into her eyes…

“so…. Where’s the board?”

“I kept it”

“You kept it? They sold to you? You bought it?! Mmm… never knew they will sell this kind of stuff…”

“I didn’t buy it alone… I took it down myself.”

“You took it down? From here? Wooooo… you are into renovation as well? Seldom do I hear a journalist doing renovation as well…”

“I own this place… idiot…”

I blinked my eyes a couple of time and my jaw dropped a little. This is really surprising… never knew this crazy little gal would have come this far. I took a sip of coffee and felt the warm fuzzy feeling in the chest area as it flows downwards. But the feeling is never as strong as the one I had before some time back… but I finally got the coffee which she said she would treat after she flew to London. After a wait that almost seem like eternity… I took another look around the place…

“I still like the previous décor… just like the way I prefer the past at times…”

“Sometimes I do too… but the present is as good as it gets too.”

“So why did you leave?”

“I had to… I couldn’t stand it anymore… I thought we could be happy together but I guess we couldn’t… there may just be too much differences…”

“We did not even try hard enough to find out… think maybe back then we were so much younger and full of our own ideals and full of ourselves… I doubt I could have given you all that you had needed back then too…”

“You treated me badly the period before I decided to go…”

I looked down at my coffee and stirred it slowly… sometimes its hard to not think of the past and feel a sense of dejection once in a while. Few years on… and there are so many ‘ifs’ appearing in the mind. ‘Why we did not try harder?’ ‘Why didn’t we just give it another chance?’ ‘Why didn’t I try to accommodate her a little more?’ momentarily the past just comes back to haunt again. I looked at her and she seems to be thinking of the same things too…

“I thought I had to let you go… I couldn’t let it dragged on… we were happy for a small amount of time. But other times, I really can’t give you what you needed. The constant attention, the time and maybe my lack of understanding of your moods and emotions… I can’t be the great custodian of your heart in this way… I would have failed miserably and hurt you in the process…I couldn’t take the risk”

I took another sip of the coffee… just to take a mental break and see if she has anything to say… she looked at her latte and continue to play around with it… I decided to plow forward…

“Actually I know you have treated me well back then. And even more so I had to leave. I couldn’t balance out by giving you what you wanted. I suppose I am selfish back then… please forgive me for my actions. I asked a dumb question on why you left… you left because I pushed you out of the door and locked it… I’m sorry…”

She looked up and I can see that the eyes are already red and tearing… I reached over and hold on to her left hand. She smiled and held my grasp. Closing her eyes, she took in a deep breath and let go of the hand… and she stood up and started walking off…

“Follow me, I’ll show you where I kept the board…”

I stood up and started my slight limp behind her… she saw and quickly ran over to support me.

“Ooops… sorry…. I’ve forgotten.” And she stuck out her tongue at me…”let me bring you to a doctor. She is very good! I’m sure you will feel better after her miraculous treatment.” “Thanks…” “Oh no…. meaning I have to take wheels? Or can you drive there again?” and she stuck out her tongue again at me… I gave her my ‘oh well… what the heck’ look and nodded my head.

After some pointing, last minute turns and at times poor directive, we managed to reach the doc’s place. I parked the car and she ran into the clinic to do the registrations. When I opened the doors, she skipped back to me and smiled. “Done with the registration! Sorry I left you alone again back there… we are lucky, you are next!”

The buzzer went and I went in and see the doc. She is a lady around mid fifties. Looks like a very mummy kind of person. She asked me a barrage of questions and examined my knee on the patient bed. Then she started talking about Angel and other unrelated stuff… I was wondering why she is rattling away on all these… then thought maybe she is just being friendly and maybe Angel had been here since she was young or stuff like that. Then she did the twisting…

“Arggg……” a slight groan escaped from my throat…but a knot seems to have been released from the injured area… grreeeaaattt….

“Ok… now let me wrap it up a little to give some support. Don’t exert the knee for at least a month. Come back in two weeks to let me take another look.” And mdm doc smiled and she started to bandage my knee. I said thanks and waited for her to finish. The door opened and Angel peeped in…

“How are things going? Is he maimed yet? Amputated the leg off yet?”

Doc laughed… “He’s all yours now. Don’t be so naughty Angel…”

I applied a little pressure on the left knee and it felt that it could actually support the weight. In fact it is already feeling much better… seems like the twisted angle had been corrected. I thanked the doc again and went out to foot the bill.

“Who is she? Your relative?”

“Yup! She is my Aunt! Good isn’t she?”

“Indeed, probably one of the best I’ve seen so far…”

“Ok now, let me bring you to where the board is.”

“Mmm... mmm...”

So once again… I took the wheels and we drove to this quiet little neighbourhood with lush greeneries and plenty of fresh air. Wow… she is living well… must have been doing real well somehow… I begin to rethink about my career options for a moment.

“Stop there at the one with the red mail box. That’s my place.”

I wheeled the car slowly into the garage. Really spacious and well maintained place. She’s got a parking place for two cars, a small garden by the side… I stopped the engine and walked around to see the surrounding while she disappears into her place, happy to let me wander around the place by myself. There’s this really beautifully decorated porch at the other end of the place, a mini fountain with fishes in the pond on its left side. Right in front is the swimming pool… and the barbeque rack with some tables over at the other end. Really lavish looking place…

I walked pass the bamboo blinds and walked to the main ‘lobby’. It gives a very natural feel… with lots of wood and brownish hues. Very much like a winter lodge. There is also a wine storage area… very much filled up with hundreds of bottles. There are no fanciful widescreen televisions or music stereo systems though. Probably it is more of a natural scheme then a modern one.
“Hey come upstairs to my room, the board is here!” she beckoned me from somewhere upstairs.

I held on to the brilliantly lacquered wooden handles. Even the steps are made from thick pieces of solid red meranta. And her place smells really fresh… really like the place. It’s cool but gives a very cosy feel. I reached the second floor and see an opened red door. I never knew she likes red so much… I walked in and see her sitting on her bed. And there it is, the board on one of the walls… still the same o’ board hanging there… with our old messages… but some of them are a little yellowish… probably due to moisture when she was away…

And I felt her wrapping her arms around my waist from behind…

“I missed you so much…”

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Surrealism - Time Flies 8
“Time flies doesn’t it?”

She fiddled with her ice cold latte while looking out of the glass panel, probably saying it to herself. It is indeed the same location from so many years back. Back then the place is filled with students like us, where we can get a nice burger meal with fries and drinks refillable for something which our pocket can afford. The place was simple and cozy. You have long wooden tables and benches. We’ll walk over to the counter, place our orders and wait for it for a few minutes. While waiting, we’ll write messages on the board just beside the entrance. Proclaiming our love was all the rage and sometimes we just come here to check on the latest relationship statuses of people around the campus. There was no fancy lightings and air conditioning. No glass panels, just plain exposure to what is naturally out there. Of course there are some revolving fans on the ceiling to keep some of the heat away. No excessive entertainment as well. Just simple fluorescent tubes and a radio playing the most popular contemporary hits. Everything was nicely arranged. It reminds us all of primary schools and days of being real kids. The whole place just represented youth and vibrancy…

“Do you think our message is still on the board?”

I looked at her for a moment and I turned my head towards the entrance. Nope… I don’t see any boards over there. I shook my head and smiled. The thought of the board… It really brings back sweet memories. It is a weird thing that we are both thinking of things that we couldn’t forget and yet we did not cherish those moments. Time flies and time changes a lot of things. I’ve gained quite a few wrinkles and aged somewhat more then my peers. But look at her… she looks like five years younger than she should be, shed a few pounds and looks ready for miss universe. But some things never change… her smile, her chuckle and her ability to spread joy to others. With her around, even depression will lift. All due to her smile and infectious laughter.

“I think they still keep the board somewhere…”

She cringed her nose and looked like the twelve year old again. I believe she can actually sense it lying somewhere nearby… I rolled my eyes and shrugged my shoulders. I pondered to myself for a while and thought I should say something “maybe… who knows…” was my feeble attempt. Seldom was I so lost for words. Maybe only in her presence. She shook her fingers at me and crossed her arms. I thought I shall try again… “ when is the last time you came here before they changed the place to this modern yet something seems to be lacking place?” she frowned a little, twitched her lips to the left and shut her eyes for a few seconds. Mmm… could my statement offended her in some ways?

“I was here the day before they took down the original board…”

“So you would know where they keep it…”

“In fact I do…”

“So why do you ask me?”

“Just to see if you care about the board……”

She smiled again… I poked around at my shepherd’s pie and took another bite. I had no idea how to get here in the first place. It was always taking a cab or following someone else’s car. Who would have thought of remembering the route? And it has been years and since I last saw her before she left for London. I thought it would always be better to leave it all behind and never come back again. But now it is coming back… in little pieces. I remember how I blindfolded her and led her to a room decorated with lavender, lilies and sunflowers. I also remember how we sat by the sea, watching the sunrise and sunset. The feeling of wrapping my arms around her suddenly felt so familiar again. I can almost feel the hurt again. I felt something get caught in my throat. I washed it down with kilkenny. I looked at her straight in the eye…

“Why did you have to leave?”

“You know why…”

“I know but I don’t accept it…”

The pause of silence that followed was way too long and it was about to kill me. I excused myself and walked to the gents. I splashed warm water followed by cold water… that should wake me up a little more. Don’t let it come back. It has been so many years. The fight was long over… don’t dig the skeletons out of the grave now. I gulp down a couple mouthful of water and dried my face. I walked out and I saw that she wasn’t at the table. I sat down and look at tree again. It is history already… stop it… stop the fighting. She appeared after a while, holding a cup of something.

“Coffee, black without sugar. Your usual, isn’t it?”

I appreciated that she changed a little of the mood. I apologized for my behavior for that brief moment and she smiled again. She placed the coffee in front of me and fiddled with her ice latte again.

“Nowadays I add creamer. My tummy haven’t been good…”

“Oh… what’s wrong?”

“Just weird tummy aches and stuff like that…”

I poured some creamer in and stirred it slowly. I’ve learnt to appreciate the way the color change slowly as one stir the cream in. keep things simple, and appreciate them. Life would be so much easier. A thought popped into my mind and I smiled. She noticed it, took a spoon and knocked lightly on the edge of my cup.

“What are you smiling about?”

“Do you remember the day when I saw a stain on your shirt? I told you and you can’t see it. I said it was being blocked by your assets.”

She cringed her nose again and tried to throw a straw at me. It missed and a wave of laughter erupted from both of us. It was probably somewhere in here, not the same table anymore but somewhere in here for sure. The laughter made her cheeks red and rosy. She looks cute once again. I felt a slight tinge of heat glowing slightly in my system. I’m still attracted to her… and who knows I might still like her. But I don’t know for now.

“yah yah yah… it is a blessing alright?!”

I stuck out my tongue and shook my finger. She tried to catch it but missed by a feet. It brought another wave of laughter. It used to be our form of entertainment and method of keeping the fun and love alive by laughing at one another. I suppose it is still a good way to reconnect with each other. Six years have passed, we may look different but deep down, so far, and we are probably still the same little kids being so silly in love once.

“You remember Mr. Tang?”

“Him? Of course I remember…”

“Yea… I still hang around with him once in a while. He is like my avenue of reprieve…”

“Him?! Of all choices?”

“Yup… best around!”

We all used to hang around together. Angel, Mr. Tang, CS and myself. This place was where we got together the first time and left separated just when she left. Maybe she had been the one pulling us all together. Everyone has their own lives to live these days. Work, family and kids. I looked at Angel again and thought if she was seeing someone or married… I wonder if it is a proper time to ask. Then again, when would it ever be an inappropriate time… she seems to know what I was thinking. But she aint saying anything on that.

“Actually I know where the board is…”

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Surrealism - Time Flies 7
“Good tackle!”

I stood up, pulled up my stockings and glance in the general direction of the stands. A blurry image is all I see. It is not often we get female audiences during our games. I ran off to my position as the rain drizzles on. As the ground gets wetter, the ball went skidding across the surface much faster. As I ran after a loose ball… I saw at the corner of my eye the opponent closing in too. Suddenly I felt the impact of his studs on my knee and I fell…

Like a tree chopped down…

I lay on the ground clutching my knee. Seems like another ligament had gone… my team mates’ crowd around me and started showering me with concern. How nice… I managed to limp out of the field and got onto the side line. While I do some twisting and turning of the knee, a figure with a pink umbrella approached. Frankly my myopia had made me lost a few good glimpses once in a while, but at this moment, my knee is all that matters.

“Oh no…. not again…”

I looked to my left and I had a surprise. A familiar face…What do you know… it is… someone…which I can’t remember clearly… I’m not sure if I was gawking, but she cringed her nose and pointed her finger to her nose. I found that familiar too… for a second, I was a bit lost for words. My lips separated…but no words escaped… I sucked in a pretty huge mouthful of air…

“sseeessshhh…. Uuuhhhh…. Hmmm…. Hello…..” “hmmm… hello…” “yea… hello…” and I flashed my grin at her… I had probably forgotten her since eons ago… “Angel…” “Ah HAHA!! Wow!!! And Heeello!!” and I shook my index finger at her.

It must have been a long while since I last saw her. Seems like she had changed a lot since then. She is slimmer, glowing with a healthy tan, clear glistering eyes which used to be hidden behind that pink tinted glasses, and last but not least, beautiful flowing hair… what a transformation!

“another injury to your records! Hai… you are…”

She chuckled halfway through the statement.

“what are you laughing about?” I asked with raised eye brows. “do you remember that time when you hurt your right ankle, fell down at the stairs and broke the other?” she continued laughing… “of course I do…… obviously….” “you are Mr Lame!!” “yah… thanks… so why are you here?” “oh… guess what, I was writing an article at the stands. I like to write there when it is raining…” and she went tapping her nose as she swing her head slightly left and right. And she gave me her Cheshire cat smile. “nice weather to write my column!” and she stuck out her right hand to pull me up.

Oooo… the pain…

I limped along the tracks as she supported me along. The rain picks up some intensity. She pulled me closer to get under the shelter of her huge pink umbrella. Makes me wonder why a petite gal like her needs such a big brolly. “why do you need such a big umbrella? You bought it five years ago?” well… she was a little more plump back then… I think she knew what I was implying and knocked my injured knee softly…

oowwww…

“you deserved it!” and she stuck out her tongue. “bleah…” “ooowww…. Ok ok… sorry… you’ve changed a lot.” “I do? Mmmm…” “yea… much more attractive now!” “thank you!” and she beams at me with her smile again. “I’m a journalist now!” “yea… I reckon… which magazine?” “secret….” “alright…” “you go wash up and let’s go for a cuppa, how’s that sound?” “sure thing…”

I picked up my stuff and washed up. By the time I was done, she was waving at me from her car. Good choice… an Audi for a young lady like her. She must be doing very well these days. I gingerly got into the car and took a quick surveillance of the interior. Soft toys and kiddish stuff… she never changed…

“Actually this is not again, it is my first time…”

She seems a little confused at my remark. She frowned a little and turns to me at the junction. “I don’t quite get what you mean…” “I mean my knee. You said again just now. Actually this is the first time I injured my knee.” “arrr….. congrats!” “thanks….” And she broke into laughter again. I wonder if she is ever un-amused by anything at all. Seems like a happy life. “you seem to be amused by everything.” “yah… keep things simple, and everything will look pleasant and feel pleasant. Look at things in a humorous angle and life is always better!” I smiled and nodded my head.

We drove in silence for the next three minutes. The rain came down ferociously and the vision had been reduced dramatically. I kept quiet so she can concentrate. She seems to be a little uneasy and she stopped by the roadside. “can you take over?” “what?” “take over the wheels…” “oh? Ok….” She handed me the umbrella and I opened the passenger seat, limped over as fast as possible. She slipped over to the passenger seat with ease.

“Sorry… I’ve just got my driving license…”

I rolled my eyes as I settled into the seat. First time driving this baby… I was relishing the experience ahead already. A slight tap and its gone! She slit in a CD and eighties music started playing. “I know you like older songs…” “great memory…” “yea… listening to this music always reminds me of you.” I almost choked… on nothing! She chuckled. She pointed left and right and other directions. Soon we reached this place with a double story building appearing out of nowhere.

“Best sandwich and coffee around the area!”

I parked the car at a corner where it is pretty isolated. Don’t want to get any scratches on this pretty face. Somehow, I find this place a little familiar. I believe I’ve been here before… but I don’t recall how and when I got here. I walked round along the walkway, past the entrance and round the bend. Angel smiled and followed me… two steps behind. She seems to be enjoying something.

“Been here before?”

I looked at the entrance and the name of the place… nothing really pops up. I cocked my head sideways towards here and slowly shook my head. “Nope… clueless… but somehow, I felt I have been here before…” she chuckled and covered her mouth with her left palm. She laughed for a while before pointing to an old tree just beside a pond about twenty to thirty meters away. A vision start to materialize in my mind… I smiled as well…

“Our first kiss…”

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Surrealism - Time Flies 6
‘Are you ok?’

I saw those three words as I clicked on the flashing window at the bottom. Am I ok? Yea of course I am ok. The limp is getting better, the swell is almost gone. I can even wear shoes now. A pretty fast recovery this time round for my standard. I typed my reply and carried on with my stuff.

‘Good to hear that. Haven’t heard from you for some time…’

I stopped typing and looked at that window. I pondered for a moment on how to reply that once again. I took another look at the pile of reference material beside my desk and the huge number of windows opened with charts and diagrams all over the place. I frowned and typed furiously away at the report again. Time seems to have come to a standstill when work is never ending… but in fact… it is slipping away quietly while you aren’t aware of it, second…minutes…hours…

The computer hanged…

I stared at the blank screen in front of me. My jaws dropped down a little. The frown returned as I looked at the clock. Great time to die on me… a good time to take a break. I grabbed my cup and walked to the pantry. The office is eerily quiet on a Friday night. Everyone’s out having fun and partying. Dinner dates and Friday night movies. I’m stuck with a report that is never ending. I looked at the reddish sky. Seems like it is going to rain later. I finished my cup of tea and got back to my desk. The computer is finally running again. A flashing window again.

‘Want to join me for a drink?’

‘I’ve still got lots of work tonight. Might not be able to get away’

‘Ok, if you are done early, come over alright?’

‘I’ll see how it goes…’

I took a glance at the time. Another quarter to nine. Datelines are pain in the butts. I started to arrange my diagrams and charts in some proper fashion on the document. I closed the chat application and carry on working on the report. I’ve got to get this done tonight. Time to get it over and done with and after which, I will have time again do some of my own stuff.

‘Done with your work? Want to meet up for supper?’

‘No… not yet…’

‘Alright, maybe later…’

I packed up my stuff, review my report and finally clicked on the ‘send’ button. As the tiny bits of information get sent over the net, I lay back on my chair and took a deep breath. Finally! I walked over to the pantry again and grabbed another cup of tea. Well… sometimes it is good to stay late in the office. The view from the pantry is great. The river and the lights… I glanced at the digital clock on the microwave. Half pass twelve…

‘Want to come over to my place for a coffee?’

I slot the phone into my jacket and walked back to my desk. I’m sure the security guard is not going to be amused by the rude awakening later. I make my way down to the car park and turned on the engine of my S3. I drove slowly over to gate and honked. Sam looked up and pressed a button by the side of the gate. As I drive past, I saw his head disappear, leaving the hand there to press the ‘Close’ button, before slithering away somewhere… so much for security huh…

“So… any updates?”

I shook my head while I finished off my second barbequed chicken wing. Too much grease in them. I decided to attack the shrimps instead. “I told you so…I knew you were not listening…” “What did you say?” “I told you it is going to be complicated.” I took a long drag on the beer and scooped a mouthful of those wonderful shrimps, almost filling my mouth up. “What is so complicated?” I managed to mumble those words out with my mouth’s volume filled up. “Don’t you feel confused now?” he asked while he picked up another chicken wing. “Mmmm… don’t you think the wings here are fantastic?” and he tore the wing up. He is always so barbaric…

“Confused? What is there to be confused about?”

He opened his eyes wide and looked at me. And then he slowly narrowed his eyes into two tiny slits. He held my right hand and put it on my chest, close to my heart. “No? You feel nothing at all? Be truthful!” I pushed his hand away and dipped my fork into my lasagna. Damn… this is a high cholesterol supper… I thought for a while about that question… something stirred in my mind and my heart. There is a mini argument…

“Speechless right… caught you…”

I took a bite of that marvelously cheesy lasagna. I looked up and slowly chewed on it. I took a deep breath and sat there… sorting my thoughts out. “No… I can’t get into her mind and heart. I tried… but maybe… I don’t really know…” Mr Tang smiled and dipped his fork into my lasagna as well. “Seems like you’ve join the club!’ ‘What club?’ ‘The complicated club, chaired by Her Highness herself.” And he dangled his fork in front of me. “Well you see… she doesn’t know what she wants and she doesn’t admit it. Does she? So… she goes around trying to find a tonic somewhere… to carry on the heartbeat, the life and trying to find that feeling again.” He closed his eyes, cocked his head sideways and smile.

The smug lecturer with an ‘I’ve told you so’ look…

He shook his finger in front of my face and continued with his lecture. “But… But! She can’t let go of what she had… or what she thinks she still have at the moment. And that, which she has, is not the same as times ago…” and he looked at me sternly and stared at me. “You… are lost… just as lost as she is…” I swallowed my mouthful of lasagna and ordered another beer. “So what do you think are my chances?” he performed his jig… shrugged his shoulders and gave a ‘what the heck is wrong with him look’ and looked at me in a bemused look.

“I won’t bet my head or my last dime on it…”

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Surrealism - Time Flies 5
“Hey… that’s a new wave!”

I think I am prone to being disturbed when I am working on my stuff out of my room. Sometimes when you are just bored of one place, you just want to find another place that you know you can have those words churning out of that brain. But unfortunately… this is distraction zone. This is one heck of a paper… I frowned and looked up with a very annoyed face. There she was, standing across me with a lunch box again. I remember this scene somewhere in my memory… the frown is withdrawn but the annoyance is still lingering.

“What new wave?”

She pointed at my right ankle. “There… the new ankle bandage that you have there. What happened?” I thought that was a little bit lame. But of course… a lame joke for someone who’s temporarily lame. How appropriate… “Oh… that bandage… I sustained that injury on Sunday’s soccer game. It was pretty unlucky actually.” “Mmmm… tell me about it.” “Ok…. I went in for a tackle, my friend tripped over and his massive frame smashed down on my ankle. Nicely done.” “Ouch!” “Indeed… at that moment, that is the correct outcry and description.” And she chuckled while sitting down on the opposite side.

“So, what is that assignment about?”

That statement caught me by surprise. I think I’ve said that somewhere before… “It is not an assignment. It is a technical paper. Supposed to be submitted, final draft next week. And as you know, it’s Thursday… already…” “Mmmm…” “Yesh…” “Ok… mind if I sit here and work on my assignments?” “Nope… not at all.” and I shifted and neatly placed my notepads and other references on my right side of the table. She took out her stuff, placed them on the table and started writing as well.

“Wanna go for lunch break? I’ve brought some food here to share.”

I put down my reference material and looked at the watch. Quarter pass one. Good time for a break. I smiled and placed paper weights on those loose pieces of paper. “So what’s for lunch?” “Healthy food!” “Alright…” in my mind it was a huge sigh… healthy food are usually not tasty food. We walked over to the cafeteria and ordered a cup of black coffee and a cup of tea. We settled down at the corner and she unwrapped the food in the lunchbox. And mind you… it isn’t a small lunchbox. She came prepared…

Cucumber, tomatoes, apples, cherry tomatoes and a loaf of golden corn bread.

I like cornbread… “Is this supposed to be a vegetarian meal?” “Not really, it’s supposed to be a healthy meal” I nodded my head and sipped on my coffee. “How should I start?” “With the tomatoes!” and she grabbed one, cut it up with the fruit knife that came along and nibble on a slice. I would really want to go straight for the cornbread… but I took cherry tomatoes and started popping them into my mouth instead. But they are good! Sweet… not sour at all. Quite a good start to a meal.

“Where have you been for the past two weeks?”

That came as a surprise. Never knew she cared. And why would she want to know? “You got lucky today. If not who’s going to help you finish all these food?” “I can just bring back the leftovers, like I always do.” “Huh? Like you always do?” “Yah… I’ve brought this amount of food for a few times when I came here. Thought you might be around.” I almost choked on that statement. “Oh…… mmm…. You are looking for me?” “I’m just wondering how come you are always not around.”

I am beginning to lose a little of my appetite…

She begins to slice the bread and the cucumber. “Yea… it has been quite some time since I last heard from you or saw you. It is like you had disappeared from the surface of the Earth!” and she placed half the loaf on my tray and sliced a couple for herself. I started to pinch out pieces of the bread and tried to think of a few smart answers to reply. Nope… no ideas at all. I chewed on a slice of cucumber and grimace. It was really bitter…

“I was at home all the while. Stuff to do yah…”

I took a mouthful of coffee and washed down the mashed up remains of the slice of cucumber in my mouth. “Why are you looking for me?” “Mmm… I just feel kind of weird without seeing you or hearing anything from you.” “Don’t you need to spend time with your boy?” and I looked at her intently, looking for the telltale expressions. She frowned for a second and it disappeared as soon as it appeared. “Who told you I have a boyfriend?” “No one…” “Then why did you say that?” “I thought I saw you guys at the mart some time back.”

I slowly chewed on the bread, waiting for a reply from her…

“Mmmm… this cornbread is pretty good.” As I broke the silence and change the topic. She broke into a smile and looked at me. I can see that she appreciated that move. “You like it? It is one of my specialties!” “Yea… it is pretty good. Especially after you ate some of that horrendous cucumber.” “Ha… it’s that bad huh…” “Yup, you’ve got that right!”
“You know… the corn had to be prepared before hand and the baking…………….” And she rattled on for nearly five minutes on the merits of baking with different accessories and ingredients. I can’t seem to get her to talk about all the other things in life, other than cooking. Even when I asked, she would never tell me.

Not the right time… no need to tell you… it’s nothing…

Statements that I hate to hear. And I agree… we are living in two completely different worlds. So how am I going to ever understand her? So why is she still trying to find me? Maybe she thinks it is fun. Maybe she thinks it is a good replacement. Maybe she thinks she has some avenue somewhere else to let go of her frustrations whenever she wants to.
Care and concern with clauses and prerequisites.

I’m getting tired of this… and she doesn’t know that…

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Surrealism - Time Flies 4
“The sea breeze… it’s cold…”

I took off my jacket and hand over to her. She drapes it over her shoulders and wrapped her arms around herself. We sat down on a bench by the pier… watching the lights from the ships out in the harbor. She looks out into the sea expressionless, seemingly lost in her thoughts. I took another glance and stare out into the sea as well. A sigh…

“Time flies doesn’t it?”

I thought for a moment on that statement. Bad memories? A lingering past? Or am I just thinking too much… “Yea… that’s why we need to cherish the moment…” she turned in the other direction and shook her head, “tell me, what is there to cherish at this moment?” “The moon is round and beautiful and the stars are all out tonight…” I’m a simple person with simple joys in life…

“Indeed they are…”

A horn from a ship broke the silence that followed that statement. “What are you thinking about?” … … … “Don’t feel like sharing?” “Not now…” “Alright…”

More silence…

“I am thinking of the choices that I have made so far in this life time. I wish I can go back a few years and change those choices…” “Mmmm…” “You know, my dad passed away recently. He had always wanted me to study and get that degree… he wanted to see me getting ahead somewhere…” she turned and looked at me. I can see in those eyes… the pain of those memories living in her mind and biting her soul.

“And he left us… and I wasn’t there…”

A glister of tear rolled down her left cheek. I took out the pack of tissue, pulled out a piece and wiped that tear away. I handed her the pack, held her hand and pat her shoulders. “I don’t know if I should have ever gone over… I don’t even know if I should have come back…” I listened and nodded my head. “Those days over there… were the best time of my life. But you know… mom’s alone… getting older… and her health is not that good at all…” I know where this is going. I don’t agree but I nodded… this is not the time to show my disagreement. “I came back here to carry on my studies for her…”

I forced a slight smile…

A shooting star streaks across the sky. She saw it too… “It’s so beautiful… and it only last for a few moments…” she nodded… “It leaves a memory, short but nevertheless unforgettable. Don’t you agree?” and she nodded again… “The moment we live in, will be the past in every passing second. Time goes on ticking… and it won’t come back for you.”

She looked up and into the far distance away… lost in her thoughts…

“I don’t know how you feel. If you are going to live in the past… then there will no longer be any future. Not even the present. If you really want to live in the past, make it the present and the future… if you think it is possible…” slowly she turned and looked at me. “Look at the shooting star… it lived its moment in glory in its short life span in the sky. If it had been staying in one place… it would have just been another star. Nothing spectacular… nothing to look forward to…”

“You’ll never understand how I feel…”

“You are right… I was never there. I was never in your shoes… I will never ever understand how you felt. But why… why is it amongst so many people, they got back and they are happy. They still look back fondly of their memories, but they can look into the future and see dreams and hopes ahead. Why can’t you do it too? I don’t have to go overseas like you to have my own beautiful memories… I looked back and live them again in my mind time and time again. And I love those moments. It’s sweet and unforgettable… but I know they had been a major part of my life and they are the past… and I’ve got to look back, learn from past experiences, smile… and move on…” She let go of my hand and stood up. She walked slowly along the water front, running her fingers on the cold railings.

“You sound like someone from my past too…”

I walked beside her but two paces behind. It’s her turn to talk… I kept my silence. “You give a lot of advices, but you don’t understand how I feel. You’ve never been in my shoes. You’ll never understand…” I looked at the ships out in the harbor. But I caught every single word she said. We walked around for about half an hour in silence… “You’ve never told me what you felt…” “Because I don’t want to…” “Then how do you expect me to understand you?” “You don’t need to.”

Now I understand…

We stopped at the river mouth. She turned back and looked at me with those soulful eyes… “I’m sorry…” “Don’t be sorry for nothing you’ve done wrong…” “Some other time maybe…” “Yea… maybe…” and I smiled at her. I know what she meant. I’m here living in the present and looking into the future. She is still living in her own past… and she don’t know when she can come back into this present time…I nodded my head in apprehension of this situation. The clock is still ticking…

“Can we go back now? It’s really cold…”

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Surrealism - Time Flies 3
‘Where r u? Had ur lunch yet?’

Oops… time stamp of two hours ago… I had been busy with the write up since lunch yesterday. Believe me, it IS not easy. I suppose I was so engrossed I didn’t hear the ring of the phone. Two missed calls too. Suddenly I felt hungry. I looked at the clock in my room. Quarter pass three… the rain is still paltering away outside. I can hardly see the apartment on the opposite street. I picked up the phone…

‘Oh… I’m at home. Rainy day, decided not to go out… plenty of work to do ya noe…’

Minute later…

‘Custard sandwich… mushy as ever!’

I walked along the benches and she is indeed at the desk that I was at yesterday. Seems like she is doing some write up too. But she looks different today. An oversized jersey, a pair of running shorts, trekking sandals and a pair of nerdy spectacles… your typical hostelite look. I sat down by the bench next to hers…whatever she is writing must be tough. For the five minutes I observed, her scribbling never stopped and her frown is fixed on that forehead. As I stood up, she stopped and looks at her watch. And then she looked up.

Oh that smile… nerdy today…

“Is that an assignment from Hell?” “Nope but close enough…” “Mmm… FUBAR huh…” “What’s FUBAR?” “Go google it.”

She decided to ignore that remark and tap her pen on the table for a while. Then she raised her eyebrow in mock consideration… or maybe she is really thinking of something. I looked at her blankly… “Ermm… yea?” she bit her lips and stared at me for a while. *a moment of silence* “if it doesn’t taste good… don’t tell me…” she said with a smile that appeared from nowhere. I was both bemused and confused. This girl here is as unpredictable as the roulette table… I smiled and said “yea… no problem! That’s the easy part. Swallowing is the tough part!”

And she chuckled…

She reached into her bag and pulled out a zip it bag. She sure put in effort in her culinary works. She pulled out an aluminum wrapped package from the bag. Slowly she unfolds the double layer of foil and inside is another layer of wrap. Looks like those bakery store stuff… she unwrapped that as well and inside… are two portions of custard sandwich.

“One’s yours, the other’s mine!”

“You haven’t had your lunch yet?”

“Yea… I was looking for you… you said you will be here!”

“Oh man… sorry…”

“It’s ok! Dig in! Try it… say it’s nice…”

I picked up the smaller portion of the two. I had my lunch already… two hours ago. Now I felt quite guilty causing her to wait for me. I hardly know her! “No no… that’s mine, yours is the bigger slice!” and she took that portion and place it back onto the wrapper. “Take take! Take the bigger slice!” so like the good and obliging guest, I took the bigger piece and started eating. It is pretty good… just a little too creamy and sweet for my liking. I finished it in three bites.

“Not bad…not bad”

She smiled and pushed the package over to me. “Eat this as well. I’m not hungry anymore.” My eyes widen at that remark. “How can you not eat?” she smiled and shook her head. “I sort of lose my appetite if I am eating alone. You ate so fast… that is why I purposely made the bigger piece for you. Now you can have mine too.” Oh no… now this is an awkward situation. I looked at the piece of sandwich and thought for a moment. “You sure you aren’t eating that?” “Nope… I had a cup of tea just now. A little full now…” “Alright… next time I’ll eat slower.” And I grab the other portion and finished it in world record time.

“So… how is it? Good?”

“Mmm… not bad… not bad…”

“You know… I took about four hours just to make that.”

“What?! Four hours?!”

“Yah… I am never good at custard. First few attempts all went haywire. But I had fun! And now I have this assignment to worry. Anyway seems like it wasn’t that bad.”

She flashed a grin at me and twirls her pen. I was thinking she is still not that good with that custard. It could have been much better… but given the amount of time and effort she put in… I decided to follow her wish and not tell her about my actual thought. “So what’s that assignment about?” “Advertisement marketing strategies in schools… it’s cracking my mind… it’s a massive budget issue…” and she frowned again. She supported her chin with her left palm and taps that pen on the table again. “Any ideas?” “Mmm… do you mind letting me sit down and think…” and I sat down beside her and read what she had written.

“Let’s do this together, shall we?”

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Surrealism - Time Flies 2
“It’s good to be alone…”

I took another bite of the sandwich and a sip of the coffee. Somehow, the bitterness is just like honey to me. It is the taste of morning… a wind picked up and the flags on the boats fluttered. The sails picked up the breeze and moved down out at the sea. The sunshine bounced off the water surface… it is a beautiful sight indeed…

Another sip…

I skipped steps at a time down the stairwells, scoot pass the canteen and arrived panting at the music theatre. A quick glance at the watch… I’m still seven minutes early… I scanned the area. Nope, she isn’t here yet. Made my way to the gents to wash up a little. Lucky the place is air conditioned, so I wasn’t perspiring that badly. I walked out… make sure my tickets are there… and waited.

And waited… and waited…

She didn’t appear! I tried to call… but she never pick it up… walked over to the drinks stall and got myself a bottle of water. Found a seat by the water fountain and looked at the tickets. Oh well… not the first time… made a call to Mr Tang. “Hey… guess what… she didn’t come and didn’t answer the call.” “Yea… as expected…” “Why?” “I saw her at the library with another guy that’s why…”

My shoulders drooped down as I throw away the tickets…

“I told you it was complicated…” “Mmm hmm… mmm hmm…” “That is her… ermm… how should I put it in words…” “Boy friend?” “Nope… not really…” “Lover?” “Nope… nope… it is just complicated” “alright… I’ve enough for now.” “Ya know… couldn’t let go…” “Alright…”

And I took a huge gulp of that brown ale…
I was walking around in the mall, trying to grab some groceries and a pair of shoes. Then I saw her… and Mr X, hand in hand. Very nice for me to see that. I played around with some tomatoes while watching them walk around the dairy product section. Lover birds… I selected a few tomatoes and walked off to hunt for watermelon. And I caught her gaze on me. I smiled… so did she… and she let go of her hand…

It’s complicated…

I took a bite off the egg sandwich I bought from the bakery while I read through the first draft of my write up. I’ve got to get this done by the end of the week. The dateline for submission is getting really close. I was fretting about a few points on the latest development from my previous project when someone sat down opposite me. I haven’t realized until she spoke…

“How’s the sandwich? I make really good sandwiches too!”

I frowned at the distraction as well as the slight irritation of someone bothering me about my choice of lunch. I looked up and saw her smiling while she holds up a lunch box. I raised my eye brows in surprise for a moment. “Eh… ok…” was all I could muster. Frankly I don’t know what to say. It was a weird situation… maybe I was too engrossed. “I am not too picky with sandwiches…” was blurted out as I broke off from the draft.

“Want to try? I have some extra here!”

My eyes widen a little as she opened her lunch box and offered a portion to me. “I had some fruits just now. Not that hungry to be able to finish all that’s here.” And she flashed that beautiful smile. “Oh… alright…” I said as I arranged the slightly messed up table of mine. “Thank you… I was about to go grab another…” which was completely untrue. That was already my fourth… but I couldn’t reject her offer. I took the smaller portion, raised it up and smiled. “Thanks!”

I took my first bite of her egg-ham-cheese sandwich…

“Oh man… This is fantastic!” I managed to talk, chew and going for another bite at the same time. She flashed a grin… “I like to make sandwiches… I also do tuna, hotdog, ham and pineapple, butter…” and she traced off… counting her fingers while she talked to herself. I sat there looking at her smile and frown… frowns and smile… it is so amusing. After a short while… she laughed. “Yah! 14 types! I think I shall not consider the custard sandwich in… it always kind of messed up…” and she flashed a wide grin. I finished that portion of sandwich and laughed with her. “I like custard…” “Oh you do? Hahaha…”

“Would you like to try the rest?”

“It’s my gastronomical pleasure!”

“Ok… will you be here tomorrow too?”

“I believe so…”

“Ok… I’ll see you here tomorrow!”

“Alright, see you tomorrow! And thanks for the sandwich!”

She smiled and she left… with the lunch box still on the table…

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Surrealism - Time Flies 1
“Another year just went by…”

I sat on the bench by the harbor, looking at the fishing boats out at sea. It’s a cool day, clouds slightly overcast with an inkling that the rain is going to fall soon. I grab my flask and poured myself a cup of coffee. The warm steam rises as I take my time to smell the fragrance…

Thick as usual…

I pulled out the black lunch box that I brought everywhere. I’m wondering what I am going to have today…

Cookies? Sandwich? Burrito? Surprises everyday…

Oh… it’s an Egg and Ham Sandwich today. Mmm… with a dash of pepper… oh and melted cheese! It’s still a little warm. I think it’s going to be good… I took a bite…

Yes, it is still good as ever…

I took another bite and think of the days when I first met her. On a sunny but cool Saturday afternoon… yea, it was an outdoor concert of sorts. I had a hotdog in my hands while I chat with my pals. I still remember it smells like freshly lawned grass... I glanced across the field and saw her…

Oh those beautiful eyes…

I felt the heart skip the beats that were supposed to follow. Mr Tang followed the direction of my gaze after he realized I wasn’t listening to him rant on his students… a quick smack on the head followed swiftly. “Who the hell are you looking at? Don’t waste your time!”

Stars and comets…

“Err… what were you saying just now?” “Does it matter anymore?” “Yesh… of course it does! You did not say clearly… I was listening!” “Yeah right… forget it, she’s taken… or she was… its kind of complicated...” “Uh huh… I told you I am listening” “yeah right… go talk to her. Heard she’s the friendly sort.” “Alright! See I told you I am listening!!!”

Oh those beautiful eyes!

“Hey! Is there anymore space here for another hotdog?” oh man… that sounds amateur… there goes my chance to know her. “Sure does... if you buy a few fresh ones that is…” funny… how come her mouth isn’t moving and I’m getting an answer. I looked behind me and saw another two gals standing too. “Yup you hear that... you can have the seat if you get us another cola as well. If not, please scram from my seat” “errmmm…” “Yea… so are you gonna do it or not?” “Alrighty… what flavor?”

Oh that smile…

“Sit down… don’t mind those silly gals. You like orchestra too?” she asked with that beautiful smile. I catch a glimpse of a wicked smile from those evil step sisters. I knew what they are thinking… who cares anyway. I sat down beside her and smiled. “yea… I like orchestra. In fact I play the piano too!” “Oh that’s great! I’m on percussions some time back in high school. Grade?” “8” “nice…”

And that smile again…

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all smashed up
wahlau...

when u have cold or flu....... try NOT to take planes...

wahpiang... during the pressure change, it just can't be released. just now when i was on the plane, i tot my cranium was gonna crack! damn unlucky cos just now the plane was hovering around in standby for 10mins. pure suffering!

my head macam going to burst oso.

kow...

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Update update update
People ask me... why don't I update this lil virtual space of mine.

Well...

I haven't have much to share with everyone these days. Life is as mundane as can get. This job is taking most of my fuse away.

Positive thinking is the way to go. At times, nature's balance just takes over. You can't be positive all the while... you will need some negative forces around to balance things up.

So what's new in life these days? My new adipure boots? haha... who really cares about my soccer boots. But of course, if someone does care, it is pretty light weight, doesn't absorb much moisture, thus ensuring that the boots remain light even when it is on a wet pitch. not like my puma boots where things gets very heavy when the rain comes down. It's a pretty comfortable pair of boots definitely, but not as comfy as my previous puma boots on a dry day.

If you do want to buy it, buy it at queensway. I got it at 179. Adidas shop is selling at 215.

So what else is new? My C4 is definitely not a new story anymore, been around for more than 1/2 a year already. My job is a hell of a messed up story. You get so much nitty gritty stuff... it can be frustrating and irritating at times. Worse is... there isn't much of a day or night thing. When they want to call you, they will call you. Kinda crappy in a sense. The people around helps you keep the sanity. Of course, soccer is another tension reliever. I enjoy all those session with colleagues cum friends and the grumbling and 'grievance relieving' session after the game. Nothing beats grumbling over dinner with people who understands.

As for gals, don't need to ask me about that. There isn't anything new on the news front. Things are as quiet as the forest in bastogne during winter(minus the year 1944). It has it's positives definitely. You can say I am more of a loner. Freedom is priceless.

Values companionship is priceless too... I've got to say that, in case people flame me on my personal view.


And that's about it...

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A sensible decision?
There is this lady. We clicked well, we joked together, we enjoyed each other's company. It is fun, it is interesting. We hung out often.

Purely Platonic, nothing more.

Her boyfriend is unhappy. Her boyfriend told her he is pretty unhappy about us going out together. She has only him in her heart, but things are pretty shaky.

I made the decision to go away. I understand how his boyfriend feels, I understand why he felt so, but that doesn't mean I agree with such a feeling he is having.

But I respect his view and I want them to be happy together. I decided to keep a low profile. As least they have one less reason to quarrel about.

I explained clearly to her about my decision. I hope she understands and know why I did that. Because I meant well.

I think I did the right thing...

Current Mood: contemplative

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Speeding through
Recently someone told me, that I am too simple a person. I can't provide for all the things she wants in life, I can't catch up with her pace in life.

Well... these statements really made me ponder for some time.

I thought
'Is it true that I am taking such a slow pace in life?'
'Is it true that you really need to speed through life to get what you want?'

Well each person had their own grand plans and dreams in life... who doesn't?

I told someone these statements:


“ Slow down in this lifetime... cos its too short to be speeding all the way to the end...
u wont wanna race past this lifetime and when u reach the end, find that u missed everything impt along the way....”


Is trying to enjoy life and observe things around you wrong? Some people might find it wrong, some people might be able to do it despite the 150mil/hr speed, some people might also say they want to work hard now and enjoy later.


So can't I work hard now and enjoy now? I have my dreams and hopes too. But well... some people are impervious to opinions and views. So it is ok... Life's colourful. I rather see the whole picture than to see it in a blur.

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A big contradiction
I am now a software engr...

One of my responsibility is to set up and resolve my customer's network problems.

But...

But......

I can't solve my own company issued laptop's VPN and internet connections!


Managed to get it connected for both connections as shown in network connections, but simply no connections in real!


And this VPN password generator is not working.


What?!?!?!


What a start man..........

Current Mood: confused

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In no mood
I'm in zero mood...

It's one of the brown patch...

I'll get over it in a while, for now, it is grey hues.

I'll be fine soon.

Next up is orange and bright yellow.


Life is colorful as it's supposed to be.

Current Mood: blank

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The youngest and the luckiest
Something got me to thinking…

I’ve been lucky, very lucky all my life. I was really seriously thinking about this for a good fifteen minutes…

Some people say it’s the thing about being the third and youngest kid in the house. Sometimes I don’t really believe in that.

But… I can say I do exhibit some of those characteristics.

They both got into good classes in primary schools through sheer hard work and diligence. I got into a so-so class.

I slacked and never study for my PSLE, my brother studied until he broke down and cried.

They did well and went to special stream schools. I didn’t and went somewhere else.

I sleep through my school holidays, my brother and sister worked to earn money.

They taught themselves and become who they are today. I basically was sitting in a corner waiting to be spoon fed.


Some times I think I don’t deserve all these luck. I remembered I was thoroughly giving a good earful by my teachers back in primary school and I felt so ashamed.


But frankly speaking, I had been really lucky… since primary four.


I got into a so-so class, but my form teacher, Madam Jenny Ow loved me and taught me so much. Unfortunately, she passed away early. All these years, for all my little accomplishments, other than my family, I had always wanted to show her my results…

Really… I missed her motherly care and love for me…

I got lucky in my secondary school life, I joined an ECA I liked. Despite being surrounded by the so called bad eggs, I never turned crooked. I was lucky.

I never learn to smoke, drink or do anything that generally broke rules.

I never really study hard back in secondary school and my grades are generally average. I have teachers who have no idea what they are teaching.

Somehow, I wised up before O levels. I studied day and night for three months, never really my style. I cracked my brains and I helped my friends. I got lucky and managed to score something decent but not spectacular. The exams are mostly questions I specifically studied for…

I got lucky again.

I got into JJC, where I got into a boring class. No spirit, no cohesiveness, no fun, nothing…

I failed my physics as I really cannot make it initially and I couldn’t get a chance to copy. Maths I was fantastic because every time there is a quiz, I always sit beside the whiz. But I flank when it comes to exams. Same for physics…

But that’s because I was lucky… I was lucky that I didn’t get to copy for physics, if not I would have really struggled for my A levels.

And I was even luckier in which I had an excellent physics tutor. Many people think he is crap, but I think he is a genius.

He stood by me and kept encouraging me despite all the Fs, Es and Os. He pulled me down to sit in the first row of the lecture theatre, forcing me to listen and learn. He liked to ask me if I understand the concepts that he just explained. If I don’t, he will repeat again.

He used pressure and in some sense, my pride as a weapon to push me…

I also had a superb chemistry tutor who always push me and told me to not lose something which I have firmly in my hands.

Once again, I wised up at the right time and studied very hard… I took out my A maths textbook and studied the whole text again before I did my Maths C.

I fell sick during my A levels… but she was smiling at me again.

I did pretty well…

Since I was in JJC, I got into the crap NS bunch. It was where all the fun was… you meet people who couldn’t care less and we are all from A levels. People expect A levels to be uptight and boring.

We are a fun batch… I had fun through out my BMT.

I got lucky and got into OCS. There were 5 slots, 4 had been taken by regulars. I was number 7th in my platoon. But 5th and 6th had police records. They were the most excellent soldiers in my platoon… but just having a bad history. They would have made excellent officers…

I got into a shiong company. But my platoon is the most fun of the four. We have characters that compliment each other and we all bunched up against the few outcast who just out to play act and impress the platoon commanders.

I got my commission, despite not doing a PC role. I was lucky because the white horse in my platoon had not done it too. So he had a special mission set up just for him. I was the PS. If not, I won’t be an officer and a gentleman too…

I got into an unit that no one knew… I got a job which I wasn’t assigned to. But I was lucky, it was the best job there. And I got injured so badly I was downgraded… I was so lucky….


University wasn’t anything exciting to talk about, but I was lucky to make a few really great friends in there. Some people made so many friends, but not much to speak of in terms of closely knitted.

I was lucky I had mine.

Work, I ended up in a not so good company for my first two years. But I learnt and see a lot. More importantly, I learnt about how treacherous and materialistic people can get. And how low people can stoop to get what they want, even becoming another person.


Most importantly, I made a few good friends during my two years there. I had good memories… I erased the bad ones…


I quit without finding another job. I got lucky again when a good friend refered me into his company. I got it… and starting a new job and life there now.

I never have a good time with relationship… in fact most of the time I think I always end up in situations I don’t want to. Thus seeing results which I had hoped was opposite…


But, given all my good luck, I believe it is all just how life balanced out.

A life is colourful… you need the dull colours to appreciate the brighter ones.


A quote

“Let me ask one question, first you have a picture thats yellow green
blue and red, followed by green yellow red and blue, and blue red
green yellow and red blue yellow green. Do you think you can spot
the difference? Maybe yes, maybe no... it depends. Then lets say you
have a picture thats black white grey brown, followed by
white black brown grey, then grey black brown white, and brown
black grey white. Do you think you can spot the difference? Hardly
possible. So... what's the big deal here? Telling me about colours?
Yea... colours, colours of life... the point being, in four
different happy events, its usually distinct and ended up as each
single event. Each lasting for its own time. But, when things can
rough and tough, they all look the same. And the end result? A
longer, more painful time... or so it seems. Then it seems unfair to
one always, to be in a deep shit kind of feeling, because it never
seem to happen to other people. Well... that's because to see others
its plain sight. To feel for oneself, is a entirely different
thing... “


it is just how you choose to see them…


And I am lucky to have parents like mine. My mom… she nags and nags… but I know deep down how much she loves me. She never showed favouritism to any of us. But I think I know, every time I need help, she will give.

Even till now, I still need to borrow money from her to do something…


I feel ashamed… because I don’t have money due to my indulgence in something which isn’t so which of pride evoking. But I know I am lucky… and I must repay her love and faith in me.

My dad… he is another kind of influence on me. I don’t wish to elaborate on that because I do not wish to say something negative about my dad anymore. I’m just fortunate to realise how he had struggled all these years to give us the life we are having now. For that I am already eternally grateful to him.


My parents…..


How much I love them……


Though I rough it out in some areas, I felt pain in places which I thought I may taste sweetness. But in the end, when you look at the picture, you know it is the colourful splashes of life.


And to end it with one last of the liberally used phrase…

‘I am a really lucky chap… and I thank my lucky stars for it…’





p/s: I thought I was going to write something short… but well… what’s new? 

Current Mood: contemplative

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Up Beat!



No need to go arcade liao!!!!

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Surrealism - High and Dry

"pop........"

There goes the champagne and same to my heart. It skipped a beat, I missed my breath and I felt dizzy... At last it is all over. There is this tingling sensation which I had only felt so many year ago, when I got myself a top ten finish in a grueling race across the scotching desert.

I can get the euphoric feeling again...

"First of all.... I would like to thank all of you guys who have meant so much to me..." What a cliche.. I thought to myself. I think I could have done better. It has to be the alcohol... what can be said, doesn't mean anything anymore. They know how I felt deep down... I had always loved their company and friendship, never missing the chance to show it both vocally and mentally. And we all know, I have to go... because I can never stay anymore.

"Good luck Buddy!" Another cliche.... how nice of Mr Tang to say that. I always thought that he might be leaving earlier than me. Apparently he has that extra bit of perseverance as compared to me. "Don't bring the heartache away ok? Leave them here and you are high and dry!" Now that's something unique. I gave him a trademark smile and smack him hard on the back. "You can be darn sure I will keep them here!" Some things are worth keeping, some things definitely aren't worth all that baggage space...

Time to move on...

As I step out of the building, I looked back at the years where I spent so much time at.. is it all a game now? I suppose I just aint cut out for all these corporate treachery and politics. I thought that hard work, sincerity, professionalism and ethics are the way to go. Oh........ no... how sad the material world is. COLD HARD CASH is the way to go... and the way to go to COLD HARD CASH is the road so many people are driving to. 

So much for hard work, sincerity, professionalism and ethics... out the windows...

I asked them.... "tell me... how do you guys define someone who worked" and the reply I got is "someone who polish my shoes..." oh................ how inspired can I get?! "I shall get my polishing cloth dear sir, and will you prefer black or brown polish my master?" I was wondering sarcastically in my mind. I shook my head in disbelief... and this person here is saying he don't know what a person I am, after working so long here. He even had the cheek to say he has been grooming me all this while! 

£$%^&*"F! zzzzzzz............

Sorry............... "Sorry, I am so disappointed with the place then..."

Goodnight.... and goodbye...

Current Mood: thoughtful

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Pictures pictures...
Here are some pictures.... long lost... :)


 
london tower right at the back



Notting hill tube station.... like the surrounding and the lightings...


Beautiful autumn..... Can't remember the name of the park... it is the one beside the late Princess Diana's palace.


This is Anfield!!!!


Beside the field, main stand side. On the fields of Anfield road... You'll Never Walk Alone :) 


Old trafford. It is a really beautiful and large stadium! 


Everyone loves the Eiffel tower :)


The Victory Monument! Ahead we March!!!

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Back again...
Well guys, 

I am back with livejournal...

Why?

Because stupid blogger needs google acct to log in... and i've forgotten my google acct name and password...

Ok, my fault. :)

What's the hold up, why have I disappeared for so long...

Frankly I have no answer to that. I just have nothing to write. Don't ask me about surrealism. I live in a world surrounded by books and computers. Nothing surreal about that. I'll try to come up with an instalment of that real soon again. Trust me, it is not easy at all. :)

What's up? Well.... I've just quit from the god forsaken place... trying to find greener pastures. While in the meantime... just bum around. 

Thought of going to thailand... or maybe phuket/bali/krabi for a short holiday. Next maybe going to europe again. Holland, Germany, Austria... just to name a few. They are on the hitlist. :)

Come to think of it, it had been two years since I started off the blocks of the rat race. Hell............. if permits, I rather not be in it. Perhaps it's just how I am.

Can anyone really stoop so low to hold someone's balls and s**k someone's d**k? Sorry for the profanities.... but yeah... that's how I feel. If you need a rabbit, get it from the pet shop.

They don't even want dogs... tell me not to talk to this person, not to that person, tell me to do things that are against my opinion and principles. Sorry.... I am not a bot or rabbit. You can go kiss your own ass... or get someone who's willing to do it.

Freaking.... 

Well... till hell freezes over....

And I'll be back with good news... :)

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