Helping Your Teen Deal With Personal Tragedy - - The Stupid Tumors

What a horrific thing it is for our babies to experience pain. I thought it was bad when my kids got immunizations as babies. What a helpless feeling to have to hold them and subject them to piercing pain and then say, "I'm sorry," like I had nothing to do with it. Even worse, was when my oldest, Sunshine, had to wear braces at night for toe walking that stretched her feet/legs and made her cry night after night. Or when she had a steel appliance put in the roof of her mouth that pricked her thumb every time she tried to suck on it. Oh, it was hard. I questioned whether I was a horrible parent or doing the right thing for my child. In the end, I did do the right thing, though it caused temporary pain to my child.

I've tried to always think of the big picture, and having faith in God makes this easy for me. Believing His word means believing that all things work together for good, which means to me that even HORRIBLE circumstances and tragedies can somehow bring good things in the end. 9/11 united our nation (temporarily, we all loved each other). Sometimes the most precious people go through tremendous hardship and turn it around to help others, such as the Susan G. Komen foundation. John Walsh would have never started America's Most Wanted if his son hadn't been kidnapped and murdered. I read a book once about a little girl named Hope who had bone cancer, and instead of asking for her own "Make A Wish," she raised money while very sick herself, so other kids' Wishes could come true. Her parents said in her short life, she changed the lives and hearts of others.

 I try to keep these things in perspective when I face tough situations. When my husband lost his job and we moved 1,000 miles across the US, ending up temporarily homeless, it was hard. But I knew without doubt that God was not only aware, He was going to do amazing things with our temporary suffering, if I can even call it that. There WAS stress, but the joy in knowing we were fully reliant on God was insurmountable. I learned long before this, even, that my outlook and deliberate faith was going to largely determine how I dealt with problems. I get sad or angry (more often angry than sad or teary). And then I turn it over to God, because I believe with all of my heart that He can take ugly things and make gracious, beautiful awe-inspiring are out of them, when we let Him that is.

I learned this at a young age when my family dealt with my dad's tragic death when I was 7, when our house burned down when I was 10, when my granny died of cancer when I was 11, when my mom/step-dad had a horrible divorce when I was 12. All the times I was bullied in school and beat up, or skipped eating so my little brothers could eat, or dealt with sexual abuse at the hands of people who were supposed to love me, I built up a faith in God and a resistance to doubt. I've had a man catch on fire in my living room, a man stabbed to death in front of my house in a gang hit, etc. I've seen a lot. And one of my goals as a parent has been to make sure my kids don't death with hunger, poverty, abuse, sexualization, murder, etc. But do I want my kids to live in a bubble? No.

Honestly, I wouldn't rob them of scrapes and bruises and broken hearts. Even though it hurts me 10x as much as it hurts them when they go through rejection or pain, I know it is building up that same faith in them that has propelled me through my own life. I know they NEED these times. But it doesn't make it easier.

This year my daughter has had really bad back pain, and I thank God for it! Because if she hadn't had back x-rays, we wouldn't have found out she has a tumor on her left ovary. In the past 2 1/2 months we've gone from "Why does my back hurt so bad?" to MRIs to an upcoming major surgery next week. The gist is that she scoliosis. She also has a tumor the size of a canteloupe on one ovary, and a tumor the size of a peach on the other ovary. Just when she was dealing with the possibility of losing both of her ovaries (and egg producing ability), we found out her uterus is very deformed, and having babies at all is a major risk to the fetus. As you know, a fetus becomes a person, and the thought of causing a baby to be born with deformities or not living at all was too much for my daughter, and she has been dealing with the fact that she will not bear children herself. She just turned 18. And it isn't fair.

 This is alot for a girl who *LOVES* babies and children and literally dreams about being pregnant A LOT. Now when I call her, "Baby" I break her heart accidentally. Sometimes I just don't know what to say. My usual way of dealing with crisis is making jokes. Well, sometimes people, even my very funny Miss Sunshine, don't want to name their tumors and make jokes about it. If it was MY tumor, I would do it, but I've had to learn that not everyone deals with pain with laughter. Its taught me a great deal about my adult...this 18 year old woman who emerged from me, yet is dealing with tragedy and lost dreams at the meager age of 18. I've been learning how she processes information. Since she's 18, I can't take the information and give it to her in bits or put a positive spin on it. She's hearing the doctor say that she may not be able to save the one ovary with the smaller tumor. She's hearing the doctor say she has to miss 2-3 months of her senior year of high school. She's sitting there getting an ultrasound, not for a BABY but for a couple of tumors that will keep her from having babies. Its hard. And what can I do?

 Well, I've learned alot about myself and my daughter over the past 2 months. I've learned that I never have hugged her enough. But I've made such an effort to hug her until I think she's irritated, and she is happy as a lark. I've learned to hold her hand as we drive, even though teens are rumored to not enjoy that sort of thing. I've learned she likes me to play with her hair, and she likes me to play with hers. I've learned that I can't just say, "Its going to be okay," to a person who has anxiety. I've learned alot from her grief and frustration. I've learned that when people hurt, they don't want to hear a bright side and bringing up the positives makes people who are grieving ANGRY. In time they will see the bright side for themselves.

But I've also learned many great things about my girl. I've learned she's tenacious. I've learned she's wise beyond her years. I've learned that she's mature enough to handle all of this, even though I sit there helpless not being able to fix it or assure her that there will be no cancer, no matter what the doctor predicts. I've learned that she's selfless even in suffering, because she confides in her friends she's worried about me trying to be strong for her. I've learned to communicate my feelings and affection much more openly, which for me means sitting and taking time to be emotionally present, even in chaos that exists in my everyday life. I've learned that I cannot transmit faith to my child by willing her to have it or telling her how it will help her. She has to learn to rely on God for her breath and life herself. And that's why I do give THANKS to God for this whole experience.

We were out of church for several weeks due to so many reasons: illness, her pain, my husband's intense work schedule, etc. When we were in church a week ago, she was praising God more fearlessly than I've ever seen before. I did something I rarely do: I cried. Joyful, happy tears. Because it shows me that in spite of all of this pain and horror and worrying she's going through, she really sold out to God. She TRUSTS God for her own life and wellbeing. She truly believes God has got this, and good will come from it, whatever that might be. And that lesson of faith and full reliance on God is not something I can teach my child; only God and a harsh world can.

The scripture says, "Give thanks in everything," I can honestly say, I thank God for these stupid tumors. The resiliency and faith I have seen develop in my daughter are worth it. I do THANK GOD FOR THESE STUPID things! This is part of my daughter's life journey and her spiritual journey. I can't teach her things like this, things that grow her character. When she decided to drop out of high school and get her GED, her teachers and ROTC staff and friends were not all gracious and positive. I can't teach her to wade through people's criticisms and overcome unless she actually has to deal with people's criticisms. SHE has to experience the harshness of life to experience its profound joy. It is as miraculous to me, as her mother observing all of this transformation, as it was the day she emerged from my body an 8 pound, wide-shouldered little girl. Never before has this scripture been an anthem to me, and a promise and answer to me as a mother watching my child hurt. I know it for my own life, and though I can tell parts of my story to her that I think she can emotionally handle, I cannot convey true reliance on God and true JOY that results by just telling my story. She has to have her own story. I'm so thankful to God for letting me be her mom, and now, one of her best friends.

Romans 5:3-5 Amplified Bible (AMP) 3 Moreover [let us also be full of joy now!] let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and unswerving endurance. 4 And endurance (fortitude) develops maturity of [a]character (approved faith and [b]tried integrity). And character [of this sort] produces [the habit of] [c]joyful and confident hope of eternal salvation. 5 Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us.

 My Sunshine has really turned this situation around. She is missing the Marine Corp Ball she so looked forward to, so my father-in-law is throwing her one on the Marine Corp Birthday. She'll be just a few days out of surgery and not dancing, of course, but she teared up when he told her. Instead of missing 3 months of school and playing catchup and going to summer school to try to finish, she decided to withdraw and get her GED. She took 2 out of the 5 tests this past week and got in the top 10% percentile. SO PROUD of her! She'll take 2 more, have her surgery this week, and then take the last one in a month. How many people can say they had a partial or full hysterectomy at 18 years old and then started college bright eyed and bushy tailed 2 months later? My girl, that's who! She's already taking a class at the college and *LOVES IT*. I love seeing God work in the lives of my children. There's no better feeling.

My Beautiful Brown Baby Girl

In my update on my last post, I left out some amazing details about my baby girl, E, the Diva. E was a very anxious baby. She was VERY anxious. Her body was stiff with anxiety. She was the loudest baby known to man and cried over everything, so we were seriously losing our minds each time she would get upset. If she couldn't be held right that second, if I had to leave her with my hubby, if I put her in church nursery, she freaked out! Screaming would last for hours. She would choke on her saliva, throw up, start hurting other people. It was like she was a caged animal begging to be set free! How we dealt with this was just keeping the girl happy. I didn't put her down, I didn't leave her anywhere, I just did the best I could. Finally when she was 2 I got her into the developmental pediatrician, and seeing as how her mother and father both have bipolar disorder, she felt it necessary to try a mood stabilizing medication on E. It worked great as far as suppressing her daily anxiety to the point where she she could function sitting alone, sleeping alone, even being at home with Daddy while Mommy went to the doctor or something. And it worked wonders for her inattention. Suddenly she started progressing in her developmental goals in therapy and we were so excited! Still, if she got upset because she got in trouble (say, hit her brother and needed a time out), she would scream for HOURS, choke on her saliva, throw up. We went to see a counselor, we asked doctors and therapists what to do. At least she only did it at home, and we considered it just her way of having a tantrum. She seemed to have zero control over her emotional state once she got upset. And then THIS year, she started having the issues at school. One day she was called out for doing something to another student at PreK and she freaked out! She screamed and tried to hit. She only had to do this once because she had 5 staff members trying to calm her down for 2 hours, and maybe she liked it! After that, she would do it at school almost daily. They tried ignoring her but the other kids would cry because she was so loud. Or she would start throwing toys at the teacher. Anger. Frustration. LOUD frustration. I would be called to the school, she would still be freaking out, and then sometimes after 10 minutes, sometimes after 55, she would suddenly stop, ask to be removed from the confinement room in the school office, apologize and ask if she could go home and have a treat. She started doing this at the gym, too. The gym child care workers were asking me how we punish our children (yes, they did!) as if we have caused this. I was literally sick. The school staff told me they thought she was mentally ill. Her teacher called me at night many times a week to ask me for help in guiding E because she seemed mentally ill to her, like she might snap at any moment. The doctor increased her medicine. She added on another medicine. We prayed. We cried. We were referred to more behavior therapists. Her teacher was probably as relieved as I was on the last day of school...FINALLY no more crazy fits. And I knew that E doesn't like being away from me, so being homeschooled, she would do just fine for me. I read and read on how to help her start rationalizing through her feelings to realize the world was not over if she had a timeout. We were starting to make some progress and then we'd have a big tantrum. E also has precocious puberty, meaning she has body odor, has had some body changes, and wears deodorant every day even though she is 5. She has moods that correspond with a PMS cycle, though she has not started menstruating, thankfully! This makes the tantrums even worse! Anything can set her off on that one week per month. I started really calling out to God to help me. I am fairly sure that E would not choose to act like this, affect people this way, or feel this way. I'm sure she did not wake up in the morning and say, "i'm going to get upset, start crying, start screaming, get sent to my room, and scream so loud that everyone in the family has to go sit in the car in the driveway so they won't lose their minds listening to me. I think that will be fun." The more this happened, the more she felt rejected! Oh, absolutely we tried holding her through the tantrums, being firm, being lenient. UGH When we would ask her what was wrong after a 2 hour screaming fit, she would say, "I was mad at myself for______" whatever she did to get in timeout initially. How can she live like this? She has to feel miserable! Does she need a psychiatrist? What can we do to help her!!?!?!?! Then a miracle happened. I ran out of her medicine, the one she has been on for mood stabilization for 3 years. It was on the weekend and she is not supposed to skip even one pill, but it was out of my hands and we were just going to suck it up and deal with it. The first day was awful. She was so all over the place emotionally! Then the next day was fine. Then the next day was fine too, even though the pharmacy said the doctor hadn't called in the medicine. No worries, we were going to see her the next day. By the 4th day, E was actually doing great! I didn't tell the doctor anything, but I had the refill in my hand and decided to just hold it for another few days, just to see what would happen. Days and days went by and each day E was emotionally better. When she did something, she might cry for a second and I would say, "I'm sorry you need a timeout. It may help you feel calmer." And you know what? She would do her timeout calmly. Just like that. I have spent hours on the phone begging the doctor for help as E screamed in the background this year. I have cried on the phone to my mother and BEGGED God to help my baby. And to help me to know what to do! Well, it turns out all I had to do was run out of one of her medicines. She's doing great now! Tonight, for example, I asked her several times to do something, but she was spaced out (feeling a bit hyper and enjoying it). I asked her to sit on her mat, which is on my floor because she has nightmares if she doesn't sleep right next to my bed. She started to cry really loud, an angry cry. I told her, "E you can make this better or worse. You can take your timeout to calm down on your mat right here, or you can go to your room and get your feelings out. Its your choice." She gave me a dirty look and went to her room screaming. I walked in and said, "you know, it doesn't have to be like this. You can calm down and come right back to me when you are sure you can listen." She looked right at me and said, "ok. I'm just going to read for a minute." Ten minutes later she still hadn't come out so I told her to come out. We talked about it and there was no problem. I asked her why she chose to go to her room instead of taking her timeout, "I was just tired. I needed some alone time for a minute to calm down my anger." WELL! How about that!?!?!?! Rational thought! Healing if you ask me! I cannot tell you what a relief this has been to our family. She goes to church now and loves children's church. She doesn't freak out when I drop her off. She hasn't had a tantrum once in a month and never at church. God has been SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good! I went back to her doctor and explained what happened, that I ran out of the mood stabilizer and she actually did better off of it...it was like a miracle cure! She said, "oh that's awesome! I'd much rather her be on less medicine than more!" I can't tell you how much better I feel knowing E isn't feeling so awful inside any more. And God worked through the trial over the past 5 years to help me continually stretch my breaking point. Its all good!

Update on the Funny Farm

I haven't written in a year. So much happens in a year, right? Where do I even begin?! My hubby's job brought us to the Houston area 14 months ago. I had sworn I would NEVER live in Houston. And God laughs. Now I laugh. I've always thought of Dallas as my ideal home, and maybe we will return there some day, but I know am where I am supposed to be. Right here. Hubby's company moved to downtown Houston this year, and actually, its been great for us! He drives to a park/ride, then rides a bus to downtown, walks a few blocks and wah-la! Not having tolls and the expense of fuel has been awesome! Plus his benefits cover public transport. AWESOME. What isn't awesome is that he saw someone jump from the 14th floor across from his building a few months ago. And this week right outside his window a light rail train hit a college aged girl riding her bike. It is not an image he wants burned in his memory. We insulate ourselves from the tragedy of the world. Working downtown he is not able to do that. My 17 year old Sunshine has finished another year of online charter school (K12.com). She did really well this year and decided on the college she wants to go to. It is unfathomable that a year from now, she will be driving herself to college up near Dallas. She took some summer school courses at the local high school, and has decided to enroll in public school for her senior year, just to be in a different learning environment to be sure she is ready for college. She's trying to find a job to save up for a car. This whole college preparedness thing snuck up on me, and I'm proud of her for thinking ahead about adulthood, securing tools she will need to be equipped, etc. As always, she is a big help and lots of fun. She's a natural with children. So being a children's pastor will be right up her alley! My 15 year old Princess has finished her 8th grade year in online school. She made straight As and also completed 2 high school courses with As. She has participated in the local police department Boy Scouts of America Explorers program for a year now, although she wasn't old enough to be an official member. This year she can be a member and train for competitions. She's very excited. She wants to be a police detective and LOVES to go target shooting with her papaw. She and Sunshine went with Papaw Saturday to the gun range and now all they can think about is saving for more ammo to go shooting again! Princess has decided to attend public high school from now on, starting this year, so she can participate in ROTC, hopefully securing a scholarship for college. It occurred to me the other day that since Tara already has some high school credits, she could conceivably take 2-3 summer school courses each summer and graduate a year earlier. She likes this idea! She wants to be a crimes-against-persons detective, meaning working in investigations such as robbery, sexual assault, homicide, stalking, etc. She's gotten her permit and insists on driving, and were she a sworn officer today, she would be giving out 10 tickets just between here and Walmart. She's rather annoyed by inadequate drivers. She's make a perfect Po Po. My four "little ones" are not so little anymore! C is 6, I is 6, G is 5, and E is 5. Holy smokes! How did that happen to my babies??? I had all four of them in public school this year. C & I were in separate kindergarten classes. G was in a morning PPCD (Special Ed PreK) program at a different school. E was in the afternoon PreK at C & I's school. After school (or sometimes during school), we had 12 therapy sessions per week. Seems as if all I did was drive children somewhere. We managed to do fairly well until January. G's Special Ed Pre K went from 3 children to 10-12 after the holidays, and he did not take well to that at all. Suddenly I was getting behavior notes and calls often. Mr. C decided he did not like school and having to deal with so many children. The solution for his misbehavior was to remove him from the classroom and put him in isolation in a room near the office. Oh, he LOVED it. He drew tally marks on the wall and sat there happy as could be. His psychologist called this "school refusal." I roll my eyes. I call this obstinance and I became very frustrated to be called to the school repeatedly to force him to comply with the school. Mr. I was excelling in school work but very emotionally needy. He didn't like me dropping him off. Many, many days I had to walk him into school, have employees hold him while I ran out of the building. And Ms. E was not to be over done. She started having psychotic breaks at school as well as home. She was completely emotionally unstable. I was called by the schools for one child or another every single day for months, usually multiple times a day. I would often find C & E in the office being combative toward the principal. I would come in, make them listen, tell them to apologize, and then all would be well. I started asking myself why the kids listen to me and not the school staff? By February, I was D*U*N. I loved the school, I adored the staff, and became quite friendly with them. However, I could not see taking my children to school to sit in solitary confinement and learn nothing. So I withdrew C & I from kindergarten. I couldn't stand how C was behaving to the staff and he was miserable!!!!! Being in a room with 24 other kids was breaking him down. Since I withdrew C, I had to withdraw I. I should have -- in retrospect -- withdrawn G & E, but since they only went half days and thins were going better, I left them in. Meanwhile, I started homeschooling I & C in kindergarten. We went through an entire K program in 3 months...yes, a year's worth of curriculum. They whizzed through it. I was already reading since he was 4 and so was G. E started reading, and so did C! Oh what a miraculous thing it was for to see all of them aching for more knowledge, and to see C especially learning! C has the most difficulty intellectually, and it took us 2 1/2 years to teach him his colors. But he got them! I can tell you we worked on the same 5 sight words from August to March but he got them! Once the school year ended for G & E, I did a big fat happy dance. I was so worn out from the calls and the pleas from the staff to get me to help my kids listen at school. They listen for me just fine!!!!! So now the four of them are homeschooled by me. We started another kindergarten curriculum, which we are 1/3 of the way through in 2 months. All four children are reading quite well. They like to write and add and measure. They *BEG* me to have school with them. It amazes me every single time Mr. C reads to me, considering it took me 9 months to teach him the word "the". That's how faithful God is! He has surpassed all of the IEP goals the school had for him for this past year, before the school year actually ended. He has continued to have speech therapy at the school weekly. He and G were discharged from speech and occupational therapy, too, because they simply blew their goals out of the water. HOLLA! E is still having speech 2x a week at home, and her speech impediments are pretty severe, but improving. Her speech teacher remarked to me the other day that she is so impressed by E's reading...technically she doesn't even start kindergarten (per the school) until August, and yet she reads 1st grade books easily. That's my girl! I went to an ARD meeting in May for Mr. G, just in case we decide home schooling is not working out and he needs to go to public kinder in the fall. That won't happen, but I wanted them to have his IEP and behavior goals in place for the new school should the unthinkable happen. I was surprised to learn that he had zero..I mean zero...academic goals. They said he tests like a first grader in many areas though only in a Prek class. This boy with DiGeorge Syndrome who we were told had twice the likelihood of mental retardation. Well, he showed the experts, eh? I'm glad to have those goals in place in case we need them, and I think he can have speech at the school this year, too, if I want it (why not, I say). I'm very proud of him. He's on the highest dose of Ritalin a boy of 5 can take, and takes another med for hyperactivity as well. He's still crazy wild and a dare devil. But I've learned that he's listening even if he is rolling around on the floor while I read. He had a little trouble adjusting to Mommy School last month when school ended. I expect him to sit in his seat and do his writing work whether he likes it or not. A few times missing break/recess put the drive back in him to write. Amazing how well he can work those fine motor skills when he is motivated by *SNACK* or *PLAY*! I astounds me pretty regularly. I knew when he was an infant that he was highly intelligent. I just can't keep up with the boy! He reads EVERYTHING. I have started having him read chapter books and he just turned 6. I had him read a 4th grade book to me the other day on weather and was shocked he stumbled on only a couple of words. He has a drive to lead (and boss!) others, so I have given him the greatest gift in the world. I have him lead reading groups sometimes. Its so funny because the kids will all decide to have random reading sessions, say if I am in the bath. Tonight I came out of the bath to find them all curled up together with I reading to them "In His Steps." Another day this week I found him reading to them from my Bible. He was reading the Amplified version and wanted to know what all the brackets were about. He is still a perfectionist...his handwriting is like a school teacher's from the 1950s. He still has perfect coloring, but he doesn't lament now if one line goes outside the line. He is adjusting to accepting his little imperfections. He & G LOVE to make others laugh. A few weeks ago hubby showed the kids an episode of American Ninja Warrior, which if you don't know (I didn't) its a competition sort of like Wipeout but for well tuned atheletes. Oh my goodness. That did it. Now my four little ones are doing Parkour all over the place. Last week at the doctor's office G was running along the chairs, jumping completely over end tables, etc. He had the whole waiting room cheering for him, as I am saying, "STop. Stop. You have to stop." Once the cheering stopped I reminded him we can run on mommy's furniture and jump all over everything at home, but not in other places. "Oh mom," the receptionist said. "he's just a boy with lots of energy." Yes, I know, and I'm not over protective. I just think he needs to know when its appropriate and when its not. I'm not afraid of him injuring himself. He popped his elbow out of place just the other night and popped it right back in himself! My kids don't live in a bubble. I'm all about getting their energy out! It is very cute when I am working out that they cheer for me and tell me I'm training to be a Ninja Warrior. I'm training to stop being *FAT* that's what I'm doing! Tomorrow we are going as a family to the beach. How brave are we!?!?!!

Making Boxes Purty - Fabric Covered Diaper Boxes

I know there are FAB*U*LOUS storage bins and baskets for sale, but I am cheap...and practical...and I like to upcycle whatever I can.  So I made these fabric covered storage solutions tonight with stuff I had on hand...

It took me about 45 minutes to do four which is fast considering I was watching kids over my shoulder, talking to my 16 year old, and cleaning glue up from the carpet (I'm messy).

Here's what I use these for...to make a clothes box for each kid.  I fold their clothes together with shorts folded into the matching shirt, and then put clothes in each box according to Child.

Why don't I use a dresser?  Weeelll, my kids like to climb and jump.  So no dressers.  Honestly, I wasn't a big fan of them dumping out the drawers either.
Why don't I hang them up?  We ell, I'm lazy! Or practical!  Why put their clothes on a hanger to pull off a hanger and lay out?  I only hang up their nice church clothes.

So this way they can choose from 6-7 outfits, dress themselves, and be more independent.  I've already sorted by size and paired up outfits.  It's FAR easier to comin advance, trust me!!!

So, the deets...

I made five of these last year, one clothes box for each day of the week, but i still had to lay out the clothes for each child according tomtheir sizes esch morning. That time I was following a blog tutorial using spray adhesive instead of mod podge.  SUPER messy, my fingers stuck together more than the fabric stuck to the boxes, it took longer since it wasn't sticking as well, and I was super scared of cast off spray getting on my carpet tho I had laid out poly to work on.

I STRONGLY suggest using the MOD PODGE!!!!

Last time I used duck cotton, which is very strong cotton (think outdoor furniture fabric), and this time it was flannel.  Both are easy to use and cover over the diaper box graphics.  If you use regular cotton, you'll need to prime or paint the boxes first if your fabric isnt black.



Supplies:

3 diaper boxes and a wipes box
Fabric scissors
Mod podge
3 yards of flannel I had on hand
Sponge tip craft stick

Here is a link I used to help me cut the pattern. This time I wrapped the boxes more like presents so I didn't cut off (and waste) as much fabric.

http://littlemudpies.blogspot.com/2012/04/fabric-covered-diaper-box.html

BIIIIIIG Update On the Funny Farm

Anyone who has read the blog a while knows we have two biological teens who are almost 15 and 17.  They are precious, wise, beautiful and love God.  Can I ask for more?

After my husband losing his job in 2005, filing bankruptcy, relocating across the country SOLELY on a word from God in our hearts to move to DFW, we felt like our hope to adopt as son would never happen.  On May 18, 2006 I literally looked at my Bible in contempt and said to God, "Lord you promised me a son but we just filed bankruptcy.  We lost everything. We are rebuilding, but who will ever let us adopt?  Its not possible, and I accept it."  I felt an urgency to pick up my Bible and opened to the passage that said, "In one year you will hold a son in your arms."

A year later on May 28, 2007, I held Baby J in my arms.  He was our first foster son, 5 1/2 pounds old at six weeks.  Tiny drug exposed and adorable.  For almost a year, we were told he was going to be adoptable.  But at the Midnight hour, the parents totally pulled it together and got him back.  And you know what? We accepted it.  We were CONFUSED by a promise that didn't get fulfilled, but we accepted it and were proud for his parents. I didn't expect them to win any parenting awards, but I did think they would function. Dont get me wrong...we were D E V A S T A T E D but accepted it with Joy.

A couple of weeks after Baby J came, Baby R came at 1 day old. Also drug exposed, but he had family trying to get him.  Right from the start we knew he was going to be a foster placement, and we are sad but pleased when he went to live with his grandparents at 5 months old.

Then we had The Stuntman.  He has DiGeorge Syndrome, 14 q deletion (rare and nothing is known about it), immudeficient, needed open heart surgery, etc.  He had family who wanted him on his Dad's side, and we enjoyed taking care of this sickly little guy.  On the very day he had open heart surgery, we were told he was adoptable.  His family had been denied.  We said Yes.  Of course the Cherokee Nation wanted to take him since we were not Cherokee.  I was scrambling to prove my Choctaw heritage thinking it might help, when come to find out, when the Nation learned of the extent of his medical problems, they said, "God bless you.  He's yours."  So we adopted The Stuntman in May 2009.

The Diva came in 2008 when she was 5 months old as an adoptive placement. Her mom was a crack addict prostitute and didnt' want her, and her dad was barely surviving in a nursing home with AIDS.  She had a few medical and developmental problems and qualified for subsidy, and was adopted in August 2009.

We had 3 other kiddos who came and went to relatives or other families.  And it hurt.  Much as you want them to be where they should be, it hurts.  And we decided the toll on our teens was too much.  We relinquished our license.

Couple months later, Baby R's grandparents asked us to consider taking him back and adopting him.  BOY WERE WE SHOCKED!!!!  He came back in early 2010 and we adopted him privately.  And it was hard.  He was only 3 but highly intelligent and KNEW he was given up for adoption after being attached to his grandparents. They did it in pure love and sacrifice FOR HIM, but it has plagued him with anxiety and RAD type issues for the past 2 years.  He is doing very well now, and He is The Professor!

While we were in the difficult times of assimilating The Professor, we got the most amazing AND STRANGE phone call ever.  Baby J was now 3 1/2 and back in foster care, and did we want him back. I WAS SHOCKED!  Well, we weren't licensed.  And much as we wanted to run out and get licensed, we couldn't jeopardize Baby J's wellbeing or the Professors as he worked through the worst of his attachment issues.  He was violent.  It was hard.  So we waited a year until Baby J's parent's rights were termiminated, and took him back into our home.  From day one, he was ours and we were his.  And tho he is an older boy, in many ways he was in the same developmental state as when he had left 2 years earlier.  He has zero attachment issues, but he is diagnosed as autistic.  He was severely neglected and having been in a great foster home for a year and now with us for almost a year, he is doing very well.  He has global delays and the public school is concerned there is mental retardation.  We have some concerns as well.  He has a lot of difficulty learning and at 5 years old, just now knows 4 colors.  But he is precious.  I need to think of a blog name!  We officially adopted him this past February 2012.

So that makes 6 kids.  Two teenagers and four drug exposed, adopted children with special needs (developmental or emotional) who were all born within one year.  Right now they are 5, 5, 4 1/2 and 4 1/2.  And every day is FULL FULL FULL and really just totally amazing.

We said we would NEVER do it, but we just moved to Houston. WHA?  We loved DFW but out of nowhere, we just felt God wanted us to take his company up on an old offer to transfer to the Houston office that we had previously turned down. They paid for our closing costs on the sale of our home and our move, and here we are!  We've been here two months.  And the area we live in is awesome.  Strangely, even though I have always hated it here, now I really find I like it.  And I believe with all my heart great things are to come!!!!!!!  We have seen great changes already in our 4 little ones just from new services and little things like the layout of the house where they have more freedom to move around independently.

So I've been thinking what a good place we are in!  I've been asking God, "What next?"  Why do I feel like we were brought here ON PURPOSE?  Will I go back into church ministry work?  Will my daughters find husbands here?  I've just been enjoying that we are assimilating and things are not quite as hard as they have been since we became foster parents.  We are a family. I don't have that made desire for a baby anymore.  I am content. I am blessed, and I know it. How can I ask for more than my husband and my six beautiful kids?

Well, two months ago My Princess (16 1/2) started telling me she wanted a baby.  She has been crazy over wanting a baby...for me, not for her.  I have told her our adoption days are full. We can't afford private adoption and we are "full" as far as foster care homes go.  The Stuntman's mommy and The Diva's mommy, who have the babies all the time, are both in prison.  There is no potential for babies.  And we have NO baby stuff. I wept a year ago and gave it all away.  This foster care ministry is over for now until the kids are much older.  We are just focusing on being a forever family.

And then The Diva, who is black, started praying for a black baby sister or brother. She even has an imaginary twin sister with a name similar to hers.  Every day she tells me multiple times she wants us to have a brown baby like her.  I've told her we can't have babies anymore, but we can ask God to bless her with a family with brown skin like hers who will have a baby she can play with, and a grandma who will be special for her (since her birth family has no contact with her).

Its been a big family joke about the brown baby we aren't going to have but The Diva is obsessed with going on 2 months now.

So naturally, I was in UTTER SHOCK yesterday when we found out The Diva's mommy is NOT in prison and just had a baby 2 months ago. Two Months.  Weird?  Yes.  Did My Sunshine and The Diva have foresight into God's plan? I don't know.  They said they tried to get ahold of us 2 months ago, but now they realize they never actually tried and forgot.  OOPS.  He is with a couple 5 hours away from us.  There is all the stuff going on with finding the baby daddy and DNA tests and permanency hearings and all that.  But the feedback from the state is that if the dude that stepped IS the baby daddy, he will not get the baby.  And they want us to adopt.

So SURPRISE!  I'm still in shock.  I'm 100% thinking this is God.  The state is 100% wanting us to adopt, pending the family not having anyone who qualifies.  In the case we are not interested, the foster family will adopt him, but they have already been told they want him with us.

So my hubby, the rational one, the one who reasons, the one who supports ten people already (me, him, 6 kids and his parents who live with us and help us so much) is keeping an open mind and praying about it.  He said, I don't even have to ask what you want to do.  I snicker.

yes I know we will continue to get these calls. And yes I know we can't say yes 15 more times.  But it has always been something in the back of our minds that The Diva needs a sibling who shares her ethnicity. With her praying the way she has, and My Sunshine's foreshadowing, I think this is a God thing.

Pray if you will, that we will have Divine Direction and know without doubt what to do.  My father in law always says, "Why would that be something to pray over?" His feeling is we are able to adopt another, we have the space, we have all the love in the world, and God commands us to take care of the orphans.  So what is there to pray over?  Well, good point.  We shall see!