An Alaskan Adventure and a Broken Bone

We just got back from an Alaskan cruise with my immediate family (no kids allowed). It was a blast! But before I get to that, a few life updates real quick.

First, my hormone levels are finally back to normal (yay!). So now it's more waiting to see how much my tumor shrinks. I'll get another MRI in March, and from there we can determine what we want to do concerning starting a family.

The middle of June, Jonathon and I moved to Ammon, Idaho, and started new jobs (on the same day). God clearly knows what He's doing, because the timing couldn't have worked out better. I didn't know I had a job in Idaho until 4 days before we moved, and I started less than a week after finding out. It was fast, but perfect.

Jonathon is working at the Idaho National Laboratory in the middle of nowhere doing something with calibration. Don't ask me what that means. All I know is at least 90% of what he does, he can't tell me. Meanwhile, I started working as a financial aid coordinator at BYU-Idaho. HUGE career change. I'm definitely out of my element and am experiencing a big learning curve, which is frustrating but humbling. Sometimes I still wonder how I got the job, because most of the people working there studied business/accounting/finance. Meanwhile, I'm flaunting my English degrees, which are hardly relevant when it comes to dealing with federal funds. I can only attribute being hired to working at Murphy Business & Financial and helping with business valuations. Thank you, Marv.

Jonathon and I love being back in Idaho (though I think I love it more than he does). We forgot how friendly people could be ;) But we miss all our friends in Utah, so that has been a hard adjustment. Slowly we'll settle in, but it's always hard to start fresh.

Back to the vacation. Before we embarked on our cruise, we spent a couple days in Canada (Oh, Canada...). We flew into Victoria, B.C., toured the Parliament building in downtown, stayed in a lovely airbnb, and visited the Butchart and Butterfly Gardens before taking the ferry to Vancouver. Butchart Gardens were breathtaking. It reminded Jonathon and me lot of England.

The front of Parliament

With my brothers and dad

Dad with the in-laws

In Vancouver, we visited the Calipano Suspension Bridge and rode bikes in the water. So cool!

On our cruise, our first stop was Ketchikan. We went to Sacrament meeting and then toured the city and went to the famous Lumberjack show. We saw a lot of totem poles and bald eagles and learned a bit about the natives' heritage. It was probably my least favorite port, but it was still beautiful and a great introduction to Alaska.

I couldn't resist this Titanic pose at the front of the ship

The next day, we stopped at Icy Straight Point (Hoonah) and rode the world's longest zip rider. It was epic. We also walked a nature trail and Jonathon, Carrie, and I went to tribal dance show. At the end of it, Jonathon participated in a tribal dance with the natives.

This is where our adventure gets more exciting, in a painful way. After we boarded the ship again, Jonathon and I went to the top of the ship to look at the view. I was standing on a binoculars' stand when, in part due to the rain, slipped and landed wrong. I heard a crack and felt too much pain! Eventually, I was able to stand and walk (though painfully). I had my doctor brother check it out, and we all thought it was a bad sprain. Medical on the ship was closed, so we couldn't get any help until morning.

Right before I broke my ankle

The next morning, after breakfast around 9 am, Jonathon and I went to Medical to get ace bandages to wrap my sprain. They insisted I get x-rays (which I was not happy about. We had an excursion in an hour and I could walk, so just let me go already!). However, they wouldn't let us leave until I did the x-ray, which I only agreed to because they said since the accident happened on their ship, they were liable and would cover the cost.

After the x-ray, the doctor walked out with a look on her face like death had warmed over. She informed me I had a fracture and would need surgery, but because they didn't do surgery on the ship, I would need to go to the hospital in Juneau (which was where we were ported that day). After she left, I started crying because 1) I was going to miss my excursion seeing the glacier, and I was forcing Jonathon to miss it too, and 2) I was terrified of surgery.

Long story short, after much bureaucracy, I was transported to the hospital in Juneau where they took a million x-rays and determined I would probably be fine without surgery. My brother affirmed that I would be fine without surgery. They gave me a boot, some crutches, and I was on my way back to the ship. It was a process to get back on the ship, but finally, at 4 pm, we found ourselves at a cafe on the ship getting something to eat for the first time since breakfast.

In spite of the pain and missing my excursion and having a broken bone, I've felt very blessed through this experience. The blessings listed below are not mere coincidences:

1) The bone broken is the fibula, which is a non-weight bearing bone, hence why I was able to walk on it.

2) The break was clean and happened low enough in my leg that I don't need surgery (despite what the doctor on the ship told me).

3) The incident happened in Juneau where they had a hospital. Had it happened at any of the other ports besides Ketchikan, I would have been flown to a hospital in either Ketchikan or Juneau, and my vacation would have been over.

4) We were in port at Juneau until 9 pm, which gave us ample time to get everything taken care of. We didn't have to stress about missing our boat while at the hospital.

5) Since the incident happened on board, we didn't have to pay for anything at the hospital in Juneau.

6) Because of all the blessings listed above, we were able to continue our cruise, missing only Juneau.

After getting back to the ship, we debated going out and exploring Juneau a bit since we had until 9, but ultimately decided against it since it'd been a physically and emotionally exhausting day already. We have no pictures of Juneau, though from what we saw, it was lovely.

The next day we were in Skagway, and we went on a tour through White Pass summit and crossed over into Canada to visit the Yukon suspension bridge. This time I did not cross the bridge since I was on crutches, but it was very picturesque and I enjoyed the excursion nonetheless.

The last day was a cruising day, where we stopped at Glacier Bay and saw Hubbard glacier. So neat! Seeing it made me not feel as bad for missing the glacier in Juneau. We got to see ice break off and fall into the water, which sounds like thunder (they call it white thunder). It was freezing, but gorgeous!

There's a glacier behind us!

Our cruise landed in Seward, where we took a 2.5 hour bus ride to the airport in Anchorage. When I wasn't asleep, the scenery was beautiful.

Initially, I wasn't too keen to go to Alaska, but the scenery surprised me and I would go back in a heartbeat. In spite of breaking a bone, it was wonderful vacation, and spending it with my family made it even better. The only sad part was not having my mom physically with us, for this vacation was for her to begin with and I know she would have loved every minute of it.

We Determine How We Behave

I wanted to write the last few months but didn't know what to say. Recent life events have left me speechless in regards to writing something meaningful. Many things that once seemed to matter didn't any more, and those few things left that did still matter were too close to my heart to share. While grief, depression, and pain encompassed everything I felt the last few months, I felt like other people had already expressed my sentiments better than I ever could.

However, after interactions with some varying people the last few weeks, including an hour long chat with one of my students today, I've discovered an issue I have strong opinions.

Behavior.

I can't count how many times I've heard people say something like "That's who I am/that's how I was born/my issue is genetic, so I can't change." Or "I'm/I have _______ and therefore can't do __________."

I thought the whole point of the gospel was to change--to become like Christ. Yes, we all have challenges--even some that we are born with. And because we all experience these challenges, we have a Savior who will help us: "He shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind....and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels will be filled with mercy" (Alma 7:11-12).

However, we can't rely solely on the Savior to make up for our challenges, weaknesses, infirmities: "For we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do" (2 Nephi 25:23, emphasis added).

The Lord told Moroni, "I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before, and have faith in me, then I will make weak things become strong until them" (Ether 12:27).

We are given life's challenges, including physical/emotional/mental disabilities, to learn and grow from them, and ultimately it's up to us to decide what to do with them.

In talking with my student today, he told me of a study he read that said those who have anxiety/depression and achieve success do so because they don't view their anxiety/depression as a limitation.

It's been 10 years since I was diagnosed and prescribed medication for anxiety and depression. I have definitely had those days where I've accomplished literally nothing because I've been so overwhelmed or so sad. I've had days where I've spent all day in bed with no motivation and even taken a couple sick days for my mental health. In spite of these (sometimes poor) decisions, I firmly believe what I told someone a few months ago: I don't allow my anxiety or any of my other health issues to act as an excuse to get out of things. When it all comes down to it, I still have the ability to choose what I do--I will not let my health problems define who I am or what I can do. With that, I need to take responsibility when I do allow my struggles to get the best of me. My anxiety doesn't make me do (or not do) anything. I choose to do (or not do) things, and my anxiety plays a role, but I'm working hard to not let my anxiety dictate my choices and acknowledge when I do.  

I love what Elder Renlund said last General Conference about behavior. While he was talking specifically about sinning and the repentance process, I think it can also apply to any type of decisions we make. "Minimizing our mistakes," and I would assert behavior, "even if no immediate consequences are apparent, removes the motivation to change. This thinking prevents us from seeing that our mistakes [and behavior] have eternal consequences."

He also talked about blaming others, which again, I think can be applied to our personal challenges. Blaming our challenges, "even if justified, allows us to excuse our behavior. By so doing, we shift responsibility for our actions to others. When the responsibility is shifted, we diminish both the need and our ability to act. We turn ourselves into hapless victims rather than agents capable of independent action."

I grew up with the mentality that I could become whoever I wanted to be. I'm introverted, and I had (and sometimes still do have) a hard time talking to people. I hate small talk. But I was always told growing up "Kandace, you need to say hi to people. You need to reach out. You need to make an effort to get out of your comfort zone. You can't expect other people to come to you and be your friend. You need to be a friend to them."

I didn't win the Interview portion of Jr. Miss because I have a natural talent of communicating in front of people. I worked for 2 months with my dad in trying to master the skill. There were tears. There were frustrations. There were moments when my dad thought "Is she ever going to get it?" I could have let my natural shy inclinations get the better of me. But I didn't. I had a desire to change my behavior so I could become better. 

In his October 2013 General Conference address, President Nelson said, "We can change our behavior. Our very desires can change. How? There is only one way. True change--permanent change--can come only through the healing, cleansing, and enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ....He allows you access to His power as you keep His commandments, eagerly, earnestly, and exactly. It is that simple and certain. The gospel of Jesus Christ is a gospel of change!"

If we don't know how to change, if we don't know how to become better communicators, how to step outside of our shell to talk to someone, how to stop yelling at our spouse or children, how to stop judging, belittling, or critiquing others, we need to stop excusing those behaviors and just try. Change doesn't happen overnight, but when we humble ourselves, make conscious efforts to improve ourselves, and rely on the Savior's Atonement, we can become the people we are destined to be. 
  

What I've Learned from Having a Brain Tumor

It's been over 5 months since I first found out about the tumor in my pituitary gland. Recently, many people have asked how I've been doing, so I thought I'd give a brief update and some lessons I've learned from this experience.

Compared to where I was 5 months ago, I am doing A LOT better. I still have challenging days, but I've started exercising which has helped a lot with energy levels and a happier disposition. The medication I'm on still makes me incredibly tired, but I've gotten used to it and it feels like the new normal.

So that's my health in a nutshell. Now for the lessons.

1. No matter what I'm experiencing, someone else always has it worse. I don't feel like I have much right to complain. Yes, life is hard, and no, I don't have much energy on a day-to-day basis, but my challenges are small compared to others, and it's because of that knowledge that I'm able to keep a pretty upbeat and positive attitude about the situation. I have a close family member with cancer and other significant health issues, so how can I complain when I'm not even experiencing a tenth of what she is? Therefore, I try to keep the struggles I face to myself cause they're really not that bad in comparison.

2. Negativity and complaining make it worse. I've never been much of a complainer (at least, I don't think I am) and I haven't dwelt on my health issues. As a result, with a little more effort than I'm used to, I'm able to get everything done and have pretty productive days. While in the beginning I had days I felt sorry for myself or laid like a dead fish on the couch, I realized pretty quickly how awful I felt all the time and decided to focus on the good. That's not to say I don't have bad emotional days every once in a while; everyone has them--it's part of being human.

3. Exercise is magical. I never thought I'd be such a huge advocate for exercise, but it was the only way I've found to help me with the side effects of my drugs. I've gone from wanting to stay in bed half the day every day to being able to function again. The last couple of weeks I wasn't able to exercise due to travel and BYU being stupid, and my body felt like it was going to die. I started getting crankier and wanted to lay around a lot more. A few days ago, I was able to pick up exercise again and now my body is feeling much happier.

4. It doesn't matter how you exercise; it matters that you do it. Today I found myself feeling guilty for not pushing myself harder on the elliptical. But then I realized, who cares? My body is still adjusting to exercise after a couple of weeks without it, and it doesn't matter if I'm not going as fast or hard as I was at one point earlier. The important thing is that I'm there, doing it in the first place, for the amount of time I need to.

5. I don't have do everything. It's ok to say no.
In the beginning, I felt guilty for not going to social events, not doing my visiting teaching, or not getting everything done in the time frame I had allotted for myself. While I don't condone skipping out on home/visiting teaching, I realized God understood my situation and knew I was doing the best I possibly could in that moment. Now, if I don't feel like cleaning or doing laundry, it's ok. I take a break and try again tomorrow. The end of the world is not going to magically appear if I neglect something a bit longer than I intended. My mental health is not worth getting stressed out over the little things.

6. There are multiple ways to do service. Sometimes I feel like service is seen only as completing big gestures for other people--going to an all-day church sponsored service project putting together hygiene kits, making dinner for other people, taking care of someone's yard/house, receiving inspiration to take bread to a lady on the other side of town. The list goes on. While those are all wonderful ways to give service, those aren't the only ways. Again, in the whole feeling guilty realm, I've felt bad for not giving service through the aforementioned ways because they are hard for me to accomplish. But I realized one day at the temple that my service doesn't have to always be some great physical act.  With my goal of going to the temple every week, I was giving service to those who couldn't do temple work for themselves (the temple is more mentally/emotionally demanding than physical). My ability to do different acts of service will vary depending on where I'm at in my life. When I have a house full of kiddos, I won't be able to go to the temple as frequently as I am now, but I will be able to do other things that fit my situation of life. I just have to find--and I mean actively look for--opportunities that fit my life in that moment and be diligent in taking advantage of those opportunities.    

7. People are mean or insensitive because they don't understand what I'm experiencing. This lesson is harder for me to talk about, and I hope it isn't taken in the wrong light. I know from the outside my life looks pretty glamorous. I have two good jobs, a wonderful husband with no kids to be responsible for, and a cute apartment. Additionally, we got a new car a few months ago, we go out to eat frequently, and we go on vacation once per year.

I am very aware of my blessings.

But what some people also don't recognize are the struggles I hide. We go out to eat frequently not solely because we can, but because by the time I get home from work, the medication I'm on makes me so exhausted that I don't have the energy to make a meal. While I used to diligently clean once a week, I now clean every 2-3 weeks. I don't have a baby not because I don't want to; I physically can't.

The comments I've heard regarding these actions are hard to forgive, but I have to keep reminding myself that people don't understand the emotional toll these actions have on me. Do I feel bad we go out to eat so much or don't have kids? Yes. Do I feel ashamed? No. And I shouldn't. I can't change the circumstances of my life, I can only adjust. And this is how I've chosen to adjust. I guess I'm still learning that people will always judge but it doesn't really matter what they think. I get to choose how to live my life, whether or not they agree with those choices.

8. Even if no one else understands, Jesus Christ does.
As much as I love my husband, he will never understand exactly what I'm going through. And if he can't understand, that means people even further removed from the situation won't be able to. But there is one person who does understand. I am so grateful for my Savior Jesus Christ and His love for me. I've been able to trace the different emotions I've felt to different events in His life, and I am so grateful He was willing to suffer so He could understand my pains, my struggles, my weaknesses, and my heartaches. It is because of Him I can make it through--and not only make it through, but make it through full of joy, for I know "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:3). If everything else the in world crumbles tomorrow, I know I get to be with Him, my Heavenly parents, and my earthly family for all eternity. There is no greater joy than that knowledge.

My Health Struggles

This post is not a happy post, so read at your own risk. I've gone back and forth multiple times on writing this, but perhaps something I have to say will help someone. If not, I guess it's for my own catharsis. But before I get to the gritty details, I want to share an experience that happened a little over a month ago.

We had fast Sunday on March 13 due to Stake Conference on March 6. As the Sacrament part of the meeting occurred, I prayed to God explaining how utterly broken and despicable I felt. I felt like such a failure--in life, in my job, in my calling, and most importantly, to my husband. As I expressed these feelings, I was overwhelmed with the strong feeling that I was not broken; I was loved. And no matter what I was going through, my Savior Jesus Christ was there to lift my burden and carry me through. I may not be perfect physically right now, but that is the purpose of the Atonement: to compensate for my infirmities. I had never had such a stronger appreciation for the Atonement than I did in that moment, and I began to be incredibly grateful that this trial I'm experiencing is helping me to become closer to my Savior--something I've been praying for for many months now.

Now to preface this experience. (Note: some of this may be too much information for you. If that's the case, I apologize. It's not embarrassing for me, just part of what's happened). Jonathon and I went off birth control just before Thanksgiving because we decided it was probably getting time to have a family. By February, I still hadn't had a period, and three months is the recommended time to wait before going to see a doctor. I knew I wasn't pregnant, so March 1 I went to the doctor to see what could be done. I had blood drawn and tests done to see if they could figure out the problem.

The results came back and my hormones were all out of whack. Essentially, my hormones were not where they should have been that would have allowed me to get pregnant. Around this time, I also noticed a decrease in energy and an increase in depressive and anxious episodes. I was (and still am) very emotional and moody and had/have a very hard time getting things done.

The doctor recommended I get an MRI to see if they could find anything in my pituitary gland. So, a few days later I got an MRI. To put things in the timeline, I found out about the hormone levels and the need to get an MRI before that fast Sunday (March 10 to be exact), but I didn't get the MRI until the following Wednesday (March 16).

I waited another week and half before I got the results back. On March 25, I learned they discovered a benign tumor in my pituitary gland that's causing an increase in production of the hormone prolactin. Thankfully, the tumor is benign, but I can't begin to express the emotions I experienced over the next few days. Will I need surgery? What if when they take it out, they discover it's malignant instead of benign? How bad will the surgery be? What if I don't respond well to the anesthesia (my mom almost didn't wake up the last time she was on anesthesia)? What if I have to be alone during recovery (Jonathon's going to Texas the third week of May)? The doubts, anxiety, and fears went on and on.

While I knew everything would turn out, more than anything else I was shell-shocked. How could a 26 year girl have a tumor? I was baffled.

So I went to an endocrine specialist on March 31 who told me this was no big deal; this tumor was very common and they had medication that would shrink and eventually get rid of the tumor.

There was just one catch.

I couldn't get pregnant while on the medication, and they recommended I be on it for 2 years to give the tumor enough time to disappear. TWO YEARS. Two years doesn't seem like that long, but when your husband is finally ready to start having kids and your own biological clock is ticking, it feels like an eternity. I know I'm being a bit dramatic, but that was literally a hard pill to swallow.

Everyone told me how lucky I am. Lucky I don't need surgery. Lucky I can spend the next two years playing with my husband. Lucky I can make sure I'm ready to start having kids.

Don't get me wrong, I do feel lucky that it's not worse and that I don't need surgery. But it still hurts to put my family on hold.

Perhaps the hardest thing as this point though is how I feel physically as a result of my hormone levels being off. Like I mentioned earlier, I feel so exhausted. By the time I get home from work every day, I'm so tired that I can't even make dinner. We end up eating out 90% of the time cause Jonathon doesn't have time to cook.

I vary between feeling so sad for no particular reason whatsoever to feeling so anxious I can't accomplish anything. Right now, I'm writing this blog instead of doing the copious amounts of grading that needs to be finished within the next 3 days.

I struggle going to church; not because I don't love going, learning, and feeling renewed. Rather, I hate getting up, getting ready, sitting through 3 hours pretending to everyone that everything's ok when all I really want is to go home and sleep. I struggle doing my visiting teaching because I get so anxious with social situations and committing to anything when I don't know how I'm going to be feeling when that time comes around.

I have many headaches and migraines that make getting things done that much harder, and I lack any sort of motivation and drive I once had. I even have been super spacey as of late and forget what I'm saying mid-sentence. It's the strangest thing, and particularly embarrassing when I'm teaching and forget the point I'm trying to make.

Now, I don't write any of this to get pity. I HATE pity, and in spite of these challenges, I feel very blessed. I feel blessed for my incredible husband who's been a rock through it all. Who takes care of me and accomplishes some of the tasks I can't complete any more (like making dinner when he can and cleaning). I'm grateful for the love and support of my family, especially my dear parents. In spite of crying uncontrollably over small inconsequential things, they still love me.

And I'm especially grateful for Jesus Christ and his Atonement. Because of Him, I can and will get through this hard time. He and his angels are there to buoy me up when times get rough. He knows my struggles, He knows my pains, and He's there to ease my burdens. There are many tender mercies Jonathon and I have received through this experience, and for that I am grateful.

Like I said, I don't want pity. I simply hope that my story can help someone, somehow. If anything else, I know what it feels like to feel utterly helpless, broken, and alone. However, by turning to Christ, we will never truly be alone. No matter how much we feel like no one knows what we're going through, He does. He cares. And He's there to make everything better--or at least help us get through it.

Halloween Fun

Apart from Christmas, Halloween is my favorite holiday. It's so much fun if you don't get caught up in all the horror/gore stuff!

I'd realized the last 2 years Jonathon and I had been pretty boring around Halloween time. The year we dated, I made him go to two haunted houses with me: This is the Place's Haunted Village (which was lame-o) and Nightmare on 13th (which scared Jonathon with a fake spider dropping down on his head!).

I tried to convince Jonathon to do something festive with me and I finally convinced him to do one of the tamest events we could find: the Haunted Lift Ride at Sundance.

It was freezing but we had a lot of fun seeing different Halloween themes on the mountain as we rode along. Jonathon was scared he was going to fall off the lift, so I bravely laughed at him the whole time. We ended the night with delicious cups of hot chocolate from the Cocoa Bean (seriously the best place ever).

In preparation for Halloween, I started shopping for Halloween costumes to get some ideas early in October. I couldn't find anything we both liked, but I finally came across one that I loved and convinced Jonathon to go along with it. He told me he was approving my choice because he "knew how much I loved Halloween." He later told me how much it surprised him our first Halloween together how much I was into it. He thought I went "all out" in my costume just to impress him.

I'm a doll. He's 3-hole punch Jim.

The next year he realized how serious I was into the holiday when I made us have matching costumes:

A gangster & his flapper

Last year was a lazy year where we got costumes at the last minute but still managed to match. In our lackadaisical nature, we also failed to take pictures of our costumes (though my sister-in-law got some). We were Waldo and Wanda--like from the "Where's Waldo?" books.

And this year. Oh, this year I was so happy when Jonathon's costume came in the mail. I immediately made him put it on:

Olaf Jonathon giving everyone a "warm hug"

You can imagine how excited I was, then, when I discovered we would be attending 3 Halloween parties this year. The first was our ward party on Thursday, October 29th:

Our first public appearance

The food was scrumptious. We had lots of soup, candy, desserts, and a delectable green salad (kinda weird my favorite part was the green salad...)

The next party on Friday, October 30th, was hosted by some friends in our ward. It was a Haunted Halloween themed party where we were supposed to dress up as our favorite movie star or character--with a spooky twist! Now, I wouldn't go so far as to say Anna and Olaf are our favorites but...the costumes fit the theme! To add to it though, I made us into zombies. Well, Jonathon was a zombie who liked "warm blood" and I was him victim:

Have you ever thought Olaf could be this creepy?

I dyed my hair red for this costume!

Then, on beloved Halloween evening, we attended the annual Hansen Halloween party:

Love me some Halloween!

The food, as always, was spectacular:

Our snake cal-zone entrees and delicious spinach dip!

I made a graveyard chip dip and put guacamole in a carved pumpkin.

Amber's amazing cake. Everything on it was made by hand (except the pumpkins).

The kiddos couldn't be cuter:

Dinosaur Grahm (who attacked while veraciously
exclaiming "I'm a dinosaur, RRRAHH!" 

Princess Harlie - she was so proud of her jewelry

Dinosaur Parker (Thanks Carrie for the photo!) - who
loved petting the dogs and was obsessed with holding
Uncle Tate's hand while trick-or-treating

Each party was fun in it's own way, but I was glad we could end the festivities with family. Part of what makes it so fun is that my brothers enjoy the holiday as much as I do. I guess we can credit that to a mom who never let the holiday go half-done. We always had lots of decorations, candy, and awesome homemade costumes. In essence, the holiday reminds us (at least me) of my childhood and all of the wonderful memories associated with it. I hope to keep the up the tradition of a fun- and candy-filled holiday with my own kiddos someday.

Why is It Ok?

When it was announced that the First Presidency wanted to read a letter over the pulpit after same-sex marriage had been passed nationally back in July, I saw many negative things about the Church.

Yet again, this past week I have continued to see many negative things about the Church in regards to the new addition to Handbook 1.

That's all good and fine. I expected as much, especially from those who are not members or active in the Church. But what baffles me is why, when we have issues arise, do we active, proclaiming-to-have-a-testimony-in-God's-Church-and-His-living-prophets have to suddenly sling mud at the other side?

I recently saw a friend post this article: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/blairvandyke/2015/11/ssm-conservative-mormons-dont-you-dare/

Now maybe I just have a really good group of conservative friends. And maybe I'm biased. But I have no where seen what this person describes as a "victory dance." This is obscene, horrendous, and cruel.

To the liberal Church members I know, why is it ok to speak about conservative members this way? Why are we constantly painted us as racists, bigots, homophobics, un-Christlike haters of everyone who's view differ from the liberal view?

I don't say these things lightly. The majority of my graduate program was very liberal. I remember one class period in particular where the whole class except for me and a 50-year-old mom bashed on anything conservative--this discussion led nonetheless by the teacher. I was astounded. If I disagree with anyone about something, I will explain why I believe what I do, but I never say why the other side should believe my way of thinking. That accomplishes nothing. Yet, over and over again, I've been told how my view was wrong, close-minded, not loving, etc. Why is that ok? Why are conservatives always called upon to be tolerant of others' views, but that same level of tolerance is never shown towards our beliefs? Why is there always so much finger pointing about how wrong our views are instead of kindly accepting our opinions for what they are?

Now, I no way condone those conservatives who are truly un-Christlike towards opposing beliefs. If there truly are people who are fist-bumping and doing victory dances towards the other side concerning this policy or anything else, that is sad and I no way support those actions. However, I feel as though the people who do behave that way are the minority. It's not fair that just because a couple of idiots act that way the rest of conservative Church members are lumped into that group as well.

My conservative friends are all trying to do the best we can. We believe in Christ and we try our best to act as Christ does. If our testimony doesn't shake or suffer the same way yours does, that in no way makes us any less understanding or compassionate of your situation. We try our best to show you our support when you experience these things; however, I have a hard time seeing the same kind of support or respect shown to us.

There are two strongly liberal women I can think of who these judgmental behaviors do not apply to. One I knew during my undergraduate education and is no longer an active member of the Church and the other is a former roommate of mine. Both women have exhibited the up-most respect and understanding to others who view things differently, and I will forever admire their examples to me. Those women are incredible and I wish everyone could be more like them, including myself.

So perhaps instead of being so quick to judge how the other side is thinking/feeling next time, how about we take a step back and assume the best in people. I'll be the first to admit that the things I say sometimes come out wrong, but that doesn't mean my intentions are such. Please quit painting me and others like me as some sort of unfeeling monster.

The assumptions made about my conservative friends are hurtful, cruel, and downright wrong.

Summer Fun

The last blog post seemed kind of like a drag, but we did do some fun things this summer that I want to remember.

Right after graduation, I undertook a little remolding project. I inherited yellow dressers from my grandparents (bless their souls) that looked atrocious with anything we owned, so I spent almost a week spray painting them to better match our home decor style. Jonathon had the car at work, so I made quite a few walking trips to Lowe's about a mile away from our house. It was good exercise. Below are before & after pictures. I still would like to put a shiny gloss on the dressers, but that is project for another time.

Before

After

To really kick off the summer, Jonathon and I celebrated our 2nd anniversary at a medieval themed bed & breakfast called Castle Creek Inn near SLC. We stayed in the room "Canterbury," reminiscent of one of our favorite places we visited in England last year. Of course, a fake English room in the middle of Utah can't make up for the real deal, but we had a nice time.

The middle of May, my first college roommate, Whitney Carrizales, invited me to go to the Tulip Festival with her at Thanksgiving Point.

I had a nice time catching up with her and really need to do better at catching up with all of my college friends. I didn't even get a picture of Whitney...

The end of May I went home to help my mom, and I planted the flower beds and flower pots for her. I was very proud of my work!

I knew I didn't like gardening before, but I remembered just how much I did not like gardening then. It was good for me to learn and practice though.

I forgot to include pictures in the last post of us moving into our new apartment, but below is a picture of everything I took out of boxes to put in the kitchen. We hadn't unpacked any of the gifts we received from our wedding because Tyler and Carrie had everything we needed. I was surprised by how much kitchen stuff we had, and needless to say, this mess took many trips to the dumpster.

Also, here are some pictures from our family reunion. I really should invade Jonathon's pictures next time before writing a post.

The Alpine Coaster

My parents' anniversary party

The Heber Creeper

Grahm stealing all the balloons

 

The awesome view from the back of the cabin

The 3rd of July went to the balloon festival and Kneader's for breakfast with Tyler, Carrie, and Parker, and then had a nice BBQ with them that evening. 

 

Jonathon totally geeked out at the Star Wars balloons and being able to take a picture with Star Wars characters (especially Chewy).

The 4th of July we went to Centerville to spend time with Jonathon's family. We watched the parade in the incredibly hot sun and then went to "Inside Out," which was super cute. I ashamedly fell asleep for about 10 minutes in the middle of it, which made me really sad, but I just couldn't keep my eyes open. Then that evening we went back to Provo and played games and watched the fireworks, as well as did a few our our own, with my cousin and her fiancee, Heather and Robert. Again, I don't have pictures of Heather or Robert...

Happy 4th of July!

In the middle of July, we went to Blackfoot to attend an extended Wheelwright family reunion, to which Jacob (Jonathon's brother), Jonathon, and I were the only attendees apart from Jonathon's other immediate family already in Blackfoot. It turned from an extended reunion to an immediate one, but it was fun spending time with Jonathon's family on a more intimate level. I just feel bad for Jonathon's parents and all the planning they did.

On the 24th of July--Pioneer Day (or if you're not Mormon, Pie & Beer day, hehe)--we went to Seven Peaks in SLC for the first time. It was fun, but definitely not as good as the Provo Seven Peaks. We then had dinner at The Cheesecake Factory, which was fab-u-lous. Around that time, we also received callings for our new ward. Jonathon is the assistant executive secretary (again) and I am the choir director. Say what? I'm all for playing the organ and piano, but leading a choir is a new beast. It's been a challenge so far, but I've picked out some beautiful arrangements that have been fun to sing. Now I just need to learn how to lead better . . . .

Jonathon made fun of me one Sunday. My heels were killing my feet, so after church I put on my running shoes because they were much more comfortable.

On July 31st, we celebrated Harry Potter's birthday on campus. We ordered butterbeer and a chocolate frog sundae (which really wasn't that good). Jonathon also played Muggle Quidditch!

Butterbeer!

Chocolate Frog Sundae

Jonathon throwing a Bludger at someone

He was a Beater

The middle of August, we drove with Tyler, Carrie, and Parker to Parker, Colorado (close to Denver) to attend Heather and Robert's wedding. The food was delicious, hanging out with family was a blast, and we were glad we could be there to celebrate Heather and Robert's special day. In spite of watching "Horton Hear's a Who" 3 times during the car ride, it was a fun trip and a very nice getaway for Jonathon and me. 

I'm sure there was other fun stuff we did during the summer, but this has been the gist of it. Hopefully it will hold us through until our next little vacation or getaway.