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Emmitt Owens

  • 😂 She Had Four Last Names 😂

    Most people would have let the first name slip go. I let it file itself away instead and three hours later, a birthday post, a friends list, and one last name she never mentioned cracked the whole thing open. Read more

  • A Push, Pull Kind of Love

    The text explores a unique kind of love characterized by a push-pull dynamic, where individuals desire closeness yet fear vulnerability. This love is neither cruel nor playful, but rather reflects an internal struggle for space and connection. It highlights the challenges faced by both lovers and the loneliness that can arise from this complexity. Read more

  • I’d… Backup Plan: Full Mission

    I’d… Backup Plan: Full MissionBackup Plans — The Real KindBy: Emmitt Owens(Index: #02232026)      Let’s talk about backup plans, because a lot of asshats out there have their whole system thought out. “I’ll keep him/her around if this doesn’t work out.” That’s asshat ideology. It’s selfish, it’s cowardly, and it guarantees you’ll never fully show… Read more

  • THE GREAT FACEBOOK ROAST OF FEBRUARY 2025

    In February 2025, a Facebook comment section erupted into chaos over a political cartoon, featuring Emmitt Owens and Seth Cochrane. The exchange devolved from political discourse to a comedic roast, showcasing humorous insults, personal revelations, and social dynamics. Ultimately, Emmitt triumphed, aided by insightful commentary from bystanders, including Mykle Eaton and Jenna Thompson. Read more

  • Cocaine Caroline

    Cocaine CarolineBy: Emmitt Owens—Buzzard Dust, 2012(Index #2012) We all knewWhat it’d doWhen I took those shots with you…We both passed out onto the floor. And I didn’t know what to sayWhen you said your love or my cocaineSo I said “what the hell”And began to drink away. When I took that blow up my noseI… Read more

  • The Tallest of Talls: A Story of Aydee the Grand

    The Tallest of Talls: A Story of Aydee the GrandBy: Emmitt Owens(Index #02172026) In the town of Wee-Wumble, on Shrinkle-Down Street,Lived a woman named Aydee with remarkably big feet.Not big in a bad way — oh no, not at all!Her feet were just proof that she was built very tall. Her laugh was like thunder,… Read more

  • Growth: How We Turned Forever Into Something Better

    Growth: How We Turned Forever into Something BetterBy Emmitt Owens(2480 Roasting Words of Celebration, 29 Years After the Marriage… the 17th Year of Divorce.) Index #0213226 Seesha,I love that we could orchestrate this whole roast week together – celebrating what would’ve been our 29th wedding anniversary and our 17th year of divorce at the same… Read more

  • The Fuzzy Headed X’s

    The Fuzzy-Headed X’sBy: Emmitt Owens[A Whimsy Poem Inspired by my own ADHD](Index #12022025) In the Land-of-Wait-What-Was-I-Doing-Again,Lived a Fuzzy-Head X (they’ve forgotten since when).Each morning they wake with their goals burning bright:“Today I’ll stay focused! I’ll get it all right!” They’ll start buttering toast—but the toaster looks dusty—so, they search for a cloth—but the cloth is… Read more

  • The Whimsy States of AmeriKKKa

    The Whimsy States of AmeriKKKa A satirical political commentary exposing modern American contradictions through absurdist humor and social critique.By: Emmitt Owens(Index #01252026) 🎪Welcome to the Whimsy States of AmeriKKKa✨Where the rules are made up and consistency is a hate crime. In the Whimsy States:— Teen brings AR-15 to protest, shoots two people🎉 “Self-defense! Give him… Read more

  • Chill n’Fill: The Space Between Wanting and Taking

    Chill n’FillEpisode: The Space Between Wanting and TakingWritten by: Emmitt Owens(Index #01152026) Authors Preliminary Notes: This episode is emotionally dense. This episode is a keystone—it defines what “healthy” looks like in this universe. Future episodes will bounce off it.    The thing about midnight is that it doesn’t lie. Whatever you bring through those doors… Read more