Parva(Epoch) by S.L.Bhyrappa: A review

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I have stayed connected with Mahabharata all through my life – Bedtime stories from my Dad, Harikatha stories in my village temple, various television series on TV. I am an avid reader yet I never picked a written version of the epic. Not because of the sheer volume but because I was tired of the magical elements attributed to the story. I am a person who looks for a scientific and rational explanation for everything and finally, I found it in this book.

Parva is a retelling of the epic of Mahabharata written using monologue technique from the perspective of various characters. Author S L Bhyrappa strips of the godly and pious elements associated with the characters of the story and by doing so actually make them relatable. Such retelling may not be acceptable for religious people who are filled with reverential fear of ‘bhakti’ for the Gods.

The author’s retelling comes out as rational and realistic because of his profound research and presentation of Geography, various tribes, cultural practices, and the transition these practices would have gone through.

The culture and mindset of people go through a transition over a period of time. For instance, polygyny is mostly going out of practice these days. Future generations might frown upon it while it was a common practice in past generations. Even, Polyandry can be looked at from the same perspective. I always believed that Polyandry would have been an approved practice during the Mahabharata period, however, when authors told the story at the time of their writing, they tried to justify the practice  (so that readers of their time won’t frown upon it) by adding elements like passing through fire and regaining virginity.  During my travel to some parts of Kerala and Ladakh, I came across history wherein Polyandry continued until recent times.

The same is with ‘Niyoga’ practice. S L Bhyrappa provides a plausible rational explanation for this. No, children were not born as magical gifts from Gods. They were born through the natural method of procreation.  

It is the same with the story of the hundred Kauravas. Gandhari did not give birth to all hundred of them but many of the Kauravas were born to servant maids of Gandhari. There are many children born out of wedlock between Kings and servant maids and these people comprise the Suta community. The author subtly presents what the caste system is and the major differences. The author does not hide from presenting the roots of patriarchy, power politics, and objectification of women.

By choosing to present the story as a narration by various characters like Shalya and Yuyutsu and not just the main characters like Arjuna, Draupadi, and Kunti, the author gives us a full spectrum of the story. The storyline starts with a stage set for the war and leaps in narration from one character to another as the characters dwell on the past events that led to the present-day war. This makes the narration fascinating even though it is mostly a monologue. As the character analyses the situation from their frame of reference we get to know in detail the epic itself from all the characters involved and not just the Kauravas, Pandavas, or Krishna.

A detailed explanation of terrain, heat, clothing, house structures and layouts, and the food consumed by the people show the extensive research efforts put in by the author. 

The central theme of discussion still remains – what is DHARMA?

The book is named Parva: A tale of war, Peace, Love, Death, God, and Man, and the author covers all these elements listed extensively in the book. Minute elements like the attitude and ignorance of soldiers during the war, their affiliations, and basic requirements. Efforts of people like Vidura who work towards establishing peace and failed efforts and predicaments of Bhishma and Drona. Only Krishna comes out as a person with a clear perspective on what is Dharma. Krishna is projected as a person with intelligence, a smart politician and planner, and a person who works towards establishing Dharma in the land. He is a human with good qualities, you need not be a God to do all these. Story of Love is presented in multi-dimension. For example, how could Draupadi love her five husbands equally, or did she? How did love transition and change with circumstances?

The author even raises excellent questions on Vedas and death as a discussion between Vyasa’s disciples. However, I felt that author left loose ends in these. On the other hand, the author goes overboard and tends to be repetitive when it comes to nitty-gritty details of heat, unavailability of food, sanitation during the war, and ritual practices.

Overall, Parva is an epic retelling and a job well done at that. A reproduction of a massive epic by humanizing the characters and situations is marvelous. Parva will remain a masterpiece as it does not present mythical characters but human personalities that face love, lust, anger, greed, jealousy, and dharma. It goes into the deep and dark secrets of the human psyche and leaves you thinking. 

Equality – a reality check

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Should we still wonder why there are fewer women in the workforce especially in leadership positions? Even if women are in such roles is the pay the same between men and women? How many women are sole business owners or equal partners in a firm? I have stopped wondering because I am clear about the reasons.

Having equality in the workforce has been a fight about providing a more friendly working environment for women, safe and secure transport, better childcare facilities, maternity leaves, etc. These initiatives are still in implementation and will take some more time to succeed. But will we achieve equality once these are efficiently effective at workplaces? NO!

Implementation in the workforce is not even half of it. What is the change happening in society and the family level?

Do all companies have paternity leave options for men? If companies have them, are all men using the paternity leave in exchange for their career and performance? Men too are competing against many other men in the race to superior performance goals, right? So, are men tuned to let it go once or twice in their life during childbirth and utilize the paternity leave? How many instances have we come across when a man’s career was compromised, even for a short period, to bring up a child? Man is still a helper providing support, not an equal partner.

Why is there a huge gap especially in a leadership role? Leadership roles come with huge responsibilities. More working hours, unpredictable and unplanned meetings, frequent travel, etc. Most of the women by the time they reach leadership roles have a child back home who is in high school. Focus on education of that child and future career planning becomes important. Are Men taking up equal responsibility? I have not seen many fathers even attend PTM of their children. I have seen many fathers come to PTM only if the mother is not enough educated to handle the interaction. Is it ok if only one parent does the job if it is done? If the woman is doing that job perfectly, she is compromising her effort somewhere else? On those days when a woman has to give her extra at work be it for meetings or travel, is the man available at home? Ask those women who give up on any role if that comes with travel or short stay out of town for business purposes? How can she leave the child overnight! Such exclamation should not arise in the case of equal partners. One of them is always there for the child.

What about single parents? It is not my place to comment because I have not personally seen and experienced it. But I have seen many single mothers burning themselves out working and bringing up the child. Imagine the time they would be spending making the ends meet and yet providing the best childcare. There might be a hundred reasons for separation, but childcare responsibility should be equal right? This is another reason financial independence is very important for women. Even if the family has a stable life, women should never ignore financial independence. We always plan for a happy life but things might not work out. Financial freedom helps out in alleviating a lot of stress.

Care for elders is another matter to think of. How many families have parents from both sides being taken care of with equal importance? Nursing of the elders and other tasks, are these equally taken care of?

While I write up all these questions, my mind reminds of the new threats that are emerging in our society. Reading what I wrote above says that we have still a long way to go but then there are already many sections of society fighting back. We are still so far in our journey but we are already seeing many people seeing feminism as a threat and trying to suppress it. I will not write about those recent news articles here and waste the space here. But people who can understand will know that we have a long journey ahead.

Finally, the photo with the post is to remind self that there is hope 🙂

Is your child Physically Literate?

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If someone asked me to rate myself for physical literacy on a scale of 0 to 10, I would shy away. My rating is sure to dwindle. The worst thing is that I was not even aware of a term called ‘physical literacy’ until sometime back.

What is physical literacy? Physical literacy is the fundamental capability, confidence and desire to be physically active for life. My endeavour towards being physically literate almost stopped when I was 15. What happened when I was 15? I landed up in Tenth standard. Academic scores and ranks superseded every other aspect of life. Now as my daughter is reaching that stage, I have started retrospection on how to help her continue and excel in physical literacy. That’s when I started thinking about what is the school’s stand when it comes to physical literacy.

For example, in a class of 40, when we divide the class into above average, average and below average students from academics standpoint, the teacher usually hand holds average and below average students to bring them to the top.  Teachers think that the top students are capable enough to achieve good results on their own. Are sports looked at from similar perspective? In sports, coaches usually pay special attention to the top ones, they are the ones who can bring medals, they are the ones who can represent school or club in national and international levels.

Why does winning aspect become the sole agenda when it comes to sports? Why are not Sports pursued aiming physical literacy and not just to win medals and accolades?

The two most important things in a person’s life are happiness and health and health has a direct impact on happiness. Why is this factor not given enough importance? Why isn’t a child encouraged to play a sport? Why isn’t simple running or jogging included in the everyday routine? Least, why not let the child play outdoors irrespective of age or time?

If a child does not get rank, you encourage them to study more, but you don’t stop their studies because they are not scoring well. Then, why stop sports because there is no scope for rank or medal? Why not include sports into the everyday routine because it helps in physical fitness and wellbeing.

60% of our country is physically illiterate. That’s something to think about. What is the ratio of academics teachers to PT masters in your child’s school? Please find out. A holistic school program maintains a good balance. Let us give our children holistic growth.

Online Child Safety

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An article I wrote sometime back regarding cyber safety for children. It was first published here.

We as parents never leave our young children alone in a house or vehicle. Children need constant supervision. The same rule applies to online activities.

Children and teenagers get a lot of benefit being online, but they can also be targets of crime and exploitation in this environment as in any other. Children are curious and anxious to explore this new world and the relationships it brings. Children and teenagers need parental supervision and common sense advice so that their experiences in cyberspace are happy, healthy, and productive.

The Internet is an important source of knowledge, a research tool and a means of social interaction for children, but it can also expose them to dangers and inappropriate material. That’s why it is important to know how to keep your children safe online. There have been some highly publicised cases of abuse using online like the Blue whale challenge, harassment and pornography. Like many other cases of crimes, the reporting of these cases is infrequent. Some cases even go undetected or are detected after major losses are incurred. The major reason behind this is that the child is aloof and does not want to discuss his/her issues with parents. Parents after hearing the news of various incidents often out of fear try to keep children away from the internet. This is not a solution. Would we not keep our children out of school fearing few bullies right?

Some things you can do to help your children stay safe online include:

• Install software on your computer which either block restricted content so your children cannot access certain sites or monitors activity so that you can review online behaviour

• Know who your children are making contact with online. If they are not your children’s actual friends then question their cyber friendship

• Know which social networking sites your child is on and what information they are posting

• Check that your children understand the dangers of posting personal information on social networking sites

• Do not allow your children to use the computer in private areas of your home

• If you or your child becomes suspicious about a person online, stop contact immediately

• Nothing helps better than an open talk with your child. Educate them on below safety guidelines.

• Never give away personal information like address, school name, or telephone number in public groups and chats.

• Never befriend anyone online if you don’t know them personally.

• Never respond to messages from strangers especially if the message content is suggestive, obscene, belligerent, threatening, or makes you feel uncomfortable. Inform parents if they receive such messages.

• Never make your pictures public. Learn the safety guidelines and privacy settings of social networking sites and use them.

• Set some timings in a day for internet access.

Alcohol abuse in teens – What can a Parent do?

A fresh morning after a three-day long business event started with this news article http://www.thehindu.com/news/cities/bangalore/schoolteachers-find-liquor-in-water-bottles/article21389187.ece. There were messages and discussions among parents in various WhatsApp and Facebook groups wondering ‘what’s wrong?’ with our children.

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Where are we going wrong as Parents and what can we do to protect our children from setting into such wrong path?

This is the question that challenges a parent every single day. Often, when I face this question, be it about sexual assault, gadget abuse, porn addiction, substance abuse etc. child as young as ten-year-old faces in this society, I only retrospect about the society I live in. When I complete a bird’s eye view of it, I find that I cannot shield anything from my child. While my child spends an average of 3-4 hours with me after school she spends in the company of her friends at school, extracurricular classes, playtime, weekend activities etc. for more than 10 hours. My quality time with my child is only bound to decrease as my child grows up so how do I put it to efficient use and educate my child about the right and wrong?

In my association with many parents of different sections and classes of societies, I have come across many situations. There are parents who are very strict and protective of their child. They are completely correct from their perspective, they are only safeguarding and being protective of their child. However, preteens and teens are filled with curiousness and tend to only fight back or find other ways to reach out for something they find attractive.

There are other parents who believe in giving the world’s best to their child. Gadgets, alcohol, expensive clothes and cars work as a status symbol here. This is the worst example of what can go wrong.

Few parents are so much occupied in building careers and finances to give enough quality time to the child. Even though they are working towards the wellbeing of the child they are unaware of the everyday activities of the child.

Few parents are themselves victims of alcohol abuse. A child who grows up in such home is subject to higher level of emotional trauma. Moreover, a study says that child born in families with a history of alcoholism is at an increased risk of alcohol abuse.

Apart from society, parents, friends and school, other factors like Television and social media play a key role in this environment. TV commercials though they come with a disclaimer are too attractive for children to resist. Social media marketers use the teenage group as the targeted audience for alcohol advertising.

So, when we know that our child is growing up in such a diversified society what is the right way to safeguard our child?

      1. Never use alcohol as a coping mechanism when you are under stress. If stress is an excuse, who better can use that excuse rather than a teen transitioning to high school. High school environment and teenage are filled with stress from various factors. Don’t set bad example. While you might have the self-control to drink in limits, you cannot expect the same from your child. Children are known to resort to binge drinking.
      2. Don’t drink excessively in front of your child. A parent not in control of self cannot set an example for the child.
      3. Don’t host a party with alcohol or allow a teenager to attend such parties. Take account of the fun activities your child is going to. Plan their holidays with fun-filled activities, educational picnics and do involve their friends too into it. If your child is going to a party at her friend’s place check with the other parent on their household rules.
      4. Understand your teen’s friend circle, educate them on the importance of choosing the right friend. Friends should be chosen based on factors like loyalty, understanding and not because of class attraction. Explain that there is no need to be accepted by every group.
      5. Have a warm and friendly conversation with your child. If your child is sharing an argument with a friend at school, please listen. It might seem silly to you but a child might be feeling like their world has fallen apart. Be a parent who can be used as a best friend but at the same time don’t lose your authority.
      6. Encourage open communication and ask open-ended questions.
      7. You might feel uncomfortable, but do talk about good and bad about alcohol and drugs. Definitely, at some stage, your child will hear about them. Let them hear from you in right way. Talk about the dangers of drug and alcohol abuse. Don’t try to sugar coat the negative effects that they have. Remember that honesty is the best policy.
      8. Be non-judgemental when your child asks you questions pertaining to alcohol, drugs, sex etc. Appreciate your child’s honesty when they share something with you. If you handle it in a wrong way, you are at the risk of losing his or her trust.
      9. Be proactive and aware. Check your child’s backpacks, pockets, garbage cans, closets etc.
      10. Stop being a helicopter parent. Unreasonable rules and lectures don’t work either.

Be firm and consistent but above all love a lot. You might feel powerless at times but always remember that you can still be the top positive influence on your teen.

Review of One Part Woman by Perumal Murugan

I had added One part woman to my reading list when I first came about the controversy surrounding it. If saffron terror raises voice against any book or person I tend to think that there is something of worth looking into. I cannot stop wondering why the right-wing activists of any religion are so much averse to the truth. If a religious ritual does not hold good for changing times, it is adapted or shunned. Right-wing Activists, while they shout at the top of their voice in preserving some rituals in the name of protecting religion shy away from even accepting that some rituals did exist in past. Out of the blue, if some author attempts to dig into the past and present it there are controversies and curses. What part of our culture supports burning books?

So, out of curiosity to find out what is it about this author’s writing that spiked the nerves of activists, I picked up the book.

Everyone knows that marriage to Hindu society is just not about earning legal right to have sex. Marriage to Hindu society is about growing family by giving birth to a child. A child that can carry the family legacy, become heir to the hard-earned property and take care of the elderly in their old age. So, what happens to those couples who cannot have children? In a society wherein lack of a child can even render the love between a couple inadequate, what can the couple do? A patriarch society gives a free right for the husband to beget another wife. In those days, when finding if the infertility was in a man or a woman was not possible the man had to marry one or more women, to even prove the fact that he is the one with a problem. What does it mean? Two women left childless without fruit in a society where a woman is valued only by the fruit she could bore? What could she do? A man need not carry the burden of a woman’s infertility in a patriarch society but should a woman do? Yes, she has to. She is compelled to do so but what’s a law without some exemptions. The woman has to stay bound to the husband for entire life, but she could go and sleep with another man to bear a child. Go sleep with other man is obscene to talk, so let’s call it Niyoga. Here, one should not judge past with present mindset, one should keep in mind that our society is patriarchal, and a wife cannot keep two husbands. So, Niyoga was acceptable. Then, what’s wrong with the story? If the family seeking a child through Niyoga is rich, the King’s family could invoke Rishis or Devas to support this cause like in Mahabharata. What will the poor households do in this case? The village ritual mentioned in the book, if true, seemed to be a plausible solution to this issue.

The couple in this story, Kali and Ponna, see it all in twelve years of their married life. They bear with the taunts of relatives, friends, neighbours, listen to and try to believe in all the narratives and curses that might have rendered them childless. They perform various rituals, take up the risks of climbing dangerous cliffs just for getting a child. Kali in this story knows in a corner of his mind that he has some issues because of which he does not have a child. His love for Ponna is pure and he knows that he cannot give the same place for a second woman in his heart. His impotency also plays a key factor in his decision against the idea of second marriage. Ponna, the wife, stands out in the story for me. Living in a village society that ill-treats a childless woman for twelve years needs a lot of willpower and she has it. Even then, she is not ready to commit herself to any secret act cheating her husband. Even if the village festival seems to be plausible solution, even if her own mother-in-law encourages the idea, She wants Kali’s acceptance in it. Her love for Kali is more than the need of having a child. Even when she agrees, it is only to shut the mouth of the society.

When an author writes about such a sensitive issue (sensitive because all the above is unacceptable to today’s mindset even if it existed in the past) with such a simple evocative prose, the author is sure to raise not some ripples but a hurricane. Every now and then, few authors like Perumal Murugan perform such brilliant act giving masterpieces for us to read. I am very thankful to Aniruddhan Vasudevan for translating the book. Translating such a masterpiece is tough.  He did a wonderful job maintaining the effect of the slang and the local flavour of the setting and the times of the book.

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Someplace like India – a week in Bali

kecak dancer by the fireI love travelling though I would not call myself a wanderlust by any means I promised myself that I will relax enough in life, see places, read books and understand the world, people and cultures as much as possible. I ensure that I travel two to three times a year always accompanied by my small family – my husband and my daughter who is twelve years old now. This year after a small vacation at Mudumalai forest reserve we decided to go on a long vacation. A long vacation in our terms lasts a week or ten days max. We might do better in future. When we start identifying places to visit, we come up with our likes and dislikes and find places accordingly. I prefer to go to any part of the world where I can explore nature, cultures and languages so concrete jungles do not make it to my list. My husband also prefers the same, he is a foodie and loves seafood, that was the only thing he missed on our last trip to Ladakh. My daughter understands and approves of the knowledge she gets roaming places however she is sporty and prefers adventure. Adding all these elements and finding a place is not arduous in today’s times and we arrive at North-east India tour. Few days into planning my travel agent informed that Kaziranga would not open until October, that leaves my daughter disappointed.  We could not change our trip dates either so we start the exercise again. From the places available in our budget we decide on Bali finally. I am an avid book reader, however, I should admit that I have not read Eat Pray Love until now. I did watch the movie once and from what was shown in the movie I had a good first impression. I spent some time on Tripadvisor and understood that there is much more to the place than shown in the movie. It felt like a perfect destination for our likes and I asked my agent to provide me with an itinerary of the place. I added few more places into it and then showed it to my husband and daughter. They were more than fascinated and excited. I inform my agent that we have decided on Bali. Three weeks before the travel date my daughter falls sick with dengue. I have heard enough of dengue cases and the toll they take on a person’s health so our priorities change. I inform my agent to put a temporary stop to the plans. My daughter is thoroughly disappointed and crying. She missed all her exams and is also going to miss the much-awaited trip. Her strength and immunity work and she recovers in a week’s time itself. After a watch for another week, I contact the agent back. The agent also my friend Anu of Stripe Tours says that she can manage all bookings in such a short notice. My daughter gets an energy boost hearing this, she eats and sleeps as I instruct and we are ready for the trip.

September 24th on the morning of our travel as we are finishing last-minute packing, my Dad sees a news scroll about Mount Agung. We are all in a panic mode, my daughter wakes up super excited for the trip but lands up crying hearing that there is a possibility of cancelling the trip. I call up Anu, she gathers as much information, however, no one can predict a volcano right? That leaves for us to decide if we want to go ahead or not. After much contemplation, we decide to set aside our fears and go ahead. If it has to happen, it will happen.

We board Air Asia flight with a stop at Kaulalampur on September 24th night and reach Bali on September 25th morning. As the flight descends to the runway, Bali welcomes up offering this breathtaking view of the ocean.

land in Bali

That’s when I firmly decide to enjoy each day at a time not spoiling life with unpredictable things like volcanoes. Denpasar airport is small and the immigration process goes fast and smooth. With Bali’s strong interests in tourism, the visa process is very quick. We come out looking for our name on the placards and that is when we notice our driver Dewa almost hopping and waving at us. He greets us with these garlands of Plumeria flowers. These flowers are known as ‘deva ganneru’ in Telugu are becoming less here in India but very soon I understand that they are the most seen in Bali. Foreigners are fascinated with the sweet fragrance of these flowers and we see all of the men and women inserting them in their hair behind the ear.

Five minutes into the conversation with our driver, we understand that we will have to spend some energy on communication part. Balinese speak little English with an accent. They are also slow in understanding long sentences spoken in a flow. So, we have to stick to simple sentences discarding some verbs and adverbs which might become unnecessary in this case. I pick this up faster than my husband. It is very simple. Instead of asking ‘How far is our hotel from here?’ I have to ask ‘here hotel how much time?’ I decipher my driver’s responses too quickly. If he laughs in his highest pitch and answers, it means that he understood your question completely but if his answer is a simple yes with a smile, it means that he could not understand us. He never says No or stops laughing. By the end of the trip, I realized that this is the typical trait of Balinese. Call it optimism or a positive trait of their culture, I have always seen them laugh without inhibitions and always reciprocate in a positive note. Very soon, I along with the google translator (which I install last-minute at Bangalore airport), become official translators for this trip.

The next attractive part of the trip becomes architecture. Soon after we exit the airport which takes a lot of time thanks to Bali traffic (which is same as Bangalore traffic minus the potholes) we see this structure which looks like a small temple gopuram split into half. Our temple gopuram has a huge wooden double door entrance while the Balinese structure looks as though it has split into two halves in the middle giving a passage. I read about this later and understood that it is called candi bentar and is a common architectural aspect of Bali.

candi bentar_outer split entrance

Our hotel Legian Paradiso in Legian, Kuta promises to be a comfortable stay as soon as we enter. The bell boy walks us to our room for next one week on a paver with plants on one side and lotus ponds with big fishes on the other side. A plumeria tree with almost no leaves and bunches of flowers sits right in front of our room. For the short span we are going to spend in the hotel we find this a bliss. After a short relaxing time which my daughter offers to us with much insistence, we refresh and head to the streets of Kuta. This is the best part of visiting any new place. It might seem like we are wandering aimlessly, but we might come across something unique and interesting on one such road. This is where I see Canang Sari for the first time. They are everywhere, in front of every house, shop and temple in Bali. I see them in a dried up and withered condition being late evening and growing up seeing the Hindu offerings to Gods, this seemed a bit careless at first. Later when I see my mountain trekking guide offering Canang Sari before starting our trek I realize its cultural value. He has not carried any incense, so he offers few coins and lights a cigarette, prays and then smokes the same leaving me flustered. Canang Sari is a symbol of Balinese way of devotion, the offering can be fruit, cookie, beef, incense or a cigar as long as it is offered with devotion towards “the inconceivable.”

Be it the beautiful lotus pond or the kites flying in the sky, Bali reminds of India a lot.

Because of the love for architecture and inquisitiveness for culture, We start our actual tour of Bali on 26th September with our first stop at Bali museum. Instead of falling for the unofficial guides we decide to tour the premises on our own at leisure. The museum offers insights into the palaeolithic, prehistoric, medieval and colonial times of Bali. Right from the sarcophagus of the olden times to the ceremonies like teething rituals of Bali, we go through the artefacts in detail drawing relations and establishing roots of most of the rituals back to India. Below text displayed at the bottom of an artefact conveys the Balinese attitude towards other cultures in a subtle manner.

“western cultures can be adopted and adjusted to Balinese culture and even can create a new culture without leaving the original culture of Bali.”

Apart from providing a glimpse into the history, Bali museum along with the adjacent Jagatnatha temple also serves as an excellent spot for wedding photo shoots. This is where I got a first glimpse of the Balinese newlywed and fell in love with their wedding attire.

Though it draws its origins from India, Bali has developed its own depiction of Hinduism. The huge edifices depicting the epics of Ramayana and Mahabharata and statues of Shiva, Ganesh, Garuda, Jatayu, Vishnu, Rama, Hanuman instil fear and reverence. Being a person who does not believe in Idol worship, I felt strange seeing those huge statues in their fierce avatar as they instilled more fear and less composure. Below is one such statue depicting the ambush of Abhimanyu in Mahabharata. One can find many such statues and masks extensively used in Barong and many other ceremonies of Bali. I ask Dewa more about Balinese Hinduism and he explains but finds more from me. Knowing that Hinduism was born in India they have natural tendency to know more. He asks me where Ganga and Kurukshetra are located. I show him the locations on Google map.

Abhimanyu

The structures and the masks here also stand as a symbol of simplicity of Balinese. A close shot of this Barong mask shows it. Look at the usage of various grains and lentils in making the mask.

barong mask

Our next stop is at Bajra Sandhi monument, a symbol of independence erected by Balinese. this monument erected on a square platform on plush gardens in the city centre. This monument like many other ancient temples and structures of Bali follows the three main architectural elements, Utama Mandala, Madya Mandala, Nista Mandala with a focus on the history and struggles of Balinese people.

After this brief half day city tour of Denpasar, we stop by for lunch before our next stop Uluwatu. We ask our driver Dewa to stop at a good restaurant that offers local delicacies. By now we know that his full name is Dewa Putu Bali. He explains that ‘Putu’ means elder son so ‘Putu’ can be the name of every third person in Bali. My daughter is fascinated seeing the variety of fishes displayed at the restaurant entrance. She obviously thinks that they are beautiful aquariums and very soon to her horror realizes that they are soon to be eaten. While my husband inspects those live fish counters picking his choice in the guidance of the waitress whose English is manageable I try to placate my daughter. He relishes the fish suggesting that it is the best-grilled fish he had while my daughter settles with fried chicken and I settle down enjoying both.

Uluwatu, a Balinese sea temple, is one of the Sad Kahyangan Jagad or the six holiest places of worship in Bali. Built on the edge of a 70-metre high cliff rock, this temple is dedicated to Lord Rudra. Unlike family temples, these main temples are opened for ceremonies and festivals so all the temple tours are limited to only outer premises. Wearing a full-length dress is a must even for this visit, my daughter wearing a knee-length dress was offered a Sarong at the ticket counter and she liked tying it around. Watching Uluwatu temple, the cliff and the sea waves hitting the cliff becomes to best moments of the day. Below is a picture of my daughter lost in the beauty of the vast expanse of the sea and sunset. After spending more than an hour watching the scenery, we walk and settle at the amphitheatre for the much awaited Kecak dance.

watching uluwatu sunset

The strange name Kecak is so-called because the performers of this Ramayana dance drama continuously chant “Chak” for the entire performance. The main focus of the drama being the kidnap of Sita by Ravana and her rescue by the monkeys.

We are famished after the one-hour long dance and halt at a coconut stall outside the temple. Bali coconuts are huge and by the time we drank water and ate the coconut cream, we felt like we had our dinner. Obviously, such huge coconuts are not disposed of as waste. Another key aspect of Bali is the use of natural elements in art and craft. Like in the below images, be it shelters completely made of bamboo or these designer cups made from coconut shell, nature is seen everywhere.

Our first stop the next day was Pura Taman Ayu which is a temple garden. This temple comes to life during Barong dance festival. Thatched roofs are the most important aspects of  the Meru towers in this temple. There is also a cock-fight arena on the right side of the main temple.

Built on a coastal rock overlooking the Indian ocean in the honour of sea Gods, Tanah Lot is of the seven sea temples of Bali and is famous for its scenic beauty and holy spring water. People here believe that sea snakes guard this temple from evil spirits.

There are many souvenir shops on the way to the temple but I don’t stop there as we have the most exciting part of the day waiting – the Devdan show. My daughter is not excited that we are leaving in a hurry without shopping but I promise her loads of shopping later and draw her attention to the show ahead. Two minutes into the show, my daughter is super excited. Though catching up with few elements of the performance was a bit difficult, we were left with a mesmerizing experience. Here, we got to know not just about Bali but the many cultures of the Indonesian archipelago. It is a perfect fusion of dance, music, drama and acrobatics and is a must watch for anyone who visits Bali. This is the best picture I could capture at the end of the show as filming is not allowed.

devdan show

The next day we spend a brief time in the company of Monkeys in Ubud Monkey forest followed by a visit to the cave Goa Gajah. Goa Gajah is a small cave with depictions of menacing creatures and demons carved on the rock. It is surrounded by fountains, baths, waterfalls and ponds making it a place for a pleasant walk. People should be beware of the shop owners outside who try to lure you into buying sarongs, there is no need to buy them as they are distributed at the ticket counter.

My daughter rushed us to the art market and had fun roaming and shopping many charms, key chains and craft items. I had the best time not shopping but seeing the various silver jewellery, dresses, wooden crafts and statues, all made by the artisans from the neighbouring villages. From the simplest charm to the intricate wooden craft statues everything is available in this central location. Art of bargaining is a must here and the shop owners will definitely ask you if you are an Indian and the next question if you are a Hindu. If the answer to these questions is yes, be prepared to get the best of experience. Not just the sellers, all Balinese people have this soft corner and love reserved for Indians. They are ardent fans of Bollywood movies and serials and one of the sellers even played and sung Kuch kuch hota hai for me. Yes, their knowledge of Bollywood is not up to date 😉

It is difficult but I manage to pull my daughter out of the art market, the next part of the tour is something I have been waiting for. I was going to taste the most expensive coffee in the world, the poop coffee. Yes, you have read it right. I came to know about this coffee first when I spotted a Civet in Jungle retreat resort this summer. The retreat owner explained that Civet’s love Coffee cherries. While they eat the fruit they discard the coffee bean in their poop. These beans go through natural fermentation in the Civet’s digestive tract getting a unique flavour. Civet is called Luwak hence the coffee is named Kopi Luwak and it usually costs 30 to 50 times more than regular coffee. For the love of coffee, I buy Luwak coffee, Bali coffee and my daughter goes for a small pack of Mangosteen. My husband watches silently, it is difficult for him to understand my addiction to coffee and books.

The next day we spent rafting on the 16 kms stretch of Ayung river. The rafting experience is good and as usual, brings you that adrenaline rush, however, there are many places around Bangalore in Kabini and Kali river that offer a similar experience. The uniqueness of Ayung is that it flows in a narrow path, on both sides, at many places for long stretches I could see many carvings depicting Hindu stories. I wonder the amount of effort the sculptors could have put in carving them beside such a river.

Though a bit expensive, Bali night safari offers unique experience especially for kids. If you are captured inside a cage, a tiger climbs the top of the cage dripping its saliva on you and you get to touch the rough fur of its stomach, it is of course fascinating.

With my fear of water, my experience with water sports is limited to staying within the confines of the boat rafting. I did the same next day and spent my time on a boat reading my book and watching as my daughter and husband had their best time snorkelling at Padangbai.

snorkelling

We had pushed the most exciting part of the adventure to the last day of our trip. Trekking mount Batur would leave us with sore thighs and knees and in need of rest. So, I planned it as the last element of our trip. This part of the trip is something that is best experienced if the plan provided by the guide is followed to dot. After we return to our hotel room from snorkelling, a message waits for us from our trekking guide to be ready by 1 AM, yes that’s right. After spending some pleasant time on Legian beach and early dinner we hit our bed. We hardly sleep as our body clock is not yet set to such sleeping hours. Bali wakes up 2.5 hours before India. At sharp 1 AM, we are at the hotel reception where our guide awaits us. It is a two-hour drive from Legian to Kintamani, the starting point of the trek. We take a nap in the car. At Kintamani, we are taken into a hotel where we are refreshed with a strong Bali coffee and some delicious cookies. Our guide after reaching the starting point of the trek offers prayer at Batur temple and then we start on the trek. Within ten minutes, I am breathing heavy and in twenty minutes I take my first break. The trek lasts for more than two hours as I take frequent breaks. My daughter hops ahead chatting with our guide Made Marta while my husband walks along with me. With flashlight in one hand and a walking stick in the other, we hike to the summit which stands at a height of 1,717 m above sea level just before sunrise. It does not matter since it drizzles and the mountain is covered in mist, so we do not get the sunrise experience. Though we miss the sunrise we are enthralled by the glorious craters and the smoke coming out of them. Made Martha offers boiled eggs and banana sandwich and explains the science behind crater formation. He is very knowledgeable, it is during the discussion with him that I understood the Balinese naming convention. ‘Made’ in his name means the second child. He explains that locals adorn the crater rocks with yellow cloth. There is a symbolism behind the colour of cloth used that he explained, but I forgot. Volcanoes stand as the revered symbols of God’s creation and Balinese take this devotion seriously. Like in most of the places of Bali monkeys show us their presence here too.

If not for the fog we could have had a glimpse of the distant Mount Agung that was spewing gases at that moment. After spending some time on the summit, we trek down to our next destination, the hot spring at the foot of Batur. The fog is clear now and we get a good view of the 13 km expanse of Batur lake. I don’t prefer public baths for obvious reasons but the hot spring bath here changed my opinion. The changing rooms were not clean however relaxing in the warm water of the hot spring after hours of the trek is something everyone asks for. My daughter had lots of fun swimming in an otherwise quiet pool.

batur hot spring

It was lunchtime by the time we were out. We were in the mood to explore farming and ask our guide to take some place where we can understand the agricultural methods followed here. He takes us to a strawberry farm in Bangli. We learn the hydroponics farming method, pick some strawberries, prepare strawberry jam and eat it along with delicious grilled chicken and fish.

We come back to hotel late evening and go to the hotel restaurant for our last dinner at Bali. We spend some time chatting with the waitress who had been greeting us with her sweet smile for the past one week. When we say that today is our last day, she stopped by. Her husband is a father in Karangasem, her Son studies in University and her daughter is studying tourism. She says that she has been working in the same hotel for the past twenty years and has seen all the ups and downs. We understand a bit about Balinese ceremonies from her. We hit the bed exhausted after a perfect long day. The next day we pack our bags and say our goodbyes though we are left with a strong urge to stay for some more time. We, of course, leave our trail behind.footsteps trail

 

The deadliest sin in this world is to create evil around us

Review of ‘The tree with a thousand apples’ by Sanchit Gupta

The tree with a Thousand Apples. When I came across the title I wondered if the author was being figurative or optimistic. After my trip to Leh last year, I had left a piece of my soul in that beautiful land. A land that is serene, mountains that commanded reverence and the best were the locals who showed nothing but love. After seeing those peaceful locals, I wondered who in that paradise was fighting for azaadi and turning the place into hell. A visit to Hall of Fame gave me a peep into the history of war but that was just one side of the coin. Wanting to know more, I resorted to books and this book came as the best-recommended fiction on Kashmir.

 

The author leaves us with many takeaways like “Revenge is an orphan in bad company she had learnt. Until it accepts the truth, it may never find grace” and “What doesn’t belong to us, we have no right to call our own. One can’t win anything by force, ever. That is not what we, Kashmiris do. That is not what we, Indians do.” The best I liked about the book is that it reinforces the message I believe in “You cannot paint the world in black and white.” It is all in the perception. The author successfully showed the perspectives of everyone involved, be it a soldier, a commander, a terrorist, a victim or a bystander. He portrayed the characters and connected them using various emotions, be it a rivalry, friendship, emotion, revenge, guilt and debt in a subtle manner.

 

The story succeeds in churning up your emotions and takes you into the world you don’t want to come back from but one does take breaks to at least wipe the tears that escape inadvertently when an innocent girl is assaulted for reasons she cannot understand or a peace loving man is murdered and his death becomes collateral damage. If one is looking for a realistic fiction to understand what the people of Kashmir and the people connected are going through, this book is the one. Not just Kashmir, but the history of any war-torn land would be the same. One question still remains, who will realize and walk the path that will do good not just for the land but for the people too?

Not my husband’s helper

It has been two years since I stepped into the entrepreneurial journey along with my husband. Why I choose my husband as my co-founder? Just one answer, at the time I was starting, I did not have any friends in my circle who were willing to walk the path with me sharing my vision and passion.

In one of the startup pitch events, an investor once said that he would not prefer to invest in a startup that has the spouse as a co-founder. I was shocked since there I was sitting along with my husband to pitch my startup in the next one hour. To be specific, I was pitching, not my husband. I asked the investor for his reasoning, the main reason he proposed was that as an investor he wanted transparency in board room decisions and they should not be taken in a bedroom. I felt like he was correct from his angle.

Many mentors and advisors do advise the same that one should not get together into business with spouse since the lines between personal and professional lives blur, overlap and sometimes tangle. Only those who had still gone ahead and broke this rule like me will understand the advantage of the same. For a couple that did not take any financial decision in their life without each other’s consent, this rule does not seem meaningful. Even when I and my husband led separate career paths for more than a decade, we were together in each and every penny we spent, each and every investment we made. So, to me when I had to start a business, I did not find a better partner other than my husband. Did we ever disagree in our journey? Most of the times. However, that did not make any difference since we do disagree even in our personal lives, our tastes in clothing, food and even in our investments. So, if those disagreements did not lead to divorce in our marriage life why would they lead to cracks in our venture? One who understands this also understands that it really does not matter as long as you sought out your differences and work for mutual good and growth be it in marriage or business.

Drawing clear lines and dividing roles and responsibilities solves most of the problems, actually I should say, will not let most problems arise. When a couple gets together in business, they should not assume each other’s duties and role in the business casually. They should accomplish them without taking the other person for granted only because the partner here is life partner too. Businesses that were started by friends also fall apart when this is not done. Only that friends go apart but a couple cannot go apart since they are tied together not just by business but by a family. So, abiding by these roles and duties becomes more important in the latter case.

However, there is a problem that only women in our society confront in this situation. When, we started our business and I took the major role in developing the business and when I pitched my idea to the investors, I proudly referred to my partner as my co-founder. He was my cofounder and my business partner. I was responsible for technology and product he was responsible for operations etc. The roles were divided. We were co-founders, equal. However, as time went on, I came across some strange comments from people when I discussed my business with them. I could hear some people use the words that I was a very nice responsible person and I was doing a great job by helping my husband in his business. I never realised when the business became his and I became his helper. We both never said that. People just assumed though I started the conversation clearly explaining that I was responsible for sales and bringing new customers and he was responsible for execution. I would feel anger rise within and would want to shout out loud, no I am not a helper, I am a partner as he is in a business for which we both sweated together.

These kind of misunderstandings are a result of patriarchal society and mindset that is ingrained in our culture since long. We often see this not just in business but in family life too. When father assumed the role of a provider and mother the role of a nurturer, they were equal, each one doing their best in building and growing a family. Gradually, our society started taking motherly duties, the role of a nurturer, for granted while uplifting the role of a provider or breadwinner. Women who stayed at home felt undermined. The same happens when a mother assumes work out of home and a father shares few works back home. No, they are not being each other’s helpers, they are just sharing family responsibilities based on a mutual understanding. The same happens when a woman who works outside is compared to a woman who works inside home.

Drawing comparisons and conclusions based on wrong benchmarks set by a patriarchal mindset only spoils the fine balance a couple could beautifully create in their family life. It is absolutely fine for a man to read a bedtime story and for a woman to manage a board room as long as they are doing so recognizing their talent, each other’s needs and family. It is better for others to define a person as a good human being and not tag them as a good husband, wife, househusband, working woman, stay at home mom etc.