Life Is a Journey… Not a Guided Tour

Warning: This post contains some sensitive content for the purpose of education.

For the past eight years, I’ve been on an accelerated healing path courtesy of active Kundalini energy, receiving a masterclass in emotions, human behavior, healing, and grace. For reasons only my soul is fully privy to, I have been embodying (feeling) what I call collective separation consciousness (the shadow side of humanity) for the purpose of healing and sending healed light energy out into the world.

Every healing moment I experience teaches me something about myself and the dark side of humanity, and these days, I recognize the full spectrum of behavior in people who are being authentic all the way to people who struggle mightily and heavily mask their true feelings. I see it in others because I’ve seen and healed it in myself.

About ten days after the last inauguration, when things began to boil, I had a hypnotherapy healing session, and because there wasn’t anything specific I wanted to work on, I set a general intention for whatever aspect of separation consciousness (darkness) was ready to become healed to come forward and work with me.

That said, I’d been curious as to why so many people don’t realize our president is damaged and heavily masks his true feelings when he speaks in public. He struggles mightily with being genuine, and his niece, Mary, who’s a licensed psychologist, describes him as a malignant narcissist who was abused by his father.

When I was healing from the relationship with my older abusive brother, I began to understand the dark side of his behavior by healing things in myself that felt equally disempowered and acted out in dysfunctional ways. For me it was overeating, while for him it was controlling me and acting out his inner pain on me through abuse.

As I began the hypnotherapy session, it took working through a few layers of resistance to finally access the crux of the block.

Getting into it, my happy-go-lucky inner child was with me, ready to embody darkness. She took my hand, and we joyfully sang and skipped down what looked like the yellow brick road from The Wizard of Oz. My higher self was also there, standing back a bit and overseeing things.

Before we’d gone very far, my inner child’s feet began to sink into mud as she started to embody darkness. Continuing on, the scene shifted, looking more like a dark forest. My inner child’s feet felt like they were in quicksand, and I saw bursts of flames randomly shoot up from the ground, like the fire swamp in The Princess Bride, indicating the terrain was becoming treacherous.

When I asked my inner child if there was something she could use to pull herself out, she was no longer a child but had morphed into an angry teenager who seethed with rage and didn’t trust me. She swore at me and said, “I’m stuck! And I’m not going to let you help me because you’re dead to me!”

I recognized this voice. The voice of inner resistance I’ve heard many times. The voice of distrust and anger. She believes I abandoned her, leaving her in pain because her awareness became fragmented.

I asked to know more about the resistance and was shown a past life.

It felt like colonial times; I knew I was a woman, and she was in deep despair. She kept saying, “My husband! My husband! He betrayed me.”

He had died and left her with a broken heart, and she was destitute.

Seeing a bit more, I knew that she’d had a comfortable life and lived in a big house. They were fairly well-to-do, and her husband had been a businessman. With her husband now gone, she had no way to make money. She thought they had plenty of money because they were well-to-do, but with her husband gone, she discovered it wasn’t the case. She was broke.

It turns out that her husband had been a bit of a charlatan. A con man. He’d been living a lie. There were times when things didn’t add up, and when she questioned him about it, he’d gotten very angry. Because she was afraid of his anger, she stopped asking when things bothered her, instead ignoring them. Besides, he kept her in a comfortable upper-class lifestyle.

Moving forward to the end of her life, I saw her in rags, living in utter poverty. As an upper-class woman, she had refused to take on manual labor so lowly as a laundress. I also saw that her husband had offended everyone in town along the way. She didn’t have a support system to turn to after her husband died. In fact, she was too ashamed to show her face.

Ultimately, shame took her down. I saw that half the reason she didn’t have support after her husband died was because of the heavy mantle of shame she carried. She couldn’t reach out because of it and couldn’t accept any help that might have been offered. She punished herself for the rest of her life, completely unaware of what shame was doing to her.

I’ve been carrying unhealed shame from this lifetime ever since. Collective shame.

Then my higher self spoke.

“People that carry these human emotions like shame and embarrassment and guilt, they think that because they are normal to the human experience, they think that they are acceptable and good and useful tools. They weaponize these emotions and use them as tools to get what they want.”

People shame other people. They guilt trip and embarrass other people. They do it to coerce them into doing what they want them to do because it works, short term.

More wisdom flowed in:

“They’ll use it as a tool to manipulate and control a child’s behavior, and then that child grows up and uses that same tool to manipulate… all the people that work for them, if they’re a boss, if they run a company, if they run a country. All those tools were used to manipulate them when they were growing up, and they used those tools to manipulate everybody around them. To control. To manipulate. The thing is, they don’t even see how damaging it is. And they wonder why the world around them eventually crumbles. Parts of their lives will just crumble. And sometimes it’s because, well, you attract what you vibe. But yes, using these human emotions as weaponized tools. And yes, this one (the woman in my past life), she never saw that… That’s what her husband did to her. He weaponized them and used them on her, and she didn’t see it.”

Checking in with the woman I was in the past life, I saw her beyond her death. In spirit. She’d been listening to the wisdom and realized how devastatingly the shame she’d carried had affected her. She also learned the difference between weaponizing emotions and naturally feeling them and was able to let it all go. She was now healed.

After leaving the woman healed, my hypnotherapist asked me a few questions, beginning with why this insight came up.

Why did this past life come up?

It explained why people fall under the spell of our president. Why they believe and support him.

It showed me how someone could ignore their better instincts when things feel off and give up their self-authority and autonomy to another person in the name of being taken care of. It showed me how easy it can be to trust a liar and con man when it suits one’s needs. And it showed me someone who went along with things because they were afraid to defy or upset the person in a greater position of power.

I already know there are people who will never see the truth of this man as I see it and I’m not here to convince anyone. They have unhealed blind spots just like the woman from my past life. And like her, they likely won’t heal or change. All will be revealed after death.

Is there anything else you need to know about why people can’t see the truth of what’s going on with Trump?

It’s all contributing to the crumbling of an old paradigm. It’s a paradigm of being so disconnected from our hearts. In the last several years, there have been all these strides to grow inclusivity and diversity and oneness, and now there’s a pushback. Trump represents the pushback to all that. He’s all about turning back the clock to a time when women were second-class citizens; if you weren’t white, you didn’t matter or count, and all the wealth was concentrated in the hands of a few (men).

As a human, it’s important to stand up and be the voice of resistance. To let your voice be heard.

I’m being shown a big wave. Trump and his supporters are at the leading edge of the wave, and it’s moving toward the shore. It’s building up power and building, and it’s going to crest and crash.

My hypnotherapist continued with another question. That brings us into more focus on you. Understanding the bigger picture of the (years-long) process you’re in, is there any insight in that?

So, they’re showing me an image… a wave. They’re saying humanity is like this wave right now, where it’s not a gentle rolling swell. It’s a large wave that’s building, building, building.

They’re showing me waves because I worked on ships. When there’s a big storm or a hurricane, they send ships out of port because it’s safer to be out in deep water. Big winds can create large swells in deep water, but waves can’t crest as easily. Also, there’s more room to maneuver. When water is shallow, the energy of waves pushes against the bottom, causing it to crest, crash, and cause damage. And they’re done. All the energy is expended.

All of the darkness in humanity that’s coming up doesn’t have deep water under it. It’s superficial, shallow bullshit, so it’s starting to crest. I see Trump again and our government, and I see all of the noise is like a wave coming up and cresting. It will eventually crash and break apart.

Meanwhile, those of us who might not be quite so loud, there are a lot of us who are the deep, deep water. We’re holding space for the light – like how deep water doesn’t let waves crest. They’re showing me that I am part of this, lightworkers who are creating depth to the water. We’re creating more connection to the light. And they’re showing me light as a very solid and deep substance. And it’s steadying.

Right now all the shallow water, the noise is loud, painful, and chaotic. The light is very strong and is steadying. All the other stuff is going to eventually fizzle out, burn out. But right now, it’s very uncomfortable. Stuck. Right before everything breaks apart.

So yeah, they’re showing me that I’m helping to be this deep water. It’s anchoring. It’s helping anchor this new light energy. So yeah. I’m part of the anchor.

The final message I was given was that my role in all of this is to continue with my healing, to continue transmuting darkness into light. As much as I’d like to be more active politically and march in protests, I don’t have the energy for it.

I was told that everyone needs to do what feels right for themselves. We each have different roles and purposes.

As I left the healing space I use, I was serenaded by the Beatles singing All You Need is Love.

Humanity is going through a massive shift into light. As this is happening, darkness in all forms is rising up, acting up, clawing its way up, screaming and yelling, throwing tantrums, holding on for dear life. I feel it every day and am doing my part to help heal. Stand firm in your truth and know that the light has already won.