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Walk a Day in My Shoes 👠

This is a true undercover story. I decided to become as one of the disadvantaged members of our society to gain compassion. Well, I wish that were true. But the sad truth is this is a story about my life.

I went to law school, married a man there with a similar level graduate degree. We married, had five children. He was the breadwinner. I was the stay at home, homeschool mom. And one day he quit his job. Just quit. With no intention of finding a replacement position.

One day my husband is top dog at a huge international company and my family has full medical and dental coverage. And the next he quits and we have NO insurance coverage.

I jumped through hoops and was finally able to get the other two covered. It took so much time & energy. Then in 2020, we’ll what can we say about 2020? “Bad year” would be an understatement. The kids were kicked out of Healthy Kids and down to Medicaid. I was mortified. Here I am an attorney and my kids are on Medicaid!

When we divorced a few years after living this way I agreed in our settlement to provide their health coverage because he refused. After paying private insurance for a while I applied for Florida Healthy Kids. Since my ex has three kids for tax purposes while I have the other two, the two who are under me did not qualify because of my income. The other three qualified because his reported income made it possible (while he took at least 5 international trips).

The two kids who I had worked so hard to get covered under Healthy Kids now ended up in a version of Medicaid with a $3,000 per month deductible. Not a misprint. Y’all, that’s $36,000 a year one could spend before coverage would kick in! Is there any private insurance that would rival that kind of cost?

Before the change in coverage I had been seeking medical answers to an issue my oldest son was having, while at the same time exploring natural options. We had been issued cards bearing a new PCP assignment. I contacted them at the number on the card to restart the process of investigating the issue.

After giving my address , the receptionist asked me which office in a city at least 5 hours away I would like to visit. What?! How did we get assigned to a doctor there?!

Remedying this situation took more calls and time which involved going through an automated system to try to change the PCP which did not list the old PCP…whose office said they are a provide under the coverage.

Now I will tell you another story. It is called Going to the Medicaid Dentist. A new experience. Three children and I arrive. With the above shuffling we had been required to switch to a different dentist. I complete massive amounts of paperwork of course. Then I am informed by the receptionist that today will be x-rays, then we will come back for the cleanings. Have you ever heard of such a thing? This is the way the Medicaid contract works they explained. Finally B is called back. The girls & I are told to wait. I have never been asked to separate from a child before and didn’t like it one bit. We wait. Wait. Wait. And Mama Bear erupts and demands to be shown to her child this moment! I tell them we are All coming back this time. Oh, there was a machine malfunction. Great. So someone couldn’t come and let me know? And what exactly does a machine malfunction mean when that machine is a special machine that targets radiation at your body? (Oh, BTW, this dentist requires 6 x-rays every 6 months!)

The x-Ray visit took 3 hours! Three hours of missed school instruction, and three more to come at the cleaning!

What it brings to light is…INEFFICIENCY! Seriously, no wonder poor people can’t work! They spend their days waiting at the freaking doctor & dentist!

Yes, but more. Here I am an educated mom who is having to use every brain cel possible to figure out how to get through this system. How does the average Medicaid mom do it? I’m a lawyer & I can barely figure out how to move forward on behalf of my family. Meanwhile, of course I am using my education and abilities to adjust and build up and be able to provide without any government support. But not everyone has that.

Shame on my kids’ dad. Shame on our government for mucking up this health care system. I believe it is one of the systems we will be seeing come down and I celebrate the prospect. This is not the way health care should look.

Below is an update from a s he dukes dental office visit for 4 of my children. After taking them out of school for the appointment I was told by the dental office manager that we would need to separate, the children being taken one by one into the back for treatment and others left in the waiting room. I politely asked if we might all stay together and assured him we would stay out of the way. I was told that if I wanted to do that I should have brought someone else with me. I have never had a pediatric practitioner insist on testing my kids without my presence or worse leaving them in a waiting area alone. So I wanted to share. Do not settle for this type of practice. I can tell you as a mom and trained lawyer this is Not right.

Video from dentist visit where the dental office manager demanded I separate from my kids
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The dentists
(None of them talked to us about this policy, only Jorge Perez, the Manager. He gave me the number for Daisy his boss in another office, but she has not returned my call.)
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The office. Scary that they have a sign that warms people not to threaten the staff…why would I leave my children alone in a waiting room if people have been threatening the staff?! This is not a normal dental office.

#healthcare #dayinthelife #family #singlemom #undercoverstory #medicaid #dentist #customerservice #parentalrights #familyfirst #momlife #teamkelly #standup #savethecountry #savethechildren #commonsense #kindness #dowhatsright

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The unbelievable letter I received yesterday

On the Airport

Airports have really changed haven’t they? Maybe it is just because previously we did t need to be waiting around in these institutions for hours before a flight so we didn’t need all the food and more importantly drink options. In any event my recent flight in and out of La Guardia highlighted this. This literally used to be the most broke down NY airport! Actually almost crumbling to the ground. I was afraid the building would collapse and by plane would not get off the ground back in the 90’s! Now my overseas colleagues were jealous that I got to fly into LGA and they were punished with the JFK experience.

But really for me it’s simple. I don’t need fancy. I just want clean bathrooms with a hook on which to hang my bag in the stall and stocked toilet seat covers. LGA delivered! They even have a bathroom attendant. Very clean and almost posh.

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I also like to spend my wait performing the shopping for articles I don’t normally have time to search for. For me this is usually makeup or perfume or both!

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But the fancy restaurants don’t hurt do they? It feels quite civilized to spend your time encased in a lovely environment in between the humiliation of being almost strip searched at TSA and the boarding cattle call. We can pretend after all.

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My thoughts on air travel at the moment. Would love to hear your comments on the best and worst airports!

On Daylight Savings

I know I’m not the only one who takes a while to adjust to daylight savings time every single year. Every year the one hour deficit is brutal. This year I began to think more deeply about this.

Everyone complains about the time change. No one can reasonably explain how it came about and what the real reason behind it was/is. In fact, 75% of Americans would prefer to ditch the ridiculous act. (Cytowic, Richard E., MD, Why So Many People Hate Daylight Saving Time, Psychology Today, 3/8/2023.)

Let’s consider the history and then I will present my suggestion.

I didn’t even know this until I researched for this post. Daylight savings time was instituted in Germany in 1916 during WWI, and later adopted in the US. It was reinstitute during WWII. It is a wartime measure, meant to conserve energy! (McMillan, Alexx, Coloradan Alumni Magazine, 11/7/2022.)

The obvious fact is that it only shifts the light from the front end of the day to the latter. This may have made sense in the past…maybe? But in today’s modern age, what exactly is the point?

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My dog snoozing because it’s still so dark

“Biologically speaking, it is normal, and even critical, for nature to do more during the brighter months and to do less during the darker ones…Like trees and flowers, we also need winter to rest and summer to bloom.” (Tollemar, Rachelle Wilson, Voices, Los Angeles Times, 10/29/2025; see also Jacobs, Phil, Does daylight saving time make sense? Scientists debate pros and cons, Science, 3/24/2025.)

One article referred to the effect of the time change as creating a “social jet lag” and it is well established that the result is sleep issues that are epidemic, and sleep issues lead to other health problems. This contributes to a negative effect on employees and product output in the economy. (Neumann, Philipp, et al., Sage Journals, 1/21/2025; see also Solan, Matthew, The dark side of daylight saving time, Harvard Health Publishing, 3/1/2023.)

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What time is it? My dog still half asleep in DST

So…it doesn’t really have a positive effect on energy use or economics, and it leaves a national (international!) sleep deficit, negatively affecting our health by disrupting our circadian rhythms. If it ever was useful, which cannot be proven, it certainly is not today, and should be jettisoned.

And now for my crazy conspiracy theory. I believe the intent is more than the oft-stated noble attempt to help farmers or save energy. I believe that the annual requirement, whatever the initial purpose, is now a device to disrupt and create chaos. Every year we are, for no reason, faced with a disruption that can take at least a week to adjust to. It prevents us from aligning with nature in a way that is gentle and progressive. Instead of waking to the birds chirping we awake to blackness yet our clock states the time as the same. Our brain cannot compute. If our pets are not getting it with all of their intuition, I think we should be reconsidering. I rest my case.

Open Letter From Your Dying Mother or Father

This post is informed by the clients and families I have served in my role as an estate planning and probate attorney and all the different scenarios I have witnessed. It is also inspired by my father who cared for his own mother who suffered from alzhiemers until she was 100 in her own home, performing hilarious acts of “losing the keys,” “taking the car in for service,” and “cleaning the stove knobs” to make sure she and others stayed safe yet happy.

Please make sure I am not lonely enough to have to accept the false love of a romantic scammer.

Please recognize when I am struggling to live on my own even if I resist out of fierce independence.

Please don’t let me accidentally kill a younger person while driving my car. If I can’t get around very well or am not thinking clearly please be strong enough to hide my keys.

Please encourage … forcefully if needed … me to get my affairs in order no matter how fine I am feeling. My end will come eventually and I don’t want to leave a mess behind.

Please don’t perform deathbed gymnastics and try to get me to sign legal documents while I am in the hospital.

Please don’t be waiting for me to die just so you can profit from whatever my assets are.

Please be my advocate and check in on me regularly whether I am living at home or in a facility. Maybe I need someone to come in weekly or even daily to help me if you are out of town.

Please encourage me to take advantage of the conveniences of uber and grocery delivery so I am not struggling to make my way around the grocery store or just not eating.

Please consider providing help with pets. My pet is my companion and important to my well being but I may not be able to provide for their needs as well as I once did.

Please be my advocate and ask the questions I cannot in the hospital and of my doctors and other financial and health providers.

Please encourage me to socialize at the senior center or provide companionship that can come into my home.

Please ask the hard questions about what I consider quality of life.

My Request for Help and a Response That Will Blow Your Mind

I want to add some more context to try to support others going through this. Today I want to share some email from a “flying monkey” which is a colloquial term for those who support the narcissist despite their devious deeds. Let me lay the groundwork in case you have not read previous or earlier posts. In short, I was married to a guy who was well educated and had a great job and then dropped out of normal society even though we had five children together. Since our divorce I have been supporting our kids with very little support from him, even though I was previously a stay at home mom for several years. Fortunately I am a lawyer and was able to pick up where I had left off. Otherwise I don’t know where we’d be.

Not only do I have to deal with my ex refusing to support our five children but I have to deal with abusive emails from his also narcissistic older brother.

A little more background: tragically, we lost our two sons in 2024 due in large part to the abusive environment created by their father, especially quickly bringing another woman into their lives when they were young and we had just divorced. He moved them into her home where she had her own children and her husband had only died by suicide the year previous.

At our second son’s funeral in January of 2025 the ex’s brother appeared. I was avoiding dealing with the attendees and did not even want to attend this second funeral of my children in one year but my good friends told me I must and were there by my side. The brother of my ex forced his way up to me and put his huge arm around me and said whatever you and your kids need let us (meaning he and his wife and their minions of dollars) know. So one month later I requested three specific needs such as assisting with the payment of my kids’ sports, competitive cheer and soccer. I leave you to review my requests and his response, below.

My Request:

“If you are serious about helping us, here are some ideas for your consideration: 1. You could try to persuade *** (ex) that it is appropriate to commit to a firearm free household. 2. You could contribute toward ***’s (14 year old child) competitive cheer fees financially or by observing her competitions. The cost is $360 per month. We have approximately 6 out of town competitions per season which also have hotel and other associated travel costs. 3. You could encourage *** (16 year old child) in his pursuit of competitive soccer. 4. Transportation is always an issue for me, especially since *** (17 year old son who passed away) used to help me with that. I appreciate your consideration.”

Did I ask too much? Was it unreasonable to accept an offer of help and provide practical ideas that would help my family in a real way in our time of grief and need?

As a back drop I will add that I have received only $240 for all five of my children since the divorce in 2018. I was awarded zero alimony after a 20 year marriage during which I was a stay at home mom for a good portion.

And here is his response:

“Thank you for your recent message sharing your concerns. Some general thoughts: 1. I don’t appreciate your implication that I don’t sincerely care for your children. I don’t take orders from you. You voluntarily left this family. I would love to help the kids but I will work through *** (ex) to do so. When you divorced him, you also divorced yourself from me and the rest of the family. I will also work through him because I don’t trust your judgment. I’m not privy to the reasons behind it, and I’m also not privy to any attempts to avoid it, if there were any. But I believe that a marriage is a sacred contract and both parties need to work through any issues together, in good faith…you can’t deny how a nasty divorce and the financial ramifications can destroy a family. I never understood why you needed a divorce. The amount of child support you received was what the court thought was appropriate. It was inappropriate for you to take your kids on the cruise you had planned after *** died. Enrolling in competitive cheer, soccer and horseback riding lessons is extravagant and you should learn to live within your means. There is no reason *** (ex) must contribute to these activities. You need to learn to say no to your children for a change. As far as firearms go, we are against them but the court decided *** could keep his and far be it from us to speak to the issue. I would love to support your kids in activities that are financially appropriate for your family. I urge you to stop making poor financial decisions for your family. The kids can play school sports. *** (ex)’s girlfriend is a lovely person and you should be more respectful and nicer to her. Your blog is self-serving and misleading. You need to do better and be better. We’re going to be in town and would love to see the kids. Thank you!”

What is the lesson? I guess don’t take people up on their offers of help? Not really sure but it added grief to grief. Just wanted to share in case commiserating can help you.

On Chaos

Having just been in Dubai for my first time only a couple of weeks ago, the news of the U.S. partnering with Israel to bomb Iran is heartbreaking. I was there for work and it was such an eye opening experience. I feel like here in the U.S. we only hear about this region in terms of war. But when I was there, meeting with Europeans and Africans as well as Middle Easterners it was the first time I realized what a vibrant area this is. These countries are interested in doing business with one another, in part with the goal of helping to build out infrastructure throughout Africa, particularly in stabilizing energy and harnessing minerals. Many of these regions are very stable and filled with people who are interested in modernizing, doing business and improving the quality of life in the areas in which they live and work.

To awake yesterday to photos of The Fairmont being blown wide open was surreal.

The irony is that my driver in Dubai and I were speaking about the U.S. and he was very concerned about my teens because of our drug epidemic. That is what they are seeing on t.v. And it’s true. We have so many issues at home that we should probably focus on first.

I want freedom for all people. I want everyone to have a better life. I hate human suffering at the hands of government. I just fail to understand how war can effectively achieve the goal of peace or freedom. The chaos it wrecks is traumatic, disruptive and expensive.

I used to be firmly entrenched in the Republican side, ready to fight any war that the leaders thought was the area du jour to bomb, but I have since moved away from that position and question a lot of what I see. I don’t have all the answers. But I am saddened that this war is bringing chaos to a region that seemed quite stable. I am not an expert, just a first hand observer.

On Betrayal: Navigating the Unimaginable with your “Coparent”

My young daughter was so sick for 36 hours, in bed with fever. I feared maybe she even had measles which is said to be going around. I texted her father (we have been divorced almost 8 years now and he lives less than a mile away) about her condition and that she had missed school (otherwise he will be texting me asking why she wasn’t at school). I was detailed but factual in about 3 sentences total. His response: “ok.” Let me flesh this out a bit for those who are new here. We had five children together during our 20 year marriage. Our two oldest were lost to suicide in 2024. I am hyper focused on the well being my remaining children. If I thought I was diligent enough before I tell myself clearly I wasn’t, I missed something big time, so now I worry about everything, physical health, mental health.

Our now oldest son has been struggling with school this year. Understandably! The school is brutal and keeps sending notes about his attendance. He has a lot of trouble getting going in the morning.The other day I was real worried about him because he too was physically ill and seemed really lethargic. I texted his father to inform him and express my concern. Zero response.

Obviously this is a reason I am divorced, due to the checked out nature, but still, it is really hard to be completely alone on this parenting journey.

It is also really hard to understand the decisions and behaviors. The father has chosen not to pay for the extracurricular activities of two of the kids. Yet, he likes to come to the events along with his girlfriend sidekick (on the scene since … or probably behind the scenes before … the divorce). This seems strange to me. Why attend if you don’t care enough to pay your share? In fact, it seems you should be ashamed to do something like that.

After our second son passed and I was purposely avoiding my ex’s family at the funeral due to past conduct, his brother, a very large man physically, forced his way over to me, put his arm around me, and offered to do whatever my kids and I needed. So a couple of weeks to a month later I wrote a considered and reasonable email to him taking him up on his offer. I told myself it was time to accept any offered help even though this is generally against my nature. His response will shock you. My requests were for contribution toward sports fees since his brother is not participating, and I listed the amount and said that any amount of contribution could help. This is a guy who had never had kids and is pretty well off. He has the money to help. He offered to help!!! He responded with an extremely lengthy emailed response lambasting me. Keep in mind I am a twice bereaved mom only one month out from her second son’s passing. Why respond at all? Yet he felt it necessary to ignorantly comment on my departure from the marriage that he perhaps could not have known was abusive 8 years past. He disparaged me for supporting my teens’ desire to play competitive sports (which was needed for their mental health!), criticizing that I should not choose such expensive options. I couldn’t believe it. This felt like such a blow especially after everything I had been through. Someone offering to help, just to take advantage of the opportunity to act on an old grudge.

So every day I continue to fight for my family and support my kids as we muddle through our grief, putting one foot in front of the other. I try to encourage family bonding. I try to emulate pouring energy into others’ lives who have needs as a way of feeding our own souls. Some days it is so rewarding. When I see their interactions with one another. When I see them rise above. When I view their kindness, their compassion. And other days it is a struggle. I feel defeated, alone, unsupported. But I know tomorrow is a new day and we can continue to be and do better.

Surviving Co-Parenting: A Story of Resilience and Hope

For those of you who understand because you’ve lived it and those who are here to be grateful you haven’t, and believe me I hope you never will, I’m sharing how I feel right now.

I’ve been divorced now and living this “co-parenting” life for almost 8 years. Now my kids are teens but still minors. Just the older age makes it easier. But I still cry when they leave me every other week. It is still hard.

But I am thankful for the small blessing that they no longer have to transition to the home of the girlfriend of their father. For 4 years my kids had to live in that house. They frequently saw giant bugs inside the house. The dog regularly pooped and peed on the floor. They were harassed and made to feel comfortable just living. The girlfriend’s kids all had their own rooms while mine all shared. The girlfriend constantly complained about them to their father who would then punish them for not being nice enough to his girlfriend. Meanwhile the father and girlfriend ridiculed me in front of the children, encouraging them to laugh at me because I chose not to have a partner and instead focus on my children and the business I built to support them.

So as of the beginning of this school year my kids’ father finally got his own apartment. He still brings his girlfriend around which is utterly bizarre after he announced the breakup formally to our kids, but at least they do not actually have to live in her very unsanitary and emotionally unhealthy home.

It gets darker. This woman lost her husband purportedly to gun suicide shortly before she and my ex were publicly together. Then while living in her home two of our boys died by suicide using guns from the same home. Purportedly. This is more than coincidence. I always suspected something was off with the food my children were fed while there because my girls would have terrible stomach problems as well as parasites evident.

If you are experiencing the pain of having your children have to live in an unfit environment because your court documents require it, keep fighting, keep speaking out for your children. If you haven’t experienced this you may think I am crazy but I promise this is all fact.

A Birthday Saved: Illustrations From My Old Life

Today I was cooking and baking many things, pancakes, lasagna, cookies. My kitchen is not so big so I needed to utilize some extra space in the dining room. This reminded me of a time almost 13 years ago now. And I think it is an illustration of my life at that time. My husband at the time, and father of my five children, had led us to a small, economically and culturally depressed town in Southwest Florida to live in a house that had been purchased and renovate it. At the time my children were aged 8 and under with my youngest 10 months old.

For these 6 months we maintained our residence in Denver but it was rented out to another family. At one point it was necessary to relocate to a different small house that we owned and was between renters. I was preparing my youngest daughter’s ladybug-themed first birthday celebration. Whilst using my KitchenAid mixer to prepare the cupcakes and frosting, the electricity conked out. This was due to a lapse between the tenant and us, a failure to continue it under our name. However, it was unbeknownst to me until I was unable to prepare the cake. I checked the fuse box but realized it was a deeper issue. (The water would follow, creating a perfect storm collision between first and third world scenarios.) So I had to take the mixer and ingredients, along with the children, across town to the house being operated on, where amongst construction equipment and personnel I had to prepare the cupcakes and frost. Luckily, the cupcakes and party as as whole went on and was enjoyed by all, except for the father who always ruined every birthday celebration for some reason.

And that was the crazy of my life for a while until I chose to extricate and create a more peaceful, calm, secure life for myself and my children when they are with me every other week (and sometimes more often).

Embracing Life in the Face of Loss

There are losses that change the course of a life so completely that “before” and “after” stop feeling like abstractions. They become borders you cross without consent.

Losing two teenage sons to suicide in the same calendar year is such a loss. It is the kind of tragedy that reshapes time, identity, and expectation. Nothing returns to what it was. And nothing about the grief is tidy or resolved.

For a long time, survival itself felt like the only objective.

But eventually—slowly, unevenly—a quieter question emerged: What now? Not in a hopeful or aspirational sense, but in a practical one. There were younger children still watching how adults respond when the unthinkable happens. There was a business still employing people, serving clients, and requiring leadership. Life, indifferent to devastation, continued to ask for participation.

Grief does not disappear. It integrates. It becomes part of the fabric of how you move through the world. The choice is not whether it will shape you—it will—but whether it will solely define you.

For me, the answer had to be no.

Not because the pain lessened.

Not because healing reached a finish line.

But because surrendering the rest of life to tragedy would have granted it more power than it deserved.

Leadership after loss looks different. It is less performative, less ego-driven, and far more grounded. It is rooted in responsibility rather than ambition. Some days, leadership meant simply showing up. Other days, it meant letting others carry more weight while I recalibrated. None of that was failure. It was adaptation.

Parenting younger children through grief required the same honesty. They did not need a version of strength that denied reality. They needed to see that pain and perseverance can coexist—that love does not fail simply because tragedy arrives, and that life remains worth engaging even when it has been irrevocably changed.

Over time, loss clarified what mattered and what did not. It stripped away trivial concerns and sharpened values. It became an impetus—not to brand grief, justify it, or turn it into a narrative of inspiration—but to live and lead with greater alignment, intention, and care.

The path forward has not been linear. Some days are heavier than others. But forward motion still exists. And choosing it—again and again—has become an act of quiet defiance against despair.

This tragedy will always be part of my story. But it is not the final chapter. The decision to continue leading, building, and loving fully is not made once—it is made repeatedly.

And in that decision, life continues to unfold—not unscarred, but still meaningful.

On Transparency: The Power of Shared Stories

I feel like everyone is kind of coming out of a period of hibernation as we enter this new year, speaking truths that have laid dormant for quite a while. We endured such a period of censorship that now podcasters and journalists are swinging in the opposite direction, more expressive, controversial and in your face than ever.

I too am embracing the new year with a new face to the blog. I want to be more transparent, more out front also. The stories here are mine and I am claiming them. They are told to help others because that is the beauty of our current society, how we can go online and read about others’ experiences when we thought we were alone in our experience, and know that ours is a common experience. This helps us. No matter how bad our situation we can see that others have or maybe are currently experiencing the same, and we can draw on the strength of this commonality. Strength in numbers. Even if the person who shares your experience is half a world away or otherwise very different from you. It can also stir emotions and generate debate and my encouragement to readers is that you consider others’ ideas, let them percolate before rejecting or reacting vehemently. When we close ourselves to new ideas this is often fear based. You do not have to accept every new idea as your own, but it makes us more well rounded and balanced to listen and consider.

So, I hope you like the new look. I hope you continue to read and that the stories here help you on our own journey. Enjoy! Happy New Year!