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Wrong Spray Merely Freshens Attacker
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Chardonnay Vomited Into NPR Tote
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Harlem Globetrotters Keep Basketball Just Out Of Reach Of Make-A-Wish Kid
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Headlights Caught In Deer
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Laugh Track Easily Amused
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Gun Owner Ready For Them
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SAIC Earns Top Seed In Conceptual Basketball Tournament
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Coin Flip Disputed
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Vibrator Left On All Night
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Everything Riding On Second Flush Attempt
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Mom Reminds Adult Son It’s His Birthday
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Movie Under Impression Being ‘A Hulu Original’ A Selling Point
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Respectful Song Addresses DJ As Mr. DJ
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Other Guy In Wheelchair Sized Up
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Married Porn Star Changes Name To Fellatia Juggs-Dunwiddie
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Area Man Can’t Stop Playing With Piercing
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Cat Makes Break For It
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Pronunciation Corrected Incorrectly
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Call Ignored In The Order It Was Received
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Bargain Hunter Becomes The Bargain-Hunted
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Dirt-Covered Trump Boys Attempt To Siphon Gas From Ground
WASHINGTON—Determined to help their father bring down high prices by single-handedly boosting the nation’s fuel supply, a dirt-covered Eric Trump…
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God Considering Moving Dinosaurs To Separate Area Of Heaven
THE HEAVENS—Concerned that the prehistoric reptiles’ behavior had gotten out of hand, God, Our Lord And Heavenly Father, told reporters…
Politics
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Health Speculations Swirl After Trump Screams, ‘Fuck! I’m Dying!’
WASHINGTON—Further fueling speculation that the commander-in-chief might have undisclosed medical conditions, rumors regarding President Trump’s health swirled Friday after he…
Local
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‘Deadwood—Now That’s A Great Show,’ Says Dad After 17-Minute Lapse In Conversation
NASHUA, NH—Suddenly breaking his silence to extol the virtues of the decades-old HBO series, local dad Henry Breckner reportedly ended…
Sports
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