Financial Independence

 I was having this conversation with my colleagues the other day and not far from that day had an incident which proved my thought process is right.

Lady S has been working in our office for 5+years. Lets not get into the personal details but when she was confronted for the mistake she made, she panicked and wanted to quit. The reasons she gave were all so authentic and it was as if she was waiting for the last straw. 

I was not aware of any of the above and when i went to office, i was told she had to quit due to family pressure. Me being me tried to reason with her that financial independence was very necessary.

Even though aathu literally carries me on a platter, i felt confident and self sufficient only after i resumed work after a long break. Literally, i had all the cards of aathu and never once he has asked me about my spendings. If i say i need money he would just give me without asking me about the whereabouts. 

Still, when i again started earning it gave me glow and power which iam unable to express. Due to some circumstances i was the breadwinner during that time. And aathu being aathu never felt his ego bruised nor was ashamed of me being the breadwinner. Still i have the Gpay and when aathu had to spend for anything, its me who approves the payment.

And still when there are any special occasions he doesnt think twice before spending on lavish gifts whereas eventhough i also hold the purse i think a lot before spending. Whether its for me or for aathu or the kids. Ist female genetic characteristic or the paranoid me or the cautious me or traumatic me. Iam unable to figure it out.

Last week went to dinner with my aathus friends family and when i picked the tab it felt so good. And i was proud of aathu who was so casual about everything. 

Note-The very same people who went from sympathetic to frivolous when things were bad and again wanted to be so magnanimous but showed their true colours (jealousy) when they saw we have recovered and ahead. I know i dont make sense but some things can be felt and cannot be reasoned. 

I know this is a very personal post which i wanted to record for posterity 

Movies

 Last week attend the AI certification course for 3 days and after attending for around 10 hours each day was like slight a very sick. Was looking forward to sleep for the whole day. But, P called during one of the day and asked "can we watch kubera night show". Since Nagarjuna was there - i thought why not and expected it to be entertaining inspite of Dhanush.....

En vazhkaila naan neraiya mistakes panni irukken, but this is the most stupidest decision of my life ( pls dont come at me saying i dont have any rasanai and all) . Each one go to movies expecting something - its their preference. For me , movie has to be entertaining. I, especially watch movies to escape the reality for 3 hours and prefer the feel good thing which clings to you.. Or it can be regular masala movie which makes you to bash it left and right and still forget everything and enjoy it without logic.

This movie is neither here nor there. After a point i felt sick and it was like eppada padam mudiyumnu irunthuthu. And it was neither in the genre of "Naan kadavul" nor like "pichaikkaran" . It tried to be something in between with the sole aim of getting Dhanush his one more National award.

The sickness continued the next day too and my whole Sunday was ruined. Was cursing P like anything....

Then he said ok - lets go to Sitare zameen par and went to that movie.

My god - I could completely relate to the movie and I do deal with students who are special. It was not melodramatic considering the plot and was not preachy but made you think from their point of view and reiterates again and again that they are also part of your society and need not be judged as per your standards.

More than anything it showed us that happiness is in your hands and ruining or enjoying is up to you.

Fear

 While reading so many novels , i used to come across the description of fear - usually it goes like this - it feels like ball moving between your stomach and chest and a metallic taste in the mouth and tightness in the chest. I used to wonder about that - how people are describing this.

But, i did experience this - I made a mistake in my work. Its common mistake that can be rectified but when you are overconfident about your work and just suddenly realize and catch hold of your mistake - i felt all the above feelings and experienced everything.

Have i not felt fear before - ofcourse i have felt - when aathu had his hear attack during Covid time and he was in trichy and i was in chennai - but that was a numb feel where my every action was on auto pilot mode - arranging care for paatti, P and Pa who were very small (both showed exemplary behaviour) - going to trichy with strangers - managing everything there alone -  and that post yet to continue.

But, this was different - aathu who is my confident and pillar of support - gave me confidence and said we can rectify and if needed can even compensate them - came all the way immediately from Mumbai just because he cannot see me sad during our facetime.

The thing got finally resolved - but it was a lesson for me to be careful - not that i was careless but to double check everything.

Favourite Hero

 Well, I had written the title and it has been in my draft for 2 months. Just when i came back to my blog, thought i would continue on this topic.

I think the favourites always are influenced by the family or your friends and the environment you grow or the social compulsions.

Mine, being joint family, I grew up with my uncles who were 15 years elder to me. As you know boys being boys, they never grew up fast and we were like siblings. 

And he had this huge liking towards Kamalhaasan and that somehow rubbed on me. Though i wouldnt have admitted on that point of time, an admiration or the liking towards him slowly sprouted.

I was always different in the sense - i used to like Nagesh , Jaishankar very much from my childhood. Somehow, I was mesmerised by their presence on screen. I loved their movies where they were shown in shades of Grey.

Iam a very big fan of MMKR and Avvai shanmugi and now when i go and revisit all his interviews, its like wonder for me. Iam so in awe of his knowledge and the way he articulates ( intha word kku meaning therinju use panna 15 years aachu - story of that word is one big puranam) . I started watching bigboss only for the weekend episodes and i get so angry if any of them disturb me during that show.

I loved the way he handled all the immatured people and it requires certain patience. Me, handling the teens in my class, i get rattled easily now. But, now i wonder , for his stature the way he handled all those attention seeking, athigaprasangi and immature lot was sheer brilliance. More than his knowledge in cinema , i like his spontaneity and his cheeky responses.

Earlier, I was under the impression that he talks to show his intelligence or he doesnt cater to the general audience. But, now when i go back and replay everything, iam amazed at the way he was trying to improve the quality of peoples thinking by constantly giving some fodder for thought.

Now, i get upset if anyone kalachufy him, make fun of the way he speaks. And i also laugh at their ignorance and would think, these people would also realise someday.

As movie is not my main passtime or my profession, this is just my way of appreciating a person who deserves to be appreciated and honoured.

Waiting for June 6 

Boomer

 Nee oru Boomer........ This is what P said during a conversation

Pa is a very sensitive girl. Sensitive means jolly kku kooda ethu sonnalum intha Peppa pig parthu valanthathanala 'Hooon ' appadinnu  she would fold her hands and turn her face and go and sit in a corner.

This used to happen in the childhood. But, now it has reached advanced stage where apart from Hoon tears started rolling. Ithula beauty ennanna, if you dont pay attention it would turn into visumbals and into a full fledged orchestra.......

Ithula perumbaalum maatrathu P thaan. Because he used to assume the role of elder brother very seriously and tease her and avane poi avala kaal la vizhunthu pacify um panna vendiya situation la maattippan.

The same thing happened yesterday during night time. Usually, i dont get into this. Namakku thaan theriyume kazhutha ketta kuttichuvarunnu (ithukkum nadakkara sambavathukkum sambandam illennalum naanga pazhamozhi solluvom). But my BP rises if it is in the night time that too before bed time. 

And today also she was in a bad mood but courtesy me - i bought watermelon and since she is having cold for the last few days asked her to have it during the day rather than evening. Avvalavuthaan ore hoon thaan. Then her brother came and appadiye annan mode kku switch aayittu - amma avala enna sonne nnu kettuttu , to pacify her called her for helping him in writing a script for a story. I said what she would do and he said its a love story and he needs a girls perception and I said i would offer you in a better way than her. Athukkuthaan first sentence came as a response. Avvalavuthaan annanum thangaiyum ore pasamalar rangekku siripputhaan....

After this i was watching an episode of some Deepawali sirappu nigazhchi of Kamal with SPB and Ramesh Arvind.

It was exhilarating to watch them on screen. Iam a very big fan of Kamal and SPB too. U wont believe I used to watch Bigboss only because of Kamal and even if i dont watch some episodes , i used to read the synopsis by Kannan in Ananda Vikatan so that i wouldnt be able to miss the repertoire by Kamal in the  weekend episodes with respect to certain context.

And while watching that episode I had tears in my eyes.... I didnt know whether it was the songs or the camaraderie between them. I used to wonder how can a person be good in so many aspects - that too a school dropout. And this statement from AR Rahman answered that beautifully. He said as school dropouts we were terrified of being left behind, so our thirst was insatiable and we are literally like sponges. 

Did the education system rob us that insatiability or the thirst for knowledge? May be iam a boomer.....

Cringe

 This word is dominating the vocabulary of the kids now-a-days. For everything , they are using this word and some emojis which they use, i cant even decipher.

I had to ask other students for the emojis they use as reply for certain messages.

So, why this periya puranam? When i was just going through the post, all my recent post have been so cringe. Ore sontha katha soga kathaya irukku. Enakke pasa malar and pava mannippu pakkara oru feeling.....

I have this colleague who gives me saree every navarathri and it has been accumulating in my cupboards and not to mention some students mom who also give me sarees.... Ethukku intha formalities nnu velila bayangara bantha pannalum, ullukkulla bayangara santhosham thaaan. I think receiving gifts in appreciation of your work or yourself is good feel illa...... 

Aathu thaan bayangara upset. Unakku ennama ellarum saree , gift unnu ellam vaangi tharuvaanga and Birthday vantha ore Happy birthday maam thaaan

My first batch students actually got me a cake (talking about 2018) on my birthday and it was totally unexpected and i didnt know how to react (aathu is very possessive in that sense and i just handled that incident very badly) . So, i make it a point not to have class on my birthdays and mostly the students forget or they wish me through messages. And of late, last 3 years i just go out of station those block of days... 

This year also, planned a holiday and students being smart (and sweet too) planned a surprise the week before and came with cake and snacks and a gift.... It was totally a surprise . When i said this to aathu and my neighbours , they were like ( enna prasad woww what a surprise maathiriyannu ore kalachittanga)

But, nejammave it was a surprise, cause these past 6 years, students were just wishing me and i never expected anything more also. My logic is - for them this year iam special , but next year they would forget and we cant find fault also......

But, my first batch still make it a point to wish me and get me a gift every year , even if iam not here......

Ok, coming back to the gift - it was an oxymoron - they gave me a clock with correct time.... Why because my clock at home is 40 minutes fast and I really like it that way :)

Engeyo arambichu engeyo poitten.....

The thing is , aathu gave saree for valentine's day right , so i collected all the sarees accumulating - took 5 of them to the tailor shop and gave for stitching..... She was saying - madam, ithukku konjam embroidery and work panna nalla irukkum, see i did piping work last time and it was good thaane nnu.... I was like little hesitant and said ok and immediately she said oru Rs3500 aagumnu. I was so shocked... Madam naan saree ye antha range la edukka maatten and en kalyanathukke avvalavu velaila blouse thaikkala, so please stick to the basic pattern and normal la thachi kudunga... Jannal , kathavu, thappal ellam vendamnu sollittu vanthen

I went back yesterday to collect. Took approx 5k and i already had 1500 in my purse, Seri evvavalu aagapoguthunnu paartha.... She said 6250.

Full purse appaidye thodachu kuduthuttu ... inime saree gift tharatheengannu oru board vaikkanumnu manasula nenachindu vanthutten........

Next, Pa kku sumangali prarthanais kku vantha pavadai ellam irukku..... Atha appadiye kannukku maraiva vechutten.... pakkalaam

Pa Chronicles-II

 Remember the post with P chennaigirl: Shock of the life

Now its happening with Pa, last year once when we were returning home, Pa was waving to her friend T who goes in Van. She ran and came and was talking in hushed tones with Pa

When asked what it was (at that time Pa was in 6th std) , she said T is sad because her crush was leaving the school and wouldn't be continuing in the same van. Ennathaan second time happening naalum, the younger ones are always treated as kids and all the more shocking to hear. But, konjam controlled ah, keeping face straight didnt react much and just asked ' oh ok, is he in same class ah nna, she said illa illa he is in 4th std nu'

Ethula beauty ennanna, i called T's mom for inviting her for Pa's birthday at home. And she said ' illanga, avanga appakku party laam intha vayasula pidikkathunnu'. I was taken back and said illanga , party laam illa just cake cutting and calling few girls thats it . Again she reiterated saying, intha vayasula ippadi party ku laam anupparthu avarukku pidikkathunnu. 

Ippadi sonna parents kku , appadi oru Ponnu. All the cartoons, reels and everything.

Now, coming to the present scenario, I have a playlist in Amazon and it is a mix of Illayaraja, A.R.Rahman and few Hindi songs. So, Pa who is into spotify with all those korean bands started listening to my playlist as well and was asking about the songs. I was giving information, when suddenly she said, me and V used to sing while doing classwork or free period, so she doesnt know English songs and Iam learning the Tamil ones. I was like parava illaye ( tamil veetla pesinalum UK return maathiri feel panra ponnu Tamil paattu kathukkuralennu santhoshapada arambirkkarathu kulla) You know i also write few songs with tamil words for singing for her crush nnu sonnalo illayo..... I was dumbstruck. 

I think girls now-a-days are like this ah illa, whole generation eh ithu thaana nnu.....

Ithula highlight ennannaa, while having dinner, Pa casually asked I also have crush on Mango who is our class prefect but i also like Strawberry who is his friend, what shall i do nnu......

Naan mayakkam podatha korathaan........ Pa its fine to like somebody but you should stop talking about it all the time and just concentrate on your studies and it would not be a big problem for you thenn nnu oru vazhiya samalichchu topic close pannen.

When i was relaying this to aathu, he said ' we definitely are not moving to Mumbai.... Chennai kke ithu thaan nelama nna avvalavuthaannu''