A lot has changed...

I have spent hours looking at this blog. I am so thankful for the little moments that are documented, and heartbroken for the moments missed since I have been actively blogging! A lot has changed since I blogged last! 

So sad...

Deseret News Archive

I AM SO SO SO SAD that I am sooooooo far behind on this blog. I was reading posts the other day, and just started crying because of the moments I had written down, and the moments I have missed because I just haven't blogged. Little Cooper is almost 5, and I have very little of the silly things he says on a daily basis. SOOOOO IT IS MY GOAL, to start blogging again. I just need to. The good, the bad, the sad, the exciting, the everyday, and EVERYTHING in between!!! I will be back dating everything so they are still in order. Here is to a new goal. 

President Spencer W. Kimball

"Your journal is your autobiography, so it should be kept carefully. You are unique, and there may be incidents in your experience that are more noble and praiseworthy in their way than those recorded in any other life. There may be a flash of illumination here and a story of faithfulness there. … Your story should be written now while it is fresh and while the true details are available. … What could you do better for your children and your children’s children than to record the story of your life, your triumphs over adversity, your recovery after a fall, your progress when all seemed black, your rejoicing when you had finally achieved? Some of what you write may be humdrum dates and 

places, but there will also be rich passages that will be quoted by your posterity. … Get a notebook, a journal that will last through all time, and maybe the angels may quote from it for eternity. Begin today and write in it your going and comings, your deepest thoughts, your achievements, and your failures, your associations and your triumphs, your impressions and your testimonies. Remember, the Savior chastised those who failed to record important events. ... This is what the Lord has commanded and those who keep a personal journal are more likely to keep the Lord in remembrance their daily lives." (New Era, Oct. 1975)

"I will kiss you"

09-30-2014

Cooper climbed up on my lap while I was doing some preschool preparations and ask if we could play on the camera on the computer. I stopped what I was doing and we snapped picture after picture on the little computer camera. We laughed and laughed, and giggled at each other. 

 

They still just make me laugh! Cooper is just hilarious, and listening to his laugh makes my heart happy! 

This however, is my favorite picture. After some funny pictures, he said "I will kiss you Mom!" He planted the sweetest kiss on my cheek. I sure loved it. I rubbed it and said "I'm rubbing it in forever!" Jason started that years ago, and when the kids give or get a 'wet' kiss, and start rubbing it away, we always say "rub it in FOREVER!!!!"

1920

This last week was spirit week at school. Little Miss was absolutely DARLING when we decked her out in 1920's fashion! I think we did a pretty good job considering the resources we had to work with!

I LOVE that she gets so excited to dress up like this! LOVE this girl of mine.

Opening Day

Jason and Mark drew Antelope tags this year. Opening day was September 25, 2014. They were so excited to take the morning off (they have been working like CRAZY) to get in a little hunting. Cooper and Bridger went with them, and they were beyond excited. Bridger was counting down the days, and hours, and seconds that he could miss school and go hunting. If I was honest, Cooper DID NOT want to go at first because he loves his sleep, but after he woke up enough to think, he was all over it. 

The story I was told is that Cooper is the one who spotted Jason's loper in a pivot track! :) Seriously so proud of the 4 of them. They were even home before noon!  Then off to work again! 

Another successful hunt! On the first few hours of the first day... can't get any better then that for me. I don't see him enough as it is, I was dreading the long hours of hunting on top of the long hours of working.  

Stunning beauty

I have ALWAYS loved the beauty the sky gives us when the sun is setting, or rising. The colors and details in the sky are breathtaking to me. Here a just a few from the other night! Just LOVE everything about them. 

1st hunting license...

September 20, 2014

I am not sure this kid could have a bigger smile, or be more excited...

for...

HIS 1st HUNTING LICENSE!!!!! 

Off they will go on the 24 for Antelope. Bridger is taking him out of school for opening day and everything! It's a tradition. Coop will be following in these footsteps I do believe! 

Last year of preschool...

Coop started preschool! Yes, I am teaching him, and yes it is his last year of preschool! Where he is a November birthday,  I get to keep him at home one more year! It is crazy to me that this cute little baby...

...will start Kindergarten in one short year.  I will be honest, there are days that I can't wait, but those days do not outnumber the days that I dread being home along all day long, without the purpose that these kids of mine give me! I can't believe my baby is growing up so fast! But, I guess we the future will come ready or not, so I am going to take what I can with my last little one! 

2nd and 3rd...

Today is the first day of school 2014!  

This summer flew by. We were busy busy, and always doing something. I am excited for school to start, mostly for a routine. Seriously the kids have had no structure all summer and it is certainly driving me crazy! They have been staying up until all hours of the night waiting for Jason to get home. There are some night I climbed in bed before they were asleep, or even tired. I LOVE my children, but this mother has to have a few minuets at the end of the day to "breathe" before she goes down for the night! 

The kids are VERY reluctant to start this year. Last night we had LOTS of tears shed. Mostly because they didn't get to see Dad before it was bedtime {45min past when I wanted them to go down}. 

I hope she has such an amazing year. She is hesitant and nervous because Mrs. Sarmiento will ONLY talk in Spanish. I wish I could help her, but I don't know the language. 

(Bridger and this hair... I can not believe I sent him to school with this hair. I do think he looks cute, he is just a handsome guy, but seriously, it is everything I could do not to take the scissors to it!)

I hope they have the most amazing day ever! 

Bridger has Mrs. Hill. She seems like she will be amazing. I hope she is. This kid needs all the confidence in school he can get! 

Addi has Mrs. Sarmiento again, and she is team teaching with Mrs. Jasper! Ella is in her class again, so that completely excites me. Mrs. Sarmiento was amazing last year, and Bridger said "Mrs. Jasper is the best teacher ever, I wish I had her!" So Addi is in for a great year. 

(I didn't get a picture of her and Mrs. Sarmiento)

I LOVE these two more then everything. They are amazing kids, and I feel so lucky to be their mom. They may drive me crazy and push me over the edge more then I would like to admit, but I love them. I appreciate them, and they teach me more about love and life then anyone in this world! 

Such Talent

Having a daughter is incredible. I hope she processes some of my talents, and we can enjoy doing them together. 

I was so excited to know that she can do this very very important and critical talent of mine with me....

We can both touch our nose with our tongue...

 This is very important! Laughing... just teasing. Silly little thing in common. 

Lucky

I LOVE this little quote! I have been given a lot of second chances over this last year. I am so incredibly thankful and grateful for them. Some have been big, and some small, but either way it has been a second chance. I will not let them go to waste! 

Little Fireman

In Preschool we went on a fun little field trip to the Fire Station. I just think this is such an adorable picture of my little stud! 

Preschool 2014

TOP: Cooper, Miss Brandi, Alexander Park, Lawrenzo Park

BOTTOM: Reagan Sabin, Claire Eaton, Knox Kraus

I didn't think that I would be doing preschool in 2014! In September 2013 when school would have started I was watching Carter, Ryker, Alli and Emmi. This was enough on my plate, but when things changed, I decided I would try and find a few people that might be interested. Because I have such amazing neighbors, I was able to teach this adorable little class. I have been so blessed to have them in my home 2 days a week. I have most of them again next year, and am excited to watch them grow. 

Chant came and took these pictures for me, and I just wanted to remember these sweet little faces! 

 Cooper Park

Alexander Park

Lawrenzo Park

Reagan Sabin

Claire Eaton

Knox Kraus

They have been such a great little group. I have loved getting to see their sweet little faces, and getting to know the big personalities they all have! What a true blessing they have been. 

Growing up

This seems like a silly title for this post... 

but when your 8 year old starts putting together things like this, and does it all by himself with no help, getting frustrated when things don't go the way he wants them to, causing a reaction just like his Dad would have... it makes you realize just how fast he is growing up!!! 

Time out for Women

March 21-22, 2014

This year was the first time I have attended Time Out for Women. It was such a great few days spend with my Mom and Sisters. I was able to hears many speakers that spoke to my heart many things I needed to hear.

We don't do nearly enough together because LIFE sometimes gets in the way. There are always so many things to accomplish, and so many directions we are being pulled in, that sometimes the important things have to sit on the back burner until you MAKE time for them. I am so glad that we were able to spend these days together. 

The theme for the conference was:

The scripture that went along with it was 1Timothy 4:14-15 (paraphrased) "Neglect not the gift that is in thee. Mediate upon these things. Give thyself wholly to them."

My notes are all over the place, but I do have some great things written down that I will try and make heads or tails of. They might still come across as chicken scratches, but that will have to work!

The first speaker Friday night was Emily Freeman. She started out by telling a story about a skunk. I might get some of the details of her story wrong, sorry! Her son was born with sleep apnea, and had to be connected to a monitor to sleep so it would alert them if he stopped breathing.  Anyway, she was on her way him with her son, and her Dad. There was a strong skunk smell when they pulled into the drive. When she got out of the car, with car seat, diaper bag, and sleep apnea monitor all hanging off of one arm or another,  she hear a rustling in the bushes, and stopped dead in her tracks. She frozenly whimpered to her dad "The skunk is behind me!" He carefully walked around the car and in one fast motion took the carseat from her and started running! In the commotion she started running to. She said she could hear that dang skunk scratching behind her, and chasing her... after a few blocks of running from this skunk that was certainly chasing her, the thought came "Do skunks chase humans?" When she reached a street light that was illuminating the street she stopped to look behind her. What had been causing the scratching noise that she was certain was the skunk, happened to be the dangling cord from the sleep apnea machine!!! 

After we all stopped laughing, she went on to talk about the illuminating light in darkness. She gave some great insight on how we need to stop as see what is in the light, and not let the darkness scare us from what is really there. 

She said that we need to live "Not out of necessity," but to do things because it is your way of living, and not because you feel like you have to.  So many times I think we do things for completely the wrong reasons. This is not the way our Heavenly Fathers wanted us to complete or fulfill our lives.

She said: "Honor the good samaritan not only for what he did do, but also, for what he didn't."

Also: "When a call for help comes, can the Lord count on me? Have the confidence he needs in me?"

She showed a picture of an old violin. (This is not her picture, but one I found on google)

She talked about this old violin, and asked if it could be played the way it sits? The strings were broken, as was the bridge. The tuners could no long tighten the strings even if they were replaced. So it couldn't be tuned. She said "If you can't tune an instrument, it really doesn't matter if it is an instrument at all, because you can't play it." You have to be in tune. I loved this. I am an instrument, but am I able to be tuned?  

I wrote down: "Smooth the road, sometimes that is all that you can do." 

She told a story of a friend of hers who is not LDS. She said "I don't know Jesus Christ, but sometimes I see him in you!" What an incredible compliment. Live a life so that people who don't know him, will see him in you!

I wrote down this quote: "I thought you were for us, but maybe we were for you." She said this talking about 2 boys that she took into her home. She showed a family picture of her and her husband and kids and she said that 2 of them came by birth, and 2 by love! I liked the way she said that. 

In between speakers Justin Cash sang. He was good! I liked his music. But I LOVED this song:

I can't figure out how to upload the you tube video... grrrr....  It is called "God Only Made One of You" by Justin Cash. 

Next speaker was Heidi Swinton. I was out of paper, so my notes weren't as great for her talk. :( But she talked bout having a lamp. What good is a lamp if there is no oil in it. We have to have oil for our lamps or they are not useful, and will not give off any light! 

On Saturday... Mercy River was there. They were fun to listen to and sang some great songs, and gave some great insight to things. They seem like great women!

Chris Williams was the 1st speaker for the morning. I had not heard his story before, but was in tears instantly.

On Feb 9th, 2007 my family was hit by a drunk teenage driver killing my wife who was 6 months pregnant, my son Benjamin 11 and my daughter Anna 9. My son Sam 6 and I survived the crash. My oldest son Michael 14 was not with us in the car. Immediately after the impact, I was conscious and able to move enough to check for a pulse on my motionless wife. There was no pulse. I strained to look into the back seat to see my son and daughter sitting by each other, also motionless. I knew immediately in my heart that they had died instantly. Amidst my cries of anguish for my wife and children that I had lost as I waited for medical personnel, I looked through the driver’s side window at the car that had struck us. I didn’t know who had hit us, or why they had crossed the median striking our vehicle. The Savior taught the importance of love, gratitude and forgiveness, and now in my moment of extreme trial as I grieved for my wife and children, I could only think to do that which he would have done and I completely and without reservation forgave whoever had struck our vehicle. I don’t think it is coincidence that as soon as I had made that decision in my mind, I heard my son Sam cry out from the back seat. I now see more clearly why the Savior exemplified and taught forgiveness. I have felt strength beyond my own as I have sought to cope with this tragedy. That forgiveness has allowed me to understand that I am not strong enough to be angry and to heal at the same time or question why and also move forward with hope. In my weakness through the grace of my Savior, I have found strength. Forgiveness has filled me with such gratitude for my dear wife, and my children. I know the healing road ahead for my family is a long one, yet having forgiven I know the journey will be filled with gratitude and love, and that in those wonderful emotions my wife and I and all our children will live on.                         -Mormon.org

His story is incredible, but how he chose to deal with it is astonishing.  A trial like this could make a person so bitter and hateful. 

I don't know very many people who take a tragedy and can handle it and learn from it like Chris Williams has. He is a real example of Faith. 

I'm sure it didn't come without being anger, but he didn't let it consume his heart. He said that "I committed to let it go at the scene of the accident." He said the spirit changed it immediately. He asked "Are the blinders on?" and teaches that this will take you on a downhill spiral (a pity party for one). If and when the Spirit leave you will feel like this. With the Spirit you feel gratitude and glad for all you had. It helps you maintain hope and perspective. He said "Don't look down, look up, and let it go!"

Mercy River shared this quote: after talking about motherhood. 

It really struck me. I might not be the best mom in some areas of parenting, but I am what my kids need. I just need to be the best me that I can be, so that is what they see. I need them to get the best of me, not what is left at the end of a day when I am tired, and my patience is paper thin! 

A quote: "Build up your Faith before it is tested."  Such insight!!!

Merrilee Boyack was next. She started by introducing herself a little, and told us she had 4 boys. She had a bunch of flowers for each boy. Each different... roses, chrysanthemums,peonies, and tulips...  She was talking about how her 1st born, the rose, was just like her... loved to read, loved to play the piano, very motivated, she went on and on. Oh how she loved him. Then her second son, was VERY much different. She loved him to, but wanted him to do things like her 1st born.  She had those red roses, and the yellow chrysanthemums and said "You will love to read" and was jamming the red rose into the yellow chrysanthemums... as much as she shoved and jammed and tried to changed that chrysanthemum into a rose, it will always be a rose!!!!!!!!! I LOVED that! I LOVED the visual aspect of this. 

She went on to ask "What is special about you? What do you like about you? What gifts do you bring to your family?"  Here are some quotes that I wrote down from her talk.

-Explore new gifts and talents, and develop new gifts.

-Hold their hands-I will be right here while you face this.

-Courage to perservere

-Try new things, but learn to quit if it doesn't make you happy. 

-Teach them to take risks, that is is awesome to look silly. Encourage growth, and celebrate their journey. 

-If you feel flowers poison they will die. If you feed them water, they will grow. Our lives have meaning. Help them know who they are and what they are capable of. 

-Teach them that their future and potential is limitless!

Next speaker was Rober Millet-Grace Works

If I got nothing more from his talk, I am grateful for this quote:

"Sometimes you cannot give back what you have taken because you don't have it to give. If you have caused others to suffer unbearably-defiled someone's virtue, for example- it is not within your power to give it back... 

If you cannot undo what you have done, you are trapped. It is easy to understand how helpless and hopeless you then feel and why you might want to give up...

Restoring what you cannot restore, healing the wound you cannot heal, fixing that which you broke and you cannot fix is the very purpose of the Atonement of Christ. 

When your desire is firm and you are willing to pay 'the uttermost farthing,' the law of recitation is suspended. Your obligation is transferred to the Lord. He will settle your accounts." 

-Boyd K. Packer

Mercy is not getting what you deserve, and Grace is getting what you didn't deserve!

Then there was Tamu and Zandra

They taught us about SASS

S: Search for the Lord

A: Act on the Atonement

S: Savor his blessings

S: Share your unique gifts

-You have to be prepared, and do your part when you ask for help

-Trials pearler you IF you do your part. If you don't they will only be trials

-You have a unique gift, and not only is it enough it is exactly what it needs to be. 

Mercy River spoke and sang again. They sang this song by Matthew West, "Reason for the World"

The last speaker was Emily Watts: The light at the end of the Mom Tunnel

Do you live life in fragments- pieces everywhere, none feel adequate for where they need to be>

#1: Recognize it won't be this way forever.

• The good parts don't always last eighteen. They go away to.
• The bad moves on, and so does the good
• Though I suffered then, I am grateful there wasn't a simple solution
• Mana Plan... we just get enough to get through the day. If we can't do it all at once, just do 1 thing! Remember why you're doing what you do. 
• NOTION: Doing what you don't love doing to enjoy what you love (example: cleaning house)
• Work towards making YES your default. SO many times we have to say no. With kids we say no a lot... we have to direct and teach. When you know who you are and what we should be doing you don't have to hear NO all the time.  (She had a fantastic example, and I can't remember it.... but make yes your default. Not no)
• Set Standards "Mom, my friends are sneaking out, can I pretend to sneak out with them?" Give them standards so when you do say no they understand why. Start with a Yes, let them demonstrate that they can maintain that level of trust. 
• When you make a mistake you start over. That's why it's called an accident. Teach them that they can come back from a mistake.
• Say yes- You can do this- You can stay with this. Positive!
• Work on questions as much as you work on answers. Teaching is more effective if you teach with a question. You will be surprised with how much the answers will mean when you have to search for the answer. You find strength greater then your own.  
• Try not to answer every question, but try to always know where to search for the answer. 
• The light at the 'end of the tunnel' is the light we take with us. There is no end of the tunnel in this life!

I know these are basically chicken scratches, but they all struck a cord in my heart in one way or another. I am grateful for the spiritual uplift that I got. And more than anything I am grateful to have been sitting and sharing this experience with these 4. 

Missed

This last year has been hard at times. It hasn't gone without it's trials. Most of which were self inflicted, and full of regret.  But, during all of this, there have been LOTS of wonderful moments, moments I do not want to forget, and moments that I wish so badly were posted on this blog. I have missed blogging. I have missed writing down my feelings, and I have missed capturing the SPECTACULAR yet SIMPLE moments we live. The moments I want to look back on as the best memories together. So, I am going to start today. There will be post I am sure that will be out of order (I have to not let this bug me :)...) There will be post that seem insignificant to many, but I don't blog for that, I blog for me. I blog for Bridger, Addisyn, and Cooper. I blog for my husband, and I use this blog as a journal. I do get personal. I do get real. This is our life. We are trying to make the best of every day we have together.  I love the quote:

Somedays I fail at this. Some days I let everything else that "has" to be done get in the way of enjoying a little moment. Jessica gave me a quote a few years ago for Mother's Day that says this:

I wish I could be the perfect person everyday, but I can't. I say things I don't mean. I yell when I am angry. I do things I regret. I make the insignificant important to me. 

But, I do love with my whole heart. I do try. I do pray to be better... I am a work in progress! 

Scouts!!!

Bridger started scouts in September. HE WAS {and is} SO EXCITED!!!! There first activity was going to the museum in Rigby! He LOVED every minuet of it. 

The giggles…

I would say 8 out of 10 times that we do homework, at some point Miss Addi gets the giggles. Sometimes it is contagious, and sometimes I get so frustrated with her! BUT… it is better them complaining and whining, that is for sure.