This short novel by Maria Stepanova opens with the novelist M travelling on a train to a book-reading somewhere in Europe. We’re told she’s left her country of birth which is currently waging war against a neighbouring country and has sometimes killed its own inhabitants. As Maria Stepanova is Russian—and the author of the acclaimed In Memory of Memory—we can’t help but think that M is based on the writer herself, the country she has left being Russia, currently waging war on Ukraine.

As the interior monologue progresses along with the train journey, we learn more about the effect this war is having on M’s mental state. She refers to her country as the beast, saying when people ask her about it, they do so with a look of anxious compassion, as if she had been bitten, even half-swallowed. Later on, she wonders if despite her hatred and revulsion for the beast, she too might have a monstrous nature, having lived with it for as long as she could remember. Though she’s appearing at a book festival, she says early on she’s no longer really a novelist: she’s not writing anything and has no plans to do so. She’s finding it difficult to organise herself, to complete tasks. It’s as if the jigsaw puzzle remained unsolved, the smashed blue china cup could not be glued together.
Ordinary activities serve as constant reminders of the war. When she’s hanging out in a cafe in G, thinking she’ll look at her socials, she doesn’t, knowing what she’ll find there: photographs of people and dogs immersed in dirty bubbling water, making desperate attempts to save themselves. This, after a hydroelectric dam was blown up and water breached the dam, flooding the country all around. Then, when she checks into her chain hotel in the town of F, she sees the neatly ordered room as a drawer, a piece of furniture contrasting with what was outside: yawning holes and gaps, the terrible wrenching of matter, of horror and trembling, shame and guilt, death and destruction.
These recurrent associations extend to her language itself, which she rarely actually names as Russian. When an idiom for a crowded station—nowhere for an apple to fall—comes to mind, she realises she no longer trusts her flexing, twisting, nearly all-powerful language, spoken by her compatriots, perhaps right then engaged in the act of killing. When she comes across Grand Hotel Petukh as a possible sight to visit, she thinks of the Russian word petukh, used to designate the lowest caste of prisoner in Russia’s prisons, those subjected to the worst form of bullying and torture. And she avoids speaking Russian, relieved to speak English at first to the two circus performers, that neutral, mercifully hygienic language.
The two circus performers are part of the Peter Cohn circus, which M comes across while in F. (By this time her phone has run out of charge, she’s no longer in contact with the book festival, and that reading just isn’t going to happen). She overhears them saying they need someone to perform with them on their last Saturday, and she volunteers her help. When they ask her to be measured up for the very particular sarcophagus integral to their act, we sort of get the picture of what the act involves. M is then invited to that night’s show and there’s a fabulous account of the performance—that mixture of glamour and danger as the beautiful blonde rider juggles with flaming torches, the lion tamer puts his head into the open jaws of the mightiest beast. For once, M is taken out of herself, into a delightful new world. But then afterwards she remembers a French children’s book—is it a Madeline story?—where two children are left behind on a trip and end up joining a circus. They do come home in the end, but M reflects on the warning that homecomings often involve returning to an empty space where your home once stood. Or that those who welcome you turn into strange spirits at night and consume your sleeping figure.
On the very first train journey, M notices a tall, good-looking younger man, his blond hair held back in a pony tail with several hair clips. He reappears in one or two places but more importantly in the latter half of the novel, when he befriends M and takes her to an Escape Room, where they are both a little dumbfounded by the entertainment. It’s a little unclear what role he plays in the novel, but it turns out he’d recognised M as the novelist she is, and knows she is living in B ( Berlin?) with a group of other artists and writers. He offers to accompany her back home, and to me comes over as a friend, gently guiding her back from the fantastical—and possibly dangerous—world of the circus, back to reality.
I’ve been wondering how Russians are dealing with the full-scale invasion of Ukraine since it began four years ago now. This short novel gives us a glimpse of how that feels for Maria Stepanova—or her fictional character. I also enjoyed the sections about the circus, that fulcrum of glamour and risk that seemed such a lure in stories from my own childhood. Running away to join the circus was quite a thing in stories back then. A fantasy of disappearance to enjoy from a safe place perhaps. But though we feel M has been brought back from the brink of disappearance, the last line suggests that caravan may still be just round the corner.












