A View from the Other Side
Guest Blogger Nadine H. Shares her story. You can visit her website at..
http://www.virtuallynadine.com
Hi, my name is Nadine and I am the wife of a former alcoholic and addict, sibling to a sister who is a former addict and brother who lost his battle with alcoholism. I’ve shared parts of my story through my writing before, but this is the first time I am sharing so much more of my story and I think it’s time.
My Family Story
There may be a genetic component to alcoholism in my family, but, to be honest, I’m not sure. I know that there is alcoholism on both sides; both my paternal grandfather and my aunt on my mother’s side suffered from it, as well as some cousins. As for the drug addiction, I’m not aware of any drug users in the family, so I’m not sure where that comes from.
I’ll…
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STINKING THINKING
I wish I could say that I changed my thinking and now I am cured. Ha! That would be like that dude from TV who was an addict for 10 years and now he’s not.
What I can say is I practice changing the way I think and I have noticed a tremendous change in the way I live. The way I choose to go about my days. The way I respond to people and the way they respond to me. I can also say that my life has gotten a whole lot better but I still have those days. You know the days when I get the fuck it’s. The days when I just don’t want to do the right thing. My thinking is upside down and will always be subject to cause chaos.. If I allow myself to dwell on those negative thoughts.
It’s all about making decisions…
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Thinking of You! ;)
I’ve Been Clean for 417 Days!!!
I’ve Been Clean for:
1.13 Years
13.69 Months
417 Days
10,004 Hours
Sent via My NA Toolkit http://www.myspiritualtoolkit.com/my-narcotics-anonymous-toolkit-mobile-app/
What is the Pink Cloud and How It Affects Your Recovery
THE MESSAGE
I remember what it was like before I came into recovery. I remember where I came from. The hopelessness, worthlessness the despair. I remember those lonely days and even lonelier nights. The isolation and feelings of being locked in a cycle of insanity. My self made prison of paranoia.
If it had not been for the grace of God. Had I not been spared the degradation and desperation . had it not been for that devine intervention I would have killed myself. I just couldn’t bare to live the way I was living any longer.
I was saved from myself, from my own self destruction. I was given a second chance. I was offered the opportunity to change, the opportunity to start over and to try a new way of doing things. I heard the life saving message of hope and the promise of freedom. Freedom from active addiction.
Yes…
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All or Nothing & Everything in Between
Most of us can’t count the number of times we’ve heard someone say, “I have an addictive personality. I’ve heard it many times within my immediate family, where no one has suffered from addiction. I prefer to call this an” All or Nothing” mentality.
What does it mean to give something your all? Have you ever given something your all?
ALL
During most of my using “career” my mind was completely centered around my addiction(s). If I was going to be an addict, I was going to be the best at it. It doesn’t seem logical. That’s because it isn’t logical.
When I was using none of my closest aquatintences were clean or sober. The music I listened to related to drug use, hustling, and street life. Even the movies I watched were drug-related. The drug culture was an obsession for me. A very unhealthy obsession in more than one way. I was “all” in!
NOTHING
Then there is the nothing. Nothing delivered happiness. Nothing created excitement. Nothing moved my soul. Nothing offered sanity. Nothing took my to work. Nothing made me a good mom. I put my efforts into nothing but getting high. I’d like to say I felt nothing, but I felt something. Pain. I could find nothing to take it from me.
The people I loved became nothing to me. I stopped showing up for Thanksgiving, Christians, birthdays, etc. Above all of this, I missed these events with my two boys. Yes, I missed birthdays, Christmas, school activities, etc. The list goes on.
IN BETWEEN
Life in recovery has taught me to find balance, the in between. Is it easy? No, not always. Is it worth it? Yes!
The in between allows me to go back to school. In between allows me to be a mom. In between allows me to go to work. Finding my in between has given me back my sanity and peace and sanity.
I do not always excel at the balancing act of life. It is a work in progress. The only thing I give my all to now is my recovery. My recovery is contingent on my personal relationship with Jesus. Keeping my relationship with God first will keep my in recovery. Whatever you put before your recovery, you shall surely lose.
My name is Candace, and I’m an addict in recovery since 6.17.14
poesjunk 
