2023 In Review

 I just finished looking over my blog and reading a few posts- about Jacob's birth story, 2022 in Review, realizing I didn't write a single entry in 2020- the traumatic year of Covid, Michael losing his job, hitting Emerald with Plexus, deciding to move to Wayne County and build a home. 

2020 was rough. And 2021 living in a cement apartment with some stressful landlords and shoddy living circumstances really put me in a funk. I had some pretty serious anxiety issues but felt helpless to help myself, or my baby, without insurance. Levi was having sever anxiety in Kindergarten, and was having nightmares about death and dying, and serious separation anxiety with me. Alida seemed to do ok, but Caleb as a 2 year old was a terror- yelling all the time and completely non-compliant. Add on that Michael being gone all the time, no friends, limited resources....it was rough. But we survived. 

2021 was focused on building our home and getting the dang thing done. All I wanted was my own space and place to let the kids roam and be free. I hoped to be in the house before the baby came, but that didn't happen. I ended up packing up and moving to Roosevelt at the end of June to be close to Dr. Nolte and have a VBAC with Jacob. Staying with Terry and Gary Rhoer was one of the greatest blessings of my life. Moving into our home at the end of October was such a relief. It was so good to be in our home.

I think we stayed in our house for most of 2022. It was just so glorious to finally have our own space again.We took family pictures with Dad. I spent a lot of time pumping milk for Jacob. We were supposed to host Thanksgiving again but I got sick. So blessedly we stayed home and hide a quiet Thanksgiving by ourselves. It was glorious. 

2023. 2023 is the year that we will have been in our home for 2 years. It was our first full year of homeschool with Levi. He caught up with the 1st grade curriculum for Language Arts and Math, and completed 2nd grade as well. He has excelled with reading, and although he's only in 1st grade, he reads at a 5th grade level. He loves homeschool, and so do I. He turned 8 in June and was baptized in July. Grandpa Kay and Nanny came up from Texas for the occasion and we all had such a good time. Levi is really such a good boy. He knows what the Spirit feels like and has had several of his own sacred experiences. He prayers and reads the Book of Mormon every day. He's smart and he knows what is right. He's also the ringleader of the kids- always coming up with ideas of what to do for play and making up the rules to the games. He and Caleb used to be mortal enemies, but this last year they've become best friends, playing together even better than Levi and Alida. This has been so good for Caleb. Levi loves playing Minecraft on his tablet, and begs to watch Mikey and JJ play Minecraft on Youtube every day, although he rarely gets to with mom around. Sometimes dad allows it, or even gives him his phone to play warbots or other games. Sigh. Levi loves homeschool and tried softball this year. Once again I was reminded how naturally athletic he is, picking up on the game within 1 or 2 practices, hitting almost every ball pitched at him, and learning to throw and catch with a glove quickly. Levi also learned to swim without floaties this year in swim camp- a huge relief for me as a mom. He also learned how to ride a bike without training wheels, which only took him 1 day to learn. He's really growing up and catching on to things so quickly.

In 2023 Alida has been 6 years old. Although she's only 6, she's as tall as most 8 year olds, and the tallest girl in any class she's in. Because she's the same size as Levi, sometimes I forget she's almost 2 years younger. She tries to do everything he does. She started the year in kindergarten last year. But after struggling with reading and failing several tests and not making progress in speech therapy, and crying every morning to stay home, I decided to bring her home in January. Alida struggles a little more with school than Levi. Retaining letter shapes and sounds was a major struggle. At one point we were getting majorly behind and I wondered if it would ever click. I thought she might even have to do kindergarten over again, possibly go  back to public school and get more help. But right at the end, somehow it actually did click. The reading went faster. We got through language arts and she can read. It was a miracle. Alida is naturally gifted at math and flies through that. And she's getting better and better at reading all the time. We finished homeschool on the last day of May- just in time to head off to swim camp the first week of June at Downata Hotsprings outside of Preston Idaho. We spent a whole week there, kids having swim lessons in the morning, and then spending the day swimming and exploring. We had a blast, and even the baby slept ok. Such a great camping trip for our family and such a great way to start summer. Alida's my little adventure seeker, like her mom, and is always looking for the next adventure. She would often accompany me with baby Jacob to appointments up at Primary Children's hospital or Nephi. I try to make it a point to have special time with her. We had our own trip to the Aquarium together once. She got a bounce house, glow- in-the-dark unicorn party for her birthday with all her friends. We went to Cedar City for a hotel stay with Caleb for his birthday and went out to eat at Sizzler and she thought a buffet was the best thing ever. We were going to do a beach vacation for our big hurrah this summer, but after considering 4 days of drive time, the expense of an AirBNB, etc, we talked about it together as a family and the kids decided they'd rather have 4 days of playing and 2 days of driving instead of 4 days of driving and 2 days of playing. And it was a blast. So nice to disconnect and just be together and have the wonderful culture of good Latter-Day Saint Homeschoolers all around us. Got to go see Jamie Bartchi and her boys on the way as well. July Grandpa Kay and Nanny came and spent a week, and August is the fair. She's so excited for the kids carnival, fairy garden, Buckaroo Rodeo with mutton busting, and the parade and inflatables after. She lives for adventures and the next fun thing. I sure love my little Sis, my adventure buddy. She's a wonderful peacemaker, except when she's tired and then she turns into an emotional wreck. The girl NEEDS her sleep, just like her mom. We also got her on some probiotics that help with serotonin prodcution and that has helped SO much with her anxiety about things like childbirth, who will she marry, what if no one ever loves her, etc. She's looking forward to 1st grade at home, although she still wants to have playdates with friends every day. I'm putting her in dance again with Tasha Jackson and hoping that between dance, and primary activities, it will fill her little social cup.

Caleb really came into his own in 2023. He's talking in full and complete sentences. We FINALLY got him potty trained. He goes most days without peeing in his pants. Although he has taken to pooping outside. As we landscape, we've found several large human turns in the pasture, garden, by the windo wells or in the weeds. The kid produces the largest turds you can imagine. We've cut way down on milk and give him a drink that has fiber and probiotics in it, so that's helped. But I'm still looking forward to the day when he doesn't crouch and hide somewhere for a whole day while he's preparing to poop. And the day that he keeps his pants up and his bum covered. All of our kids, but especially Alida and Caleb, have a hard time keeping their bums covered! Caleb is pretty content to manage himself, especially since he doesn't get much one-on-one time with mom where he's not in homeschool. He is always the first one up and comes into my room at 7am asking for a show. Depending on how tired I am, I'll let him watch Monster Truck crashes, or Tru or Rainbow Ruby until I'm ready to wake up, or until Levi wakes up and they go outside and play. He always always wants a drink. He's graduated from sippy cups to water bottles- but always wants juice or water drops. He still prefers drinking to eating. When mom is schooling with Levi and Alida, he watches shows or plays his tablet. And is delighted when Levi or Alida are done so he can play with them. He loves his kitty, Angel, and spends lots of time downstairs playing with the cats, especially since the both just had kittens. He LOVES riding his scooter, but refuses to learn to even pedal a bike, even with training wheels. Although he can keep up pretty well on his scooter, and even do tricks with it and sit down on it. He loves riding his scooter on our sidewalks and playing with Levi outside in the goat and chicken pasture. He also loves our trampoline, a new addition to the house. While Michael and I dig trenches for the sprinkler system, pull massive amounts of weeds, water or till or plant grass, Caleb plays outside with his siblings. He got a special trip to Cedar City in March to get caps put on his front 4 teeth. They were full of cavities, so he had to have them capped. We stayed in a hotel with a pool, but forgot his floaties. After falling into the hot tub and pool a couple of times, he realized he wasn't invincible and became terrified of water. Swim lessons and swim camp were wonderful for him too, but he's still cautious and is sure to not go in the water without floaties.Which has been a good lesson. The kids is kind of like the Tazmanian devil- a destructive and load whirlwind, with a tender heard and loyal defender of his friend- whether that happens to be his brother or sister, depending on the day. Caleb turned 4 in March and will be going to preschool for the first time this year. He's so excited to ride the bus and be a big kid. I'm excited for him to have something special, and plan to do Levi and Alida's homeschool while he's gone. He's starting to learn the gospel as a sunbeam and starting to catch on to the songs and lessons from scripture study. We love our Taylub, but I find myself wishing often that we had 1 more sibling for him so that everyone had their own buddy.

And that brings us to our sweet Jacob. We found out early this year that he is indeed on the Autism spectrum, although we still don't know how severe. He is now 2 years old, but still isnt' even attempting to pull to stand to walk. He gets around by walking on his knees. He still doesn't say any words, and still primarily drinks from a bottle. We suspect he has inflammation of the esophogus (EOE) and likely caused by reflux, but he doesn't chew and swallow food. He can eat purees and drinks soy formula (found out he has a milk allergy), but that's about it. He will taste and lick other foods, but he doesn't chew or swallow. As a result, he's a smaller kid for his age, at 25% height and weight. But at 25lbs, I'm grateful he doesn't weigh more, since I have to carry him everywhere. Luckily, our life mostly is at home- homeschool, working from home. But having to leave the house is inevitable, and that's a challenge for Jacob. He doesn't like being out of his environment and doesn't sleep well in new places. Traveling or vacations are made kind of miserable with him. The kids often ask to go hiking or on adventures or explore and I just have to admit that, I'm sorry kids, we can't go because I can't carry Jacob. It's becoming more and more difficult for the kids to not be able to do things because we can't quite manage out of the house with a 25lb baby that doesn't walk and hates being away from home. He is the smiliest, ticklish, most loving little kid. But he makes leaving the house very difficult. We do take him to Richfield once a month for occupational and physical therapy. And occassionally we go to Nephi to see a feeding specialist, and up to Primary Children's to see specialists, or even to Provo for allergy testing or St. George to see a Pediatric GI Specialist. We chase doctors everywhere. But he generally hates the car ride and doesn't get his regular nap or sleep well away from home. We love love love love him, but we also have no idea what to expect for the future for him and what that will mean for our family.

As for me, I'm still working for Dahlia's Hope. Last year I intended to hire a replacement for me, train them and quit. But then I liked the person we hired so much, and have learned so much from her, that I decided to stay on and really expand my role with Dahlia's Hope.  I'm currently on a part-time retainer at $4k/month, and looking to soon be at $6k/month, possibly taking on more clients as well. Colleen and I have formed our own consulting company as there's a large demand for federal grant writing and it's become a sort of expertise I have. The amount of time I spend each day has increased a bit, but I still only have to be away from the kids about 2 hours of the day while I work and a babysitter comes to play with them- either Kyera Allred or Brenda Harris right now, which they also enjoy. I've sort of phased out Plexus the last 4 months or so. I had a good time running with Nick and Mandy Brown in Dec., Jan.,Feb and March. But after Mandy reached Gold, she kind of burned out and so did Nick. I started federal grant season in April so I sort of just fell off the bandwagon after that and didn't get back on. I did go to Plexus Convention in Nashville this year, because I won many of the prizes and parties and wanted to go collect my prizes. I went to the Winner's Dinner at the Wild Horse Saloon, which was fun, and the Gold party. Got a big fat Emerald gemstone on stage and got to see old friends. I had a blast and loved being treated like royalty. But my heart for the business is kind of gone unless I have someone who wants to run with me. Plus I'm making 3xs more with Dahlia's Hope than I do with Plexus. The $2k/month has been such a lovely blessing for our family. But I've been able to triple my income with grant writing in less than a year, and that has been nothing short of a miracle for our family while inflation has nearly doubled the price of everything in the last 2 years. Our household budget used to be $5k for the month for everything just 3 years ago. Now our bare essentials are closer to $7k- that's mortgage, utilities, gas, groceries, insurance- just the bare basics. That doesn't include things like gifts, travel, home and yard expenses, homeschool expenses, work expenses, etc. Having Dahlia's Hope income has allowed us to absorb the major increase in cost of living, and still have some extra for savings and travel and birthdays and landscaping, etc. It's been a huge blessing. 

Which leads to Michael and the miracle that's just happened with him. After praying and working to find a way to get him home since the beginning of our marriage, after 10 years Michael just started a job this week at Harward and Rees that gets him home every night, and has him making the same as he did in the truck, but in only 50 hours/week, instead of 16 hours/day in the truck. It's a miracle. On many many levels. It sill almost doesn't seem real. Having him home at night makes it feel like a weekend or holiday. It's weird! He has time to work on the sprinkler system, spend time with his kids, have dinner and scripture study with us. It's awesome. It's also come with some adjustments though. I've had to get used to having him home and in my space when I was the one running the show 24/7 for 10 years. It's nice to have him home, but we've also had to figure out how to live together and balance our needs again! We're only 1 week in though, so I'm sure we'll figure it out. We're both SUPER excited that we've been able to till, weed, level, rake, put in sprinklers and plant grass in about half of our front yard- and it's just now coming up!!! One of the things me and the kids miss the most is a wonderful yard full of grass and trees and flowers and shade. It will take us some time to get our massive yard landscaped the way we like, but we're getting there. And for a fraction of  the cost we were quoted to have someone else do it! It takes a long time and a lot of work, but it's also so satisfying to see it coming along. We still have a LOT to do. but we're getting it done! So far we have 6 plum trees planted, Lilac bushes planted in the front by the fence to make a hedge, a pipe fence that Michael built and welded, 2 Hawthorne Crimson Tide trees in the front, 2 cottonless Cottonwoods in the front and 1 in the back, a drip line to all the trees, and a sprinkeler system and grass COMING UP in the front North lawn. So exciting!!! We still have a sidewalk to pour up the middle of the lawn from the house to the fence, the front area to clear out for parking, the fence to finish and the rest of the grass to plant. I still need to landscape the flower beds that surround the house. And let's not even talk about the back yard until next year- including a garage and covered patio! We didn't even try to do a garden this year. But we've made a ton of progress. Little by little. 

I'm still Primary President in Thurber Ward and our little primary is really thriving. We have about a 90% attendance rate, and have about 30-40 kids in primary on any given Sunday. The activities program is going well, and we have amazing teachers and music leaders. Michael has also been called as an Elder's Quorum instructor and also helps with the activities in primary with the boys. It's so good to see him move involved in church and having the opportunity to serve because he's home more. It's also so nice to have him more involved in the kids' lives- like being able to go to recitals or performances or even the Buckaroo Rodeo for the first time ever! And me actually being able to leave the house in the evenings. It's been amazing. 

Well, I'd say that's been a pretty good overview of our year so far, 3/4 of the way through. All the major adventures and travels, visits by family, updates on kids, jobs, the homestead, and church life. There's still much more to come with the holidays, the annual ward campout, harvesting firewood, Alida's birthday, etc.  But I just feel like we're really starting to settle into a routine. Our family culture is being built. We've figured out the things we like to do and look forward to. We've figured out how to feed, clothe, and educate most of the kids. We've figured out how to provide for our needs and still have time together. We've figured out how to establish a home that is gospel centered and where our kids are learning to recognize and follow the Spirit and be followers of Christ. We aren't anywhere near perfect. But I'd say we're doing a pretty good job hitting all the essentials and getting through the young young childrearing years.

This year marks our 10 year anniversary. That seems significant for some reason. I still can't believe that just 10 years ago I was single at BYU wondering if I'd ever get married. It feels really good to be establishing our own family, and having the members of our family thriving spiritually, socially, emotionally and physically. We make plenty of mistakes and I'm sure my mistakes are majorly messing up my kids. But I'm trying everyday to be aware of my weaknesses, and trying to be better and invite the Lord and His power into our lives to help us and enable us through our weaknesses. Michael and I have fought less this year than ever before. We're learning what the other needs to feel valued and happy, and how to give it. We just keep trying and messing up and repenting and learning and trying some more.

I've been spending some time in Family History lately. Trying to track down my great grandpa Rueben Ouzounian's Siblings, Mary's family, my grandma Schoening's siblings, etc. It's made me remember the importance of records. I know nothing of these people, except what they've left behind in journals. I doubt that my posterity will ever be in that situation with me, but I sure enjoy making a record of my life and my family and reflecting on our growth and challenges over the year.

Who knows, maybe there will be another entry this year. I should probably talk about my siblings and extended family sometime. And maybe Michael's. We'll see. For now, goodnight!

2022 in Review

This might have been one of the best years in our family life- but you have to know the bitter to know the sweet too. As of November 2022 we've been in our new home in Wayne County for 1 year. And finally being able to move out of that awful rental, and move into our dream home has been SO wonderful.

I think 2021 was one of the most difficult years of our lives. Well at least for me, and if mama is stressed, the whole family is stressed. Leaving our beloved home and yard and homestead in Roosevelt on a whim/promptin in 2020 ( I really did LOVE that house and yard and landscaping and setup. It was perfect to me), moving to a totally unknown place to me, being pregnant without health insurance, being in a place without a support network yet, living in a dark and dirty rental with pretty awful neighbors, the stress of navigating building a home, and Levi having some pretty severe anxiety issues was so stressful. My anxiety was through the roof most of the time. I felt cut off from the resources I was used to and helpless to help myself and my kids in many ways. I knew we were supposed to move, but dang, it was hard. Traumatic if I'm honest. But due to the grace of God, an inspired calling in Young Womens to give me purpose and a chance to serve, and my angel mother-in-law, we made it. I could not have made it through 2021 without Pam Brinkerhoff. Did I mention she did the laundry for our whole family for almost a year?? She's an angel. 

Moving into our new and beautiful home, filled with light, was SO relieving. Finally we had a place to call our own, where we didn't need permission to have bikes on the porch, didn't have to worry about the kids stepping on glass, picking up cigarette butts, seeing vulgar things, or my kids being yelled at by other adults. It was glorious, and so peaceful. I never realized in such a clear way the impact your environment can have on your spirit. Coming to our home was SO wonderful.

I don't think we left our house for the first 6 months. Plus, I was pumping full time for Jacob (hello being milked every 2 hours for 30 minutes each time). I finally had to give up after 8 months- I was just losing my mind. But I started getting Jacob goat's milk from Susanne Kuhlmann to feed him (since there was a formula shortagee) and being able to feed him that brought a lot of peace of mind- knowing he was getting all the good fat, protein, probiotics and good stuff from that milk. 

We spent the year just settling in. I didn't feel the need for a lot of trips and traveling. We just LOVE being home. It's so peaceful and comfortable, and after our rental, feels downright luxurious. Beautiful new appliances, plenty of space to dream and be creative. We decided to delay our landscaping for a year and instead put in our garden spot, get chickens and goats. And boy howdy am I glad!! This is the year that eggs went from $2/dozen to currently $8/dozen in the store. Our hens started producing about a dozen eggs a day just as Avian flu hit all the flocks in commercial egg establishments, and suddenly our eggs became very popular. I love having fresh eggs every day, and being able to share them with others. I was also able to purchase 2 Nigerian Dwarf goats and milk the mama to get milk for Jacob. That was an adventure. Lots of hard work, but SUCH good milk and nutrition for baby boy. Our goats are pregnant now, and I'm looking forward to milking again in the summer and having that deliciousness for our family again.

We had a great first year garden in Wayne county, and had a bumper crop of potatoes (thanks to Grandpa Chad and Grandma for teaching us how to grow taters), carrots, broccoli, squash, and corn. All of our tomatoes got blight so we didn't get a single tomatoe but Pam, the master gardner, let us have all her green tomatoes to ripen indoors so I was able to make tomatoe sauce. I also learned how to pressure can this year- bone broth and chicken meat mostly, to make shelf stable food. I spent a lot of the winter canning soups, meats and broth. I love being able to grow and make our own food. We also installed a wood burning furnace- Michael sold his Lemans to Dave VanDyke for $5k and bought and installed it, so we can heat our home with wood and not just propane. It feels so good to have redundant sources of heat for our home, self-produced vegetables, beef and milk. Now we just need to figure out some water storage and we are set.

This is also the year we decided to start homeschool. I brought Levi home after his 1st grade year, after struggling with anxiety, accidents at school, and attention issues. Bringing him home was the best decision I've ever made for him. I think  he, like me, has a really difficult time with change. Moving was traumatic for him as well. It was difficult for his environment to change, his school, his classes. Change is hard for him, and that started manifesting in things like talking about death and dying all the time, extreme worry about ever leaving me or me dying, and other things that told me he was stressed. His teacher sort of pegged him as a bad kid, and he felt that way too, for his inability to focus. After some trial and error, we found an ADHD medication that has done wonders for his ability to focus and not be hyper (Stratara) and a couple of months ago added in Zoloft, another miracle, making me realize all of his attachment issues were related to his anxiety. He's become once again a happy go lucky kid, that is excelling academically, and feeling happy and settled. I love homeschooling him and watching him thrive. He's really, really blossomed this year. He went from crying on Grandma's porch when I'd leave him for an hour for a Primary presidency meeting, to asking if he can stay home and play with the cats while we go to the store, all by himself. It's been an absolute miracle. He's also super smart. He's zoomed through our language arts and math this year and is reading at a super advanced level. He can read the Book of Mormon all on his own and enjoys it. He's into robots, building, creating and is just really really bright. I enjoy spending time with him and talking with him about the world.

Alida stayed in public school for her first semester of kindergarten, but found through the school of hard knocks that learning is a lot less fun than playing in pre-school. Her wide open love for everybody has also led to some friends feeling she is too clingy and some hurtful playground interactions with friends running away from her. After crying before going to school every morning (she is also not a morning person), I decided to bring her home after Christmas break as well. So far she is also really loving not being rushed and shoved out the door every morning, and is doing well in language arts, math and handwriting as well. She's grown like a week- shes' the tallest girl among her peers at all times- in dance class, kindergarten, primary. She and Levi are almost identical in height and weight. In fact, Alida's overtaken Levi I think, weighing 50lbs and Levi weighs 48. She's tall and beautiful, with all of her front teeth missing. But she's a cuddly, kind-hearted doll. It's taken her a minute to catch on in school. She spent the first few months feeling dumb and frustrated. But with determination and repetition, she's really caught on and caught up to her peers. She loves learning and has a little bit of a competative edge with Levi. She's excited to read as well as he does one day.

I love that with homeschool the kids get so much time to play with each other, and that they are becoming each others' best friend. I also love that I get to spend my life WITH them. Not just taxiing them around. I love watching them learn, and being the one that gets to spend that precious time with them. I love that they are learning to do chores (Levi takes care of letting the chickens out and locking them up at night and feeding the goats. Alida gathers the eggs and takes out the kitchen scraps each day). They are also learning to cook- Levi can make fried or scrambled eggs, oatmeal, cereal, mac n'cheese and PBJ sandwiches. They also say prayers, read the Book of Mormon every day (Levi on his own) and do their own laundry. The allowance incentive has really helped them to get into the habit of doing their own chores every day and helping around the house. We're still working on brushing hair/washing hair on their own in the shower, and brushing teeth. And keeping their room clean. But they've done a pretty good job of learning to do their daily chores and helping around the house and with homestead chores, especially for a 5 year old and 7 year old. 

Caleb is kind of our ferral child. He gets to run amuck all day while I homeschool or work. He mostly spends his days watching Octonauts, or torturing our kittens we got in October. Since Levi's been homeschool'd, they've learned to get along much better. Levi and Alida used to just play with each other and exclude Caleb so he'd watch his tablet by himself. But now that Caleb is the only one to play with while he's home, the've formed an alliance and get along really well. Caleb has mostly subsisted on milk, apple juice and his green sippy cup. He's ALWAYS asking for a drink and hates eating food. We have to spoon feed him to get any food in him. After waiting 6 months so we could get some insurance coverage, we went to the dentist to find he has 20 cavities, needs several root canals and will need all his teeth crowned. He's our one kid without brown teeth so we really hoped we wouldn't have to pay an arm and a leg for his dental work. But here we go. After that dentist visit, and both the dentist and hygenist saying he couldn't have a sippy cup any more, we decided to go with it and cut him off. Surprisingly, he's gone along with it, and now only drinks milk or water out of a straw cup at the table. This has meant he's eating more actual food, and he's also pooping like a normal kid instead of being constipated all the time. It's been great. Caleb is a fun little 3 year old- but you can't tell him anything. He gets SUPER angry when he has to be disciplined, and runs away or screams and yells. He's got a bit of a temper but is also a super sweet and tender-hearted kid. He has to be the authority about whatever he's talking about, which is kind of funny coming from a 3yo. But we mostly just find it humorous. We've been trying to potty train him for MOST of the year. That's mostly meant that he's been naked most the year. We almost had him there in August and then I decided to take a road trip to see Grandma Schoening in Oregon. And that road trip, putting him back in pull ups, we lost all progress. So here we are, months later, still working on getting him to go to the potty. We've recently run out of pull-ups though and I refuse to buy more, so it's about to get real. 

And finally, our sweet Jacob. We realized at about 9 months that he just wasn't progressing like my other kids were. He didn't attempt to roll over or crawl or have any desire at all to move. He'd sit in his froggy chair all.day.long. We had early intervention come evaluate him and realized he was significantly behind in gross and fine motor skills. We started meeting with a physical therapist, and that soon turned into an occupational therapist as well, a feeding specialist (he gags on all solid food), and this month we'll be seeing a developmental specialist that will likely tell us he's on the spectrum for Autism. I love my sweet boy so much and he's just a little ray of sunshine. I wouldn't change anything about him. But he does act like a 9 month old baby still, at 18 months old. He just started crawling about 1 month ago, and it was a huge milestone. We're still figuring out if his sleep issues are gut/constipation/gas, or seizures, or allergies. The kids stopped sleeping through the night about 6 months ago and we can't figure out what it is. Michael thinks it's wrestless legs so I've added iron and liquid vitamins, probiotics, and protein powder. He seems to be doing better, but still has spells and spasms at night. He's also developed some allergies to who knows what- possibly our cats? Or chocolate? But it makes him itch and miserable and it's awful. We're taking him in for allergy testing in a week and hopefully that will get us some answers. But he's just a sweet and cheerful little boy and I adore him. He's content to play in his room all day long, and even though he does crawl, doesn't do so often. He hates loud noises and gets really overwhelmed with loud noises. But he loves his mom and dad and loves being tickled. I love him.

Michael and I are on our 9th year of marriage. Being in our home has been so wonderful for us both, but we're also still adjusting. He's still in the truck 5 days a week, and as much as we'd like that to change, we still haven't found a way to make it work. I am working for Dahlia's Hope as a grant writer part time (about 10 hours/week) and still have my Plexus business. Both are doing great, and this year I made almost as much as Michae did, working part time hours. I've been really happy with that contribution because without it, I think we'd be pretty strapped. We had to pay $8k for a fire hydrant this year. $5k for sidewalks. The baby cost $8k and we've been paying that off since he was born. Michael had an ER visit that cost $2k. Caleb's dental work will cost over $2k. My car engine exploeded the day after Jacob was born- that cost $6 k to replace. There's always unexpected expenses. And then, or course, there is Christmas, and birthday trips, homesteading stuff, landscaping, wanting a garage, wanting to finish the basement. More resources means more autonomy to do things we enjoy. But this year I decided it was time to have some more restraint to our spending, and cut up the credit card. It was just getting too easy to use and the balance just kept ticking up. That's been one of the best decisions we've made financially. That, and requiring us to save money every month, even when there are debts to pay. We're finally making progress toward paying off ALL our debts. Baby will be paid off soon, and so will the fire hydrant debt. Then we pay off the credit cardd and the van payment and we'll be entirely debt free except for our mortgage. We hope to do some landscaping this summer, but it might have to wait one more year. 

So we are busy- but peaceful. We just do the things that are most important- and nothing else. I homeschool 2 kids, and have a baby and 3yo at home full time. I love homesteading and growing and making our own food. I have 2 paid jobs, AND in May I was called as the Primary President in Thurber Ward. Just when I thought I didn't have any more time to squeeze for anything. But the Lord has blessed me tremendously and I've found a rythym and a way to fit in time to manage all the kiddos in the Thurber ward- music programs, teaching, activities, and baptisms. I've really loved working with the kids and setting a goal to double the size of our primary and bring more precious kids to Christ. 

While life is so full, sometimes Michael and I have a hard time staying connected. He's over the road all week and I've got my schedule that's pretty tight in order to fit in homeschool and 2 jobs and Primary President. Time to talk on the phone with him is limited, and weekends are often packed with projects and all the things he can't do when he's in the truck all week, so it can be stressful. But we've committed this year to spending more intentional time connecting, and doing the work it takes to be more unified in our marriage and share each other's interests. We hope to go to the temple more frequently together and make date nights a higher priority. He hopes he can find a way to be home more and have more time here with his kids and working on projects. It's one thing to build a home and live in his hometown. But for him to be able to pass on the knowledge and skills he has of ranching/farming/building to his kids, he needs more time at home. He also desires to serve the Lord more and have a calling. So we keep thinking of ways he could come home. He's thought about doing construction here, or driving the propane truck locally. But we'll see. He's so good to me and the kids. So gentle and kind. Always trying to be a better disciple. So gentle and nurturing to his kids. He helps me to slow down and put their needs first sometimes when I'm apt to put them in their place and call them to order and to snap to the routine we have established. He has such a good influence on me and our home. 

Well, that's 2022 in a nutshell. Beautiful beginnings and the best is yet to come. I'm so glad we're here. I'm so glad my kids get to grow up in such a beautiful place and that we get to live the slow life together. Slow meaning- home together, doing the most important things. I'm busy, but everything has it's place, and that creates peace. So grateful for our family that lives close by. Grandma and Grandpa are always here to celebrate birthdays and holidays, help with all the medical appointments and Primary presidency work. It's been such a blessing to live by them and watch my kids develop such a beautiful relationship with them. 

Looking forward to a beautiful year of homeschool, homesteading, serving the Lord, learning how to be a better leader, and working to create some financial breathing room for my family. Life is beautiful.

Jacob's Birth Story

Baby Day!

Jacob was born on July 3rd at 3:08pm at Uintah Basin Medical Center, like the rest of his siblings!

There's lots of back story on how we got here for delivery but here's the short version: We found out we were pregnant with Jacob right after Michael lost his job in Roosevelt, including his insurance benefits, and were in the process of selling our house, moving, and building our new home in Bicknell. It was definitely a turbulent time, and adding a pregnancy to the mix was the icing on top. I initially hoped to do an out-of-hospital birth with a midwife, and got prenatal care from a wonderful midwife in Nephi, and trained with Hypnobabies for a non-medicated birth. But as things progressed with my pregnancy and high blood pressure came in to play, I made the decision to transfer care to a doctor and hospital, and move back to Roosevelt to have the baby at the end of June. 

Getting pregnant with a child is an act of faith no matter what, but especially in the chaos of losing a job and moving and not having insurance. But we had faith that the Lord would help us bring his precious spirit to our home, and indeed he did. The last 6 weeks of pregnancy were a bit turbulent, as they always are for me. But he came, just like his siblings, at 37 weeks, with no complications, and a beautiful vaginal birth after c-section (vbac).  Well, 36 weeks and 6 days to be exact.

My due date was July 25th so not a lot of people were taking me too seriously or thinking that birth wasn't imminent yet, including Dr. Nolte. But I knew. All my babies had come early and I just felt it would be the same with this one. Friday July 2nd I had just gotten home from my 8th NST and Michael had just gotten to Roosevelt with Levi and Caleb, who had been at grandma's all week while I was up in Roosevelt with Alida getting NSTs every other day. It was nice to be all together and to be with Michael and I was glad we were all finally in the same place. Something my midwife would always say was that babies wait for their daddies. I had been thinking about the circumstances in which my other babies came, and with both Alida and Caleb, it was when things had settled down and Michael was home. His presence comforts me and makes me feel safe. I hoped that baby would come on the weekend when Michael was there with us.

Sure enough, later that night, about midnight, my water broke. I'd never had this experience before, but I knew that's what it had to be because there was liquid running down my leg! Then there was some bloody show, and I knew that this was the beginning of labor. I was relieved, to be honest, because I was SO READY for him to come, but Dr. Nolte had just told me earlier that week on Wenesday that because I was still so early, and things weren't urgent with my blood sugars, that it would be better for him to cook. He said specifically "It's my job to resist your desires to have baby now, and do what's best for baby, which is, right now, to keep him in" Ha! He was not opposed to letting him come on his own, but he did not want to induce until 37 weeks, which was July 4th. But I knew for myself that it likely wouldn't be long. At least it never had been before. But I guess this one could be different?

So Michael and I were settling into the idea of perhaps having our first pregnancy that would go past 37 weeks and what that would look like with the kids and me staying in Roosevelt, etc. But, luckily for me, my body has decided it doesn't need any more than 37 weeks to cook a baby, and we were a go at 36+6 late Friday night/Saturday AM. I decided to stay at the apartment and labor through the night because, as my RN friend Trina had said at my NST earlier that day, even if you are in labor, go home so you can eat and move around and be comfortable. Once you're at the hospital you'll be all hooked up and monitored and stuck in a bed until birth.

So I dozed on and off through the night and contractions, but by 4am I was wide awake. The contractions weren't painful, but were consistent. But I didn't want to wake up Michael and the nanny yet if possible. And I wanted a chance to cuddle with my Caleb one more time, whom I had hardly spent any time with yet since being seperated all week, and because it was his last day being my baby. Everyone woke up around 8am and we got some good cuddles in, and then decided to head to the hospital.

I actually went and picked up my van from the mechanic, where it was being repaired, and then Michael followed me to the hospital to see me off and then went home to get the kids settled with Emily before coming back to the hospital. I checked in at 8:30am and got all hooked up. I was having contractions every 2 minutes and I could tell the nurse realized we were a go as she started to hook me up. We got an IV in with antibiotics for Group B Strep and called Dr. Nolte- who had been up all night with 3 other deliveries. Michael got there about 10am and I was glad to have him with me. But ironically, things slowed waaaaaaaaay down after getting to the hospital. This reminded me of Alida's birth as well- I thought I was going to have the baby in the car with how frequent contractions were on the way to the hospital. But once I got to the hospital, things stalled out for a few hours. Alida didn't come for 8 hours after I checked into the hospital. Neither did Levi. I guess that ended up being true of Jacob as well. 

I was at a 3.5 when I got to the hospital in the morning and about a 4 around 12pm. Every cervical check baby was still high and cerix was thick so that was a bit discouraging as well. Dr. Nolte asked if we should start pitocin  around noon and I asked if it would help ripen cervix and he said definitely, so we started pitocin. Sure enough, within an hour things were moving along again. By 1pm I was a 4.5 and they were asking again if I wanted an epidural. They had asked previously and I was undecided. I wondered if I should try natural child birth, even though I didn't finish my hypnobabies course. But by 1p I was remembering how intense contractions can be. They weren't bad yet, but were getting intense enough that I couldn't talk or do anything but breathe through them. So I decided to get some help.

By 2pm, when the anesthesiologis got there, I was full swing, fully intense contrctions. I didn't remember how INTENSE they were!! Just enduring the pain took all my concentration and energy. I also remembered with Levi how I had asked for an epidural and the guy didn't get there for an hour and a half and I thought I was going to die!! I was glad this guy came faster because after just 1 hour of those contractions I was maxed out. 

I've been telling a few people this lately, but it's amazing how you forget the hard parts of pregnancy and delivery. I forgot how awful the end of pregnancy is- how you just sort of lose your mind slowly and the only objective is survival as your body shuts down. I also forgot how intense contractions can be- and if there is a choice, no woman  in her right mind can say "I'd like to continue enduring this pain". I decided to get a spinal tap- because less side effects, works fast but only lasts 2-3 hours. I was hopeful that it would mean I was less likely to puke as much and I might be able to feel more with it. Luke came in and was super fast and efficient and I am SO GRATEFUL for him! The spinal tap I got this time was THE BEST DECISION I EVER MADE!!! 

When Luke came in to do the spinal tap I was at a 7. The nurse warned me that if I did it too soon, it could wear off and then I'd have to just endure labor without anything. But I remembered that once my body decides to go, things progress quickly. Getting the spinal tap right when we did was the BEST decision. Geting it in and having to roll forward while enduring contractions was torture. I said a prayer that a contraction wouldn't come while he was putting it in my back, and that I could endure and not get sick. The contractions were getting INTENSE. Lasting longer. I had to breathe deeply in and out and count and do all I could just to get through them! He asked all the questions, I told him how they had a hard time getting the needle in the right place in the past, but he did great. The put me on the side of the bed with my legs hanging off and had me roll forward into the nurse's arms while he put the needle in my back. 2 pokes and he was there. I did get a contraction while he was working, but I got through it. And almost immediately after the medicine started to work.

As soon as it started to take effect I could feel sanity returnign to my mind. It was SO relieving. The pain was gone. I could still feel and move my legs though, and miracle of miracles, I had NO puking! No nauseau even! I felt like I was human again. It is AMAZING how exhausting it is to endure contractions- and that was only about an hour or two. I don't know how I did it with Levi waiting like 3 hours for pain relief and laboring 8 hours without any. I do think the contractions this time were worse than they had been before. 

Once the spinal tap was in, I hung out for a bit recovering and watching with curiosity as they said I was having contractions, but I felt no pain. WHAT A MIRACLE!! Around 2:30 I started feeling pressure down below and the nurse checked me and I was an 8.5 and baby had dropped. Things were moving along so she called Dr. Nolte and started getting things ready. I asked Michael to film for me because I had never seen any of my vaginal births, and I'm so glad he did that. The nurse Terrie and Brennon helped hold up my legs and helped me do a few pushes, maybe 4-5. I wondered why she was having me push though without Dr. Nolte there. She checked me again and I was a 10 and things were moving fast. In fact after my next push she had to tell me to stop or the baby would come without the doctor! So I waited while they transformed the room for delivery and Dr. Nolte got in there. I knew it would happen in the next few minutes so I was glad he came fast.

Oh I forgot to mention, around 10:30am when I wasn't really progressing, Nolte came in and did a cervical check and broke more bags of water. Apparently what happened Friday night wasn't all of my water and there was more. Well after he did that I felt like I was a gushing fountain of never ending fluid. At one point I had so much fulid coming out that I had to hold up the pad on the bed so the puddle wouldn't spill over on the floor. There was SO much fluid! I've never had that before. And every time I sat up or moved more fluid. They had to change my bed pad several times. I feel like I was retaining like GALLONS of fluid. I probably lost 20lbs just in water weight and was SO GLAD to get all of that stuff out! Almost immediately my swelling was going down and I was starting to feel human again.

Dr. Nolte was in the room and all ready for delivery within a few minutes of starting pushing with the nurses. I don't remember exactly how many times I pushed with him, but I think only 2-3 times. I felt baby crown and I knew he was out, and just a second later, his whole body was out too. It was SO FAST. I had only had my spinal tap for less than an hour and Dr. Nolte had only been in there a few minutes and we had our baby! 

As I was pushing toward the end I was overcome with emotion, I don't even know about what! There weren't any thoguhts in my head, but of a sudden I just started crying. I found myself saying "why am I crying?" and so did my husband. I didn't really know, but what I felt was "because this is hard. You're doing something really hard and it's almost over". 

The nurses kept commenting on how well I was doing with pain control before the spinal tap and breathing through the contractions and then how well I was doing after with pushing. I don't know that it's something you can be good or bad at, but I know that I was giving my all to endure and do well. When they pulled the baby out and put him on my chest though I was overcome. I was just SO RELIEVED he was here. I was so glad to be done. I was so grateful nothing went wrong and he was healthy and well. I was so glad it was over!

Dr. Nolte spent a little time cleaning things up and giving me a couple of stitches while I held baby and did some skin to skin. What a miracle babies are. How amazing how they come to us and are so perfectly formed. We didn't know for a long time how much he weighed or anything because I was just holding him for a couple of hours while everyone cleaned everything else up. After awhile I wanted to get up and take a shower and I loved that my legs worked and I didn't feel numb anymore. Michael got to hold his son for the first time and they started doing some little test on him too.

And that's it in a nutshell. 3:08pm on the Saturday before the 4th of July, at 36 weeks and 6 days, our little Jacob was born. 7 lbs. 10 oz., 19 inches long and fully really for life earth side. 

Welcome Jacob. Thank you for showing us that things work out when we surrender and let God prevail in our lives. Welcome to the chaos of our family of 6