The Jordans

I have these random moments where I'm not okay with how I've betrayed my awkward and weird little blog for instagram. I used to be a loyal friend ... and here I am finally blogging about last Thanksgiving and Christmas when this year's holidays are about to unleash the motherhood marathon that is being a MOM AT CHRISTMAS. Plus, I can say what I want here - no one reads it anyway. FOR POSTERITY MAN! My kids will be so glad I made fun of them from a young age so they have something to complain to their therapists about later in life.

Anyhoo, here's one of my all-time favorite pictures of Ev.

Nick made them rake leaves one freezing November day.

It was wicked cute.

She looks like one of the seven dwarves here and I'm so proud.

It's a sucker, not a cigarette.

Best part about raking leaves.

I was so excited for Christmas last year.

1. Having a baby at Christmas is the best! You can put them under the tree and lights twinkle down on them like a little angel and IT JUST MAKES ME SO HAPPY.

2. It was our first Christmas in our house! Sure, there's a lot of updates needed in this sweet little house of ours but I love it.

3. NICK FINALLY LET ME GET A FAKE TREE. OH MY HEAVENS WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE THE HAPPINESS I FEEL EVEN TYPING IT NOW. Here's the deal, I like the smell of pine, yada yada...BUT cleaning up the mess of a real tree/stopping your children from drinking the tree water (TODDLERS!)/putting lights on a real tree just gets me in a Christmas tizzy. I flipping hate it. And since Nick realized that putting lights on a tree turned me into the Grinch, he finally bought me a tree at Costco. And I know I'm a sell-out and what not, but here's the deal - real trees don't smell THAT good. Or at least they aren't any different than my pine candle that smells like the real thing without all the other stuff. So sue me.

4. I got to get new ornaments for my giant new tree! (Everything is felt/nonbreakable BUT STILL).

5. I agonized over a tree skirt and finally found one!

6. I got to order a stocking with Scarlett's name on it. I have this weird thing about stockings - they HAVE to have the person's name on it. I don't know why I feel so strongly about this. I realize it is very strange. MORE ON THIS LATER.

Tell me you're not happy right now BECAUSE YOU CAN'T.

Let me tell you a little story about how big of a loser I am. But before that, let me just say I CANNOT WAIT to demolish this ugly fireplace. It's awful and awkward and just not my style...but I get to enjoy it for a few more years until we can afford that. Anyway, I was SO excited to order a stocking for Scarlett because we didn't know what we were going to name her so I had to wait until after she was born. I got online at PB and measured our stockings from TOP TO TOE to make sure I ordered the right size. I ordered the XL because the measurements were right.

WELL GUESS WHAT? PB measures their stockings from TOP TO HEEL (WHICH IS FLIPPING STUPID IF YOU ASK ME) and it's not listed on their website that they do this so when this Hagrid-sized stocking arrived at my house I was angry. Like really, really, really mad. I called PB in a flurry yelling about this and that and Cynthia from PB customer service kept trying to tell me I was in the wrong BUT I WASN'T HAVING IT CYNTHIA. NO NO NO, YOU WILL NOT RUIN MY FIRST CHRISTMAS IN MY HOUSE. GIVE ME THE STOCKING I ORDERED IN MY HEAD. Anyway, I think Cynthia was afraid of the death threats and she agreed to send me the normal-sized stocking free of charge. This is not an advertisement for PB, but it could be since overall, I was happy with my service ... after I had to yell at a bunch of people.

The worst part is, Nick didn't want me to return it. Every time he came downstairs he'd just start laughing and of course, that ticked me off because it was a reminder of what a big loser I was. He was devastated when we had to return the Hagrid stocking until he realized that eventually we'd have to fill it up with things from Santa and then we was like ... Why didn't you order XS stockings?!

Because you made me feel like a loser Nick, that's why.

Nick CRUSHED it on the Christmas lights this year. I'm hoping it just gets more Clark Griswold-y every year.

I love this weird child of mine.

Nick's work Christmas party always gets a little out of hand.

We got together with friends to do a Nativity. There were a lot of angry tears over who got to be Mary (READ: 7 girls and 1 boy), but it all worked out.

Three wise-girls.

Ev was SO devastated that she had to be a shepherd because her costume wasn't "pretty."

I told her that jealousy was the ugliest thing in the universe and no pretty costume would make her pretty if her attitude was lame and that shut her up pretty fast. BOOM! CHRISTMAS MIRACLE BROUGHT TO YOU BY GOOD PARENTING.

I also let her dress up like Mary afterwards to see what it "felt like."

No real babies were used in the taking of this photo.

Merritt and Scarlett.

Evie had 27 unexcused tardies this school year. (DO YOU RECALL THE DATES OF THESE ALLEGED TARDIES?) Here's the thing - I had a baby and it was the winter from Alaska...also she was in Kindergarten and how much do you really learn in Kinder anyway? The only days she was on time were when Haley came and picked her up to take her. (pictured below) Thank you Haley for being a good mom.

Props to Old Navy for supplying carts for those of us who need them. Also, what is the point of making a cart this small? Great idea, poor execution.

That bum, though!

How was she ever this small?

I miss these days - wait, I'm not sure I miss them that much. Can I have them and be well-rested at the same time?

Snap chat filters were made for sleeping babies.

These girls! Their cute little heads were made for beanies.

If I had to summarize Scarlett's face the first two months of her life, it would be this picture.

These two cheeseheads! I love them to bits. They adore one another and I love that. Also, looking at this picture (it's a year old), they look so tiny! Stop growing kids!

Ev's Thanksgiving feast at school. I took one picture. Go me!

I think this is Thanksgiving Day?

Yup, definitely Thanksgiving. Ev and her chocolate turkeys from See's. I'm positive it's her favorite part of TG. Also, no beanie boos were eaten in the eating of TG.

Ev loves her Great-Grandparents.

The master chef.

Just snuggling by the fire.

The baby whisperer.

Anna went through a phase last year where we successfully made pancakes five days a week because ... HEALTH.

Evie taught Anna about the mannequin challenge and now she does it whenever we go to Target. I flipping love this child.

Festivities!

Hagrid stocking and Scarlett.

Ohhhhhh the days when Anna still wore a diaper. So glad those days are behind us!

More blessing day pics.

Man, 40 extra pounds looks good on me.

Some highlights from Scarlett's blessing:

- always remain close to the spirit.

- confidence in her choices.

- touch family and friends as she pursues educational goals.

- pursue saving ordinances.

- bless lives of her future family.

- comfort in her trials and guidance to return to her Father in Heaven.

- be strong spiritually.

- loved in ways that she might not know.

- cleave to gospel principles.

- knowledge that many love her and will aid her.

- live a worthy life.

Ev's first Elementary School Christmas program!

NOTICE MY TREE SKIRT.

I know it's just red, but it seriously took me five years to decide on one. I debated getting white fur... but I just couldn't do it. I was worried one of my kids would eat it. TRUE STORY.