The snow covered path

I have always read about people going through a spiritual crisis, and “beginning again” so to speak, and I have all the wrong (for me anyway) kinds of experience with beginning again.

I have been into and “practicing” paganism, and other such things since about 206-2007, for reference, I was about 13-14 at the time. As you probably already guessed, my religious experiences have been a little crazy over time, and have grown with me.

A few attitudes, that had a very negative impact on me had a lot to do with my age, and people my age. While I understand the general sentiment, it was very damaging to me at the time, and my anxiety only made it worse. Just picture it for a moment a young impressionable girl being mostly raised by a manipulative and emotionally abusive father (though not only, mom was too busy working to pay off his medical bills), and an already developing case of anxiety, being told, “your to young and immature to be looking into this kinds of stuff” and other such things. I totally get the issues with laws and minors, however all the looking into stuff I did was with the full knowledge and consent from my mother.

Due to that attitude, I spent the next several years floating in an indecisive abyss. I hopped back and forth between religions, never promising them anything or making commitments, just honoring them historically.

I kept wondering, “Am I old enough yet? Mature enough to make this kind of decision?”. Which are both, rather unfortunate things, to feel pressured to answer. Who gets to decide who is old enough/Mature enough to pick a religion that fits them? (Besides, some of the people I respect the most, aren’t all that much older than me. A bit yes, but not a lot.)

Now, from the very beginning I felt at home with the Gods and Goddesses of Egypt,and have floundered a little, but as of now I am very happy to be on the right track again. No the doubts not gone, nor will it ever be, but I am happy with were I am.

Beginning my journey again, this time with a little more perspective, and a little wiser (not a lot though haha). Heres to many more joyous years, wading through the molasses of doubt to continue on.

Senut
Awhile ago, I decided to strip myself down to bare bones and give myself some breathing room, I took all shrines down, and put all my books away,and did somthing akin to slacker paganism ( if your in a spiritual rut google this it’s amazing). All I have done for months upon months is, meditate, journal, ground center cleanse, do basic energy and such, recently I have gotten into working with dragons and such, and slowly easing myself back into religion one toe at a time. Now as it stands I a kemetic, who dabbles in lots of things (see dragons for example). I am also a member of HON. While I don’t agree with everything (that is to be expected everyone varies a little) I like the community and the people I have had the pleasure of talking with.

Anyway the point is, I have been getting back into the community and talking with people and trying to make it to chats. And today I finally bucked up despite my worry, and performed senut for the first time in a really really long time. It felt really good, to finally do it after so long.

Another thing is, after about 7 years having an account at HON, I have reached a point where I feel I am ready to do the RPD, I sent an email today, to discuss a few things first, but overall, I feel really happy about the direction I’m heading :).

(Btw for those curious, I am Yami_Ranpu over there/ MeLyssa, I see both so I dunno)

Hi some of you might know me as yami_ranpu over at ecauldron:). But here I am to start bloging about my spiritual path Which I’ve named the snow covered path. The reason for that will hopefully become clear throughout my posts:).