Feeling Crafty

Sometimes I get made fun of for getting all of my ideas off the Internet. But why should I waste time thinking up my own ideas when other people have posted their much better ideas for people like me to copy?

Here are some things I’ve copied lately.

For my bathroom:


For my baby:


For my neighbors:


For my front door:


For my young women:

Liposuction: The New White Teeth

In Utah right now we have radio ads for a new kind of non-invasive liposuction—a procedure so easy that you can go back to work the next day.

First you could get white teeth for a fee; now you can get skinny for a fee.

Am I going to be the last chubby girl with yellow teeth left on the planet?

Mother of the Year

Yesterday I got Eliza up from her nap, only to find that she was holding a piece of a petrified roll that I had given her the night before at dinner. Yikes!

Then, I was telling Ben about it at dinner last night. I ended with something dramatic like, “She could have died!”

Liam became curious at this point, and started asking questions. After he figured out we were talking about Eliza and a piece of a roll, he asked, “And then she died?”

The poor kid would have been traumatized if he knew what the word “died” meant.

Happy Halloween!

From Ozzy,


the dragon and ladybug,


and our little pet spiders.

The Glass Is Half Full

Liam came down with the flu last night, so he had to miss his preschool’s field trip to the fire station this morning.

I was feeling really sorry for him, so I called my dad to get some pity. But the best he could come up with was, “At least you probably won’t get hit by a tsunami, and if you do, you’re up on the hill so you might be safe.” And then, after a short pause, “I don’t know where the tsunami will come from, but if it comes from the Pacific, just know that your mother and I loved you guys.”

A few minutes later I instant messaged Schmath to see if she had any sympathy for Liam, but all she said was, “At least he’s not allergic to hamburgers.”

Chameleon Eyes

My brother, Jeff, recently moved to a tiny town on the border of Canada, because apparently he was sick of sunshine and civilization. We’re going to visit him this Christmas so we’ll always be grateful for our mild Utah winters.

Jeff called today while he and his wife were on their way to spinning lessons. “Really?” I asked. “The town’s too small for a gym, so someone gives private spinning lessons?” But actually, they just bought a spinning wheel and now they’re learning to spin wool. I said, “Wait…do you have sheep?” He answered, “No, but it’s a good thing to have, you know, in case we ever get some sheep.”

I asked him how cold it would be when we came for Christmas, and he answered, “It will probably be in the -20s, but then it could also be as warm as 0, so definitely bring your swim suits.”

Since we’ll be so close to Canada, we decided to get passports for Liam and Eliza so we can cross the border to go ice skating on the world’s biggest rink or spend a day in Montreal. But when I filled out the passport applications, I had to pick an eye color for Eliza. I don't think Eliza's eyes have made a final decision on color yet, but it's hard to tell which way they're going. Some days they're green; other days they're brown; sometimes they're even a little blue-ish.

What color would you have picked?








I went with gray.

The Most Annoying Difference Between Liam and Eliza

Back when Liam started eating solids, I bragged about how easy the "messy baby food stage" was. Now I look at this picture and I can't even believe I had the guts to feed him in a white shirt:


But it's not even dirty! He has an orange goatee and a couple microscopic spills on his bib, and that's it!

Now check out Eliza at the dinner table tonight:


I just hope she learns how to swallow before she goes on her first date. And I hope the fact that she grabs the spoon every single time it comes toward her isn't the beginning of a life-long power struggle between us.

Zoo Babies

Schmath and I went to the zoo yesterday because they were advertising their cute new baby elephant, Zuri:



But they also ended up having a cute baby giraffe:


And cute baby tigers:


Plus, they had some pretty cute baby humans:

Squash

Today Eliza is six months old, which is awesome because it means I’m half way done breastfeeding. So we celebrated with her first real taste of baby food.

Deep Thoughts By Ben

Upon seeing the potty I bought for Eliza:

"Life is hardly bearable if the toilet's uncomfortable."

Taaz Dot Com

It might be really fun...


Or it might be really disturbing.

Still Taking After Her Brother

Turns out I’m pretty consistent at producing babies who suck on their tongues while lifting one arm.

I Heart Preschool

When I was pregnant with Eliza, I remember thinking life would only be hard until she was 5½ months old, and then Liam would start preschool.

Today Liam went to his first day of preschool, and those 2½ hours without him this morning were every bit as nice as I imagined they would be.

Veto Power

Last night Ben and I got on the topic of church dances, which got him thinking about his 14-year-old church dance crush. After a few minutes of trying to remember her name, he exclaimed, “Autumn!” Then, after a few more seconds of thinking about her, he said, “We should name our next daughter Autumn.”

Right. That’s totally going to happen.

Formal Apology

To the makers of the newborn-sized shoes:

Five months later, my baby still doesn’t fit in size 0-3 month shoes. Turns out her feet are freakishly small. I'm sorry for calling you jokers.

Pacifier Free Zone

Eliza is 5 months old today, and she celebrated by sleeping for 10 hours straight last night. That’s pretty huge, because she’s been waking up at least once every night since birth, asking for me to stick her pacifier back in.

A few days ago I decided that her going to bed nicely with the pacifier wasn’t worth me waking up in the middle of the night, so I started letting her cry herself to sleep. I’m totally selfish like that.

But she slept 10 hours straight! And she’s happy! Come on, stop judging.

Mothers-in-Law

Yesterday my sister came over while I was reading a book that my mother-in-law loaned me.

"You're reading Girl with a Pearl Earring?" Schmath asked. "I loved that book."

"Then why didn't you loan it to me?" I asked.

"Because I borrowed it from my mother-in-law," she answered.

Seriously?

Who's the genius that made baby Tylenol bright red? Has there ever been a baby who swallowed that stuff without spitting it all over?

Comparing Notes

I was just looking at old photos of Liam when he was Eliza's age, and it turns out that at 4 months old he was pretty good at grabbing his toes.


Eliza seems to be slightly developmentally challenged in the toe area, but at least she's really good at sticking out her tongue.

Slow And Steady Doesn't Win the Race

The other night I heard a song on the radio about Michael Jackson’s life and legacy. I can't believe my band broke up four years ago, and we still haven’t finished recording our last album, but some guy wrote and recorded a song in one month and it’s already getting played on the radio.

Try Saying "Wasp Nest" 10 Times Fast

Anybody notice anything really disturbing about my backyard?

How about now?

Schmath found a giant wasp nest in my tree a few days ago, and we haven't been outside since.

Such Your Lips

Some people sing while they drive. Other people sing while they shower. And Liam sings while he swims.

It's Not Easy Being Green

The other day Schmath IMed me to say, "I think Hanne looks like Miss Piggy and Eliza looks like Kermit."

And then she sent evidence:

Bring On The Nutella

This morning I took Liam to his annual visit with the allergist. This year he was tested for cats, dogs, almonds, brazil nuts, cashews, coconut, hazelnuts, pecans, pistachios, sunflower seeds, and walnuts.


Now it’s five hours later and he still looks like he has chicken pox. But the good news is that he’s not allergic to brazil nuts or hazelnuts. Also, I'll never have to be talked into getting a pet. I can't wait to see what next year brings.

The Best $30 I Ever Spent

You should know that 10-foot by 30-inch plastic swimming pools are on sale at Walgreens right now. Supposedly they’re normally $80, but I got mine last night for $30.

We set it up today and Liam turned from a big scaredy-cat into the next Michael Phelps in about five seconds.

Rock and Roll

Guess what Eliza learned how to do yesterday?

So You Think You Can Dance

Here's what Wednesday and Thursday nights look like at our house:

Role Reversal

Liam and I were sorting through baby toys yesterday when Liam found his old glow worm. He was so excited to be reunited with his “baby.” He said, “Mom, ask me if I want to play with toys with you.”

“Okay, Liam, do you want to play with toys with me?” I asked. “No, I’m busy,” he replied. “I have to feed my baby.”

Top 10 Reasons to Go to Grandma and Grandpa’s House

10. Airplane rides

9. Train rides


8. Motorized wheelchair rides

7. Cousin dress-up time



6. Playdates with Ethan and Austin

5. Marriage proposals from Little Devan

4. Jam sessions with Merle

3. Giraffe feedings

2. The beach

1. Grandma and Grandpa!