31 & Feeling Good...

31 things I have learned at 31…

1.   Judging is one of the hardest things to overcome.  It really is a reflection of my insecurities.  

2.     Your real friends know everything about you and still love you. And most importantly, they love you and want you to live an amazing, abundant life.

3.     I believe Karma is real. 

4.     Marriage is going to be a leap of faith.  Good thing I love to leap!

5.       Change is hard, but change is always good!

6.    It’s okay for me to take time to figure out what I really believe without worrying about what others may think!

7.    SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU AND WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. NOT THE ONES THAT ARE MISERABLE themselves.

8.     Fear must be conquered. You’ll always be afraid of something, so you might as well get over it and move onto the next thing. 

9.     There are certain Books that will be a part of me forever!

10.  Listening is a gift. The emotions you feel listening to another person’s story are priceless.  It takes courage for me to tell my story.

11.  I can get through everything... My rearview mirror is full of times that I made it, usually others are there with me in the mirror.

12. Adventures should be a part of everyone’s life.

13.  I’ve learned it’s a lot harder to be mad then it is to BE HAPPY!

14. THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH WANTING TO MAKE A GREAT INCOME AND HAVE NICE THINGS. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH NOT BEING GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE AND THE LUXURIES YOU CAN AFFORD. BE GRATEFUL. Wealth is dependent on the point of view of the person that has it.

15.   I believe in life experiences that allow us to see who we really are and what we can learn and change by having those experiences.

16.  Men and women think differently. Learning to communicate in the opposite sex’s language is essential for success in life and business. And it goes both ways.

17.  Family time should be cherished and held near and dear to your heart. 

18.  Good manners are one of the best assets.

19.  Perspective really is a gift!

20.  COMMUNICATION IS KEY TO MOST OF LIFE’S MISUNDERSTANDINGS.

21.  I can be traditional and a feminist at the same time.

22.  Whether or not I care about someone doesn’t mean I can’t be honest with them.

23.  Living in gratitude for the things you already have is the first step to happiness. 

24.  I will always work on being my best self so I am able to give my best self to others.

25.  EDUCATION GOES SO FAR BEYOND SCHOOL (high school, College) FIND TOPICS YOU’RE PASSIONATE ABOUT AND IMMERSE YOURSELF IN THEM. NEVER STOP LEARNING.

25B. Spiritual learning has by far been the most challenging education.

26.  “Let go of what does not serve you” is a motto to live by. Relationships, careers, habits, ideas, etc. As hard as it is to let go, there’s something better waiting, and you’ll never find it if you don’t let go of what’s holding you back.

27.  Know your strengths and weaknesses. 

28.Women get better in their 30’s (and beyond).

29.  Relationships translate to connection, and connection is the meaning of life.

30.  Remember dreams can change.

31. I feel younger in spirit at 31 than I did at 25, which is pretty much really freaking exciting.

I'm Going Private

Most of you are probably wondering why in the heck I would choose to go private. It's not like I have any kids or family to protect other then myself, but I think it's time to go private when... your top 10 referral sites are unknown to you.  I know it's probably only a handful of people that really read my blog & most of them are family members(love you guys) but I would rather be safe then sorry.  So if you'd like, you know the drill, just leave your e-mail address in the comments and I will send you an invite.  LOVES

Sisters

AMBER:
My Older Sister...I'm not sure if younger sisters are per-programed to automatically look up to their older sisters, but I know I did from a young age.  Growing up I was somewhat of a Tom Boy & Amber was pretty much a girls girl.  I can't say that growing up we were super close, but we weren't not close.  I spent my time with my dad & brothers and Amber with my mom.  I will say this...I would do anything for her. We shared a room for a few years & I will never forget how in the middle of the night I would hear her making sounds (moaning, crying, moving around) When I would ask if she was alright, she would instantly say "I think water would help".  Our room was upstairs and so making it to the kitchen was no small task.  I would get her the water and go back to sleep.  Well, come to find out later in life she wasn't sick or feeling bad she just wanted a drink and was to warm to get out of her bed.  (I'm sure she probably has a different version of the story).
I love that she has a great sense of humor, she enjoys playing jokes on people & secretly we love it when she does. It shows her true colors & she lets us see them every once in awhile.  She's really good at it too:) She's so caring and has a love for her family that is hard to parallel.  I look up to her for the mother that she is and wants to be & I'm so grateful that she has been blessed with that desire.  She may not look tough, but my older sister is a fighter! Not in the hit something or someone kind of way, but in purpose & values.  She fights for what she knows to be true and protects it.  She definitely has the Eves stubbornness;  I guess you could throw in the Williamson side as well. I have a love/hate with this side of her, but I don't have a lot of room to talk.  I LOVE her with all of my heart and truly find JOY in being her sister.

AMY:

So Amy doesn't really like being in/taking pictures so I don't have one of just the two of us. Amy's the sister that's just younger then me by 4 years. Our relationship isn't like the other relationships that I share with my siblings, but it's perfect, because Amy is perfect (It took me a long time to realize this). It seem funny, but growing up she could get me going from 0-60 in a matter moments.
 If you have the opportunity to be around Amy for longer then a few hours or a few days you realize that she's different.  I don't use the word different in a negative way.  She's different in the fact that she teaches me to see with new eyes & feel with a new heart & continues to teach me everyday.  Amy's ability to accept everyone is like nothing else.  Amy is the purest form of Love. Maybe it's because her inability to comprehend bad choices, consequences, or the simplest decisions of everyday life keep her from making judgements.  I'm not sure this is coming out how I mean it, but life is so simple to her, because in some ways she doesn't comprehend it.  She definitely has the ability to live life day to day.  If anyone can live in the moment that would be Amy.  In some ways I envy her for that.  Even though I've never really had a significantly deep conversation with her, she has taught me a lot about life!  I LOVE you sis.

 

 LISA:

My baby sister! Some would say the mini me, but she's way more girly & cool;) Even though 5 years separates us we are close.  I have loved watching her grow-up.  Now that she's married and has a little girl I have seen her change and grow into a beautiful wife and mother.  She's so easy going & she has showed me that life is to be enjoyed.  She's always had that fun-loving personality that people tend to gravitate to.  I believe that her heart aches just as much for her sisters struggles as it does her own. I know that she wants nothing else, but for her family to have joy! I'm so grateful for the experiences that we have had together that allowed us to grow both individually and together.  Thank you for being my IMPACT buddy:) Not sure I could have done it without you.
I believe that ever since we were little I saw the similarities between the two of us.  I've always been the protective big sister...She can tell you that I went to her room more then once to tell her I didn't like the person that she was dating and if she married him well I'm not sure I would be okay with that. If there is one thing that Lisa always had that I didn't, it would be boyfriends.  I think she dated more in High School then I have in my entire life.  I'm glad that Devin captured her heart.  They really are 2 pea's in a pod.  I think that picture below says it all!  I LOVE this little sis of mine & enjoy every second I get to be around her.

 

The December Lesson: Receiving

   Again, I must apologize if this post does not make much sense, but when something hits me with such force and power I find it hard to articulate my feelings in a way that others will understand or comprehend.

   Receiving Anxiety: I think it's a very real thing :) This year has seemed to be the worst it has ever been for me. I literally made myself sick thinking about it. The Anxiety over receiving gifts from friends and family was overwhelming & honestly quit heavy!

   If you ask any child which is better between giving or receiving, they will probably tell you that receiving is a whole lot more fun then giving. Somewhere between childhood and adulthood I lost that mentality completely. As if giving made me superior(received praise) and receiving made me weak.

   Maybe, it was in 3rd or 4th grade when I had enough money to go to Santa's work shop at school & finally pick something out for my mom and dad. Pretty sure my mom loved the ceramic cow toothpick holder (nail that one) or getting dad a leather-man or pocketknife every year just seemed perfect. Maybe, it was when I was little and we would go out Christmas Eve doorbell ditching to give to those in need in our neighborhood. Or maybe, as parents we try to teach our children the right principles about not being spoiled and selfish. That in trying to teaching them about these things we use songs about Santa and how he's checking his list to see who's naughty or nice that we imply that gifts are earned or conditional.

  Everything had it's opposite we seem to learn in contrasts... Rich/Poor Good/Bad Right/Wrong Light/Dark Giving/Receiving. Rich is easier then being poor, Yes is better than no, right is superior to wrong, light is safer than dark. So it stands to reason in this deeply ingrained sorting system, that either giving or receiving must be “better. We've heard it over and over again from our parents and religious leaders “tis better to give than to receive," I must have really taken that one to heart. I don't recall every having a conversation about receiving. I felt like I never heard about receiving until this year, it could be that I was just blinded by my own ego or wasn't ready to hear it, but this year's First Presidency's Christmas Devotional Pres. Uchtdorf spoke about receiving.

  For the last five years I have been working on being unconditional LOVE. I never realized that by not allowing other to give me gifts, I was putting conditions/limits on their LOVE as well as the way that I received LOVE. Receiving is a part of the Atonement the receiver is being an instrument in the hands of the Lord in fulfilling his Atonement which is LOVE. Gifts are given to express emotion. Usually they are given to express the LOVE that we have for one another. Receiving those gifts is receiving LOVE as well as giving LOVE to the giver. Just as the Atonement is a gift given with LOVE we can not fully feel it's power until we are willing to Receive with LOVE

 According to the Bible, God’s gift of salvation is never because we earn it or deserve it. It is not because we’re givers that we receive His LOVE. According to scripture, salvation is a gift. Only the proud and foolish would ever think they could earn it. With the Holiday Season of celebrating the birth of our Savior in which even the 3 wise men brought gifts that represented so much more then just monetary value. Christ birth was a gift of LOVE given by our Father in Heaven. I am grateful and humbled to be a receiver of my Savior's gift as well as my Heavenly Fathers gift everyday.


 May we all work(me especially) at being better receivers of not only the Gifts given from our Heavenly Father, but also those given from our brothers and sisters.
Merry Christmas.

Family, Friends, Food, and Fun!

This month has flown by and I couldn't not post about how great Nov. has been this year. I decided this year that I wasn't going to do the whole "What I'm Thankful for Everyday"(It kinda drives me crazy), but I still love you if you do it thing! Instead I wanted to write letters to a few people that have made a difference in my life. These individuals where from the past, present, and I even wrote a few to future recipients:) I believe it's a new tradition for me every Nov.



The month of Nov. Instagram style.

Was able to go to a few BYU Women's Soccer (Elite Eight) and Volleyball games. I LOVE sports...such a good time.

 

 Catching up with old friends. Hadn't seen these two for 3 years.

 

I am so GRATEFUL that I had a chance to catch up with some of my lifelong friends. They have always been there!

I LOVED being home for Thanksgiving...Beautiful Weather, Beautiful Family, Beautiful Blessings. LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!

 
So Grateful that I was able to share this moment with a friend. I love the blessing of the temple.

 

Gave my first Relief Society Lesson on M. Russell Ballard's talk "Be Anxiously Engaged". Such good stuff. I would highly recommend studying that one again! Its ALL about the LOVE! Hope everyone had a Happy November!

I said "YES"

There are moments when it seem like everything just feels right and the stars are alined something magical happens or something stupid... About 6 months ago a friend of mine asked if I'd do the Tough Mudder with him.  In that moment it felt right the stars were aligned so I said "YES".  Even after I watched the video (you can watch it here http://toughmudder.com if you'd like).  I thought to myself... "It's going to be okay I have 6 months to train for this thing". Well things come up and I didn't train as hard as I probably should have. Not to mention the week before I wasn't able to train at all because of the Kidney Stone experience. That really put me out of commission. So here's how it went down.

 

(My Cute roommate made me some good luck signs)

It rained the night/morning before the race so the condition were extra muddy & cold.  It was overcast and windy & our car read 42 as we pulled into our parking spot.  To say the least it was going to be a cold/wet/muddy 13 mile challenge.  I had 2 goals going into the race.
1. Run the whole thing.
2. Complete every obstacle.

   

Before the race...*Notice the gibberish on my forehead. It was suppose to be my bib number, but the guy writing it was so cold he was shaking!

     I'm not going to go into detail of every challenge, but if you are thinking you want to do this or are wondering what type of obstacles/challenges we did, here is the course map (Course Map).  

   Within a half mile from the start line the first obstacle "Kiss the mud" leaves you wet & muddy.  I knew that being cold would take it's toll mentally & physically.  Within another 1/2 mile, the cold took on a whole new meaning. The Arctic Enema, is a huge dumpster of blue ice water laced with 1000's of pounds of ice cubes with a large obstacle in the middle which forced you to go under water.  I decided at the beginning to not hesitate going into any obstacle.  Saying the cold took my breath away would be a serious understatement.  As my body rebelled and my mind calculated the damages, my legs moved me forward on autopilot.  I dropped beneath the water and it felt like a million needles poking my skull.  My arms became useless as I tried to push my body through the water.  I grabbed the ladder and struggled to pulled myself up and out.  Only obstacle #2 & I knew my legs and arms & hands were going to be useless because of how cold I was going to continue to be. (Almost all the obstacles had some sort of cold water).

 

                                    Will She Make it?                                                   NO!

 We started out with a team of 11, but a short distance in most began to walk.  I told them my goal was to run the whole thing and Casey, Liz, and Jarvis were in.  So the 4 of us took off from the rest of the pack at about mile 3 and worked together to finish together.

 

After the "Mud Mile" obstacle I was feeling pretty good.  Not sure Casey behind me was;)

   At about mile 8 no one was really talking in our little group of 4 we were all more focused on running and finishing. We would pass people that would say "Look, there are still people running".  I love being left alone with my thoughts and feelings & to be able to connect with my spirit.  I learn so much about myself & I believe that's a big reason why I participate or do the things I do.  Being able to completely focus on mind and body & listen.  To be put in a situation or experience that opens the door for you to connect with something within you that you wouldn't if you hadn't had the experience.

OUCH!!

The above was the final obstacle...Electroshock therapy.  This was the most challenging one of them all.  10,000 volts of electricity flowing through 100's of wires as you try to make your way through.  We all start off standing but few make it through without being knocked to the ground after being zapped once.  I got stuck under one of the wires & was continuously shocked about 10 times until my body caught up with my mind & I was able to drag myself out.

 

WE FINISHED!!

  

After the course I felt extremely beat up.  My legs were locked up.  My body temperature was low and I could feel my mental processes breaking down and my hand dexterity not working.  Once I changed out of my wet clothes, it took about 3 hours before I felt like my body was able to warm itself up. The Day after the event, my body had time to rest and process what I had done to it.  To say the least I wasn't moving around very well.  Although my body still fells like it went through something significant, it is on the mend.  My knee's took the biggest beating, they are still banged up a bit.

 I earned my Badge!!

The Sorcerer & The Stones

Please be advised that this post is going to be very very lengthy!  I couldn't not document this experience. Passing a kidney stone would make a suitable form of revenge for any enemies one may have because it not only causes severe pain, but psychological damage as well.  It's tactics are sudden and unexpected.  Most never see it coming, I was one of it's most recent victims.  The battle started on the morning of Tuesday October 2nd.

October 2nd (6:30 AM) Just after waking up for my morning workout a severe pain attacked my lower back in my right side. The pain grew stronger & before I knew it I was on the floor possibly moaning, I crawled from room to room because standing and sitting were to painful.  I became chilled and had clammy hands as well as nauseated. This continued for about 30-40 mins.  I decided to call the parents, no answer.  So I called my sister Amber,  Thank you for answering! Thankfully my brother-in-law Dean was home & I was able to describe what I was feeling. As I was telling him what I was feeling the pain went away as fast as it came;  I was healed or so I thought.  Dean said it sounds like a Kidney Stone. I didn't have any pain the rest of the day.

October 3rd: Just another regular day.  I walked 18 holes at Hobble Creek & felt great...Drove home to Hurricane with my parents who had come up last min. for some meetings my dad had. I as looking forward to Conference Weekend...Golf, Marathon, Soccer games, crafts. Other than the Dentist it was going to be a great weekend. Dull Pain in my lower right side that night, but nothing to bad.  Just thought it was from walking 18 with my clubs on my back.

October 4th (11:00 AM)  First scheduled dentist appointment dull pain as I'm driving over. Had them give me the gas to take my mind off of the pain in my back(P.S. I love the gas @ the dentist) Went home nothing to bad, just a continued dull ache for the rest of the day,  which brought some discomfort, but nothing that I couldn't manage.  I called my Healer(Terry) who is located in St.George to see if I could make an appointment for the next day just to check out what was going on he was booked solid until the 18! Later that night went to my nephews flag football game & felt good. 

October 4th (9:00 PM) Not feeling so well, severe pain is back.  I decide to go lay down & read a book.  I didn't get much reading done, instead I sang The Star Spangled Banner as I rocked back and forth on my bed. **Side note...When in pain I have conversations with my pain as well as I sing whatever song comes into my head.** The pain subsides around 10:00 PM & I go to sleep.

12:30 AM: Pain wakes me.  I can't stand or sit up so I roll out of bed towards the bathroom, pain is the worst it's been.  Remember how I mentioned above about how I have conversations well...The conversation went something like this...Keep in Mind this is out-loud:)

Me:  "Holy Crap this is painful!!"

Me to my pain: "Please don't make me throw up!"

Me: "If I throw up I'm not going to be very happy."

Me to my pain: "Oh so you wanna play hard ball."

Me to my pain: "Holy Crap. why are you doing this to me?"

Me: "I think I'm going to throw up."

(1:00 AM) the above happened...Not fun!

Me to my pain: "Okay, Okay...Round 1 goes to you. You've won this round, but you haven't won the battle."

Me: "I'm not sure how much longer I can go"

(1:30 AM) the pain goes away.  I'm to physically & emotionally tired to get back to my bed so I lay on the floor with the rugs pulled over me because I'm freezing.

(2:30 AM) IT'S BACK!

Me: "Are you kidding me?!"

Me to my pain: "Why do you hate me?"

- feel nausea rolling back and forth on the bathroom floor

Me: "Not AGAIN!"

(3:00 AM) I lose my cookies

Me to my pain: "Wow you are really good,  I'll give you round 2 as well."

(3:30 AM) I lose them again : ROUND 3 goes to Kidney Stone

Me: "Please Bless, Please Bless Please Bless."

(4:30 AM) Pain is less and I'm able to crawl back to bed and fall to sleep.

(6:30 AM) pain is back...Thankfully it doesn't make me throw up. 

(7:30 AM) My mom comes to check on me. I tell her about my night.  I'm suppose to go for round 2 of the dentist at 11:00 AM to finish the work they couldn't get done on Thursday.  We don't want to talk about the cavity situation that I had going on! I told her I would see how I was feeling because I didn't want to have to come back down for the dentist at a later date.  I just wanted it done.  

(8:30 AM) Pain has been constant since 6:30. Sister Amber comes up with a clear cup and tells me to Dean will take my Pee to be tested at his work to make sure it's a Kidney Stone and not an infection or something else.  I dislike peeing into cups! 

(11:00 AM) Have my mom drive me to the Dentist because I don't think I would make it alive if I drove by myself. Everyone in the dentist office could see that I'm not doing well.  I let the dental assistant know that I expect to have a garbage can right next to me because I refuse to throw up on them as well as myself.  I immediately asked for the gas when they put me in the chair.  If you've never had the gas at the dentist well it's great.  It makes your whole body feel kinda fuzzy and you know what's going on, but you just don't care what you say or how you act:) I tend to tell people that I love them A LOT! While waiting for the dentist my pain got really bad even with the gas.  The rest is from what my mom told me because I don't remember a whole lot.

- My mom was asked to come into the room because they didn't think they should work on me, but instead have her take me to the insta-care.

- I insisted that I would be okay & the I would find "My Center" & be fine.

- Started shaking really bad my mom said it looked like I was convulsing. She was seated in the corner of the room.

- Put a blanket over me and started working:)

- My mom got a call from Dean with the test results which indicated blood in the urine.  100% certain kidney stones but no infections.

- I may or may not have sang or hummed "I'm trying to be like Jesus"

- Half way through I felt like I was going to throw up. I patted the arm of the assistant and grabbed at the trash can.  That was my signal.  I was told that it wasn't very good timing. I had to jaw spacers, wires and wedges that they had to undo.  All I know is that he got out just in time.  I sat up and it was over.  I wasn't able to feel my complete right side so I couldn't tell if I had spit or anything else coming out of my mouth.  My my was a sweet heart and wiped my face.

- After that I was on oxygen only and made it through the rest of the appointment. 

- About 5 mins before they were done, the pain had went away and I was doing okay other then I was still chilled and have the cold sweats.

(1:30 PM) My dad calls down to Terry's office to see if they can get us in.  Again, we are told that he is completely booked, but if we wanted we could come sit in the waiting area to see if by some chance he can sneak us in we are more then welcome.  So my parents drive me down to St.George to wait.  

(2:30 PM) Terry (Natural Healer) is able to slip me in.  He tells me I have 1 stone in my Uretha and one still in my Kidney he dissolves them and tells me to drink lots of water & that I might feel like a horse kicked me in the back while I pass them, but you should be good after that.  The rest of the night I have zero pain.  Played with my nieces and nephew that night jumping on the tramp:) Good Times.

Saturday: No pain!!  YAY! I enjoyed the entire day.  I got to see my Brother-in Law finish the St. George Marathon, watched a soccer game, spent time with the girls while men where at conference.

Sunday Morning:  Pain came back for about an hour and I've been good every since.

I'm so grateful that I was able to be home with my family while this was happening because I can't imagine what it would have been like by myself!  Thanks Family I sure do LOVE you guys!