Darkness Before Light

This year in august , I delivered a tiny miracle, a baby girl, after an overwhelming struggle with the odds. I worked very hard throughout the pregnancy, perhaps harder than I should. There were complications in the last trimester and yet it happened. Overwhelming is the word; overwhelmed by allah’s kindness; overwhelmed by my little munchkin’s cuteness; overwhelmed by finances and work; overwhelmed by people’s meanness; overwhelmed by some others’ kindness and support.  I didn’t want her for completion of my marriage but for completion of me; and i feel complete and happy and terribly busy and lost being a new and clumsy mother……

Remember the first time you watched titanic?How did you feel? Did u cry for kate and jack? The doomed, unrequited love? Then what happened when you watched it for the second time, then the third and then the fourth. Gradually, we become immune to love or maybe we stop believing in love along the way. Then you watch it after awhile and you feel something. I dont know a woman pushing forty what would she say when she would look back at her twenty five year old self. To believe in love or forgo. What would you say to your 16 yr old self, your 25 yr old self?

Dark skies; pouring rain; loneliness; a cup of steaming tea; looking out of the window; detached and yet attached! Best of all! No one can take this away from me. No one can interpret it; suspect; confront and challenge it! The ability to enjoy this is mine and mine alone!

I have thinking a lot abt new ideas for projects and seeing what sticks…..

still settling down….still struggling…

Disappointments should set in very early in the marriage, so you would know where you stand. It can be just about sharing a bed, closet space,  two tooth brushes in the bathroom, perfumes on the chester drawer, and not lives.

so i am married and now and very much stressed out.

I am doing the inevitable: spring cleaning. I don’t believe the amount of clutter we have around the house. Things preserved so they might come in handy some day; things being hold on to for sentimental value; things about which we aren’t sure why we preserved them in the first place; things we never got rid of out of laziness. We are a bunch of kleptomaniacs.

O pledge to wake up early or at least on time every morning and yet I find myself rolling around in bed till 10:30 am, unable to get out. My blanket loves me too much! Sleeping late and waking up late…what a bliss….son to end~

I am supposed to be verbose but there are times when it’s harder to articulate urself. I am finding it hard to utter even two sensible sentences these days, let alone right an article. Yet in my mind, there are always thoughts conjuring, fears rising and falling, unknown emotions…..here is to productivity and wordlessness….