meter maid

Annie is officially full term (due date was December 27th).
Jane turns 6 in a few days!
Ruby has a CT scan and dr appt next week.
Siri is....healthy and normal but has crazy teeth. Saving pennies for dental work :)

We did another oxygen test on Monday night and Annie's lungs are still not ready to breathe on their own.  Prayers for them to keep getting stronger.

Anxious to find out about Ruby's scan but feeling more, I don't know...prepared. Not that I know what to do, but that I'm more prepared to have to make decisions.

We had a picture perfect Christmas and have love love loved being together and no school! So happy to get to be with Jenn's fam for a bit while they're here from Cali.

one month

Dearest baby thack #4 is one month old today!  And technically I'd be 39 weeks pregnant. I feel like I can now start expecting things from her like a regular newborn :) Like today, she had her first blowout. Amazed she went this long as the other babies were blowing out diapers left and right by her age.

Oxygen cannula is still an accessory she's sporting and I am praying her lungs can keep improving and she can get off it soon. Very ready to be done with tubes and cords attached to her!  Speaking of which, how would I sleep without electricity?!  Annie's room has her oximeter, heater, lamp, noise machine, and video monitor all plugged in. I'm thankful the power hasn't gone out yet this winter.

Annie is a beauty. Her dark eyes, fair soft skin, tiny fingers and fluffy hair make it easy to sit a while and hold her. I was glad to be able to have time to do that today. Ruby resists 'quiet time' aka naps most often, but she fell asleep with me on the couch today. She's an angel with her fair skin and rosy cheeks. I blew dried her hair after the bath last night so her hair actually looked nice today.  I feed Annie about 7x/day (the babywise method is legit people) a combination of breastfeeding/ breastmilk in a bottle. I'm pumping and trying to stick with it in hopes that her energy and ability to nurse gets better.  Mark gives her a late night bottle and then I'm usually up once in the night with her for a while.

I'm not used to being home so much, and its sometimes hard to not go stir crazy. This week I've been able to get to the gym to walk on the treadmill or stair stepper. I even sweat yesterday, I loved it! I walked outside today and made a quick trip to Target to return something and give hugs to my friend Haylee. Liz brought Saigon Sandwich for lunch yesterday (yum-o) and tomorrow I get to use a massage Mark gave me for mothers day!

I'm so thankful for all you who help me!  I look forward to being in a spot where I can pay it forward.

one month

Siri fun times downtown with Sam

snoozin on the couch by the christmas tree

Fetzer cousin party!

Sticker faces.

She shares my affinity of knocking down icicles

leaving the party

Mark took the girls up to Alta yesterday and then to his family Christmas party. This left me with more time than I'm used to to think about things (and do laundry and dishes etc...I think I maybe dozed for a few minutes too).

Liz had stopped by earlier and a friend had texted. I've been really good at being honest how I feel lately aka venting and probably even complaining :)  Anyway, I'm reading this cheesy self help type book, and between that and my conversations with others yesterday I realize... I am such a whiner!

So, first I want to thank those of you (especially Mark) for listening and helping me feel supported and sympathizing with me.  I've been sad I can't do things physically because of the c section. I've been sad that Annie is tethered to her oxygen, that Ruby has cancer. That I'm nursing and pumping and doing bottles to get Annie to grow as best I can.
I've been living in more fear and less faith than is good for me.

I can't change a lot of the things I'm sad about. I can be grateful for many things in my life and can make the best of what there is. Which really is a lot!  I'd like to commit to leaving the pity party. I hope you'll help me in recognizing that there are better parties to be at, especially those in my own home with my awesome family. I need to show up for Mark and the girls and get out of my dreary tunnel vision. I acknowledge that postpartum feelings are real for me, and I need a good cry once in a while.

But maybe by writing this right now it will help me to cheer up and recognize the sunshine outside.

Mark said Ruby turned into Miss Meltdown so they weren't on the snow very long, 

but Siri and Jane had fun getting out on their skis for the first time this season.

Baking night!

Jane Siri Ruby Christmas wish lists

nativity at the Thack family party

Siri is so brave! She sang the song "How far I'll go" from the new Disney movie "Moana" for the talent show at the family party

1/16

Lil Annie failed her oxygen test. I wasn't surprised because of the numbers I saw on the meter when I fed her at night at when I went to get her in the morning.  At the same time, I want to test her again soon. I'm hopeful. Back up...to 'pass' the test she needs to be in the 90s most of the time. Ideally 95+. She's on 1/16 dose right now.  A small dose of oxygen is minor, but it keeps me from doing normal things like going on walks with her or taking her outside her room to other parts of the house.

I got to talk to her pediatrician in person about this because I had to, unexpectedly, take Ruby in to see him. She very likely has a UTI. We'll know for sure tomorrow.  Thankfully Liz came to the rescue, again, so that I could leave #2 and #4 at home while I was with Ruby. She also had Ruby in the afternoon while I took Annie to the cardiologist. Which took 2x as long as expected, but I was glad. They did an ultrasound of her heart, just to be sure it all looked good. She does have a murmur, but nothing to worry about. And we know her need for oxygen isn't because of her heart.

And can I just say how awesome the Make a Wish foundation is?  Ruby asked to go to the Nutcracker. I told her she was too young, maybe next year. (I think she could sit through it, but not sure, and its just so expensive). Make a Wish called today..."Would Ruby like to go to the Nutcracker and the Sugar Plum Fairy party afterward?" Yes!  So hopefully I can leave the babe and accompany miss Ruby next week. I'm sure you get sick of me saying this...but we just don't know what the future holds for her. It means even more to me to be able to take her this season. Millies Princess Foundation and the Miracle Mascots...there are a lot of good people out there doing amazing things for these kids! I love them and am so thankful!

Millie's Christmas party

Goodies in the mail from Grandma Jane! (Liz's mother in law)

snagglecords

mini mom

I'm thankful she says she wants to have a kid, 

because my lack of sleep and emotional state isn't super attractive right now :)

foxy

Still on oxygen...blah to intermountain home healthcare. They said we could use the meter we had. After Mark dropped it off this morning, they said they couldn't download the data. So he had to go back later and get a new meter, plus a portable one they want us to use to record. So we'll attempt to have 2 sensors on her feet tonight and hope it works.

I'm anxious to be free of the cords, but remind myself to be patient if more oxygen therapy is what she needs.  When compared to other babies her age she's 1% on head circumference, 3% weight and 62% height!

After school until bedtime the other 3 girls had fun playing together. I love them as a whole, what they are when they're together.

Three weeks

Tomorrow baby will be 3 weeks old, or I could also phrase it that I would be 38 weeks pregnant. She's a tad over 6lbs now. We are loving her dark fluffy hair. Well, its only fluffy for a few hours until its matted down by us all touching it.

Tonight we'll do an ox symmetry test to see if she can get off oxygen. She keeps the pulse ox sensor on her foot. The meter will read it and then we take the meter to be downloaded so her pediatrician can see it...unless it dips low often and the alarm keeps going off tonight...then obviously we know she's not ready.

At the pediatrician last week he heard a heart murmur. I could tell something was up as he listened to her and I watched him. So, we'll take her to a cardiologist later this week and hope its nothing serious and something she'll grow out of. And the hiccups! Hoping she grows out of those soon too. She got them often when I was pregnant.

Right now the girls are on their way home from Heber with Liz Dan Sam who went with the Miracle Mascot Foundation to ride the Heber Creeper. Siri lost a tooth on the train ride and it looked like a cold and magical night.

Thank you people for helping us do our life right now! I love you!

a crown for a princess from queen Alexis

I took all her stuff off to give her a bath...

it was like seeing a person who usually wears glasses with them off :)

the girls helping with the church nativity

Two weeks

So. Many. Emotions.

So peaceful and calm this weekend while the eldest 3 children were at my mom and John's (thank you!). I'm all cozy and thankful holding Annie while Mark and I watch a movie. The next moment I'm crying, worried about Ruby and cancer.

I went to sacrament meeting on Sunday, good to get out and see people and be at church. Yet I don't want many people coming over. I'm all freaked about by germs and trying to keep baby and all of us from getting sick.

Enjoying Christmas music with all of us in our warm house, the next moment I'm yelling at the kids and at my wits end (because I haven't slept through the night, or part of a night, in weeks). I want to give up and go to my room. So I do, because Mark tells me to. I lay down while he finishes getting dinner ready. By this time in our relationship, he's had a lot of practice in handling my emotions and is the best most perfect person I could ask for to be doing this along side.

Because I had a c section, need to take it easy, its freezing, and Annie is attached to oxygen and an oximeter its harder for me to get out. Normally I'd be taking her with me on a walk, but its too much. So I've been trying to find a window here or there where I can get out, by myself, just for 20minutes or so, to go on a walk.  Its good for my body and mind. Even today in the cold, I bundled up and appreciated seeing the sky :)

Because she was so early her suck/swallow/breathe ability wasn't quite there. In the NICU I knew it would be easiest, and fastest to get her out of there, if I gave her a bottle. It helped and she was back to her birth weight by time she left. Problem now is, I'm home with 4 kids and house to take care of and I'm trying to breastfeed her but still pumping and doing bottles. Oh my tired people, its insane what we do for babies.  Hoping I can figure things out soon to simplify. I figure in a few weeks when she's more alert and easier to feed, I can mainly breast feed with a few bottles and pumping here and there.  And the sleepiness while feeding...I had forgotten how hard that part is.

I want to thank you dears who have been helping with the kids and bringing meals, and Liz my personal grocery shopper and do-everything-else-I-need-help-with helper. We are a blessed family to have you in our lives!  I'm so thankful to have an amazing husband, our four girlies and a cozy home.

Want to say how much I love my sis and miss her and her fam!

The #teamthack babies

Siri Jane

Ruby Annie

the finale

The last part of this pregnancy was hard. It was very physically and mentally trying. I was worried for my life and the baby's. I was so relieved, felt comfort and peace last week as we got ready to deliver her.  Everything went well. I got to hold her skin to skin while they stitched me up. It took a while longer because my uterus had started to tear, and had some bleeding. They also removed a cyst. Translation: If we would have waited longer, there is a chance my uterus could have ruptured, could have been catastrophic.  So not surprising, this is my last baby. I'm soaking it all in.

I am so thankful we are both ok. I'm thankful for Steve and the doctor that he is. I'm thankful that I got to have Annie close to me the first few days. I'm also really thankful she went to the NICU. I was nervous to bring her home. The nurses there were amazing. She started to thrive and pick up on the whole suck/swallow/breathe thing :)  She's home on oxygen and has an oximeter to track her oxygen level and heart rate. THANK YOU thank you THANK YOU all you beautiful people who are helping make this time easier for us. I'd come caroling to your house to deliver a Christmasgram if I could.  

If you need me, we'll be hibernating until spring :)

my FAV pic!  In her dad's arms

sunday

Annie is a few hours away from being 5 days old. Wow how much up and down there is in such a short amount of time!

I was just with her and she's back on oxygen, but has been eating well so they turned off her IV fluids.  She is The.Best. If I didn't have to pee or have a tailbone that hurts when I sit too long, I'd stay in that chair and hold her always.

Thank you to Mark and those helping him with the other girls. It's a lot to take care of while I'm gone!

turkeys

Last night little lady had some apnea type episodes and was admitted to the NICU. I was devastated. I was also extremely sleep deprived, it was the middle of the night, I wasn't dressed warm enough, and I was alone. 

This morning things are much different. I'm thankful to have good care for Annie. Im thankful for food to eat. I'm thankful for my neighbor who watched the girls so Mark could come up. I'm thankful for "hotel stay" so I can be at the hospital another night (no medical care just use of the room I've been in). For those checking up and in on us. That I am recovering well and able to be with our new little turkey.

As of now she's off o2. She needs help keeping her temperature up, bilirubin is a little high, is on some IV fluids. Thankful it's the basic stuff and haven't found anything abnormal yet. 

 

Happy Birthday sister!

We made it! Me and baby are doing well. 5lb 8oz, she's in the NICU but doing great.

Let's party

Its all fun and games until you're really scared, and uncomfortable, and tired and are desperate for relief. Yeah, that's how I've felt the last 24 hours.  Today I finally asked my doctor (who I call Steve because he's Mark's oldest brother...in case you are confused) if a c section is reasonable tomorrow. Because there is less and less worry with baby's health and more and more with mine, yes, it is reasonable.  I'm still taking the oral med nifedipine and it is just keeping the contractions barely tolerable. Sometimes they're still 5 min apart, the longest is 20 and that's rare.

I spent most of the day on the couch. A load of laundry, some dishes here and there. Thankful for those who came to visit and help. I had planned to move Ruby into sisters room tomorrow anyway, so we did that tonight. I love how cute and excited they are to be all together.  Have the crib ready to be set up, got out clothes. Being optimistic that she will be healthy and won't spend any, or not much, time in the NICU.

Siri had her first piano recital. Mark filmed it for me. She's so dang cute and did awesome! Mark took the girls to get dinner and then we had FHE and a long and very entertaining story time before bed. I love my family.

So, birthday party for baby girl thack #4 is scheduled for tomorrow (unless contractions intensify and I go in earlier).  Thanks for the love and prayers. So crazy this is happening already but we are so excited to meet her and to enjoy her on the outside of me!

learning the ways

Yet another trip to labor and delivery this evening. Contractions bad enough I could hardly stand up and was in pain just trying to walk to go to the bathroom. Thankfully Liz and Dan had taken the girls up to Kamas for family dinner so Mark and I were able to easily leave for the hospital.

He wheeled me in and I asked for the belly band sleeve for the monitors, not those dang itchy straps. And next time I'll say 'no, please don't put that iv in my right hand right by my knuckle because that is the worst spot ever'. I double check they're giving me warm saline, not cold so it doesn't hurt so bad. I was positive and calm for a while, then worried, then had a good cry, then just really tired. I haven't had over 2 hours of continuous sleep since maybe Wed or Thurs. My milk has come in-no, not just colostrum, like full on and it hurts. I've never had that happen before the baby was born so I'm all worried I'll loose my milk by time she actually comes!

After 2 shots of terbutaline and waiting a while the contractions slowed. I really had thought this baby was going to come tonight. Thankfully I wasn't dilating, so that gave me more comfort to go home. And that standard protocol is straight to the NICU if the baby is less than 35 weeks. I'm 34 weeks so a few more days would be valuable to keep her in me. Because if she is healthy, it won't be automatic admission. Possible, but not automatic.  Then as we leave, even though I've had 2 bags of fluid via IV, I'm so parched. Mark, as usual, gets me 2 drinks. One with ice water, one with 1/2 water 1/2 apple juice. So now we're home and we're hoping for a night of rest.  Thank you family and friends who are continually helping our high maintenance family! :)

silly me

Read the previous post from yesterday if you didn't already.
Silly me, forgot to knock on wood. 12:45am this morning painful contractions woke me up. I had two hard ones. I was shaking, couldn't control it. I had already called my angel of a neighbor to come over before I told Mark we needed to go to the hospital. About 1:30 I went to triage room. Contractions every 2 1/2-3min and they hurt. I was maybe a little bit scary to the nurse. But mostly trying to not freak out. Thankfully Steve had just delivered a baby and saw us. We were there until about 4:30/5am. I got fluids and 2 different meds. I had dilated to a 1. We don't know though why the contractions. Last time it was a UTI, but it doesn't look like it this time. I've been on nifedipine and still having some contractions, but not so close or painful.

Ran some errands and laundry today but trying to take it easy. Lucky for me Dan and Sam went biking so my sis Liz had time to come help me while Mark was moving some furniture and a trip to IKEA.  Beds made up with clean sheets and Christmas lights on the house!

bromeliad

When we found out in the spring that Ruby had cancer, my loving brother in law came to visit. We sat on the back porch and had good conversation. I loved his uplifting and sympathetic tone and words. I just remember loving having him over. He gave us a couple plants, an orchid, which I have kept alive so far, and a bromeliad. I've never had one before. The color is faded so I cut the on the mother plant, but hope it can still live? Tell me what you do if you have one :)  I love indoor plants, even though I only have a couple and am not the best at making them thrive. I loved that Mark's Grandmother Thackeray always had thriving house plants.

I posted on instagram some of my fav pictures from this week, but then I thought about other more favorites I wanted to share!  Ultrasound on Thursday showed good news, placenta looks like its in a safe spot and I won't need a hysterectomy. Whew. I would have been ok with not being able to have more kids, but a c-section and that at the same time was really making me nervous.  I got a steroid shot yesterday too to help with baby's lungs.  Not my fav was last night when I woke at 2am with contractions all.night.long. I never went back to sleep. I drank tea, foam rolled, had Mark give me a blessing.  They were always 8-12 min apart. Not painful, but uncomfortable enough they kept me awake. Finally about 6:30 I got up to start making breakfast. I was so glad I didn't feel it urgent to got to the hospital as I needed to get Siri off to school and the rest of us went to close on our refinance (so excited about that!).

After the closing Jane Ruby and I went to the Dr for me to get the 2nd dose of steroids. I told him I'd been having contractions so they're going to culture a urine sample just in case (which is what happened last time...contractions cause by a UTI I didn't know I had).  As today went on they lessened but were more uncomfortable. The girls helped Grandma Sandy decorate for Christmas and I went back to see Steve to have him check to make sure I wasn't dilating. Whew, more good news. Everything is ok. And they've gotten more minor since then. I need to be mindful to keep super hydrated!

Other favs...Celebrating Mark's birthday. I just love him more than anything. The girls and I had fun while he was surfing in Cali last week. I loved seeing them swarm him when he got home. Going to lunch for my sis in laws birthday, getting a new diaper bag which is a backpack-not 'cute' but totally functional, being gifted a hair cut/color by a friend from the gym-loooove(d) it! Reading the Book of Mormon together but each of us have our own copy and pencil to highlight any mention of Jesus Christ. This is a challenge from our Stake President and it has gotten the kids so much more interested in reading scriptures! Walking with Ruby down to the park that last warm day to meet sisters at the park on the way home from school.  Jane's Kindergarten Veterans Day program. The best. One of the teachers has a son serving our country and she was amazing at relaying her emotion and gratitude to the the kids and parents. And we're getting a fence installed just to enclose the backyard. Hooray for keeping the kids in and neighborhood dogs out!

Ruby and Miss Kim

Annual man surf trip

happy birthday dadda!

one more warm walk to the park

I felt like a zombie all day today but at least my hair looked cute :)