My classmate entered the final arguments for their paper presentation: “From this speech, you can see the President Xi seriously wants China to displace the U.S. President Xi speaks about offering the Chinese model as an alternative and realizing the Chinese Dream.
“Corax, you spoke last class that China didn’t intend to become a global superpower. Do you think the same now?” asked my classmate, directing the question to me.
I explained that I still did not think China intended to displace the U.S. Based on what I know about China, it seeks to have its interests represented according to the weight it has. Sure, China is promoting its development model and increasing the attention it pays outside its borders, but it does not mean that China intends to displace the U.S. “As our prof said, China is not raring to pick up the U.S.’ role in international institutions or as a provider of global public goods. In that way, China is not seeking to displace the U.S.,” I responded.
My classmate smiled, acknowledging receipt of my argument, but I knew that classmate and my other classmates did not share my views. In the class where I presented my argument on how China did not intend to be a global superpower, the other presenter argued the exact opposite. The other presenter covered how Chinese activity increased across economic, political, and security spheres. People remarked with great interest about the amazing extent of Chinese activity the presenter described. I think the presenter missed a link in the argument proving that this increased activity reflected China’s intent of becoming a global superpower.
However, I didn’t ask the other presenter a pointed question about the missing link in his argument. I also kept the response to the question that my classmate directed at me short. I could go on about what I view China’s behaviour is like, based on the years of study I have under my belt, but the Zoom classroom for my Asia-Pacific Political and Economic Relations class was not the place for a long explanation from me. I was not the professor, just a student (albeit one who had dedicated most of her undergraduate degree and almost every graduate degree course to Asia).
I exited class and called a family member immediately to recount what had happened in class. It was 9PM and I usually appreciate some quiet time before I tuck under my covers at 10PM, but I talked to that family member for an hour.
I was frustrated. I was annoyed.
I feel the need to share what I know about China and Asia in this course because my classmates have less experience working on the subject area, as I learnt in the first class when the professor asked us to describe our Asia experience. After info-dumping in the first class, I decided to restrain myself and instead challenge people to broaden their views by asking pointed questions.
I did not realize how tiring it would be to try to skillfully convince people through questions to change their views, or at least convince people to re-examine their views.
Coming up with questions that are respectful and encouraging is tiring enough, but the worst part that has punched me in the gut was realizing that the optics looked incredibly bad.
There I was, the only Chinese face in the class, trying to convince my classmates (almost all white, with limited experience with Asia) that China was not as bad as they thought.
I may be overthinking this. Maybe my classmates are respectful enough to see arguments as arguments, not as personal biases coming from a person’s race. Still, I cannot shake this feeling that my Chinese face delivering my unpopular arguments about China has terrible optics. Because I was Chinese, I could be perceived as pro-China.
I know I consciously used my professor’s name in my response to my classmate. As a Chinese-looking student, I relied on a respectable white man’s words to make my point. I am not certain whether it made a difference, but I believe it did as people perked up.
I know that I can easily remove any possible bad optics by telling my classmates that I am from Hong Kong. I mentioned that I lived in Hong Kong in the first class, but I could say it more clearly. Affirming that I am from Hong Kong, where people are expressing widespread discontent with mainland China, could easily cleanse people’s doubts that I was a Chinese student propagating Chinese Communist Party propaganda.
I’ve chosen not to take this route to removing the bad optics. My suspicions that my classmates suspect me will make this class harder to bear, but I do not want to resort to that to gain their trust. There should be no need for me to clarify my heritage to absolve myself of their suspicions. It is discrimination if they are not able to hear my arguments without associating it with my face. If they are not able to make that differentiation between the argument and the person, that is their obstacle to overcome, not mine.
Still, I am saddled with the heavy feeling that I was bad optics.
It is Asian Heritage Month in Canada (known as Asian Pacific American Heritage Month in the U.S.). The Canadian Government’s Asian Heritage Month website calls upon Canadians to celebrate this diversity that is Canada’s strength.
If that’s the case, Asians are not bad optics. Asians are a part of the diversity Canada claims is its strength.
So, take in this Chinese face. Take in my black, black hair; take in my petite but round nose; take in my narrow dark brown eyes; and take in the yellow-toned pale skin that fills my oval face. See me for who I am and take in my words for what they are, even if they are different from what you know. I trust that if you celebrate diversity along with this country, you will be able to respect those who look different. I trust that you know that respecting others means treating them like how you would treat any other person, including recognizing that their academic arguments are separate from who they are.




