Mid-Life Crisis

I have been going thru some time of mid-life crisis.
Although, I hope 31/32 is not the actual middle of my life. I think I'd like to live past 64.

Anyway, I believe it started when I chose my word of the year (does anyone else do that?) - Enough.

I kind of chose it in jest - like, I've had enough sickness! I have enough kids! I'd like enough money! I want enough sleep!

But, the more I thought about the word Enough, the more I realized I really do need this word.
You see, I struggle with feeling like I am not good enough (my 6 year old son just interjected "Yes, you ARE good enough mom!" - oh the dangers of having a kid who can read fluently - and now he is my favorite child). I worry that I'm not a good enough mother, or I'm not doing enough enriching activities for my kids, that my house isn't clean enough, that I don't look put together enough, that I'm not a good or supportive enough wife, that I'm not a reliable enough friend, that I'm not talented, funny, charming, sensitive, calm, bold, positive, comforting, strong, brave, peaceful, organized, capable, pretty, WHATEVER enough. (My head can be an unkind place, I'll tell you what.) So, my word Enough actually seemed pretty damn timely.

And, at the same time, I feel like something is missing. Don't get me wrong, it's crazy town busy up in here with five kids six and under. But, it's because there's five of them and they're little and active and engaged with life (ok, and a little crazy too). We don't have an overly busy activities schedule. We're not committed to many outside things. And yet, I feel like I'm not doing enough - like something specific, and very important, is missing. Not from my families life, but from MY life.

The past few months, I have taken a TON of personality tests and read quite a few self-help books. I am an ENFP-T; an enneagram type 6, 2, and 7; a BECAS (The Performer); a Type 1 (spring); a Blue. I have read Say Goodbye to Survival Mode and Breaking Busy. I'm trying to understand who I am, what my innate gifts and strengths are, and what I should be doing with them to feel fulfilled, satisfied, complete enough.

I've got exactly zero answers so far.

But I feel like I'm on the precipice of something. Something big. Some kind of significant shift.

This midlife crisis (1/3 life crisis?) has left me feeling unsettled, antsy, anxious.

My prayers have consisted of, "God, you made me to be who I am for a reason, for a purpose. Show me (please!) how to use what you've given me! What did you make me to do? What's my calling?"

So, I'm working thru some things.

I decided to take some action. I'm going to work thru the Action Steps in both Breaking Busy and Say Goodbye to Survival Mode. I'm also going to be purchasing another book (It's Just My Nature) and working thru that. In conjunction with a lot of prayer and time in God's word. And I'm going to do more than just read and ponder. I'm hoping that by taking steps, moving in some direction, God will show/reveal to me what it is He created me to do/be for Him. And I'm hoping that will be Enough.

In the mean time, my head is exploding and spinning simultaneously. It's messy.

Summer Bucket List

We've been doing a lot of waiting around here.

It's been over two months since we had a foster placement. 

And, as many of you know, I am not good at waiting.

This has been a particular struggle for me because it's so out of my control!

There's nothing I can do to speed up the waiting process.

Simultaneously, there's not a whole lot I can do to prepare material things (clothes, food, etc.).

I've been doing a lot of holding-my-breath.

It hasn't been fun.

So, instead of living life on pause, we're gonna kick things into gear around here and adapt as we need to!

It is with this attitude that I present our

 

•  Make and eat ice cream
• Make and eat popsicles
• Take a trip up to Tahoe
• Go jet-skiing
• Make s'mores
• Swimming!
• Have a picnic
• Go to the beach
• Eat some sno-cones
• Make and eat lots of smoothies
• Play in the sprinklers
• Build an awesome fort
• Blow bubbles
• Read lots of books
• Draw with sidewalk chalk
• Make and deliver cupcakes
• Write letters to far away family members
• Take lots of silly pictures
• Wash the cars
• Tie-dye some shirts
• Watch fireworks
• BBQ
• Ride the train at The Fountains
• Go to one of the food-truck nights in Rocklin
• Have a squirt-gun fight!
• Spread lots of sunshine

What's on your bucket list this summer?

Serious Crisis

I looked at my hair in the mirror yesterday.

It's incredibly dirty.

Up in a pony tail.

With a headband.

Nothing really worth looking at.  

But then, a little glimmer caught my eye.

A glint of

GRAY.

Who am I?

Is this my life?

What is happening?

My sister said, "Well, you're almost 30."

Shut your mouth, I am not!

(For the record, I turn 28 in July.  28 is not almost 30.)

My mom didn't have any sympathy either.

Pretty sure she giggled at me.

D's response was, "At least you already dye your hair!"

I ripped the hair out.

And cried.

J's Second Birthday Party

 Let's all just get on the same page now - I love throwing birthday parties.  And even though I said I wouldn't do another huge party for J after his party last year, I lied.  

I threw another huge party this year (but I did stick to my budget of $200, so, go me!).

(Huge shout out to the C family for hosting us all in your backyard!)

This year's theme: Construction

I approached this party a little differently than last year.

Last year, I tried to throw a party that everyone would enjoy, since J was turning one and mostly just enjoyed hanging out with people.

This year, I really tried to focus on activities that J would enjoy (within a "construction" realm).  

 

And, I have to say, that my favorite activity was also so simple!  I made a "Digging Site."

I inflated a pool, filled it with dirt, and threw some trucks in there - the kids loved it!  Seriously, there was always at least one kid digging.

 

 Next to the "Digging Site," I had a "Building Zone" - aka a whole bunch of cardboard blocks for the kids to stack (and knock over!).  Simple, but tons of fun!

 

Our friends have this darling play house in their backyard that J loves to play in every time we go over there.  It was also perfect for the party.  We had our very own "Home Under Construction."

We also had a bounce house that everyone enjoyed (not gonna lie, I got my bounce on after the party was over and before we deflated it).

 

No party is complete without food! 

For a Construction Party, we had to do "Build Your Own Sandwiches!"

 

 I also put together a fun snack bar full of "Building Supplies" next to the construction hats for the kids.

 

 We threw drinks (Capri Suns and Water Bottles) in Home Depot 5 gallon buckets.

For party favors, I rolled up Home Depot aprons, tied a mini-construction truck to the apron with bakers twine (from the Target dollar section) with a little "thank you" card.

 

 J wore the cutest shirt for the party (found on CafePress.com) that said "Can You Dig It? I'm 2" with a digger truck on it - how perfect is that?

He had a blast!

We had a blast!

And I'm not going to throw a party like this for another year ;)

Mini trucks were found at the Dollar Tree

Happy Birthday Banner found at Hobby Lobby

Orange and Yellow tissue balls found at Hobby Lobby

Balloons found at Hobby Lobby

Plates and Napkins found at Target

Construction Hats found on Amazon

 Black Stacking Buckets found at the 99 Cent Store

Silverware found at the Dollar Tree

Aprons and Buckets found at the Home Depot

Construction-Type Signs made by yours truly!

Banners of Love

I have to start this post with the disclaimer that I am still learning how to sew.

That being said, 

I sewed some banners for my kiddo's room!

And, I'm thrilled with the look of them!

I started these banners when we had our last foster son (FS) - he was our monkey (J is our elephant), and so it was fun to incorporate monkeys and elephants into the banner.

However, God has been whispering to my heart that our next placement is going to be a little girl.  So the room has been all changed around, including a re-vamped banner with a new color scheme!  And I'm kind of in love with how it looks!

Here's how I made it:

Buy 1/2 yard of each fabric (this was plenty, but I wouldn't go any less).

 Trace the triangles onto the fabric (I traced right on to the "right" side of the fabric because it was easier for me to line up the triangles with which parts of the fabric I wanted showing).  The dimensions I used were 7" across and 8" tall.

Cut out your triangles, place "right" sides facing in together, and stitch the two sides of the triangle closed (not the top) using a 1/2"-ish seam allowance. 

Bust out some bias tape, pin your triangles inside the bias tape, and then stitch straight down the bias tape, securing all your triangles inside the fold.

Bam!

Beautiful banner! 

Audience participation time: Do you think it would be a worthwhile idea to sell banners like these on etsy?  Be honest!