Tiffany D Gross

Everyone who knows me knows that I see my birthday as the start of my new year not New Years. So it’s a new year for me and I’m feeling, looking and living wonderful.
Forty-one years of being alive now forty-two and upward of living life. There’s a big difference in living and being alive. The former is existing the latter is a state of being. In Jesus Christ I have life and life more abundantly. I purposely haven’t posted on the blog since spring. I didn’t have anything to say but God was saying a whole lot to me. It was like He was pulling back those last layers of the old Tiff and given me time to adjust to the new Tiff. I went back and forth in prayer about what my first blog post should be. I knew I would start again on my birthday but I didn’t like the post the Holy Spirit was telling me to start with. It was my personal testimony that I had written out prior a year ago. I had shared this with my pastor Keith Monterio to share with our Senior Pastor Joseph Prince and a few close family and friends. But God wanted me to share this on the blog platform and in the future an even larger platform. JESUS loves people especially hurt people and I know people especially hurt people. So hear it goes share, repost, save or copy just remember that this is just what JESUS do. HE RESRORES, HE DELIVERS and HE HEALS. 💋

Testimony

11/30/2015

I have never written a testimony letter before. I just wanted to share how the message of Grace has revolutionized my life.

Pastor Prince I am so thankful for your teachings about Jesus Christ. Thank you for planting Grace Revolution Church in Dallas and thank you for sending Pastor Keith to us. I wanted to share my particular testimony of amazing love and restoration with you and the church.

I am a 41 year old single mother of two beautiful teenagers, a daughter 16 and a son 14. On March 13, 2015 I went to the emergency room suffering from fatigue and fluid on my lower body. I was admitted to the hospital with congestive heart failure. Two days later I had multiple embyolic strokes because of blood clots and I suffered renal (Kidney) failure. These blood clots where and are still from an unknown origin. The doctors gave my children and parents a negative prognosis that I probably wouldn’t survive and if I did I would need 24 hour care. They told them that I would never be the same as I was before. Their prognosis was severe and I was near death.

Because of Jesus’s finished work at the cross death could not touch me. I did not become conscious of what had happened to me until almost two weeks later when I first woke up. I was heavily medicated so I didn’t know what had happened to me but I remember thinking “God I don’t know what’s going on but you got this” and going back asleep. As I slowly became more aware of my surroundings I realized I couldn’t speak or move my body and I was extremely confused. I thought I had been in a coma for many years and my children had grown up without me. Slowly my Stepfather and nurses started explaining to me what had happened and that
I was in the Intensive Care Unit. They told me I had multiple strokes plus my kidneys where failing. I could not speak or even thrust out my tongue. The doctors had a feeding tube placed in me because I could not swallow food. My family brought me a small dry erase board for communication but I couldn’t remember how to write.

Never once did I feel afraid or worried. All though I was confused about everything going on, in and around me I just knew things would be ok. I received supernatural peace and love. I had my children, parents and friends coming by visiting me and encouraging me everyday. My ICU nurses transferred me to a bed for immobile patients that would sit me straight up like a chair. They then would roll me out of my room to the nurses station to be in the middle of all the activity so I wouldn’t be alone. Therapist and other nurses would stop by my room just to encourage me to get better and show me simple hand exercises to do in bed so my doctors would transfer me to a Rehabilitation Hospital. I believe all this favor and early exposure helped my brain to heal much faster than the specialists expected.

On April 5 I was transferred to the ICU of a rehabilitation hospital. At that time I had 20% heart function. At the worst and scariest time of my life I felt the most loved and protected. I had extraordinary peace and I know Jesus had everyone around me loving me.

At the Rehab hospital love and encouragement continued. Almost every nurse or therapist I had was a believer. I had so many friends and family encouraging me all the time. I felt nothing but love and I kept a smile on my face. I made remarkable strides in my recovery. I learned to how to walk with assistance and had most of my motor skills and speech back with a lot of therapy and encouragement within weeks. I know and believe that God gave me supernatural favor with all the specialist, doctors, nurses and therapist. I was able to come home April 22nd with 45% heart function.

Things are much different for me now. I do use a walker, my memory is nothing like it was, I get confused easily, my mobility is still challenging, I lose my balance and I’m at risk to fall, I become tired quickly, I lost my job and I’m considered permanently disabled. I’ve gone through a short period of mourning the person I used to be physically but I am so looking forward to the total healing and restoration that Jesus has guaranteed me at the cross. I am actively believing Jesus for complete restoration for my entire body but He has already restored so much more.

Most people hear my situation and don’t understand why I’m so happy and have total peace and vigorously proclaim my righteousness in Christ Jesus. Yes, He kept me from death and He is restoring my body but He has fully restored my soul. As my family filled in the blanks I saw clearly that Jesus is the restorer of my soul.

In my past I’ve dealt with and have kept hidden deep and painful hurts. I grew up without a father. My mother raised my sister and me on her own and she always took us to church but my experiences with church people where not positive. I was molested multiple times while growing up and date raped at 18. My first two children I aborted. Both of my marriages failed so did any other relationships I pursued. Usually I became the victim of domestic violence and some times the abuser. I was so angry and hurt. I have never had a healthy relationship with any man. I’ve suffered with severe depression and insomnia since childhood. As a young adult I abused drugs and alcohol. I had a deep mistrust for men and people in general because I believed everyone would eventually hurt me. I kept this all hidden behind a well put together facade. No one would ever look at me and guess any of this was happening. I was a master at appearing happy but being decimated inside. I’ve tried Christian therapy, phycology, different religions, new age practices, self help, and everything in between but I was never whole. I was told I would always have the memories of these past hurts to deal with in some form or fashion by well meaning therapist. They told me to channel these emotions into healthy behaviors.

I came across as flighty and unstable person. Someone who could never stick to one thing or one person. So I began to believe that I was the problem, that I was poison and I should just raise my children and stay alone. I had resigned myself to this idea even while attending Grace Revolution Church. I had lived this way for so long that I thought this was normal. I understood God loved me but I never felt it or saw it displayed in my life. I brought my children to church because I wanted better for them than I ever had for myself. I believed it was much too late for me. I was satisfied with receiving just a small measure of joy in life until I could go to heaven. I considered myself damaged goods. In hindsight I went to the emergency room because I was dying of a broken heart. It does not surprise me that all the specialist I’ve seen and test I’ve had cannot find the root cause of the strokes.

In the hospital I began to rest in Jesus. Not because I made a decision to Rest but because Jesus supernaturally gave me Rest. He used my stepfather to show me love. My stepfather slept in ICU every night with me for more than a month, he watched over me, encouraged me and talked to the doctors for me. I would wake up and hear him praying over me. My children told me he would pretend he was going back to my apartment but would just sit in his truck in the parking lot of the hospital a few hours and then come back up to be with me. His display of love started the healing in me.
For the first time in my life I saw a man show me love and want nothing in return. I knew God loved me and Jesus died for me but that a man could be so kind and love unselfishly healed my broken heart. I needed to see that in my life. Next all the favor from my friends, people who weren’t my family people who had no obligation to me healed my heart. I tell you pastor I’ve had friends show me how to truly be a friend. They personify being the hands a feet of Jesus. Both my mother and step-father took a leave of absence from their work to come to Texas and take care of me and my children. My friends would cook for them and give them breaks whenever they needed it. My parents, children, friends and the nurses and staff who took special interest in my case are all a testimony of Gods unending love.

When I came home from the hospital I told Jesus I didn’t want to live with unforgiviness any longer. I asked him to totally restore my heart, my life, my family, my body and my mind. I asked Him to give me a new life. He has done that and so much more.

At home I began reading and listening to your messages about resting in Jesus. I reread Destined to Reign again. The first time I read it I sped through the book because I was a super fast reader. This second time I could only read short passages at a time because of the strokes. Daily I read your book and read any scriptures you referenced. My mind was continually being restored as I meditated on what I read. I would only move forward when I was satisfied that I clearly understood what I have read. Everyday I would ask the Holy Spirit to unveil the scriptures to me. I even kept a little note on my IPhone with quotes and scriptures to meditate on throughout the day. The more I learned the more my faith in Jesus grew and the more I believed Daddy God loved me. Resting is Holiness and you can’t feel shame and hurt when you are Holy. I now know this is just the beginning stages of an incredible life Jesus has for me. So I guess I’ll be writing another letter soon.

I have no depression, no anxiety, no fear and no regrets. I know God will restore 120% more of everything that the devil stole from me. Everyday I Rest in Jesus. Sometimes I wake up from a nap and I just thank God for this incredible life he’s giving me. For the very first time in my life I’m at peace, I have good sleep, and I’m Alive, really Alive. Restore Lord.

Nov 15th I celebrated my 41st birthday and I saw you Pastor Prince at American Airlines here in Dallas. What a glorious birthday present that was for me. I remember asking Jesus to make me well enough to see you while I was still in the hospital. I spent my birthday just how I wanted. My favorite part was seeing all my brothers and sisters in Christ praising God together. That was glorious. I wanted to share this with you and others to tell them that God will restore everything. He will heal those hidden wounds that we even hide from ourselves and restore your most inner parts. There is nothing hidden from God. You might have forgotten but He does not.

I love and highly recommend your sermon ” Let Go and Let His Supply Flow” I listen to it every night. Faith comes by hearing the word of God and my faith in Jesus has healed me of too many years of secrets. It’s been 9 months since I had my strokes my heart is at 60% normal function and my kidneys are healthy. The evidence of the length and breadth of this letter proves Jesus has restored the functioning of my brain.

Now I only shed tears of joy. It’s been 9 blissful months of being loved, pampered and adored by my Daddy God. I am so free! “Who the Son has set free is free indeed!” My hope is that this testimony will help others who have experienced any kind of abuse or hurt look to Grace for true freedom. God bless you Pastor Prince.

I am Tiffany God’s beloved, the one who Jesus loves. 💗

P.S.
I’ve included photos for you and your staff but understand and enjoy how you give anonymity to the letters you share. I have received double honor for my shame. Again God bless you, your family, your staff and your ministry.

This have been the one blog I’ve been procrastinating about writing. Simply because I don’t feel disabled and my faith in Jesus Christ never allowed me to accept this label. The natural way of looking at things I should have joined a stroke support group befriended others who have similar struggles and become a proud member and supporter of my local stroke recovery association. Honestly I didn’t want to become comfortable with seeing myself from that vantage point. I’ve always been Graced with the ability to see the glass half full no matter how low things got in my life and multiple times circumstances have gotten pretty low. Most people have mistaken my self confidence as arrogance and I mistook self confidence as Christ confidence but now all of that has been settled. I’m prepared to give to others because Jesus has given everything to me.

This last year I’ve experienced first hand one of the major gripes that most people with disabilities experience, the feeling of being invisible. People are so self absorb that they don’t see other people at all. When you’re healthy this annoys you and might get a smart crack out of you but when you are disabled this can give you a negative outlook on all people. If your support system is small or none at all this leads to bitterness and resentment. This is why the person on the automatic cart at Wally World can be a major butthole. You really don’t run into genuinely kind people anymore. As my daughter Zanora says “People have no chill” and my attitude would reflect that.
I’ve been walked into by adults who have spotted me 15 ft away with my walker and given absolutely no apology or acknowledgement I even exist. I have waited outside the handicapped stall for a grown non handicapped women to finish her call with no apologies as I almost urinated on myself. It’s really hard for me without the power of Jesus to see any good in people when running simple errands risk moments like these. I have plenty more but on paper they read off more like anger instead of insight.

News flash I don’t care how independent or self sufficient someone looks or  if they have a noticeable or non noticeable disibility they need you. You don’t have to plan a grand Mission Trip to be the hands and feet of Jesus. Everyday is an opportunity to show Love. I’ll give a couple of great examples that have happened to me. Thank you for the guy who was visiting my neighbor and saw me getting out the Über car and ran down the steps to assist me with my grocery bags. Thank you for every person who asked me do I need help reaching anything because we’re on the same isle. Thank you for every transportation driver who has assisted me out the van and up the stairs to my apartment. Thank you to the nurse who overheard my conversation and decided to brighten my day with what she had.

Every kind act I’ve mentioned is free and only cost a little time and energy. They all where moments that made me appreciate and thank God for kind people. All we have is for the glory of Jesus. Instead of rushing through your day checking off your to do list ask the Holy Spirit to make you aware of how you can show kindness to others. I do believe small acts of kindness can have a lasting impact. BE KIND. 💛

Luke 6:36 “Our Father is kind; you be kind.”(Msg)

P.S. I always leave you all with a special note. My favorite doctor Dr. Badu my rheumatologist types with two fingers proof to all that our High School keyboarding teacher lied. He typed every paper like this through college and medical school. Remember to do things the way you need to. 💛

Pills and had the nerve to throw in a couple vitamins. All Doctor approved.

My care group. Because you need people

Chloe will show you how to rest.

Selfie!

I am not a journalist. That’s why I like blogging. It is heavily opinionated driving. Go ahead fact check me no plagiarism going on here. Just my thoughts and personal view on things. I chose this subject Fear because it has been a repetitive visitor in every stage of my life. It’s like a gigantic yo yo of self sabotage. That plague my brain with questions that produce self doubt like “Am I smart enough? Am I a good mother? Am I a good friend? Did I make the right decision? Is this a good choice for my future? Did I screw everything up? You can imagine that since the strokes those voices have become louder and meaner. Sometimes it’s like being in a verbally abusive relationship with myself.

There are those fears that are substantial and cannot be casually swept under a rug. Most people would agree with you and encourage you to just pray and give it to Jesus. This is a correct and well meaning answer to all those of the Christian Faith. Most will tell say that you are correct in worrying because these are real “concerns”(fears). Health, finances and family no one tells you not to worry with these they usually say they understand because they too have these legitimate “concerns” (fears). These “concerns” (fears) make you pull a double shift when you’re tired. They will give you plenty of sleepless nights.

But God.

I’ve heard that the phrase “fear not” or “do not be afraid” is written in the bible over 365 times. Kinda like God put one in there for us everyday of the week. So I decided to do some fancy fact checking (Google)and found out although it is not actually written 365 it is in there an awfully lot. We need to be reminded continually not to fear/worry. Especially in today’s society where fear is subconsciously adopted as a normal part of life.

My pastor recently preached a sermon about the root of all problems is fear. That when we look to the root of all the wrong in our lives we will find fear. I will use myself as an example. When I first came home from the rehabilitation hospital I was terrified because my blood pressure would be 200/174 stroke levels all the time. In the morning after getting out of bed, after a light walk with my walker, after my physical therapist would have me breathe through my mouth all Zen like for ten minutes and 30 minutes after taking my 12 pills three times a day. It would come down to a whopping 175/102. I would go to the doctors ( it takes a village) offices and they would want to send me to the emergency room because my blood pressure looked as if I would have another stroke at any moment. Well meaning friends, family and medical staff would tell me not to stress like my brain was the cause of those crazy numbers. Like I could just tell myself to be calm and my blood pressure would just magically descend to 120/80.
It is impossible not to stress when your body is betraying you. Most nights I would be afraid to fall asleep because I feared I would die. I was diagnosed with asymptomatic and malignant high blood pressure which means although my pressure was at these dangerous levels I showed no signs of distress, headaches, dizziness or numbness in the arms. Doctors would experiment with different medications and refer me to more specialists. Then the blood pressure medications that showed some promise where the ones that were destroying my kidneys. I felt so defeated. I felt like I was watching myself dying a slow death. I was so scared and hopeless. The craziest untrue thoughts about myself would enter my mind. There was no one to talk to but God and I felt so defeated He was the last person I wanted to talk to. When I did talk to Jesus my talks consisted off my complaints. “Jesus You  need to figure out something quick before I die. This is not fair. Plus the common, Why me Lord?” Nobody likes that chick.

Before my circumstances change my outlook had to change and it was a struggle. What you see is so important. For me I didn’t like who I was becoming. I didn’t like seeing Tiffany as this scared person who was terrified of living. I knew this was not who I was but I didn’t know how to get rid of the fear. It started with that sermon. I finally saw it wasn’t the blood pressure that had me feeling depressed and anxious. It was my fear that I had did this to myself. I stressed too much, worked too hard, didn’t eat right or exercise and now my life is over. I had a real fear of dying. I blamed myself for having the strokes. If only I would have lived more, pursued what was really important to me and tried more things but now it’s too late. I now feel so much regret and even deeper emotion, fear.

I stopped praying and I started reading the Psalms. I like to say the “Psalms are the Bomb.” Nobody knows being fearful like our boy David and he always kept it 100. I would read them out loud throughout the day. As I heard the word I started believing myself to be different and then I started seeing myself different. You have to be still sometimes. No scratch that at  All Times when you are feeling fearful just stop and do nothing. I know for most of us this sounds crazy. Trust me it felt crazy. Do nothing Lord? I’m literally dying here and your word says be still. Yes, that’s just the first stop on crazy train and I will back that up with scripture.

“Listen, all you of Judah and you inhabitants of Jerusalem and you King Jehoshaphat! Thus says the LORD to you: ” Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God’s…You will not need to fight in this battle. Position Yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord, who is with you, O Judah and Jerusalem!” Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them. For the LORD is with you.” 2 Chronicles 20:15,17
God is the bomb He never leaves you hanging. He would just have me at the right place at the right time to receive different Psalms, scriptures and songs of encouragement. My spirit begin to feel a supernatural peace. Everyday I became less anxious, less fearful and less stressed. I didn’t matter what the blood pressure readings whe I knew I wasn’t going to die.
Soon after I changed cardiologist and he laid out a plan to over the next six months to get to the root of this problem.

My blood pressure this morning was 119/71. I still take a lot of medications and I’ll have a sleep machine delivered in the next few weeks for sleep apnea. All these things are good thing but the fear was dealt with many months before the plan. I sought the Lord and He heard my cry. We all worry about many things in our life but we are not told how to deal with them Gods way.

Crazy train stop two. Worship, find a song that tells you over and over how big our Jesus is. Put that song on repeat and listen to it until it becomes just like one of the t.v. jingles from childhood that you just don’t ever forget. Then listen to it some more. Then add other like songs to your playlist and listen to them. Play them just like they were that first Snoop Dog album “Da Dog Pound”. You understand what I am talking about if you were anywhere between the ages of 13-30 during the 90’s. Not my proudest musical choice but I can still hear Snoop in my head just like its 1993. Yes, listen to your playlist until it becomes the bigger voice in your head. Another scripture to back me up.

“I will praise you, LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all the marvelous things you have done. I will be filled with joy because of you. I will sing praises to your name, O most High…Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O LORD, do not abandon those who search for you. Sing praises to the LORD who reign in Jerusalem. Tell the world about his unforgettable deeds.”
Psalm 9: 1,2&10,11 (Psalms Da Bomb)

Step 1. REST (Be Still) Step 2. Worship
So easy it’s sounds crazy and it works for every area in your life where fear tries to strangle you. God is wild and He blows my mind with how big He wants to be in our lives. I wanted to leave you with a shorter scripture you can memorize or if your like me I have it saved in my iPhone notes “Do not be afraid. Stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD.” (Exod 14:13) And when in doubt repeat step on and two.

Bonus: My worship song is Hillsong UNITED Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)
[Verse]
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Oh, Jesus, you’re my God

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

(here’s the link. I hope this works.)

P.S. Jesus and I had a crazy good time writing this and it was his idea to put in the Snoop Dog reference. Plus He pointed out that I was spelling worship whorship and that’s not a good look. I almost fell out of my seat laughing. Good times all around.

I’m so thankful to be alive! Yes! Yes! Yes! Now it’s time to live it up!
It’s coming close to the 1 year date of the strokes. March 13, 2015 it was a Friday. I’m glad I never was a very superstitious person because that fact alone would have really messed me up. I wanted to write something profound. Something really deep to share from my year of recovery. So here we go @#?! happens.

If you want to know how insignificant you are just get sick. If you want to know how smart you are get sick. You want to know what and who is important to you get sick. If you want to know who and what deems you important get sick. The only thing positive about any bout with any illness is the crystal clear clarity it gives to what is important to you. Plus knowing you have no control of anything because @#?! happens. For me it has gave me complete surrender to Jesus. I think people turn to Jesus in these moments because only in weakness it’s abundantly clear how much you need a savior. He just wants us to totally depend on him.

I had four strokes because of blood clots. I’ve been to many specialist but none can find the origins of the blood clots. I have to take blood thinners for the rest of my life. I am one of the 7% of people in this country who have Cryptogenic Strokes (unknown causes). I can now read and my speech has gotten much clearer but I could not read and talk when I first woke up in the hospital. I had to re-learn how to walk. First with a walker now with a cane but my joints and muscles feel like I’m 60+. Everyday is a struggle. One of the more difficult challenges has been the anxiety and depression. Next to that the fact that  my brain literally gets tired and I have to rest and come back to complete things. A good example of this is this blog it has taken me two weeks to write this. It’s surreal to realize you have trouble with simple task. Multitasking is no longer an option. Memory lost is an everyday throughout the day occurrence. There’s nothing worse than being sick and poor. The most difficult realization was learning just how shitty people treat others with disabilities. Especially with disabilities they can’t physically see. Like Zanora often tells me “you’re nodding and smiling at them but they haven’t a clue that what they said just went into a black hole.” Yep that’s me sometimes clueless.

This brings me to my joy my children. They like me and I like them. They like me inspite of taking my frustrations out on them. Going full on nuclear over the most trivial things. They like me when the fear of having to move in with my parents was a promising option at one time. They like me when they saw me having to make life altering decisions just to survive. They did not coddle me or feel sorry for me because I have had strokes but in their own sarcastically teasing manner encouraged me. They listened to me and demanded that I still be mom even when I no longer felt like mom. They allowed me to become comfortable with my many new limitations but at the same time held me accountable. We decided together as a unit that people might mean well but we and only we decide what is best for our family. They loved me. I have seen the 120% payment already of bringing up your child in the knowledge of the risen savior. It is the wisest investment I’ve ever made.

It doesn’t matter if you are disabled or not you still need to be needed. In my experience I have became aware that maybe we are probably doing a disservice to many people who have suffered a traumatic health occurrence by not throwing them back into life. Into some kind of similarity to who they are. Be it dad, aunt, brother or friend. These are the titles that are important to keep in life even though your roles may change. Yeah sure you might get confused, walk slow, tire easily or make a complete mess out of things but you still showed up. It makes you look at things and say fuck it this needs to happen so let’s make it happen. It no longer matters how you did things before, you are in the now. You can only do that when you are left with out options. Think about all the ordinary people that do extraordinary things everyday. I think it’s because they did not have option to not show up and had to make a decision to just live. You are selfish if you think you are doing anything alone. We need people (family and friends) you can not grow without the them. They cause friction by rubbing against the grain of pride, self reflection, condemnation and perfectionism. This friction causes the spark that sets you on a path to greatness. For me that path is mapped out in Jesus Christ.

No life is not fair. Some people have a single million dollar idea and build an impire. Some have multiple ideas that would change humankind but these ideas never go beyond the landscape of their mind. Some women have children and abandon them while some pine for children all their lives. Evil men come to power and good men die. One man drinks like a fish and smokes a pack a day and lives a long life and a young man who jogs 5 miles daily and eats nothing but organic foods develops stage 4 lung cancer. Life is not fair. Period.

I’m not trying to sound like some great wise Sagists. There is stuff that pisses me off that I see our hear daily. It is impossible not to be offended by something. One of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself is cut yourself some slack then do the same for others. It does not have to be perfect to be great. The Life you have does not have to be perfect. The People you have in your life do not have to be perfect. The Stuff you have does not have to be perfect. Just enjoy Your life.

Live life and live it like you will live forever! Do not wait until tomorrow because it is not promised to you but eternal life is. I would hate to get to Heaven and finally realize I could have enjoyed my life so much more than I had. I plan on having a full life now and later. Have a hopeful expectation of good always. God loves you.

P.S. Now go live life right now!

P.P.S. I wrote this blog how I talk now cursing and still bringing honor to God. As my man Dee-1 says “Be REAL, Be RIGHTOUS, Be RELAVANT!”

If it’s romantic love I am a self proclaimed expert. That’s because I excel in the woo. You know those first few weeks in dating when everything is aglow in the light of the newness. When he or she comes across absolutely perfect and you’re on your A-game and it seems like this new person could possibly be making you a better you. That’s the “Woo”.

I still enjoy the “Woo” it’s just doesn’t have the same lasting enticement for me as it did in the past. We all get to a point when we need and want more. Sometimes it’s just meeting the perfect person.

This past month in my church’s youth ministry they have been focusing on cultivating relationships. Everything from relationships with Jesus, family, friends and amore’. This lead to short and long discussions with my children about all the people in our lives. What type of relationships we want to develop? The ones we value and the ones we must dismiss? We all have learned that Jesus is the nucleus to all our relationships. If we want to see these nurture and grow into their full potential we must center everything around Jesus.

The secret for everlasting “Woo”. Is falling in love with the perfect man. He’s gallant, kind, sincere, focused, patient, slow to anger, great sense of humor, thoughtful, a Boss, determined, intelligent,witty and rich. What I love most He gives unlimited “Woo” and He makes me a better me. Yeah that’s right (drumroll please) JESUS.

Through receiving His perfect love for me I can now give the “Woo” and much more to others. I no longer have unrealistic expectations from the relationships in my life because I receive what I need from my nucleus. This power from Jesus transforms relationships. You no longer see their faults but you see their testimony even if they don’t see it for themselves. This allows you the freedom to love without limits. You no longer place your trust and expectations on the people but in the person Christ Jesus. This brings a freedom to just enjoy your self, marriage, children, friendships plus more. It makes you a much more pleasant person to be around because you are no longer sitting in judgement. No matter how nice you pretend to be people can still tell when they are being judged. What we all really want is to be accepted somewhere safe and judgement free.

We must go deeper than the surface. God created us for complex relationships for the different stages in our lives and He gives us the capacity to Love. Yes, through Christ you can love with a
big L.

XOXO
Tiffany “Gods Beloved”

It is challenging to balance how we are called to behave in Jesus Christ versus how we feel. Especially when it comes to people who’s behavior is dangerous for you. I speak of that dangerous level of thoughts closely becoming actions. That plotting of murder in your heart and the only way you didn’t act on it was not because of your love of God but your lack of foolproof alibi and too many seasons of Law & Order. Plus the realization that you’re too cute for prison.

These feelings quickly become rational and justified when the offense is towards someone you love. You quickly begin to rationalize your thoughts and feelings to God. You sometimes say the following; “I know your word says to forgive but this person has gone too far. I give this person to you Jesus but if they say one more thing I’m gonna go H A M on them. I know you told me to love but it’s impossible when they act like this.” These thoughts plague us all. I have said these things and much worst to Jesus. In my moments of anger about everyone from the cashier at Target, ex husband even my children are targets. What always brings me back to my center is Jesus Christ.

My Identity is found in Jesus and my station with God is found in Jesus. I remind myself how much I am loved and from that true source of love “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” In the midst of anger, hurt and confusion this brings my focus back to Jesus and off of myself. In these moments I pray this prayer “Thank you Daddy God for loving me when I act, feel or think like this.” When I am focused on Him and Him alone then I am able to receive wisdom from him on how to deal with others and love them period not in spite of. Many times I often hear Him whisper “Lived Loved”.

Tiffany God’s beloved and loving it!

👑🎂🎉Special shout out to my daughter and B.F.F. who turned 17 on the 22nd. Zanora you inspired this blog and I am so proud of you keeping your eyes on Jesus when you would have been justified if you chose not too. I learn so much from you and Jesus is growing you daily in wisdom and stature.

P.S. I got into the habit of saying “Living Loved” from my new coloring book. I’m enjoying celebrating my creativity and meditating on God’s word. Thanks Bestie. 😘

A New Year, a fresh start. My friends and close family know that I really celebrate my birthday as the start of a New Year. What most people do in the New Year begins the days leading up to my birthday. I reflect, I pray and I set goals. I did have a wonderful NYE celebrated with two of my loves. Zanora dropped us like hot grease and partied with her bestie.

NYE EVE 2016

NYE EVE 2016

The New Year makes us all ponder new life directions and I have decided to take my own health into my hands after dealing with our faltered healthcare system for almost a year now I have crowned myself the newest resident “know it all” among many. Simply because I know Tiff.

Tiff new rules are the following: Tiff will not participate in any experimental treatments or procedures. Tiff will not be intimidated by degrees and prestigious accolades. Although I admire people who have done the work. I realize you can know everything and still know nothing. Tiff will not pretend to understand when Tiff really doesn’t have a clue. Yes I need you to explain that again and again and again. I had multiple strokes the brain is not what it used to be, duh. Tiff will refer to herself as Tiff as often as she likes (channeling her inner Kanye West). It’s just fun to do it and if it upsets anyone just blame it on the strokes. Tiff will have fun. I’m not waiting until I get better to do stuff. Life has showed me you better do whatever while you can do whatever. Tiff will Rest in Jesus. God is a good good father and I am loved by Him. It’s who We are.

Everything else is everything else.

P.S. Still rocking the faux fur.

I love Christmas! It is one of my favorite Holidays next to Thanksgiving. Everything about Christmas puts me in my happy zone. 1. It’s Jesus’s birthday and I love birthdays. 2. The commercialism and I’m very aware that advertisers are using our emotions but I don’t care. It’s all fun eye candy and it inspires my creativity. 3. I geek out for all things pretty and fabulous, I’m very girly, prissy, divaliscous or whatever adverb you use to describe women like me.

I’m finding it difficult to balance my joyous exuberance with my limited reality. I wanted to put up a fully decorated tree but this task would exhaust me. I want to make homemade gifts to give out to friends and family but this too is a daunting task. I used to be one of those people who seemed to pull out a wow packed Christmas from thin air. I Always found the perfect gifts at the final hour, cooked a fabulous meal in no time and put up all decorations in a afternoon. Yes stressful but I liked it this way. My Christmas Eve was marked its finality with a cocktail and a well executed to do list. The creative juices are on an indefinite hiatus.

I realized this year that my children didn’t really enjoy me or the holiday during my previous whirlwind Christmases. The stress that I placed on myself and them made me a pain in the you know what. So when asked what do they want this year I was told “can we just keep it simple”. How do you guys want to decorate? “Simple” What should be on the menu of our Christmas dinner? “Let’s just have a steak dinner”. Needless to say all the pressure I placed on myself was moot. They never enjoyed it because the process was an ordeal.

My reality now is my Holiday season is packed with Doctor visits and squeezing in Christmas when I can. I average 3 visit a week plus lab details. I was just asked today to do another twenty-four hour urine collection and have it turned in before Christmas Eve. Not really what I want to busy myself with the days leading up to Christmas. The juggling of appointment scheduling, lab work ups and medication changes can be overwhelming. All these things plus life lead to anxiety, confusion and moments of depression. It can be difficult to spread Christmas cheer.

What’s the point of decorating, cooking and shopping if it’s not from a place of joy. I still desire a wow packed Christmas but never at the expense of my family or my own sanity. Start shopping earlier. Decorate to enjoy the season. Cook whatever you want it’s your Christmas dinner. Don’t live this holiday to complete a list no matter how efficient you are. You will like you better and your family will appreciate it.

Have a Very Merry Christmas☃

It’s been awhile but I’m still here. I’ve decided there is only one who has the final say and that  is Jesus. Please note that when He wants me kisses and peace out to you all, its been fun and I’ll see you all again. So now you know I have made peace with whatever happens in this ole life but while I’m here let’s live it up!

Had to take a break for a while. It all started with an emergency hospitalization the beginning of  October caused by a serious abdominal bacterial infection and renal failure.😷

I know that sounds so serious but I’ve learned that almost any kind of trauma to the body can cause renal failure but  I’ll never write off my own or anyones stomach pain as a simple matter again. Living and learning. We had a great Halloween had to ration my candy intake the kiddos grabbed so much loot. 👻🍬

The rain and cold weather have brought the return of the walker. I must tell the truth my vanity wants to get rid of that thing but my mobility cries out for it. You see in my mind I’m capable of doing anything and going anywhere but my body is absolutely not cooperating. It’s also my birthday month and I had a wonderful 41st birthday. 🎂

Now I will park here for a minute. My birthday has been a cause for many tears of gratitude. I think I cried everyday leading up to my birthday. I’m so happy to be here and see another year. I’m so happy for great friends and wonderful family. I’m so happy for peace in my life. Nothing is as I would like it to be but I have Joy and Hope. I spent my birthday at American Arline Arena surrounded by brothers and sisters in Christ celebrating Jesus. I felt wonderful and can’t think of a better birthday gift. Eight months ago when I woke up on I.C.U. my daughter told me Pastor Joseph Prince will be here on your birthday and I prayed that I would be able to see him and it didn’t look like it would happen by it did. I’m truly blessed and highly favored. 👑

I just want to encourage everyone to never give up on life. When it looks dismal and bleak never count yourself out. Always place your faith in Jesus’s grace and keep your eyes on the cross. Always. 💛

Side Note:
Stadium seating is not for me my body. I must have floor or box seats. Lol, Pray for the man who gets me! 🙏🏾

A little encouragement goes further than you think. I believe that it’s every Believers call to to encourage not just one another but everyone we come in contact with.

I recently had an appointment with my neurologist and she was remarking on how far I’ve progressed in such a short time since my strokes.    Doctors like to attribute my age, my rehab and my attitude to my successful strides in my recovery. When I mention my faith they agree that having a strong faith community helps also. I know and you know who did this incredible miracle in my life.

Her remarks got me thinking of my stay at the rehab hospital and what kept me motivated during that time.  It was the simple knowledge of the smiles I would receive from my children and parents when they would visit me. My achievements and milestones were based on how amazed they would be when they saw me doing anything for the first time. Everyone almost lost there minds when I was sitting up in a wheelchair for the first time. They celebrated and cried then called other family and friends to tell them what I have achieved. This became my motivation.

The simple knowledge that whatever I did would be received with such joy spurned me on. When I say this little show of appreciation gave me motivation that is an understatement. I would have physical  and occupational therapy every day at 8:30 am and this would last until 11:30. When I got back to my room I was always asked if I would like to be assisted back into bed or remain in my chair. I always remained seated in my wheelchair all day even falling asleep in it until u would see my family that evening. When they would come in they would be so proud cheering me hugging me and I would live for the moment. Stomach and back aching I didn’t care those few moments of encouragement were worth it. The nurses would cheer my on as I would walk everyday from the therapy room to my hospital room. Even though it felt like I walked a 5k and my body was completely exhausted I pushed myself everyday for the smiles and “your getting better and better everyday” statements.

Just a couple examples of small acts of encouragement and how they can cause extraordinary change in a person.  I desire to be an encouragement to all I encounter. One simple act or word can invoke a radical change in a persons life.

Side Note: A little birthday gift to self snazzy new cane with butterflies.😍