FIGHT OR FLIGHT

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Scrambled is my heart-messed up is my soul
Shadows from my past still haunt my kingdom need some light to fight them off
My source of light be fading flames dancing away in the wind.

Vision blurry knees shaking my love is on the runway about to take off
Need to anchor her ship its been through a tempest sea can’t trust no new sailor

I want to soar ,but my broken wings hold me back.
I have packed for the hike but my soul is not ready for the ride . A thousand and one questions my soul asks my heart and my mind ain’t in sync

I want in this race  but my shoes lack the  lace.
I brace my self for the turbulence for each flight must fight this .
Breath cut short , strides brought to a halt
Is it flight or fight; bolt knot or not.

THE BATTLE IS ON

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I feel like an animal, unwanted:
I feel like a millionaire, desired
At the same time my mind is a stirring rod
Full of emotions can’t expressed by the emoji or emoticon.

I feel paralyzed as thou stung a million times by the black widow.
I feel lost like a compass in the Bermuda triangle can’t find my souls bearing : lost in the sea of thought and a recurrent question of what if?

I feel empty like the bowls of a sea sick farer.
I feel breathless like a suffocating man engulf in the smoke of despair. Clutching at every waft to preserve my dying heart beat

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Lost to love the second time; this can’t happen;the battle is on, raging from my gut all the way to my girdle I will face it head on the battle for my heart is on…..

A letter to her

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To my future wife,

I don’t know who you are, where you are, or what you’re doing, but I just want to say that I love you. There are no words I could say, in any language, no picture I could send, no song I could sing to really make you understand just how much I do. Every single day I wish that I’ll meet you. Bump into you at the mall, sit beside you in class, stand behind you in line at a coffee shop even though I hate coffee, hell, even swipe right on you on Tinder, Tantan and the rest of the dating sites.

A lot of me hopes that you’re reading this, now.

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve dreamed about you. Dreamed about getting to know every little thing about you: Favorite kind of food? Coke or Pepsi? Favorite color? What do you want to do with your life? Where do you want to live? What’s your favorite book? What’s your favorite movie? What gets you fired up? What makes you laugh? What inspires you? These are just a few things to list, but I want to know absolutely everything, all your likes, your dislikes, how you laugh, how you cry, how your smile lights up the room when you’re happy, and how heartbreaking it looks when you’re sad…. I want to know how you got that scar on your knee, and kiss it as if I was there when you first got it. I want to know all the pain from your past, all the people who broke your heart, all the regrets you have, so I can take it all away and help you remember how it feels to be loved again. I know that I won’t be able to learn all these things in a few months, not even in a few years, it will take a lifetime to get to know you, because we grow and change every day, and I can’t wait to be beside you through it all, falling more and more in love with the person you become every single day.

There are so many things I can’t wait for. I want to dance to your favorite song with you, binge watch your favorite show on the couch with you at 2am, bring you food from your favorite restaurant when you’ve had a bad day. I want to grab a beer with your dad, take your mom shopping, let your sister do my brows, and take your brother shooting. I want to take care of you and your best friend when you get too drunk, and apologize for puking on your shoes when I am. But the thing I look forward to the most? Kissing you for the first time. When I kiss you, I’ll kiss you like I’ve never kissed anyone before. I’ll take my time, I’ll do it slow, I’ll pull you in, push your hair behind your ear, put your face in my hands, and kiss you stupid, kiss you till you’ve forgotten where you are, till your knees are weak, and when I pull away, you’ll be speechless. There will be no words, you’ll just look into my eyes, and see peace.

I know I don’t know you, but these are my solemn vows to you:

I promise to always be your best friend, no matter what. To always be an idiot with you and embarrass ourselves when we’re out in public. Always be that nauseating couple that everyone hates, no matter how old we are. To never spoil the show we’re watching, when I’m ahead of you. To always give you my jacket when you’re cold, and if I don’t have one, to just hug the shit out of you while we walk, because I’m basically a human heater. To burst in when you’re showering every once in a while, just to kiss you no matter how soaked my clothes get. To always be spontaneous and keep that spark alive. To take you places you’ve always wanted to go, and show you places you never knew existed. That every day I will always let you know how beautiful and sexy you are to me even if you don’t believe it. To always take care of you and kiss you when you’re sick, no matter how snotty and gross you look, and even at the risk of getting sick myself. Because kissing you will always be worth that risk. That I’ll try to never let you go to bed upset, but if you do, you’ll always wake up to breakfast in bed. I promise to always hold you when you cry. To always carry you and tuck you into bed when you get too drunk. To always shoulder your burdens, ease your fears, and share in your triumphs. To let you fight your own battles, but be there to step in when you need help. To always encourage you, ignite your passions, and push you to follow your dreams, even if that means I’m put on the back burner for a bit. I promise to love your family just as much as I love mine because they are my family, too.

The one thing I can’t promise is that I’ll never make you mad, or sad, but I promise I’ll always fix it. Last, but not least, I promise to love you… for all that you are…all that you’ve been…and all you are yet to be.

I know, if and when you read this, you’re going to so say that you’re going to hold me to these things, and that’s good. I hope you do because it’s all these things and more that I’m going to do to try and show you just how much I love you.

Sincerely,

Your future husband

P.S.

This isn’t the best thing I’ve ever written, I really wish it was, but I didn’t say anywhere near everything I wanted to say, the transitions are terrible, the thoughts are scattered, the wording sucks, but that’s just how much I love you. Even though I don’t know who you are, even just the thought of you makes me dumb, because I am just stupid in love with you.

Without you

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At times i think am losing my mind,
coz the thought of always invade
the privacy of my sanity.

Waking up each morning with you in
mind but out sight out of reach;
I teach my soul to live without you

Tried to reach you countless times
each time I come back a chunk less
teaching my heart to live without you….

For sanity sake I fake a smile
just to last for the while as I struggle to cover the mile
teaching my hands to live without you

Each sunset marks a day gone
a day I spent on my own: one
eye after the other shuts
teaching my eyes to live without you

The sweet melody of your voice
that was: now replaced by that of traffic and chaos
my ears are learning to live without you

My heart yearns for you the only truant
in class, dull awaiting to hear, feel and see you
It can’t beat ;living without you.

lets break up

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peace of mind and rest to my soul is what I seek
Done running in circles like a hamster in its jar
I master my courage and get my vocal cords ajar
but all that is heard is a squeak.
lets break up done with breaking down

All the greatest waves eventually crash
just like all the fast cars crash and burn
my crush was on the burnout
thought we were on the same track,
call the tow truck am done with breaking down

peace I found in you; didn’t know you that you were a  chop shop ripped me apart
piece by piece: sugar coated the corrupted cookies and uploaded them to my system
Total systems melt down lets break up

Broken and drained of my life source
no gas just fumes in tank, white lights
flash by as i get ready to shut down
in the junkyard with all the other broken rusted cars.

Time to shut down; done drowning.

ARMS OF LOVE

I fixed my eyes upon the pit
And vowed to stay away
And yet the blackness called at me
From where i wished to stay

They say love is one man’s folly
And anothers key to fame
But love Was not an issue
I hated the crying games
Still I wandered toward the pit
It held a strange allure
It proved a place of mystery
I’d never been before

Up to the edge I crept
Looking into the abyss
Though i knew not what awaited me
This chance I could not miss

I lived a sheltered, quiet life
I longed to risk it all
I took one more step forward
‘Twas there I took the fall

I tried to grab onto the edge
Regretting my new fate
Instead I kept on falling
My efforts were in vain

Although I landed softly
I sensed a bruise or scar
But those were often made
In the matters of the heart

However doubt consumed my mind
Would HE be like the last
Until at length I felt a touch
It swept the doubt I’d cast

His strong scarred hand pulled me close to him
As one we climbed above
I realized I had fallen safe
Into the arms of LOVE.

LOST TO LOVE

They say walk on the light, am deaf i can’t hear you
They point you to the right’ am left hand i can’t follow you
Walk on the right, i can’t coz my heart is on the left
Stand up right, i can’t the love wof my heart just left.
I feel like a leaf in a storm
Weak and helpless.
My system feeble as if am a bout to break.
My heartbeat hit the breaks when love came screeching to a halt.
There goes my last ace
The icy winds hit my face
Cant fight it with a mace
Its all food for mice.
There is no apology
Heard, just the euology
of a broken class, biology.
Cracked lens of sociology
The baby with wings,cupid
Was not that stupid
When he said no to my plea
I become the flea
For him to flee , he gave in to my plea
Now am in pain
He shot my heart
Now i know love hurts

HEARTACHE

Heartache after heartache,
Heart break after heart break,
Feels like the waves break,
Wave after wave.

Thought I was the crest on the mount
Just to find out, am the crest of the wave that’s bout
To break.
Shuttered is my heart, hurt is my soul
Feels like the waves break
Wave after wave.

Companion!? , thought had i
Didn’t know I was just fit for the eye
Used or loved, used I feel,
Can’t eat to my fill
Cause its wave after wave.

The pillow my closest companion
Tears running down my face, my
Best sensation, liquor my
Favorite meal, I am drowning
Cause it’s like wave after wave.

Never thought you will get under my skin
You went further and become my kin
Like most of them, A wolf in sheep skin
Am not elastic, don’t stretch, I too break:
Like wave after wave.

My heart feels like broken china covered in glue,
Am left to wonder if you have a clue.
That you left behind a great flu,
When you dropped it and flew into the blue,
The pain swipes me like wave after wave.

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