Friday, February 1, 2013
Copperanna (Full Band) UPDATE
Again, this is another song written in my little sludge hole in Logan. I guess the only good thing that ever came out of that apartment was music. This is a song for a girl I never met named Anna. I wrote this during the early days of internet chat rooms. I can't remember what chat room it was, but I had been talking music with a group of people. One of the girls, named Anna, said she wished someone would write a song for her. I gave it a shot. Like I said, I never met the kid. Now, to write a song called "Anna" was quite boring in my mind - no offense to the name. The Beatles recorded a song called "Anna (Go With Him)" that is on their first album. It always seemed like a filler song to me. I remember I had been working on writing songs that day and I didn't have a pick, so I used a penny. After I had been playing for a while I was taking a break and chewing my fingernails. Of course, my fingertips tasted like copper. All of a sudden I had the name of the song. It's also attributed to the strange name songs that the Smashing Pumpkins had - "Tristessa", "Stumbleine", "Medilla"... So I had the name for my song - "Copperanna". It's not about anyone at all - it all came together because of someone's name and my love for chewing my fingernails.
Another funny side note to the song is that I was writing these lyrics in church one Sunday and my mom asked to look at them. She couldn't understand why I would write a lyric about wanting to be someone's whore. I tried to explain to her that it was an extreme way of saying that I wanted to belong to someone. She thought I should just say that. I thought about it and decided to stay with my lyric. All these years later I still have people that have heard this song say that that line is their favorite line in a song.
I want to be your pocket
Your hand inside of me
I want to be temptation
Your hand as it bleeds
I can never see you
I want to die and be you
I want to set you free
I want to be your whispers
Your breath as you sleep
I want to fall and hurt you
Your tears as you weep
I’m purple suicide
I’m black eyes open wide
I’m nothing you should keep
I’m just a bad dream
To lay down on your pillow
Trapped in the slipstream
You are all I know
Copperanna
I want to be your trophy
Your secret little whore
I want your indignation
The reason you want more
I’m twisted fantasy
I’m prayers and blasphemy
I’m all that you adore
I’m just a bad dream
To lay down on your pillow
Trapped in the slipstream
You are all I know
Copperanna
I want to be your mourning
Your coffin in the ground
I want your consolation
Your arms to lay me down
I’m cracked crystal ball
I’m broken china doll
I’m secrets never found
I’m just a bad dream
To lay down on your pillow
Trapped in the slipstream
You are all I know
Copperanna
Thursday, November 10, 2011
This is Her Time
I just sat down and started writing this a few weeks ago for no good reason. It was intended to be my writing about a girl having a bad day. I was trying something new in my mind lyrically. I think I did it okay.
One interesting aspect about the recording of this song - I downloaded a new app for recording and used it for the first time with this song. I actually recorded it in my bathroom less than an hour ago. I haven't listened to it on anything but my phone. Hopefully it works okay. If not I'll try to re-record it later.
This was not the place for her to be
Kissing flames
She had stepped outside of all her dreams
Into pain
When you say goodbye to everything you know
You just ride it out to where the wind may blow
She had fears she didn't want to see
Closed her eyes
She fought inner battles to feel free
Fought the lies
There is no one left here now to hold her down
Pity threw a party, now she wears the crown
She found her peace
Found her sweet release
Blind leading blind
This is her time
She looked at the world through different eyes
Than her own
Every breath she took was her own prize
All alone
Sometimes pain reminds you that it's time to pray
Sometimes rain is only there to wash away
She found her peace
Found her sweet release
Blind leading blind
This is her time
She found her peace
Found her sweet her release
Blind leading blind
This is her time
One interesting aspect about the recording of this song - I downloaded a new app for recording and used it for the first time with this song. I actually recorded it in my bathroom less than an hour ago. I haven't listened to it on anything but my phone. Hopefully it works okay. If not I'll try to re-record it later.
This was not the place for her to be
Kissing flames
She had stepped outside of all her dreams
Into pain
When you say goodbye to everything you know
You just ride it out to where the wind may blow
She had fears she didn't want to see
Closed her eyes
She fought inner battles to feel free
Fought the lies
There is no one left here now to hold her down
Pity threw a party, now she wears the crown
She found her peace
Found her sweet release
Blind leading blind
This is her time
She looked at the world through different eyes
Than her own
Every breath she took was her own prize
All alone
Sometimes pain reminds you that it's time to pray
Sometimes rain is only there to wash away
She found her peace
Found her sweet release
Blind leading blind
This is her time
She found her peace
Found her sweet her release
Blind leading blind
This is her time
Monday, October 10, 2011
She Doesn't See Me
I often try writing in the styles of music that I adore. This is my attempt at Nine Inch Nails. It's meant to be sparse and haunting. The piano style on this is a little different than what I am normally doing. I wish with all my heart that I had the equipment and resources to put these songs out there for you to hear the way that I hear them in my mind. They are so much more powerful than the way I present them to you here.
Yes, I know - the lyrics - they're tough to take on. Remember that most of the time it's not a literal translation of me. Those of you who are familiar with NIN understand that this self-degrading/self-destructive lyric is typical. That was what I was going for. The words will be either a little uncomfortable or you will totally relate to what I've written.
I started toying around with the song at least 10 years ago. I had the idea of the chorus because of the chippies I used to date that never saw me as anything, yet I saw them as these fabulous, heavenly creatures and wanted nothing more than to spend time with them. It never happened. I saw them in a different light than they ever saw me. Not that I was anything special. Believe me, I wasn't the greatest catch, but no one really went to any effort to make me feel extraordinary or special. Because of that these words WERE what I was dealing with.
Luckily I found Stephanie because she sees me in that good light. She does make me feel special and wanted and needed. I don't feel these words at all with her. I am comforted and safe and that's all that matters. We share the light that we see each other in where we are right now.
I feel like I’m a desecration
A shotgun blast of pure confusion
I am a rusted razor blade prayer
The blackened heart strings through which you tear
Tar black
Heart attack
Broken bone
All alone
She doesn’t see me in the same light I see her in
She thinks that I’m a fool
She doesn’t see me in the same light I see her in
She loves to be so cruel
You have to cut a smile on my face
The bitterness of her I still taste
Her poison works its way through my veins
When she stands next to me there’s such pain
Bleeding heart
Torn apart
Kissing fists
Bleeding wrists
She doesn’t see me in the same light I see her in
She thinks that I’m a fool
She doesn’t see me in the same light I see her in
She loves to be so cruel
She loves to be so cruel
She thinks that I’m a fool
Yes, I know - the lyrics - they're tough to take on. Remember that most of the time it's not a literal translation of me. Those of you who are familiar with NIN understand that this self-degrading/self-destructive lyric is typical. That was what I was going for. The words will be either a little uncomfortable or you will totally relate to what I've written.
I started toying around with the song at least 10 years ago. I had the idea of the chorus because of the chippies I used to date that never saw me as anything, yet I saw them as these fabulous, heavenly creatures and wanted nothing more than to spend time with them. It never happened. I saw them in a different light than they ever saw me. Not that I was anything special. Believe me, I wasn't the greatest catch, but no one really went to any effort to make me feel extraordinary or special. Because of that these words WERE what I was dealing with.
Luckily I found Stephanie because she sees me in that good light. She does make me feel special and wanted and needed. I don't feel these words at all with her. I am comforted and safe and that's all that matters. We share the light that we see each other in where we are right now.
I feel like I’m a desecration
A shotgun blast of pure confusion
I am a rusted razor blade prayer
The blackened heart strings through which you tear
Tar black
Heart attack
Broken bone
All alone
She doesn’t see me in the same light I see her in
She thinks that I’m a fool
She doesn’t see me in the same light I see her in
She loves to be so cruel
You have to cut a smile on my face
The bitterness of her I still taste
Her poison works its way through my veins
When she stands next to me there’s such pain
Bleeding heart
Torn apart
Kissing fists
Bleeding wrists
She doesn’t see me in the same light I see her in
She thinks that I’m a fool
She doesn’t see me in the same light I see her in
She loves to be so cruel
She loves to be so cruel
She thinks that I’m a fool
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Old Tin Heart
I don't even know where this song came from. It was just one that I sat down and wrote. Almost every single day that I go to school I walk in to my room, put my bags down, go sign in, go back to my room, sit at the piano and write a song. This happens 95% of the time. Most of that time it's just me sitting down to the piano and playing whatever. I rarely sit down with something in mind. I think that's what happened with this song. I just sat down and started playing around until some idea started to take shape and went from there.
I don't know where the lyrics came from either. Just a random spewage of words. And yes, I know that "spiders from Mars" is not my own creation. I fully acknowledge that. As I'm thinking about it, I wonder how many people that read this actually DO know where "spiders from Mars" comes from. Anyway, I love this song, as I do all of my songs. Hopefully others will enjoy it as well.
Her’s was a ghost that knew my name
I bore this cross on which I hang
Blood won’t erase the things you blame
It’s etched in your bones
We’re all sleepless drones
Down on the street with broken glass
I watch the shadows as they pass
She screams out loud “The die is cast”
My old tin heart cracks
She’s not coming back
Looking through dead eyes
Breathing the sulfur from your lies
This is the last time
I can’t ignore what I adore in you
I pulled the teeth of vanity
Bled through my own insanity
I was my own fatality
But you gave me scars
With your spiders from Mars
Looking through dead eyes
Breathing the sulfur from your lies
This is the last time
I can’t ignore what I adore in you
I don't know where the lyrics came from either. Just a random spewage of words. And yes, I know that "spiders from Mars" is not my own creation. I fully acknowledge that. As I'm thinking about it, I wonder how many people that read this actually DO know where "spiders from Mars" comes from. Anyway, I love this song, as I do all of my songs. Hopefully others will enjoy it as well.
Her’s was a ghost that knew my name
I bore this cross on which I hang
Blood won’t erase the things you blame
It’s etched in your bones
We’re all sleepless drones
Down on the street with broken glass
I watch the shadows as they pass
She screams out loud “The die is cast”
My old tin heart cracks
She’s not coming back
Looking through dead eyes
Breathing the sulfur from your lies
This is the last time
I can’t ignore what I adore in you
I pulled the teeth of vanity
Bled through my own insanity
I was my own fatality
But you gave me scars
With your spiders from Mars
Looking through dead eyes
Breathing the sulfur from your lies
This is the last time
I can’t ignore what I adore in you
Thursday, October 6, 2011
The Last Time
Not much to say about this song. What it means speaks for itself. It's not autobiographical. It's just a story. The words "this is the last time" fell right into the triad and I went with it from there.
I wrote it after playing around the piano with triads. It really just came together all at once after the first triad. It's a good song and fun to sing. Hope you enjoy!
This is the last time that you will see me
You don’t even care where I will go
I’ll be moving on, my ship is sailing
I’m not coming back and this I know
I have got nothing that I can offer
I’d break my bones but it’s not enough
I’d walk on fire to make you happy
I may be strong but I’m not so tough
This is the last time that you will hold me
You have left me with no other choice
Sometimes I feel like you’ve bought and sold me
You did what you could to take my voice
I can’t deny that you’ve made me happy
I can’t deny that you’ve brought me joy
Still there’s a fire that burns inside you
I’m nothing more than your whipping boy
You’ve come out from behind your curtain
You’re not who I was looking for
One thing now that I know for certain
There is nothing I want from you anymore
Let’s just close this door
This is the last time that I will love you
There is nothing left, no reason why
I will do my best to rise above you
I don’t feel the need to say goodbye
I feel like I’ve broken through these old chains
It won’t be my neck that you will break
You keep on being the monster you are
I’ll look at you as a big mistake
You’ve come out from behind your curtain
You’re not who I was looking for
One thing now that I know for certain
There is nothing I want from you anymore
Let’s just close this door
I wrote it after playing around the piano with triads. It really just came together all at once after the first triad. It's a good song and fun to sing. Hope you enjoy!
This is the last time that you will see me
You don’t even care where I will go
I’ll be moving on, my ship is sailing
I’m not coming back and this I know
I have got nothing that I can offer
I’d break my bones but it’s not enough
I’d walk on fire to make you happy
I may be strong but I’m not so tough
This is the last time that you will hold me
You have left me with no other choice
Sometimes I feel like you’ve bought and sold me
You did what you could to take my voice
I can’t deny that you’ve made me happy
I can’t deny that you’ve brought me joy
Still there’s a fire that burns inside you
I’m nothing more than your whipping boy
You’ve come out from behind your curtain
You’re not who I was looking for
One thing now that I know for certain
There is nothing I want from you anymore
Let’s just close this door
This is the last time that I will love you
There is nothing left, no reason why
I will do my best to rise above you
I don’t feel the need to say goodbye
I feel like I’ve broken through these old chains
It won’t be my neck that you will break
You keep on being the monster you are
I’ll look at you as a big mistake
You’ve come out from behind your curtain
You’re not who I was looking for
One thing now that I know for certain
There is nothing I want from you anymore
Let’s just close this door
Friday, September 30, 2011
Just Breathe
Tuesday I was in a rush to leave work so I could pick my daughters up from school. I was already running late. As I walked past my piano I heard two notes being played in my head. Just an A and an F#. I thought "Oh crap" to myself because I had to sit down and write. Something told me that even with only two notes I had something good on my hands. So I sat at the piano, turned on my phone to record, and started playing. About two minutes later I had the complete melody for this song and the chord structure. I was still in a hurry so I hightailed it over to the girl's school.
Afterwards I had to go to work at Domino's so I knew I'd be able to work on some lyrics. As I drove around town and thought about it I came up with the premise for the song and banged it out quick. It really didn't take long at all. Those are my favorite songs to write. I know it's a short song and there's not a lot too it, but I wanted it to be simplistic. If I ever get it recorded professionally there will be a little bit more to it.
The song is simply about love and working through the tough times. Goodness knows that I'm not perfect and I'm sure I've ticked off my wife because of something I've said/done/didn't do/been, etc. I'm the first to admit that I'm not an easy person to deal with. This is not about me per say, but about what everyone that loves someone deals with - mistakes and forgiveness. I'm lucky to have a good wife who forgives me when I mess up, which is usually a daily occurrence.
But its really more than that. This is about getting over everything around you that is wrong and completely relying on each other. Some days you really just need to remember what is important in your significant other, put aside anything that may be irking you, and remember that they love you and you love them. That is the absolute most important thing!
Afterwards I had to go to work at Domino's so I knew I'd be able to work on some lyrics. As I drove around town and thought about it I came up with the premise for the song and banged it out quick. It really didn't take long at all. Those are my favorite songs to write. I know it's a short song and there's not a lot too it, but I wanted it to be simplistic. If I ever get it recorded professionally there will be a little bit more to it.
The song is simply about love and working through the tough times. Goodness knows that I'm not perfect and I'm sure I've ticked off my wife because of something I've said/done/didn't do/been, etc. I'm the first to admit that I'm not an easy person to deal with. This is not about me per say, but about what everyone that loves someone deals with - mistakes and forgiveness. I'm lucky to have a good wife who forgives me when I mess up, which is usually a daily occurrence.
But its really more than that. This is about getting over everything around you that is wrong and completely relying on each other. Some days you really just need to remember what is important in your significant other, put aside anything that may be irking you, and remember that they love you and you love them. That is the absolute most important thing!
You say your words
They run me straight through
This feels absurd
So far from the truth
The hate we bring doesn’t offer anything
Just for tonight could we put aside the fight
And just breathe
We can’t connect
With walls in between
Look what we’ve spent
No chance to redeem
And when the pain seems to scratch right at our brains
Will we see the light?
Try to hold each other tight
And just breathe
The fool in me loves the fool in you
It’s hard to see past stupid things we do
When this world that we’ve built wants to go into full tilt
Let’s forget what we’ve heard
Let’s not say such hurtful words
Let’s just breathe
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Parking Lot Apology
I like to observe people. I find other people's lives fascinating. If you sit and watch people long enough you're bound to something interesting happen. I wrote this song based on something I saw once. I could only speculate what was happening because I couldn't hear anything, but I could see faces and body language so I was guessing what happened.
A guy walked into a grocery store. He wasn't inside for very long before he came out with a few bags of groceries. As he walked up to his car he slowed down because of something he saw there by his car. It was a girl in another car that had pulled up next to his. He obviously recognized as he walked up, but he wasn't sure what he should do - run away or keep walking. She started talking to him but there was a distinct pain on his face that could only have been caused by her.
He listened to her as she spoke and the more she spoke, the more tears I saw from her. She was apologetic in her mannerisms. He didn't really respond except for his staring at the ground. He would say something every once in a while, but I could tell that he was still hurt from whatever she did. She stepped out of the car and took him in her arms and he fought the urge to put his arms back around her. She stepped back and took his face in her hands and kissed him. He was in tears at this time too. When she pulled away from the kiss he stared at her for a moment before shaking his head. He said something to her, looked hard at her again, walked to his car, started it up and drove away leaving her there standing in the parking lot leaning against her car sobbing. She did this for a few minutes before wiping her eyes, getting back in her car and driving away in the opposite direction.
This song is what I imagined she was saying to him. He was probably completely enamored with her and she didn't feel the same way until he let go - then she realized that she had lost the best thing in her life. This is her parking lot apology to him for taking him for granted, but it was an apology that he could not accept. She had already done too much damage and he could not see past that. I don't know if that was what the conversation was really about, but it makes for a great song. I love writing these songs with a bit of a waltz feel. There's just something about them that makes my hair stand on end. I love it!
I can tell you’re confused
You are wondering why I’m here
I know I left you bruised
I’m so sorry dear
I’ve been thinking a lot
How I messed up what we had
I’ll put you on the spot
Sorry I was bad
Didn’t know what I had
Please come home with me
Let me try this again
Please give me another chance
I now realize
That all I want is you
But how could you have known
You gave so much to me
Put me up on a pedestal
All you wanted was me
I said my life was full
I put you on hold
Please come home with me
Let me try this again
Please give me another chance
I now realize
That all I want is you
But how could you have known
I’m so sorry I pushed when you pulled
I’m so sorry my touch was so cold
I was wrong and you were right
All I want is you with me tonight
I know I love you
And I’ve made some mistakes
Please don’t turn and walk away
Hold me in your arms
I’m so sorry I bailed
I just want you with me
It’s how my life should be
‘Cause you were meant for me
It’s something I now see
I just want you to try to love me again
A guy walked into a grocery store. He wasn't inside for very long before he came out with a few bags of groceries. As he walked up to his car he slowed down because of something he saw there by his car. It was a girl in another car that had pulled up next to his. He obviously recognized as he walked up, but he wasn't sure what he should do - run away or keep walking. She started talking to him but there was a distinct pain on his face that could only have been caused by her.
He listened to her as she spoke and the more she spoke, the more tears I saw from her. She was apologetic in her mannerisms. He didn't really respond except for his staring at the ground. He would say something every once in a while, but I could tell that he was still hurt from whatever she did. She stepped out of the car and took him in her arms and he fought the urge to put his arms back around her. She stepped back and took his face in her hands and kissed him. He was in tears at this time too. When she pulled away from the kiss he stared at her for a moment before shaking his head. He said something to her, looked hard at her again, walked to his car, started it up and drove away leaving her there standing in the parking lot leaning against her car sobbing. She did this for a few minutes before wiping her eyes, getting back in her car and driving away in the opposite direction.
This song is what I imagined she was saying to him. He was probably completely enamored with her and she didn't feel the same way until he let go - then she realized that she had lost the best thing in her life. This is her parking lot apology to him for taking him for granted, but it was an apology that he could not accept. She had already done too much damage and he could not see past that. I don't know if that was what the conversation was really about, but it makes for a great song. I love writing these songs with a bit of a waltz feel. There's just something about them that makes my hair stand on end. I love it!
I can tell you’re confused
You are wondering why I’m here
I know I left you bruised
I’m so sorry dear
I’ve been thinking a lot
How I messed up what we had
I’ll put you on the spot
Sorry I was bad
Didn’t know what I had
Please come home with me
Let me try this again
Please give me another chance
I now realize
That all I want is you
But how could you have known
You gave so much to me
Put me up on a pedestal
All you wanted was me
I said my life was full
I put you on hold
Please come home with me
Let me try this again
Please give me another chance
I now realize
That all I want is you
But how could you have known
I’m so sorry I pushed when you pulled
I’m so sorry my touch was so cold
I was wrong and you were right
All I want is you with me tonight
I know I love you
And I’ve made some mistakes
Please don’t turn and walk away
Hold me in your arms
I’m so sorry I bailed
I just want you with me
It’s how my life should be
‘Cause you were meant for me
It’s something I now see
I just want you to try to love me again
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