This is probably the hardest blog I’ve ever written, but thought I’ll do it anyway. It’s my reward to myself in the age of 32, Openness Bravery Reward and Love Myself Reward.

I just wanted to make it clear, this blog is not for anyone to feel sorry for me, but is simply to help myself to get my confidence back by accepting that’s ok to be “who I am” and what I went through.

Not sure where to start, so let’s start with the bad news I had in April 2013. It was the night where I woke up and felt sharp pain in my breast. I tried to ignore it, but my gut feelings telling me there is something wrong. I went to the bathroom, and there I can feel the lump in my breast. I booked an appointment the next day, visited few doctors that simply saying it’s nothing, I’m too young for breast cancer. But my instinct tells otherwise. So I called mum in Bali and my sister, told me I need to come and get it checked in Bali. I went there and got it checked. There were 4 small lumps. I got it removed, and the result was not malignant, but one of the lump actually a lot bigger than expected, it was another lump underneath. Me and my boyfriend at the time was so happy it’s all gone and decided to do a trip to Europe to celebrate. But few months later, it’s return. So, last year on my birthday I was at the female hospital in Melbourne.

It was quite an interesting process actually. In the first section, we were waiting to see the female GP. All ladies having a laugh, noises and some just reading gossip mags with a cup of tea or coffee. If you sent to the next section, means there is something and they’ll want you to do ultrasounds. This section became less noisy. After the second section, I was sent to the third section and here you can see major changes in few women successfully passed on this stage (lol). You can see the anxiety, they’ll flicks on the magazine without reading it, texting with their shaky hand fingers and no one touch any drinks at all. Out of 5 of us, I am the only one that successfully managed to the main stage…, to see a breast surgeon. Well done Ida.

He was cool one. saying it’s all good but do upgrade my health insurance, get a life insurance, income protection insurance etc. I wasn’t that panic, since I’ve got that all covered. Since I’ve already plan a trip to friend’s wedding in Thailand, we scheduled MRI in January.

I did my MRI, after the result during the visit at my surgeon, out of the 20 pages images, he only briefly look at two pages and said there is seems to be all good but let’s wait for the report from the lab. Finally my surgeon walked in, this time with different attitude, hold my hand and telling me it’s malignant, is a size of 0.9 and 1.2 cm and the rest are hyperplasia. (yay…I was right..)

So this is when it’s all begin. The treatment, multiple biopsies, the scream and tears I had starring at my beautifully long hairs falling, the pain and the vomiting. Work no longer tolerate my illness, I can’t study anymore, I can’t manage my business and bla bla bla (stop whining Ida) but the worse part is when people you thought will be there for you betrayed you in the worse possible way. My boyfriend of 4 years, yelled at me for being sick. Repeatedly telling me I’m not attractive anymore. I remember I was struggling to go upstairs and asked for his help, he was so angry, dragged me up, throw me in bed and throw a blanket on my face. He left, took everything he need, from furniture to cutlery. I was cool, let my staff to help him moving out and use my car.

Few days later, I had an anxiety attacks, I think my subconscious is worried. I just got a new house, finished my contract, can’t run my business anymore. I can’t move and talk, I called mum and dad, my speeches gone, I can feel the pain in their voices. I realized I’m hurting them, so I prayed, I need to find strength and finally able to speak and said “mum, I’m ok now, that was nothing, don’t worry and go back to bed.” I called a friend and he took me to nearest medical centre, when I’m about to pay, my card got declined. My saving is all gone… I didn’t bring my credit card that night so my friend paid for me. I check my online banking at home and I have 17 cents left in my saving account. My ex took it all…everything.

That night, the new Ida has born. There will be no hero for me, so I become my own hero. I beat cancer, I started to put on weight slowly, I got healthy and get closer to my family as my biggest supporter.

Now I’m in a good state, only need to take medication for few more months because treatment has affected my blood which caused me feeling weak. I can’t wait to stop taking medication and back to normal again. This experience is the biggest life changing for me.

Now… people… one thing that never change in me is, I always forgive and always can see the positive side of everything. I won’t be here right now without what I went through… so I can’t be more thankful.

As usual… I already have a plan for future prevention.

1. I will have children to reduce the risk of my enemy to return.
2. As you all know, I’m not good at dating, if I can’t find a partner in 5 yrs, I’ll go to bank sperm lol.
3. If I found one but can’t have a child, then I will just keep trying (mean, lots of sex..ha..ha..)
4. And the best thing if the plan A, B or C is not an option anymore, I will have to do mastectomy. Oh My God..!!! just imagine this… I can get a new boobies, size C.. I finally can wear any bikini top, no more walk around with a flat chest lol. I already do a research where I can get the best boobies job. I’m excited lol.

The only thing I will never change is, no matter how bad things are, somehow I always know how to get over it and make a laugh out of it he…he…

If anyone want to comment, please no sorry comments lol, info on where is the best boobies doc will be much appreciated. I am dying for a bigger boobies he..he.. oh and a new Chanel bag and a candy color Furla bags ha..ha..