I Just Can't Be Sad Right Now

Forget the rollercoasters. I felt like I was in the ocean with all the huge ups and downs I had today. And I'll be honest, it left me a little seasick. The morning started off decent enough, with just some slight choppiness. But as the day wore on, the waves got bigger and rougher, until one last wave pushed me below water and left me struggling for breath. That last wave was toddler bedtime.

I know I'm not the only one who has days like this. Parent or not, life can be rough. It's hard when a day starts out bad because it often feels like you just can't set things right again. Even when there are good and happy moments, it's so easy to slip back into the gloom after that moment passes. "I just can't be happy right now." Why? I've done this before. But why? Why don't we ever turn that around: "I just can't be sad right now." Is it a bad day sprinkled with good moments or a good day scattered with bad moments? I'll let you in on a little secret: it's whatever you want it to be.

I can hear you protesting right now. Work with me here. Every day is filled with moments; some are good, and some are bad. But they're all just moments. The day is based on whichever moments you choose to focus on. I could say today was a bad day because I had to clean skinned knees; I had to fast walk while carrying a child who is way to heavy to be carried with one arm (while pushing a stroller!); I had to skip my yoga and cut my shower short to take care of an emergency; I had to deal with the tears of a frustrated toddler and an overtired baby; and I had to walk out of bedtime because it just... gah! Or I could say today was a good day because I got to get out for a walk with my kids this morning; I got to stop and chat with a good friend and neighbor I don't get to visit with often; said friend sent me home with some freshly picked peaches from her tree; I got to hear my kids' laughter and see their love for each other as we played at the park; I got to enjoy the evening outside while drawing roads, cars, trucks, and clouds with sidewalk chalk with my toddler; and after walking out of bedtime, I got to walk back in, give hugs, and finish bedtime with calm waters.

Like I said, they're just moments that fill a day. After the bad moments pass, we can choose to say, "I just can't be sad right now," because we can hold onto the joy of the good moments throughout the day instead of the gloom of the bad moments. Now let me be clear, bad and hard are not the same. Today was hard. It tested the limits of my patience. It gave my emotions some rigorous exercise. It left me a bit seasick. But it was not a bad day. It gave me too many good memories for me to call it a bad day. I know I won't always choose the good days over the bad. Sometimes those thoughts and emotions just win out. But today—today was a good day.

I Can Do Small Things

Everyone has continuous trials. In some cases they are brought on by our own choices; other times they're just given to us. For some it may be finances. For others it may be addiction. And for others it may be illnesses. Life holds many trials. But we all have that one great trial that helps define us, though sometimes it just feels like it overshadows us.

My life-defining trial is not unique; many people deal with the same things I'm dealing with. Some may even deal with it the same way I do. As I mentioned in my last post, we all have our ups and downs, and that's okay so long as we don't give up. But not giving up can be one of the hardest things we do.

I recently had a down day—a very down day. When I went to bed that night, I didn't want to try getting out of bed the next morning, I didn't want to try giving a lesson to our Primary kids, and I didn't want to try sitting through sacrament meeting—not because I didn't want to go to church, but because I didn't think I could make it through it. 

Morning came, and I got out of bed to get ready, fighting back tears most of the time. I plead in my mind, probably for comfort, not sure exactly what I was saying or asking. And as I tried to calm myself through a deep breath, this scripture came to me: "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" (Philippians 4:13). I almost disregarded it, recalling that this scripture is often applied when people are trying to do big, difficult things, like preparing to serve a mission in a foreign country, not preparing to go to church.

I thought about it again, but this time with a slight change: "I can do all things—small things—through Christ." I realized then that "all things" doesn't mean "great things" or "magnificent things." It means "all things"—even the small ones. Yes, Christ is there to help us when we face great challenges. But He is just as ready to help us when we face small struggles. Most days, going out of the house isn't difficult in the slightest. But that day, such a small thing became a great challenge to me. And Christ was there to help.

I haven't overcome my great life challenge. I doubt I will for a while yet. But I overcame that day, as hard as it was. And I gained a new appreciation for a favorite scripture and found its application in my everyday life. The Lord cares about each of us, all the time—not just when we're fighting our way through our most difficult trials or facing pivotal moments in our lives. He cares about everything we're going through, and He understands perfectly what we're experiencing. He wants to help us get through it. We just need to reach out to Him and realize that He does care, even about the small things.

Through Christ I can do great things. Through Christ I can do small things. Through Christ I can do all things, because He strengthens me.

Don't You Dare Give Up

It always amazes me how easy it is to lose something you worked so hard for and were so excited about. Running is one thing that always comes in waves for me. About a month ago, I got an amazing team together, and we ran the Red Rock Relay in Park City. It was definitely one of the hardest things I've ever done, especially in running. It was awesome, and my team was incredible. And I have not run since.

The same thing can happen with just about anything in our lives, especially with our spirituality or our dedication to spiritual things. Shortly after that run, I got sick. I kept listening to the Ensign articles and posting quotes from them on Facebook for about a week. And then I still listened but didn't post. I wasn't getting on Facebook because I was using my downtime to rest and get better. But then one day, I didn't listen. One day became two. And now here I am, weeks later. I didn't lose my testimony. My faith didn't waver. I didn't stop reading scriptures, praying, or giving lessons to my Primary kids. So what did I lose? Well, I lost that zeal I expressed in my last post--or rather, it ebbed, because I was not being active in my listening, posting, and blogging. It is so important for to be active if you want to keep that zeal. 

As L. Whitney Clayton stated, "Belief and testimony and faith are not passive principles. They do not just happen to us. Belief is something we choose--we hope for it, we work for it, and we sacrifice for it. We will not accidentally come to believe in the Savior and His gospel any more than we will accidentally pray or pay tithing. We actively choose to believe, just like we choose to keep other commandments. . . . Our actions are the evidence of our belief and become the substance of our faith" ("Choose to Believe," Ensign, May 2015).

That's exactly what happened with me, in both areas. I was not active in my running after the race. My shoes didn't crawl into my bed, slip on my feet, and force my legs to pump out run. Likewise, I didn't choose to listen, post, or blog. My phone didn't automatically start up an article, and my keyboard didn't type out a quote on it's own. The gospel requires to actively choose. And for everyone one, that's different. Like I mentioned, I still have my testimony, my faith, and my adorable Primary kids. I just didn't actively choose to keep going with my goal. But you might be struggling with something different. Your parents or your siblings will be struggling with something different from the both of us. And that's okay.

We're not always going to be at the height of our spirituality. The important thing is that we don't give up when we hit those low points. We need to keep trusting in the Lord, and we keep choosing to follow Him. In the oft-quoted story of his car breaking down, Elder Holland illustrated this point: "Don't you give up. . . . Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead. . . . You keep your chin up. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come" (Jeffrey R. Holland, "An High Priest of Good Things to Come," Ensign, November 1999). Spirituality, dedication, zeal--it all comes in waves. Just keep trying until you make back up on top.

Once you are back up on top, help others to get there too. Life is hard, and we're not meant to go through it alone. It can be easy to frustrated, annoyed, or skeptical of others' choices and actions, especially if we don't quite understand what they're going through. But as Dale G. Renlund said, "We must not only be tolerant while others work on their individual illnesses [weaknesses]; we must also be kind, patient, supportive, and understanding. As God encourages us to keep on trying, He expects us to also allow others the space to do the same, at their own pace" ("Latter-day Saints Keep on Trying," Ensign, May 2015). Others may struggle with things you don't, but that doesn't mean you are better or more spiritual than them. You have your weaknesses too. I know I certainly have mine. We're all working toward the same goal, and we need to help each other get there. 

Don't give up on others. Don't give up on yourself. Even when you're feeling at a low, know that you can accomplish great things. Keep choosing. Stay active. How sad would it be if after that great run I never put my running shoes back on. So I need to rephrase that sentence from the beginning of this post: I have not run since, yet. I went weeks without my zeal, but here I am. Just because you're not where you want to be yet--spiritually, physically, emotionally--doesn't mean you can't get there. So don't you dare give up.

Sharing, Comforting, Strengthening

Because of the work I do, I get to read lots of books before they're actually published. One of those was More Than the Tattooed Mormon by Al Carraway, set to be released before the end of the year. (If you don't know who Al Carraway is, you can check out her blog at http://alfoxshead.blogspot.com/.)

 

While I was reading, I had the thought, I want what she has. A large blog following? No. An adorable smile and killer fashion sense? No. What I want that she has is a thirst for the gospel, a desire to be as close to the Lord as I possibly can. You see, I was raised a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have taken many of the teachings of the gospel for granted. I've strived to be diligent in my daily scripture reading and in my prayers, but they've often been accomplished with a "this is what I've been taught and what I'm supposed to do" mentality. Al reads her scriptures, and anything gospel related, because she wants to learn everything she can. She prays because she has an actual relationship with the Lord, and her prayers are conversations with Him. The last time I remember having that sort of drive and that sort of relationship was when I was in high school. But being blessed with the gospel in my life and knowing of the Savior's love for me, why have I become content in the small trickles I receive each Sunday and the waves that come twice a year at general conference when I have an ocean before of knowledge just waiting for me to dive in? I've realized that there's something new I can learn every day, or at least be reminded of, and I can kept lift others simply by sharing what I've learned. So I'm starting on a new journey. Every day, I'm going to read or listen to the words of the Lord's servants, in addition to normal scripture study, and share with others what stood out to me in each article or talk. And every week, I'm going to post what I've learned.

I decided to start with the most recent general conference, found in the Ensign of May 2015. The short week of starting (Thursday through Sunday) happened to be just right for the women's broadcast of conference. (The quotes were shared on my Facebook page. In the future, I may post them here throughout the week as well.) Sister Esplin's quotes to seemed to be reaffirming the new commitment I made, to seek for truth and to share it. Sharing it doesn't have to be going out and finding someone who isn't a member. Active members, the Lord's disciples can also benefit from shared gospel truths. The other quotes I shared support that, and some of the comments I received are evidence of it. We may never know what comfort, what strength, what answers we may be giving to someone. But the Lord does. He knows who needs comfort, and He knows who can give it. He knows who needs strength and who needs answers, and He knows who can give them. We may never know whose lives we touch. But if we are in tune with the Spirit, listen to His promptings, and allow ourselves to be instruments in His hands, I know that we will be able to help those who need it, even if it is just through our example.

Sometimes we have to wait for the things that we want, even if they're righteous desires. I think I'm getting my PhD in patience. But as Sister Oscarson said, our lives rarely go how we plan them to. We need to realize that the Lord has His own timetable for us and we can't just sit around waiting for Him to get on with it. Easier said than done, I know. But what could be a better plan B than lifting others, giving comfort and strength, and sharing the good news of our Lord and Savior? Sometimes the Lord makes us wait, but we don't need to wait idly.

Thanks, Trent

This Friday started out as a Monday for me; everything that could go wrong went wrong. I was tired and frustrated and I just wanted to go home. Then Trent called me on Skype and we got to chat while I waited for my bus. We talked about school and writing and Blanding accents. We didn't talk long, but it was enough. With my workload in school this semester I won't have a lot of time for updating my blog. But I wanted to give a shout out to my brother overseas and let him know how much he means to me. Thank you, Trent. You really boosted my spirits today.

Game. Set. Match.

Of course. I finally changed my blog to match summer only to realize that it will have to change again soon. But it's done, for now. And that's a small accomplishment in a way, I suppose. 

While I was looking for a new background, I was trying to think of what I would even write about. I'm kind of in a funk right now and I think my brain already went to bed. So, being the procrastinator that I am, I hopped on Facebook to see the kind of funk other people are in. I guess like misery, funk loves company. But instead, I was met by a very profound quote posted by my cousin:

"A person either hates losing enough to change

or he hates changing enough to lose."

-Orrin Woodward

Honestly, I have no idea who Orrin Woodward is. And I'm hoping that doesn't make me look silly. But I really liked this quote. 

I played tennis all through high school and I absolutely loved it. When I was a Junior, I had the chance to go to Region. I lost. And like the emotional teenage girl I was, I threw a fit and got mad at myself, chiding myself for losing and scolding myself because I knew I could do better. I acted like a brat. And about twenty minutes later I was ashamed of myself.  I knew I could have done better. I knew I acted like a child. I knew I couldn't change the past, but I knew I could change myself. So I did.

I became more committed,  practicing on my own and doing my best to not miss any practices. I worked harder, increasing my chances of landing the first serve and controlling my backhands. I focused more, not worrying about who was watching me or what the other players' fans were yelling. And I strived for better self-control, over my physical abilities, my emotions, and my attitude. I changed myself.

The next year I had the chance to go to Region again. Many of the players were incredible opponents. But I made my way up the bracket line and claimed my place to go to State. I was on fire. At State, the games were postponed a few hours because of rain. Eventually we ended up playing on indoor courts. And I lost. But I didn't throw a fit. I didn't chide myself. I was happy. I had never played on an indoor court, but I gave it my best shot. I had made it to State. I had improved my game, my attitude, and myself. I was a better person than who I had been the year before. And that's what really counted. Game. Set. Match.

Such A Slacker

Was my last post really back in November?! Jeesh. What a slacker I've been. We're in the process of moving right now, so most of my attention is focused on packing and trying to finish up sewing and crafting projects. I actually thought to sit down and write up a quick post because Mom  texted me and brought to my attention that I hadn't posted anything new on the ty and i blog. Which I should have been on top of because this last Sunday was our First Anniversary. Yes, I have now been married for one year. And yes, it has been absolutely amazing. So, because of my mother, I have repented of my slothfulness. In addition to writing this short little post I have also written about mine and Tyler's first year together. This post is also kind of short, but it's there. And that's what matters, right? So even though this is short, it has jolted me back into writing (on the blogs). You have my mother to thank. I probably won't post again until after the move (or change the blog background), so have patience and I'll tell you all about it in a few weeks (on a blog without snowflakes).