Monthly Archives: January 2014

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How awesome is God?

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How awesome is God?  I had this dream and in this dream I see my husband. The dream disturbed me so much that I confronted my husband. It turns out he had an affair with a married woman and she now claims to be pregnant with his child.

In this dream I see her so clearly, and when I met her she looked just like the woman I saw in my dream. I had never seen her previously and she lives on the other side of town which I have never ever visited. They met on a dating site and the first day he met her they slept together.

What a perfect way to hurt me. First I was mad at him, then at her, then myself and yesterday I was mad at God, today I just feel nothing.

Looks like I will be single soon, I have no interest in marriage restoration. In fact I have no interest in anything anymore.

Life, as they say, it goes on. 

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How much more ?

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How much more pain and struggling would You have me go through Lord ?

Did You not say You will not let me stand ashamed ? 

How easy it is to blame You for everything that’s gone wrong in my life , You are ultimately my hero , my Savior , the person I look to for love , comfort , wisdom , for help for everything . Did I somehow fail You ?  Was I disobedient ? 

They say everything happens for a reason , but surely You had to know this would hurt me more than anything else . 

Have You not seen my tears , or heard me cry myself to sleep ? Did it not move Your heart well I fell down to the ground and begged You  for help ? How do I interpret Your silence , when You know my soul longs for answers ?

 Every morning this is the song I sing to You Lord and only to You :

My soul desire is to serve You Lord , To do Your perfect will , To work each day and build , You Kingdom, this is my soul desire

 

I feel convicted to ask forgiveness for questioning you and for feeling you let me down, but it’s genuinely how I feel and You already know that.