I’ve always wanted to be a runner. And by always I mean for the last 20 years. In my head, it’s a beautiful thing. It’s like flying.

I avoided all physical activity growing up. Every excuse to avoid PE was given and as a result, my 20-year old self didn’t have the toolkit to build it up.

After we got married, I joined a gym and did classes and wanted to run…so I tried the “Couch 2 5K” program….multiple times. Eventually tabling the entire idea.

No one told me it was okay to walk.

No one told me it takes 6 weeks to see a “change.”

No one told me that you might have a great day one day and the next day might be your worst ever, but you have to show up, even just a little.

Or maybe they did, but I didn’t understand it. Not in the way you need to understand something for it to change you. Something fell into place this year and here I am, at (almost) 42, chasing that dream of being a runner.

Yesterday, I ran my first half marathon. I’m feeling a little defeated. My watch didn’t track properly, so my stats are off my two miles and whatever time that took. And it didn’t map my run.

I feel a bit like an imposter. Can I even say I did this? I expected to finish in 3 hours, but it was 3:05…but official time is 3:20. There were only 60 people of 1900 behind me. We walked close to the last 4 miles.

I always thought my biggest problem would be my feet, rubbing and blisters, but I’m happy to say my feet are in perfect shape!

My real challenges are:

• Needing to pee (this cost us 15 minutes and pushed us to the back of the pack away from the people we were keeping pace with)
• Sustaining energy (both during and after the race)
• Hydration (how can you be so thirsty and yet have to pee so bad at the same time?)

And so here is the stupid part…I’m so disappointed in my performance yesterday that I’m feeling the need to do it all over again to prove I can do better! Is this the real secret to running—that you are always competing with yourself?