Thankfully, I wasn’t able to afford this guy to pimp my idea.
Do you feel like you never get enough sleep? Do you wish you could just lay in bed all day and do nothing? Do you want to know how you, as a parent, can catch up on some sleep?
Well, then I have the three-step program for you!
Step 1. Get a sinus infection — Make sure to have plenty of tissue ready. While you can skimp and save a few pennies by going cheap, I highly recommend Puffs with Aloe over the 80-grit stuff. Your nose will thank you.
Step 2. Get strep throat — This can be tricky, but I find that if you sleep just one night with your nose clogged and mouth open, you can get it really easy. Or at least I do.
Step 3. Get bronchitis — Nothing like hacking up huge dollops of lung butter to make you feel alive!
Viola! You are now guaranteed to get anywhere from 18 to 20 hours of sleep a day, for about three days.
Not available in all areas. Copays and other medical expenses may apply. Side effects may include hacking, coughing, wheezing, sneezing, sore throat, and developing a taste for NyQuil. Repeating, over and over, the phrase from Friends that you are in the “Prime of Lime” may lead to threats of physical abuse from family, friends, coworkers and complete strangers. Your ability to post on the Intratubes funny stories about your son may be severely limited. Your available sick days at work may be depleted, and the vacation day you scheduled just so you could spend 8 hours playing Halo 3 will have to be cancelled so you can actually get some work done. Those living under the same roof may also find themselves using this three-step program, so be prepared. Results not typical. Sales tax may apply in MI, FL, and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Void where prohibited.
So hurry, before spring arrives and all you have to worry is allergies!
Daddyology 
