My house is quiet. Richard is working late tonight. My kids are all sleeping and my house is put back together. I just sat down on the couch, opened my computer, and decided to look up a friend's blog. This friend is one of the wisest women I know. She only lived in Wisconsin for one year, but she became a good friend and I dream of living by her again one day. In her most recent post, which was just a few days ago, she wrote about how her life feels flat, not up or down, just existing. She went on to explain things she was thankful for. She ended her post with these words...
"If, like me, your life feels just a bit flat, I dare you to write about the things that make you happy, and I'd guess it won't feel nearly as flat as it did before you started."
So even though it is 10:16 pm, and I really should get to bed, I am taking her up on her dare.
I am so grateful for Gretchen. Her pregnancy was riddled with intense worry. I worried from the time I found out I was pregnant with her. I was never given a reason to worry, but I carried that worry on my shoulders all the way through her delivery. She has been such a bright spot in my life. Her cheeks, big eyes, fluffy hair, squishy thighs, and big smile warm my soul about 100 times a day.
I am grateful for "normal" days. We just lived through a week and a half of illness and it was down right miserable. People had stomach flues, colds, croup, and eye infections. We had two trips to urgent care for three kids and one visit to the pediatrician. Today was our first normal day and let me tell you, it made me so happy. The kids did jobs in the morning and went off to school, I played with Rachel, ran errands, went to parent/teacher conferences, made dinner, sat at the table, bathed kids, and even cleaned Rachel's poop out of the bathtub. So even though our bedtime routine was a little gross and chaotic, I would take that any day over my last week and a half.
I am grateful for Richard. He had no idea what he was getting into when he married me. And neither of us had any idea what we were getting into emotionally when we moved to Utah. But he has been unwavering, caring, supportive and loving as I have muddled through so much emotion during the months we have lived here.
I am grateful for the joy I find with my kids. They are at such delightful and fun ages. I genuinely enjoy being with them, talking with them, going places with them. I am already brainstorming summer ideas and all the new places I want to explore with them this summer. Tonight it was just me and the kids at dinner. The conversation was so easy and so fun. I loved watching them react to each other and to me. We usually have a great dynamic going, and I love it.
I am grateful for people who help. Since moving to Utah my life has been full of the unexpected. I knew coming here wasn't going to be easy with a move, a new job, a new school, and a new baby...but so much more has been thrown at us. Bridget got a concussion just weeks after moving here which prompted many doctors appointments, Rachel was hospitalized the weekend of her birthday, Gretchen was transverse which led to a morning in the hospital for me, and my Grandpa Yancey very suddenly passed away. I feel like I have been trying to keep my head above water in a turbulent ocean for the last seven months. In Wisconsin I had my village, my tribe, my network of friends who I could call on in a moments notice and help would be at my door. Since coming here I have had a hard time asking for help and I think this is for many reasons. I feel like all of a sudden I got plopped in people's lives and I don't want to be a burden. I also gave so much help in Wisconsin, and due to my current state of life, I don't have much help to offer, so I feel hesitant to ask. But, I have had one steady thought through all of this...all of these events since moving here have forced me to ask for help. Help from family, help from old friends, help from neighbors, help from people I go to church with that I hardly know. And while it has been uncomfortable for me, I am thankful for people who help, whether I ask them or not. I am taken care of.
I am grateful for an inspired mom who sent me an email yesterday with two fantastic quotes and a talk to listen to. Exceptional. I have been searching for weeks for things to calm me spiritually and that email was a literal answer to prayer.
I am thankful for two dear and wonderful Wisconsin friends who check on me through frequent phone calls, texts, and emails. I desperately wish I still saw these women on a daily basis and that our conversations were more frequent, but that is all impossible for now, but they don't forget me, and for that I am so thankful.
And now here I am at 10:42, with eyes that are getting heavy, and just like my friend said, my flat life seems a bit brighter after writing. Thanks for the dare.
