Watching Paul Weller on John Bishop’s variety show tonight…
Mum: “Is that the same Paul Weller that wrote ‘I can make you sleep’?”
Stepdad: (looks at bookcase) “No that’s Paul McKenna”
Mum: “So who’s the one that can bend spoons?”
Stepdad: “That’s Uri Geller…”
Mum: “They just all sound the same…”
Mum had some over-ripe bananas that needed using up and asked Stepdad if she should make banana bread. I answered ‘yes please!’ on his behalf, then offered to do the baking seen as I was at a loose end today. Also, I dunno if you’ve noticed, but I like baking.
The recipe we use is one that Mum has had for years. It’s written up in her Domestic Science book from school but the recipe itself doesn’t date that far back. It isn’t even written by Mum – I didn’t recognise the writing but it turns out it was copied out by my Dad while they were at uni. His handwriting is now pretty much illegible due to years of using computers, but in 1976 it was beautiful!
I’m pretty sure it came off the back of a packet of All-Bran judging by the ingredients list. And here it is, along with Dad’s (somewhat personalised) method, typos and all!
Ingredients
2oz margarine
4oz sugar
1 egg
1 1/2oz All-Bran (or oats)
3 large, ripe bananas
1 teaspoonfull vanilla essence
8oz sieved flour (S.R.)
1 teaspoonful baking powder
1/2 teaspoonful baking soda
2oz chopped nuts
Method.
Cream fat and sugar thoroughly, add egg and beat well. Stir in All-Bran (or oats), mashed bananas and vanilla. Sieve together flour, baking powder, soda and salt and add to first mixture with walnuts. Put into well greased (yuk!) bread tin, place some well walnuts on top and bake in a moderate (180C) oven for one hour.
Conclusions.
The experiment was performed as described and appears to support the conclusions of R________ et al (1) that a banana nut loaf, when backed properly and exposed to the correct environmental conditions will quickly disappear (half lives of the order of 24 hours having been reported (2,3)).
The use of All-Bran as an active constituent may, in certain cases, be contraindicated (4).
Adverse side effects seldom occur, and are confined to sickness and general malaise.
References
1) R_________G.P.S, C_________E.R., S_________M. (Private Communication)
2), 3) C________E.R. (Rude remarks). 1976.
4). N________W.C.E. “Effects of banana nut loaf on bowel movements” The Lancet (1), 1976.
Mum was doing medicine at the time and Dad was in the middle of his PHD. They’d clearly spent too much time writing essays and it had altered their communication skills.
So guided by my Dad advice, here’s how I carried out said experiment:
Gather these together
First things first, measure out the margarine and sugar and cream them together. (I’m using soya margarine here because Mum has a dairy intolerance). As you beat them together the mixture will get lighter in texture and colour. When this has happened break the egg into it with a little of the flour and beat it in.
Next beat in the oats, mashed banana and vanilla extract.
I actually hate bananas. I find them revolting in all guises except banana bread. Which makes making banana bread a little tricky due to the insult on my visual and olfactory senses. So I enlisted Stepdad for mashing duty. I still needed to move to the other side of the kitchen while he was mashing, and hold my nose while I was mixing them in.
Once that hideousness was finished I measured out the flour, salt, baking powder and soda. I also measured, then broke the walnuts up into pieces.
I folded them into the mixture in stages, adding the walnuts with the last lot.
I normally have trouble getting cakes out of tins, so I tried a new technique today involving baking parchment. A long strip not only lines the bottom, and long edges of the tin, it extends at each short end acting as handles. To make sure I also greased everything thus…
The mixture was ready to go into the tin, then into a ‘moderate’ oven. In my case the middle of the baking oven, or 180C conventional for at least 1 hour.
I ended up leaving this one for 1 1/2 hours. I kept checking with a cake tester until it came away clean.
And this is the result! Came away from the tin like a dream!
I had a slice this afternoon and it was lovely. Apparently it’s even better the next day, so I’m excited for tomorrow’s mid-morning snack!
Well, what an exciting day! I turned up in Lancaster and guess who else was there…
It’s the Queen! I realise it’s difficult to tell from these pictures…
I went down to Lancaster today to do some more work for Dad. So I managed to get my Starbucks hit as usual, although I had to compete with the crowds to get it…
Flag waving is thirsty work!
I was taking some photos for the company website – cue many engineers looking uncomfortable as I wander round with the camera saying ‘Pretend I’m not here…just act normal…can you look a bit less bored?…’
I managed to get some good ones in the end and some arty ones of electronics, wires, circuit boards etc.
It was one of the employee’s last day, so we went to the pub for lunch. I was pretty confident about it beforehand but I’m afraid I had a bit of a wobble. I just couldn’t find anything on the menu that I thought fit my meal plan and that I was comfortable with. There was plenty of things that were protein and carbohydrates with some veg, but I’m not ready for burgers and chips or fish and chips yet which is what everyone else was having. I thought maybe the soup of the day, but it was curried vegetable and Mum had already told me we were having curry for dinner. Plus there was no protein in it and I didn’t really fancy the side order of ‘Locally Reared Chipolatas’ (not least because I couldn’t get the image of happy chipolatas skipping round their paddock out of my mind).
Anyway, I eventually ordered a feta, quinoa and sweet potato salad but because the old familiar panic was setting in, I automatically ordered the starter sized portion. After the waiter left a wave of anxiety washed over me and I felt like crying and running away. I haven’t had these feelings for a few weeks now but for a moment it was like they’d never been away.
Luckily I was sat next to my brother, who I think recognised I was struggling and distracted me with a beautiful video of his wife riding her horse across the river. The conversation carried on around the table, as of course no one else realised there was anything wrong (apart from Dad, obviously) and as the minutes passed I calmed down and was able to get back into sociable-mode.
Of course when my food arrived it was a very small portion, so Dad donated me some of his chicken and I yoinked my brother’s unwanted tomatoes and a couple of cheeky chips. I still don’t think I managed to fulfil my 400 calorie quota though, which became apparent later in the afternoon when I completely ran out of energy.
Stepdad has saved the day by making a delicious Chicken Jalfrezi for dinner. I’m actually crashing their 17th Wedding Anniversary which I feel a bit bad about, but they don’t seem to mind.
Cheers guys!
So it just goes to show – even though I feel like I’m eating loads, I clearly need the calorie intake to keep me going…
…and the champagne doesn’t hurt either…. 😀
I’m in two minds about it. I was certainly down as I walked away from the surgery this morning. But this is only to be expected – weight gain has been such a negative experience in my life for so long it’s difficult to get my head around it. I translated my weight gain into stone and pounds for Mum at the weekend (she doesn’t think in kilos) and she was astonished. I’ve put on a stone and a half in 7 weeks which is only half a stone less than a woman is expected to gain in her entire pregnancy! ‘No wonder you feel uncomfortable’ she said. I am physically and psychologically uncomfortable.
Thankfully now there’s also a positive voice in my head. The one that says ‘The quicker this happens the sooner you can get back to normal life! Keep going!’
I’m trying my hardest to listen to the positive voice but I have learnt the hard way not to ignore the negative feelings. The more I’ve buried them, the worse I’ve felt because they haven’t gone away, they’re just locked away in the back of my mind. If I recognise them, accept them and realise they are normal they become less prominent. Hopefully in time they will also become less frequent.
I saw my dietician this morning as well, which was quite timely really. She said she’s been reading my blog – Hi Karen!
I told her my worries about the rapid weight gain and feeling guilty about portion sizes. She had worked out that I’ve put on an average of 1kg a week so far which is what they aim for with inpatients, so she was really impressed that I’d managed to do that myself at home. Hearing the average figures was definitely reassuring and it’s always nice to get some praise!
I’ve been finding portion sizes difficult because they are so much different to what I used to have (obviously) but also a lot more than the females in my family eat. It’s very difficult to keep to the meal plan when those around you appear (to my anorexic mind) to be restricting their intake. I found it much easier having dinner with my friends the other week, for example, because they were having normal portions and even seconds! This puts me at ease. There’s nothing worse, as a recovery anorexic, then having the fullest plate at the table. So far I’ve just been reminding myself that my portions are measured according to my meal plan and that everyone’s dietary requirements are different according to weight, age, level of exercise etc. Essentially I just need to put blinkers on at the dinner table and trust Karen’s professional advice which is tailored specifically to my needs.
My BMI is now 18.2, so I’m rapidly approaching the ‘magic’ 18.5 BMI. We spoke about maybe starting some exercise sometime soon. My instinct is to start doing yoga by myself at home. The advice for recovering anorexics who have been obsessed with exercise is to do group or supervised exercise so that they are monitored and can’t over do it.
My worries about going to a group exercise class, such as Pilates, are mainly around body image. The thought of trying to fit into my pre-recovery leggings is daunting to say the least! What if the other people in the class think I’m fat?!
I also think I’ll be disappointed about just how out of practice I am and how hard I will find it. What if the other people in the class think I’m completely unfit and crap at Pilates?!
This is exactly the kind of distorted thinking that I’m trying to get rid of. No one will know me at the class, as far as they’re concerned this is my normal weight and I’m a Pilates beginner. I should probably let the instructor know that I’ve not been well, but as far as anyone else is concerned I’m a ‘normal’. So why worry?!
It is of course me who thinks I’m fat and crap at Pilates. If I start to do it on my own I think I’ll try to go straight in with exercises I used to do which of course is unrealistic and probably dangerous. When I start to exercise again I want to be able to enjoy it, rather than doing it because I feel I have to.
Anyway, I’m not quite ready to start exercising again. I’ve got a couple of weeks to get my head around it. I might start to do a bit more gentle exercise like short walks in a week or so because I feel so stiff at the moment and it’s nice to get out in the sunshine anyway.
One day I’d love to start running again and do it properly with the right nutrition. Then I’ll be able to get more pictures like this one:
Just done the Dubai 10k. Casual.
I’ve been doing this 7 weeks today…hurray for me!
Having finished the last of the frozen portions of Aubergine Keralan Curry last night I thought it was about time to do another batch-cook.
And this week iiiiiitttttssssss…..
This recipe is made up from how I can remember Mum making it when I was little. I’ll let you know afterwards if it worked…bare with…
You will need:
1 onion
2 (ish) cloves garlic
1tsp oregano
1tsp chilli (fresh or flakes) (optional)
2 tbsp tomato puree
Pack of lean mince (this is less than 7% fat. Less than 5% is better if you can afford it)
Can of chopped tomatoes
What you need for Spag Bol
I started by slicing the onions and browning them in a little oil along with the oregano and optional chilli. Then added the garlic to fry for a minute or so. (Garlic is absent from Mum’s recipe, as are chillies).
Next to put in the tomato puree and let that fry for a couple of minutes before adding the beef to brown. If Saturday Kitchen is anything to go by, browning the meat adds flavour. As does salt, so add some.
Once that’s been frying away for a few minutes it’s time for the tin of tomatoes. I wash the leftover tomato from the sides of the can and added the tomatoey water to the mix. This loosens the mixture a bit more so it doesn’t stick.
Now turn the heat down and leave it for about 45 minutes, stirring occasionally and adding water as necessary so it doesn’t stick to the bottom.
Leave to simmer gently for 45 mins or so
Meanwhile chop the mushrooms and amuse yourself by taking a picture with the macro setting on the fancy camera you always use on auto… and add them for the last 10-15 mins of cooking time while you make some pasta. (Mushrooms are also a departure from Mum’s recipe…)
I managed to squeeze five portions out of it, including tonight’s dinner which a bit of cheddar snook it’s way onto…
The verdict – yummo! Although it’s worth noting that it was a two-gavisconer… could’ve have been the last minute cheese decision…
This was the time I woke up in a panic last night. I’d been feeling a bit anxious about portion size and how quickly my weight was going up last night but didn’t do anything about it – I just tried to put it to the back of my mind.
Fast forward a few hours and a really vivid, unpleasant dream about being rejected by friends and a boyfriend because of my weight wakes me up in a sweat. I tried to just listen to my audiobook and go back to sleep but I was really awake by this point. I then started worrying about other silly things that kept popping into my brain. I hadn’t sent an email, I hadn’t texted someone back, where are my friends going to stay when we go to London for a concert, I forgot to buy lemons, the granola from Aldi has 12g of sugar not 9g, Mum’s reaction to how much weight I’d put on…. None of which I could do the slightest thing about at the time.
So for the first time I had to do some midnight tapping. I concentrated on the core issues – anxiety and guilt. I feel them as a huge, hot, orange ball in my stomach. It looks a bit like the sun, but not in a cheerful way. I concentrated on this visualisation and recognised it was there and why. It’s not very nice facing up to these feelings and sitting with them, but it seems to be the best way of dealing with them. Within a few minutes the feeling had lessoned but I kept going and going…and that’s the last thing I remember. I must have fallen asleep while I was repeating…
I love you
I’m sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
This morning there wasn’t a trace of it left but I did my morning ‘happiness tapping’ regardless just to make sure.
I didn’t have any plans today so I concentrated on getting some cleaning done this morning, then went for a walk. I’d managed to leave my iPhone cable at Mum’s, so she brought it into work this morning and left it at reception for me to collect. So I walked up there and round in a circle back through town so I could pick up a couple of bits (including lemons!). The sun was out and it felt great to stretch my legs. It just shows how unfit I am though – my legs were actually aching when I got home.
I’m not meant to do any exercise until I’m at that magic 18.5 BMI and I’m going to stick to that. But I don’t half feel like a lump when I’m just sat down all day. I’m trying to use my ‘sitting’ time sensibly by writing, website designing, knitting, playing music… I’m hoping I might have the concentration to do some reading as well soon!
I don’t want to look back on this time, when I’m back at work without a minute to spare in the day and wish that I’d done something more constructive. So while I can I’ll keep blogging, I’ll try and write some music and maybe even make a dent into the novel!
I think I’ve cracked it. I have made scones that look like scones.
If I’ve learnt anything from my Scone Saga it’s to read the recipe. I think if I’d just put them into the right oven on my first attempt I wouldn’t have had to put myself (and you guys) through all this palaver. Still, they’ve all been varying degrees of yummy so it’s not been the worst experiment ever.
I’m talking as if the experiment is over… but sadly not. After the success of these ones, Mum has asked me to retry them with egg in. The reason being is that she’s always used the Be-Ro recipe to the letter and they’ve worked for her. Mum’s cheese scones are particularly good…
<pause while I salivate over cheese scones… I wonder if they would fit in with my meal plan…?>
And not only that, but Nana says she saw a scone recipe in the paper yesterday that uses yeast! So that needs to be tested as well.
Sorry folks, the saga continues.
We had a lovely lunch for Mum’s birthday yesterday. The ‘Dine In For Four’ plan worked really well even though I did feel abit guilty about it. (From a laziness point of view, not eating guilt for once!)
My lazy attempt at Mum’s birthday lunch
I substituted my afternoon snack for dessert which was Tarte au Citron. It had a few more calories than I would normally have but I have a 300 calorie float as part of my meal plan so it was legit. And delicious.
After all that excitement I needed a nap and didn’t wake up until about 6.30pm. Then we all sat down to watch a movie which the cat wanted to get involved in too. Mum was less than pleased about where Lily wanted to sit though….
Lily’s antisocial seating choice
The sun’s finally made an appearance up north. I reckon Mum and Stepdad brought it back from Corfu with them. Of course they think it’s absolutely freezing after the temperatures over there. Mum’s in the garden with a fleece on whereas everyone else is getting their shorts out!
Look at her in her fleece!
Auntie H texted last night to see if I wanted to meet them for breakfast, which of course I did. I also wanted to make Mum’s birthday cake today. Well, I say cake, I actually decided to make her some Sticky Cinnamon Buns because they’re her favourite. Those and Belgian Buns. And Chelsea Buns. And Florentines…. I had plenty to choose from!
The Cinnamon Buns involve yeast and therefore proving. So in order to get it all done before Mum and Stepdad picked me up at lunch time, I needed to get the dough ready and proving before breakfast. Which meant I didn’t have time to take many pictures of the process for you. But there is some proof I did them from scratch.
So while that was proving I was merrily having sourdough toast, marmalade and a cappuccino at Brew Brothers. It was nice to catch up with my fellow ‘Nana Carers’ and assess how we thought she was doing. They’d taken her out the day before to Skelwith Bridge for a coffee and thought she looked a lot better. Auntie H said she had the sparkle back in her eyes.
When I got back the rolls needed knocking back, rolling out, the filling putting in, rolling up into a sausage shape and cutting into thick slices ready for their second prove. I have lovely veranders in my flat going out to the balcony and they get really warm when the sun’s out. A perfect proving oven!
Second prove
Meanwhile I packed my overnight bag so it was ready for going to Mum’s house later. I even managed to do some ironing – I felt like quite the domestic goddess.
The flat started smelling of syrup as the rolls cooked and they were finally ready. I had a little taste – you know, just to check – and I thought I could taste a bit of salt. It didn’t take me long to realise that I’d halved all the ingredients in the recipe except the teaspoon of salt. So they are now Salted Caramel Cinnamon Buns. Shhhhhh, don’t tell anyone!
Mum and Stepdad flew back last night arriving home at 2am (or 4am Corfu time!) They came into town for a Costa fix at around 1pm so I met them for lunch. Costa do a yummy hot Eggs Benedict sandwich which was exactly the calories and carbohydrate / protein portion according to my meal plan. I’d not had one before, but it came highly recommended by Mum, and didn’t disappoint. We sat there catching up on the excitement of the last week. They’d been upgraded to a suite halfway through their stay so they were telling me about their private infinity pool and how many toilets they had between them.
We’re doing Mum’s official birthday tomorrow and have invited Nana over. I wasn’t sure what to cook so Mum suggested getting some chicken to roast from M&S. Then I realised that it was one of their ‘Dine in for Two’ weekends – we could get two lots and Dine in for Four for £20! Is that super lazy of me?!?! Mum chose exactly what she wanted and it’s going to be no trouble to make….
I also got a fresh scone from M&S for my afternoon snack to remind me what proper scones are meant to look / taste like. Nana told me she’d fed my scones to some poor unsuspecting friends earlier in the week. Maybe she didn’t like them very much… Lol
Oh and I haven’t told you my weigh in result! It was +0.4kg. Not as much as in previous weeks, but it’s heading in the right direction. I wonder if the gain is settling down abit now. As I get heavier I need more calories to sustain my weight and even more if I want to carry on gaining. So we’ll just wait and see how it progresses over the next few weeks and if it looks like it’s going down we’ll start increasing the meal plan.
I’ve been feeling a lot better about gaining weight recently. I had a difficult couple of weeks but I think I’m getting used to it now. Don’t get me wrong, I still feel like a heffalump and as if my bum is twice the size, but at least it isn’t like a flabby old lady bottom anymore. That definitely wasn’t attractive, I was aware of that.
Mum cried when she saw me today because she thought I looked so much better. She tried to hide it, but she was welling up and admitted it later. It’s definitely better now I’m making Mum cry with happiness.
Here’s some picture I just took in the garden because it looked so lovely in the sunshine…
I had the second part of a psychology session which I said I’d tell you more about in Who’s Harbouring the Wasabi?! The appointments were the last in a few which made up my Psychology assessment on behalf of the Community Mental Health Team. It just so happens that Dr S is also a member of the Anorexia Nervosa Intensive Service as well so I’ll be seeing him for my first Family Therapy session next week.
In this session we were looking into the possibility that I have Personality Disorder. It is something that my psychiatrist had suggested a couple of months ago, so as usual, I did a bit of research to understand it a bit more. I was, understandably, a little upset that the professionals were saying that my personality was disordered.
Everyone has a set of feelings, thoughts and behaviours that are individual to themselves and these make up their personality. On a day-to-day basis someone’s personality will alter slightly depending on a given situation and it will also develop through their lives according to life experience.
Someone with a personality disorder, however, will find that their personality doesn’t develop as easily and they might find that they are less willing to be flexible in their thinking. The range of thoughts, feelings and behaviours might be more limited which makes coping with everyday situations more difficult. Although parts of their personality make life difficult, they can’t alter them.
It also makes it harder to relate to others and for them to relate to you. For this reason people might be more likely to avoid someone with a personality disorder without knowing why, causing that person to feel very isolated and insecure.
I had to do a questionnaire in the first appointment to ascertain which, if any, categories of disorder I came under. Initially it looked like there were four:
All except ‘Depressive’ make up the ‘Anxious’ category of Personality Disorders. Here’s the definition from the Royal College of Psychiatrists website:
“Cluster C: ‘Anxious and Fearful’
Obsessive-Compulsive (aka Anankastic)
- worry and doubt a lot
- perfectionist – always check things
- rigid in what you do, stick to routines
- cautious, preoccupied with detail
- worry about doing the wrong thing
- find it hard to adapt to new situations
- often have high moral standards
- judgemental
- sensitive to criticism
- can have obsessional thoughts and images (although these are not as bad as those in obsessive-compulsive disorder)
Avoidant (aka Anxious/Avoidant)
- very anxious and tense
- worry a lot
- feel insecure and inferior
- have to be liked and accepted
- extremely sensitive to criticism
Dependent
- passive
- rely on others to make decisions for you
- do what other people want you to do
- find it hard to cope with daily chores
- feel hopeless and incompetent
- easily feel abandoned by others
Once Dr S had finished explaining all of this to me, the first session was over and I came away feeling very disappointed. I thought I was coming on so well with my recovery and felt much better in myself. The EFT was helping me get rid of negative cycles of thinking and I hoped that they would just evaporate slowly with time. However some of these descriptions were of traits I’ve had for as long as I could remember and the use of the word ‘disorder’ to describe them was pretty upsetting. It’s odd to have your thought processes translated directly to paper by some stranger, decades ago. I assumed it was perfectly normal to find some aspects of life difficult and that everyone had a set of individual issues.
Thankfully I saw my psychiatrist the very next day and she put my mind at rest. She said that the term ‘Personality Disorder’ was very outdated. She also pointed out that anyone that took the test would be able to identify with one or more of the traits. The difference comes when those traits start to cause problems and limitations in someone’s life. When they cause disorder in your life, if you like.
In the second session Dr S disregarded two of the traits, much to my relief. I had to complete the test according to how I’ve felt over the ‘last few years’, so my recent better mood didn’t come into account when filling in questions about depression. Then it turned out he had miscalculated the ‘dependant’ one. So we were left with ‘Avoidant’ and ‘Obsessive Compulsive’.
The different categories only count as part of your personality if they’ve been there for as long as you can remember. Some traits can be triggered by significant trauma or illness in someone’s life but these don’t count as Personality Disorders. I think that the depression was a side effect of the eating disorder and hopefully it will subside as I get better. Ideally it will disappear completely.
Although I initially found this diagnosis difficult to comprehend, when I think about it I can see that some of these traits have made my life more difficult. I would ordinarily beat myself up about it and tell myself that people avoid me because they don’t like me very much, that I’m boring and not fun or spontaneous enough. I would often wonder how I could be more popular and look on in envy at people who seemed not to have a care in the world.
I think my Mum recognised these traits in me from early on and has tried to get me to think differently by telling me I’m too sensitive and that I expect too much of people. The trouble is, as described above, when someone has a personality disorder they find it very difficult to change those traits that are causing distress or unhappiness.
What’s interesting about this diagnosis is how many of the traits overlap with those of people with Anorexia. The most notable of which are low self esteem and perfectionism. My drive to be as good, if not better, than other people has caused me great distress over the years. I am never satisfied with myself or any of my achievements and I think this is what has led to my Anorexia. I lost control of things in my life and was so disappointed in myself for letting things get so bad that the only way of regaining control was through food.
The Anorexia served its purpose because I was able to throw myself into my work during and after the divorce proceedings and actually received an award. I was ‘Highly Commended’ for my work by the industry magazine. Not that I really acknowledged it at the time. You see ‘Highly Commended’ was the label they used for the person that came second. So if people asked about it I would say ‘oh, I didn’t really win, but it was a really good night.’
The Anorexia also helped me achieve something new. Through my obsession with exercise I became very good at long distance running. I actually came 29th out of 4000 women in the Dubai 10km. Of course 2 weeks later I collapsed, but I was proud of this achievement nonetheless. Anorexia was not only helping me gain control through restricting food, it was actually getting my life back on track.
Recently I have been able to have more insight and understanding of the the various roads that led me to where I am today. Through guidance from my many health care professionals and my own research I am starting to see links between my personality traits, significant events in my life and the coping strategies I’ve developed.
It seems that I have quite a toxic mix with my Personality Disorders. On the one hand the Obsessive Compulsive trait makes me competitive and strive to be as good, or better than others (it also means my flat is very clean). On the other hand is the Avoidant trait which makes me insecure, anxious, unwilling to try new things and just generally feel inferior to others. So between the two of them I will never be good enough for my own high standards.
I’m hoping that now I recognise these thoughts and feelings as contributing factors of my illness I will be better placed to deal with them in the future. I’m told that over time they will fade and I look forward to a time when I can say with complete certainty that I …
‘Fully and completely love and accept myself.’
Learning To Eat 