Archive for November, 2010

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November 24, 2010

So I Gym?

Eccl 4:9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:

Remember we had resolved to start jogging? Well, wise man Solomon didn’t have the complete picture when he wrote the verse above. See two is better than one even when it comes to indiscipline. When conversations started going something like the one below every day, something had to change:

Mr: So, are we jogging today?

Kellie: I don’t know, do you think we should jog?

Mr: What do you think?

Kellie: Let’s do it tomorrow

Both agree enthusiastically.

So we joined a gym. Truth be told, I’ve joined gym ‘n’ times (where ‘n’ is a number greater than 10), each time quitting after the first aerobics session, but this time I’m determined. So determined, I’ve steered clear of the aerobics hall, opting for the ‘hard core’ gyming.

This is how my first session went:

0 Minute

Mr is already on the treadmill, and I am busy talking and laughing with him. Pretending not to see the instructors.

Both treadmills are in use, and I don’t know how to ride a bike, the fact that this is a stationary one totally lost to me.

5th minute

Mr flags down one of the instructors to take me away.

The instructor wonders why I am not doing aerobics, this is the girl thing to do.

I inform him rather haughtily that I’m quite fit (I forgot to inform him I did the 10k!), my only problem is I need to convert this roll here (grabs tummy) into some firm stuff.

8th minute

The instructor INSTALLS me on one of the stationary bikes, and orders me to cycle for 10 minutes.

Easy stuff!

This is great fun, but it’s sort of painful right at the hip.

By the 8th minute on the bike, I am hoping this is the only leg / hips workout I’m going to have to do, after gym curricular activities included.

19th minute

Just as I’m finishing on the bike, the instructor happens to be wandering nearby and asks me to get on the treadmill (WTH??) and sets it to 20 minutes, asks me to adjust the speed and elevation to a level that’s comfortable.

Not one to slacken, I notice the guy running next to me is at  a speed of 8, so I adjust mine to 8.

By the 3rd minute, I’m dying, actually sweating ( I rarely sweat, as my Mom likes to say, I internally combust), but I’m not about  to slow down.

At 3.5 minutes, KPLC comes to the rescue. Blackout. Hallelujah!

23rd Minute

I wander around aimlessly, then just as I’m getting on the manual bike to attempt to finish my workout, the power comes back on and I slowly make my way to the treadmill.

24th Minute

The instructor is back, asks how many minutes I’d done before KPLC did one on us, and he seems to have forgotten we were to do 20 minutes cos he sets the tread to 7 minutes. Woop!

‘I will outrun Rudisha’ is back on the tread next to me and of course I have to match his speed so I adjust back to speed 8.

1 minute is a very short time on the microwave, but a hell of a long time when it’s the 7th minute on the tread!

I take a water break, where I weigh in and I’m now 53 kgs down from 55 it’s working glory! (haha!)

32nd Minute

The instructor directs me to some bulky machine that I’m suppose to push with my legs, says it’s supposed to work my thighs.

I’m supposed to do 20 reps.

Halfway I notice it works the gluteal too! WTH? I categorically told the guy not to touch my ass!

I have put alot of effort in growing it to this level, I will not lose even an inch of it! I then notice I’m the only lady in the gym and may not get critical mass to revolt against the trainer so I continue pushing but grudgingly.

36th Minute

The trainer sends me to a machine that works my arms. I do two reps then get bored and go to lift weights randomly.

Will be going back today

Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments »

November 15, 2010

All for nudity

Well, last week a young lady called Avril made Twitter news as the results of her tryst with a female partner were plastered all over the internet. I have no idea who she is, seeing as I’m not well acquainted with local TV, though my pretend bourgeois status has been discontinued thanks to crap programming by DSTV and therefore will be interacting with these said celebrities on local TV more.

Anyway, back to the point of this post, which is nudity.

I’m all for nude photography.

Nothing is more beautiful like seeing a perfectly nude photo, like the one below. I of course had to tilt my screen a bit once Google Images got me results for ‘Nude Shoot’, but that’s besides the point.

Image

Kim K’s photo is greatly enhanced by make up and Photoshop, and I bet our Avril’s attempts were nowhere near this, not that I’ve seen the photos (who are we kidding here?)

Would I do a nude photo shoot?

Yes.

Really?

Despite my pretense otherwise, I’m very shallow. I intend to do a professional nude shoot for my 30th birthday, I already got a go ahead from the Boyfriend for this. He must have been talking to his Mom on the phone when I asked or something, but he did respond to the affirmative in both his local dialect and English.

Why do a nude shoot?

For the same purpose we take clothed pictures. To immortalise moments, only in this case I would be seeking to do the same for my body.

Let’s face it, this body changes as time and gravity gives you a beauty make over, I’d want to reminisce over my pictures when I was younger and perky.

My photographer friend tells me pregnant nude shoots are in now, I’m yet to jump onto this bandwagon, but imagine how precious it would be appearing at my son’s college graduation in tee shirts and banners of my bump with his name across? I keep telling people I’ll rock motherhood.

What would I do with the pictures?

Keep them under lock and key for occasional self ogling, then hand them to my teenage daughter if she starts thinking fast food is the way to go. I know you’re thinking my body will scare her into vegetable consumption, but you are all wrong. See I have a few years to my 30th, I intend to have a fab body by then.

So serious am I about the fab body, that Mr and I started running together mornings, and I intend to start my dance workouts. If you my readers could have a penny every time I started exercising, you would be rich.

This jogging is already running into problems. This morning, he claims to have woken me up at 5:30 to go running (Read this you’ll get an inkling as to where I’m headed) but I can swear the man woke me when he was fully dressed to go to work. Of course I don’t take that too kindly, tomorrow I intend to outrun him since I’m the fitter one here 🙂 .

I should get a digression award of sorts.

Back to Avril. Would I want to immortalize my sex life?

I’m a finance professional, I’m good at finance,the one time I tried acting, I was Kellie, a Form 2 high school girl in the play. You get a prize for guessing I was in Form 2 and a girl at the time.

I’ll let the porn stars do what they do best.

Speaking of which, I’m told Kenya has a thriving porn industry that has some tribal flavored selections. See I have this friend who watched a Kikuyu one…

Posted in Random. Totally!, Uncategorized | 17 Comments »

November 2, 2010

Sisters

Kellie: A guy I date has to be at least 6 feet tall

Sister: You’re 5 foot 4, what do you want to do with the extra height?

I’d be a gone case if I didn’t have sisters (blood and otherwise). This convo happened around 1 year ago. Made for good food for thought.

What do you want to do with the extra height?

ION, never tell your mother you’ve officially met the boyfriend’s parents. She will be all over it.

So when are you two coming to visit me officially?

I heard he met your uncles, does this mean what I think it does?

Will you bring him to meet your other relatives in December?

and she goes on and on and on.

Honestly, I never imagined my Mom was one to get this excited about me seriously dating. Seems she was feeling the pressure that I’m 27 and single, but my loving  and wise Mom never passed this on to me. She did talk to my biggest sis about it, but never once asked me to rush into dating or marriage.

She’s over the moon. In a way, it’s almost hilarious hearing her asking these questions to her baby. Our joke was I’ll never get married, will stay to take care of her.

Funny how life goes.

Posted in Almost cryptic posts, Love and life, Ramblings about the 4 chambered organ, The woman I'm becoming | 5 Comments »

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