Sitting Home on a Saturday Night

That is correct, I'm sitting at home on a Saturday night, but it's not quite the way it sounds. My new roommate is moving in tonight. She is driving from Washington and wasn't sure when she'd arrive. Since she doesn't have a key, I'm here awaiting her arrival.

Other big news, my previous roommate is getting engaged tonight. She doesn't know it yet, but I do....and now y'all do too.

Thank You

I took the suggestion of Jen(nifer) and I'm reading My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for the recommendation. So far, I love it, and I've been recommending it to anyone and everyone who will listen!

I've got The Well of Lost Plots up next to read based on the recommendation of Erin.

Thank you both...I love hearing about what other people are reading. Especially when they have good taste!

Quote of the Day

Throughout history it has been the inaction of those who could have acted, the indifference of those who should have known better, the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most, that has made it possible for evil to triumph.
—Haile Selassie

I'm a Mormon, yes I am...

That is the title of a song we listened to over and over as children. In fairness, I must say that I'm not a particulary good Mormon. I have issues with the Church, the people, the lifestyle. That said, I was raised in a very doctrinally strong home where points of doctrine were endlessly debated. Throw a question at me, and I'll probably be able to defend the LDS faith. The unfortunate side is that while I grew up stong on doctrine, the family was, sadly, weak on faith which, you definitely need if you're living that demanding of a lifestyle.

The crux of my problem with the Church is the people. There is a huge segment of the LDS population that has a very self-righteous, holier-than-thou attitude. They are unwilling to accept anybody who chooses to live with different values and lifestyles than themselves. The man Mormons revere as a prophet, seer and revelator had this to say:

We do not need to wear our religion on our sleeves. We certainly do not need to be boastful about it or to be arrogant in any way. Such becomes a negation of the Spirit of the Christ whom we ought to try to emulate. That Spirit finds expression in the heart and the soul, in the quiet and unboastful manner of our lives.
Gordon B. Hinckley, “Each a Better Person,” Ensign, Nov. 2002, 99


Let us as Latter-day Saints reach out to others not of our faith. Let us never act in a spirit of arrogance or with a holier-than-thou attitude. Rather, may we show love and respect and helpfulness toward them. We are greatly misunderstood, and I fear that much of it is of our own making. We can be more tolerant, more neighborly, more friendly, more of an example than we have been in the past. Let us teach our children to treat others with friendship, respect, love, and admiration. That will yield a far better result than will an attitude of egotism and arrogance.
Gordon B. Hinckley, “A Time of New Beginnings,” Ensign, May 2000, 87

A modern-day prophet has exhorted the members to be unboastful, to be tolerant, friendly, neighborly, respectful and loving. He did not follow up with well, unless "they're" gay, or single moms, watch R-rated movines, have a drink, or heaven forbid are of a different religion. Come on people!! If YOU don't understand and can't live the basic principles of your religion then stop judging others because they don't.

"For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall much be required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more." Luke 12:48

To Latter-Day Saints this verse is speaking of spiritual gifts. In believing that we are members of the only true Church, we have been given more than anyone else on Earth...ever...and so have a special level of responsibility in how we conduct our lives. Basically, that having been given much and made specifics committments we will be judged more harshly for failing to live up to certain standards.

I have a friend, who happens to be Catholic, who says that the previous statement makes Mormons believe they are better than everyone else. Let me be clear, there are good people, moral people, people who live much better lives than I, who will gain a higher measure in Heaven than me whether LDS or not. I believe that because of committments I have made and ignored that my soul is in more jeopardy than if I had never made them. I was given much and committed much and I repeatedly ignore those obligations. The Lord does not expect those who are not members to live the same principles as those who are.

Now, the sermon is over....there will be refreshments served in the Cultural Hall...

Hell Hath No Fury

Yesterday I briefly posted two entries that I decided were a little too nasty. Which is to say, that they reflected badly on me. I think it may be a little bit early in our blogging relationship for y'all to find out what an extraordinary bitch I can be when I am pissed, so I took them down. Suffice it to say, that with all the commotion surrounding the events that pissed me off and the resolution of said events, I didn't have anything else to talk about. So, today I'm feeling pretty good about the outcome and hopefully will have kinder, gentler things to say later.

For the record, it takes A LOT to really piss me off. In the last 30 years, it has happened only twice.

"Peace Like a River"

"Let me say something about that word: miracle. For too long it's been used to characterize things or events that, though pleasant, are entirely normal. Peeping chicks at Easter time, spring generally, a clear sunrise after an overcast week--a miracle, people say, as if they've been educated from greeting cards.I'm sorry, but nope. Such things are worth our notice every day of the week, but to call them miracles evaporates the strength of the word.

Real miracles bother people, like strange sudden pains unknown in medical literature.It's true: They rebut every rule all we good citizens take comfort in. Lazurus obeying orders and climbing up out the grave--now there's a miracle, and you can bet it upset a lot of folks who were standing around at the time. When a person dies, the earth is generally unwilling to cough him back up. A miracle contradicts the will of earth.

My sister, Swede, who often sees to the nub, offered this: People fear miracles because they fear being changed--though ignoring them will change you also. Swede said another thing, too, and it rang in me like a bell: No miracle happens without a witness. Someone to declare, Here's what I saw. Here's how it went. Make of it what you will...

...If he were here to begin the account, I believe Dad would say what he said to Swede and me on the worst night of all our lives:
We and the world, my children, will always be at war.
Retreat is impossible.
Arm yourselves."


So,begins Leif Enger's wonderful novel. I loved this book more than I've loved a book in a very long time. While raving about it people ask what it's about; after all, that is how we judge literature, the measure of a novel, the story which is told. The fact of the matter is it is not the story he's telling, but the way he tells the story that made me fall in love with this novel.Full of hope, joy, hard decisions, faith, doubt, everyday miracles and the love of a family. The title absolutely reflected my feeling while reading it. I felt peace flowing through my life like a river every day. Read it!

Land of Lortab

I'm back from the lovely Land of Lortab.  It's a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.   My tooth still aches a little, but nothing that ibuprofen can't handle.  This was my first experience with a narcotic pain reliever (during the medical madness I was on a variety of pain medications that I mixed and matched...made a little cocktail, but never narcotics) and I have to say I wasn't very impressed.  While it made sleeping more pleasant and certainly the pain tolerable, it isn't something that I'd go out of my way to get my hands on.

I'm saying all this because I work with someone who has a serious problem with Lortab.  She has taken it on an everyday basis since I started working with her (about a year and a half) and I hear rumors it was going on before that.  She has about 17 doctors all prescribing it for various reasons; she has even procured Lortab for her children so that she can take it.  I recently found out that her pharmacist told her she had too many prescriptions from too many doctors and he wouldn't fill it any more.  She then had her ob/gyn (Why is he prescribing Lortab?) call it in to a pharmacy in Spokane so that she could pick up on a business trip.  There has been much talk about this around the office, but nobody seems sure what to do about it.  We have an employee assistance counseling system that should help, but nobody wants to get involved, no one wants to get her in trouble.  The problem is she is already in trouble.  Deep trouble.

One of her friends in the building finally (along with her family doctor) convinced her she did have a problem, and her options were to either take care of it now or be involuntarily committed to rehab.  That happened on Wednesday, so with my dental emergency I'm out of the loop, but  I hope this works for her.  Her children need a mother who doesn't use them as a means to feed her addiction.  She deserves to live a life outside the haze of needing a fix.

Dental Update

3 words:

EMERGENCY ROOT CANAL

Ouch!  But I am grateful that he was able to do it all in one sitting.  I have to go back in 2 weeks to be sized for a crown.  Boy, I love Lortab.

Such a Pain

I broke a tooth on Monday.  It didn't really hurt, so I figured there was no need to rush right out to the dentist.  Well, about 2:00 this morning I woke up in excrutiating pain.  I've been up since then waiting for my dentist's office to open.  They couldn't get me in this morning; I have to wait until this afternoon.  I've already taken a handful of ibuprofen and will spend the rest of the morning hoping the pain subsides.  Ouch!

Morphophallus Titanum

So,  I briefly mentioned this flower in a previous post and sadly, the UConn titan ran its course in a disappointing 18 hours.  On the bright, but stinky, side...The Stephen F. Austin College had their own titan, called Jack, due to bloom around the same time.  Their titan was open a record 126 hours.  Here is a photographic record of their achievments.

Boring Searches

Occasionally on the blogs I read the authors will list amusing searches that led visitors to their site.  I am saddened by the fact that I have no interesting search results to share.  The vast majority of my guests are referred by someone else.  Those that arrive via search engine have generally typed in "Caoimhe".  In Google, I'm first; in Yahoo! I'm third; although just today someone found my site by searching for "hynerotomachia" in AOL...for that I'm fourth.  Although someone from the U.K. found my site by searching for "shag jag" and a physical therapy research clinic in Australia landed here with "electro-stim"...usually it's just plain "Caoimhe".  It does make me wonder how common my name is world wide...I get a lot of hits (which you'd expect) from Ireland and Scotland, but was stumped when someone from The United Arab Emirates landed here.  It's an interesting time we live in when someone from Abu Dhabi is looking for Caoimhe.

I've got a new attitude!

I was invited to a  meeting on Friday that had me a little nervous.  I was being offered information that could either really help me or really burn me.  I debated over this meeting for quite some time.  I wondered if it would actually prove worthwhile or just another boring seminar.  It turned out to be a very good move.  Gave me some clarity, focus and a whole new attitude about life.  So, now I'm in a fun and playful mood.  

Annie get your gun

Have I ever mentioned that I can shoot? It is something that surprises people who think they know me, but it is something that I
1-am good at, and
2-love to do.

I went shooting yesterday and had such a good time (it was incredibly warm out, but still...). We left here around 3 pm drove for about 30 minutes out just before the salt flats and then back into the hills where we set up targets. Have you ever seen a can of soda explode after being hit? Well, depending on what you’re shooting there generally isn’t much left except for the foam spray. I mostly shot the .22 rifle, .22 pistol & 9mm pistol. He shot his big ass gun that makes him feel like a man. There is nothing quite as exciting as hitting a target with 10 shots as it bounces around and down the hill. Yee-haw! (It may be a little red-necky, but woo-doggy it’s fun!) What a terrific stress reliever. Usually I like the rifle because I don’t have to wear ear protection to shoot it; for some reason wearing it throws off my aim...but since I specifically requested the pistols (because a gun purchase is in my near future. Girls gotta be able to protect herself, right?) I shot them quite a bit yesterday. There is something calming, yes calming, about lining up a shot, taking a deep breath, waiting between heartbeats to squeeze the trigger, and watching your target blow apart. Don’t be fooled by all the talk about art and books, I can be deadly...

More Arts & Crafts

Komposition 8 by Vasily Kandinsky

Composition and Composition 8 by Piet Mondrian

Le Moulin de la Galette by Pablo Picasso
Not you're typical Picasso

Carafe, Jug, and Fruit Bowl by Pablo Picasso
A little more "Cubist", but still not what you'd expect, right?

Maman by Louise Bourgeois
This totally creeps me out!


The Met has a feature on their website where you can personalize a collection. This is part of mine:
Kouros (youth)
Archaic Greek Sculpture

Statuette of a veiled and masked Dancer

Allegory of the Planets and Continents by Giovanni Battista Tiepolo

Salisbury Cathedral from the Bishop's Grounds by John Constable

Young Woman with a Water Pitcher by Johannes Vermeer
Probably his most famous painting...and one I adore.

The Dance Class and The Little Fourteen-Year Old Dancer by Edgar Degas

Garden at Sainte-Andresse by Claude Monet and Still Life with Apples and a Pot of Primroses by Paul Cezanne
I LOVE the primroses!

Cypresses by Vincent Van Gogh
Starry Night, Beautiful Day...

Nymph and Satyr Carousing by Clodion
I really just liked that "carousing" is in the title...

Folio from a Qur'an manuscript
Magnificent! Much like an illuminated Bible.

Turmoil

So, I started this blog a couple of months ago during a time of upheaval and change in my life. I had recently had my heart stomped on (despite promises that he was "paying attention so you can be comfortable" and going to "try very hard to be careful with you"). During one of our last exchanges I told him that I had previously been hurt by someone professing to have my best interests at heart, who repeatedly told me that I could trust him with my feelings and that he wouldn't hurt me, and so, I told JP that while I appreciated his words and believed he meant them, I was not necessarily reassured by them.

Shortly thereafter I got this email:
"Interesting things that you mentioned in your e-mail. I have decided to take a break from you. I appreciate all the great information you have sent. You obviously have a very gifted mind..."

We were in the beginning, where there really isn't a "we" just the careful sorting out of what could be, but I had shared a lot of myself and was beginning to trust his sincerity and it hurt more than I would have imagined when I read that email and realized what he had really been after.

Why did I ever think he was sincere? Why did I ever think he could be trusted? After all the dust is settled I look back on my first impression of him and wonder how I let him persuade me he was something other than what he was.

So, I started this blog as a reaction to that and other big and sometimes hurtful changes in my life, as well as a suggestion from Brooks that I could do this. Originally, I intended it to be a place where I could pour out my emotions in pseudo-anonymity (yeah, yeah I know I've come down on the internet and anonymity, but I put my name on what I write) where nobody inhabiting my real world would see. For good or bad, at least two people in my real world have found this site and I feel inhibited by their eyes. I feel like I can't talk about other hurts and sadness because of how it might affect them. I wonder if I should quit writing, if I should move to another site, or if I should continue with what I'm doing. I'm sure the answer will manifest itself in the next few days. Regardless, I appreciate those of you who read and those of you who comment, and never again will JP be a source of conversation on this site.

Getting Married?

Flipping through the tv channels I ran across a woman who sort of looks like Susan Lucci in a wedding dress crying as she to recite her vows. Oh, how lovely, it's a wedding. Except not really, it is Who Wants to Marry My Dad? (not me, that's who)and the children made 4-5 women who BARELY KNOW they're dad write and recite wedding vows whilst wearing a WEDDING DRESS, so the kids could judge who had the best vows. BLECH!!! No thank you, NBC.

No, Apparently you're not....

God, I feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight
I'd be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Nothing's true and nothing's right
So let me be alone tonight
Cause you can't change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?

I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
It's try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?

When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?

Touching the Void

I watched this documentary last night and WOW! is all that comes to mind. Read Eric's review, he sums it up without giving too much away. For those of us who are not mountain climbers seeing it did more to explain the conditions than the powerful descriptions given by the participants. There were several times I teared up, wondering how it was that they could possibly survive; wondering if I would have been so "insanely stubborn" or if I would have given up. The camera work was fantastic giving us a sense of the enormity of the mountain, the impossibility of the challenge, the confusion of delirium, and the hopelessness of the situation, most of all...the miracle it is that they made it down.

Dream a little dream

Last night, I had a dream about being lost in an airport. Really what happened was I had gotten there way early for a flight, parked my car, got inside and remembered I'd left something at home. So, I decided to go back and get it because I had enough time. I went to look for my car, but couldn't find it anywhere...not just my car, but the entire parking lot. Now, some might think this dream is no big deal, but this airport was scary! No, seriously, I mean scary! Think dark industrial like the first part of Demolition Man before Wesley Snipes and Sylvester Stallone get frozen. I woke up all scared and panicked and remembered that I've had this dream before. I'm sure there are multiple theories about deep-seeded issues, but really I think it was just a crazy dream made possible by the fact that I was at by the airport and couldn't remember where I parked yesterday.

Curse the Krispy Kreme

Somebody brought Krispy Kreme donuts in to work this morning. They are a close second in addictiveness to a lovely dessert known as "frosted crack" or Napoleon which makes caramel apple cheesecake an incredibly close third. Sigh...now that "the baker" is out of my life I'll have to settle for the accursed Krispy Kreme, most evil of all mass produced bakery items.

Random Workplace Observation

My boss just called and asked me to add an appointment to his Monday calendar. I noticed that while I always write “meet w/so-and-so from business name at location” he writes, “meet with so-and-so, business name (location)”. I wonder if my way bothers him...he’s never said anything so I’ll probably continue to do it.

Also, the man he is meeting with on Monday shares the name of a local celebrity. For half a second I thought, “Why is he meeting with him?”

Roommate Fun

I am cautiously optimistic about my roommate situation. I have an agreement for new roommate #1 to move in the first week of August, my current roommate (who, by the way, has discovered this blog, yet refuses to comment...I dunno, maybe she hates me or my writing...) will be moving out the middle of August and new roommate #2 will move in late October or early November. I am hoping against hope that the living situation will work out well. Wish me luck!

The Office

Here is an example of the current coversation by two of the woman in my office today:

Pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a little,
cheep cheep cheep, talk a lot, pick a little more
Pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a little,
cheep cheep cheep, talk a lot, pick a little more
Pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a ittle,
Cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep
Cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep
Cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep
Pick a little, talk a little, cheep!

(c)1957 M. Willson

Hypnerotomachia, Kit Marlowe, Lucas Davenport & Mayan Medicine

I've finished:

The Rule of Four by Ian Caldwell & Dustin Thomason
This was billed as a book that was better than The Da Vinci Code. It was not. I was actually pretty disappointed. It is about a book called the Hypnerotomachia Poliphili and the secret message hidden inside. While I enjoy saying Hypnerotomachia Poliphili, I found the story to move at a snail's pace. I also thought the behavior of the main characters was often bizarre and completely illogical. However, once the "secret" is finally out it tied in nicely with a major plot point of The Birth of Venus by Sarah Dunant, a book I also didn't enjoy, but was glad to have that background while they were explaining the gist of Hypnerotomachia. Also, to make the book even more Da Vinci Code-esque, there is a "web-quest" game on the website that may or may not challenge your code breaking skills.

The Intelligencer by Leslie Silbert
As you may have noticed, after reading The Da Vinci Code I've become completely obsessed with books like it. Also, due to the overwhelming success of the Dan Brown novel many new books have billed themselves as having similar code-breaking, historical revelations. This one takes place as a mystery from Elizabethan England intertwines with a present day private investigators life. I thought the ending was a little disappointing, but the theory about why Christopher Marlowe was killed was fascinating. I believe this is her first novel and I will be reading her next one.

Hidden Prey by John Sanford
I love this series, so my opinion of the book was biased from the beginning. I liked it, I loved it, I want some more of it. Also, my brother-in-law is from Minnesota and it is always interesting to hear his take on places described in the novels.

The Codex by Douglas Preston
An eccentric father decides to challenge his sons by taking his vast wealth and burying himself with it. If the boys can find the tomb they can "rob" it and claim their inheritance. A wacky premise, but the weeks spent in a Honduran jungle kept me on the edge of my seat. The fate of their father and the legacy he left behind 40 years ago was terrific.

I am still struggling along with my friends novel. It has been a very emotional story and is taking me a long time to wade through. Also slow going is Pulitzer Prize winning Gulag: A History by Anne Applebaum, a grueling, intense chronicle of the Soviet concentration camps. I'm also reading Art: A New History, I've forgotten who wrote it but it has some interesting ideas and theories about artwork through the ages.

A bunch of unrelated stuff...

This morning I have so many things I want to talk about; I probably should have posted over the long weekend, but well, I didn’t. Sorry. So now, I have all these unrelated things running through my head and I’m not sure where to start and even if anyone is interested...anyway, here goes....

1-Some may have noticed that my mood has been broken for several days. It’s true, I’ve spent about a week feeling physically and emotionally broken. While it’s true that I successfully endured the medical madness of years past, I still have to deal with a chronic auto-immune disorder that has resurfaced and attacked with a vengeance the last week or so. I am still feeling not-so-great today, but really, what can you do except deal with it? Add, to that a week spent worrying about and dealing with family and friends it all is very draining. Worry not, I’ll be fine in a few days.

2- Blogger has been experiencing some server problems. I’ll try and log in and I get a message saying I’m not found on that server. Despite reassurance from the support team it continues to happen. Not every time, but enough to be frustrating. Has anyone else been having difficulty? Is it truly fixed now?

3-JP is making me crazy. This guy is literally making me nuts.

4-Porkfest 2004 was a success! My parents have a big breakfast every 4th and it has become known amongst their children as Porkfest. Why? The plentiful pork products, of course. When we were growing up bacon and sausage showed up at the breakfast table only occasionally, and when it did, we were limited to 1 sausage or a piece of bacon. So, once a year there are unlimited amounts of both to eat. YUM! Basically, the day kicks off with the breakfast, segues into taking the grandkids to the park, the boys playing several vicious games of basketball, treats to snack on, lounging around the homestead, trying to get the young ‘uns to take naps, a big BBQ, home made ice cream and fireworks on the lawn. A long day, to be sure, but definitely fun.

5-The Amazing Race premiers tonight; I would encourage anyone who hasn’t ever tuned it to watch it. It is far and away the best reality programming on television. While there are always contestants who I love to cheer for and those I wish would get thrown in a Turkish prison (which is a possibility), the locations and adventure are the stars of the show. Tune in, I guarantee you’ll love it and if you don’t, let me know and I’ll patiently explain what is wrong with you. :)

Hard Times

I’m heartbroken to see someone I love going through a difficult time. I wish I could get her a better job, buy her a home, and find her someone who would treat her and her kids like they are precious gems to be treasured above all else. She has had so much adversity in her life. Some she brought on herself and she has paid a heavy price for mistakes she has made, but now, when she finally gets it together, when she breaks away from the dead-end waitressing job, when it looks as though she has found someone to love...it all falls apart. The new job isn’t a great as once thought, the guy is a loser, and she has no where to go. Oh, how I wish I could make it all better....