Ogden Nash is  one of my favorite poets. Enjoy a hilarious poem by him on the most fascinating of all  maladies – The Common Cold.

http://judithpordon.tripod.com/poetry/ogden_nash_common_cold.html

Five days of intense research proved that Common Cold is the most remarkable of all maladies. Trapped in the viral web of mind-blowing rhinitis acuta catarrhalis or nasopharyngitis  or rinovirus I paved my way to freedom with some astounding discoveries of all times. One must utilize every single moment to learn something new.

I didn’t know that there are 200 different types of cold to catch and we’ve probably spent two years of our life sneezing and coughing by the time we reach 75. Amazing , isn’t it ? And the fact that 50,000 rhinoviruses lined up back to back to cover just one millimeter. Crap, just to think what was infesting my nose all these five days ..eeeeeeeeeeeee

Didn’t know that  a sneeze can travel at 90 miles per hour and can reach people within a 30 foot radius. 😀 That’s what I call speed . What a weapon! :p

As the virus began to invade my mind-body and soul I decided to record the daily events. The facts gathered over five days amused me 🙂

Common cold can dig its claws in your head and make its inner melt. Then Slowly it takes a grip on your entire system, senses and turns you into a pink nose tip zombie who can sneeze, cough, cry, blow the trumpet and laugh at the same time. It makes your temples throb and dries your throat but one needs to stay focused,stay strong  and not surrender. You got to kill the fk*ing dripping monster with potent potions made from alcohol, ginger ,tea leaves, lemon, peppercorn and other magical ingredients. No chemicals at all. This medicine industry can only spill disaster so keep those tiny tablets away.

Controlling and overpowering common cold is all about following the wicca tradition. It involves witchcraft and sorcery. Though one need not to ride a broom but it does involve steaming pots,  stirring cauldrons full of fragrant broth made of chicken bones and flesh, garlic and other herbs and spices. It is about maintaining an aura around you that clearly states ” Don’t come close” .

I discovered that many of these things are sleep inducing and take you instantly to a different plane. I call it “out-of-body” experience.

New data revealed its uncommon power to strangle the throat from within and to put a spell on almost all the senses. Eyes want to stay closed in their coffin and one wonders if it’s the finger tip which is hurting or the entire body where ever you touch..Common cold is averse to Rum with hot water or brandy with hot coffee 🙂 If that agrees with your system you may indulge in it. Else desi ghee or Sesame oil can be smelled after rubbing it on finger tips. Another remedy is “chuhara or khaarik boiled in milk till the volume of milk becomes two-third or half of the original volume. Drink it before going to bed hopefully you will notice relief in the morning. All these and many other tried and tested age-old concoctions will get the monster in your grip and command.

Never underestimate its power though. If it unleashes itself in full glory then your body will turn into a  burning  mass. It will slowly suck the energy and leave it limp and useless.  Your eyes will run rivers of agony and mind will go numb. Thankfully with the knowledge of all the knowledge handed down by devins-guerisseurs since ages , you wont reach that stage.

Common cold is a tough opponent and usually it is a five to six days long battle between its dark powers and the person gripped by it. Performance  of  physical rituals like inhalation of  aromatic eucalyptus oil rubbed on a piece of cloth of a drop in hot water etc certainly makes it retreat. The idea is not to suppress it but to make it vanish forever never to return. A relapse is worse than the original so be careful to push the right buttons.

The funny thing is that more than the person in grip  it affects those around. They suddenly find you repulsive and shun you, they look as if you were untouchable. They run away from even the sight of you and promptly set your personal belongings aside. Segregation is not a new thing for sorceresses and witches. So I was pushed in one room with  Boxes of Tissues which replaced the beautiful handkerchiefs and a plastic bag is given to put the soiled paper.  It is a bliss actually to have your own place with a Jug full of  boiling broth and books. One can endlessly gaze outside the window and admire the winter landscape with no one screaming like a mandrake.

This state of sublime bliss gives a boost to creative energy and imagination too. 😀

Common cold doesn’t like to be treated shabbily, it loves valiant opponents and at slightest provocation it takes firm grip on those who look at it with disapproval and contempt.   One needs to very tactfully deal with this eccentric to win the battle. I used all my charm and sorcery to dissolve it and make it retreat but the sucker is not ready to give up. It went and occupied the body of my mom. Poor woman is doing her best to get rid of it but you see the more you resist the more it takes roots. My advice is as usual not required. I am a silent spectator these days.

One can conquer with love is what I learned from this experience, fighting, resisting pays little. So you see it is very wrong to call Common Cold an ailment or Disease, it is in fact an eye opener or if you wish an opener of all the major sensory areas of our body, mind and soul.

It is your Sensei, your guiding light to the path of Nirvana.