It’s Thursday again. You know what that means. Uncle Bardie’s Weekly Music Pick. Uncle Bardie gives a double thumbs up to this week’s selection: “Light One Candle” by Peter, Paul, and Mary. This one is for Hanukkah, the Festival of Lights.
The President of the United States was in the Oval Office. He was doing Oval Office things. Like meeting the Ambassador from Some-Godforsaken-Place-He-Couldn’t-Pronounce. It was a dark and stormy night outside but he was all snug and cozy in the White House.
The Ambassador introduced himself. Of course, The Great Man, P F Sneaze, couldn’t understand the language. As far as he was concerned, it was gibberish. It was French.
He shook the dude’s hand and they tête-à-têted for a while. Tête-à-tête is French for shaking hands and making the most out of an uncomfortable situation. Like acting like you’re listening to an ambassador about something or other in French.
The President had to go for a pee. He knew it would be improper protocol to take a bathroom break right then. But it was getting to the point where he had to go bad. Really bad.
Now we all know that, when the President needs to go and take a leak and he doesn’t get to because he’s protocoling all over the place, all heck can break loose. He may accidentally push the red button and take out a country that was minding its own business. That was just about what was about to take place.
About this time, Maynard Gee, the Vice President who had not worked a day in his life, walked in on the President and the Ambassador. He took one look at the situation and he thought it might be a good idea if he got the heck out of Dodge.
One thing was for sure. When Maynard Gee smelled a lick of work, he was real good at getting hisself out of Dodge. He had graduated summa cum laude at the Institute of Getting-the-Heck-Out-Of-Dodge.
The President could hardly control himself. He had to pee that bad. He beckoned the V P over to say a big hey to the Ambassador. What can a Vice President do when a President beckons him over to do this or that? He definitely goes over to do this or that. It’s his job to do this or that, even if it means that he has to take out the garbage. After all, nobody but nobody says nay to the Leader of the Free World. Especially if that Leader is The Great Man.
The Vice President was cornered. So he did what any self-respecting Vice President would do. He walked over. The President indicated that he needed to be excused and he would be right back. When meeting an Ambassador, what does a Vice President talk about. The price of eggs in China, of course.
It was a good thing that the Vice President understood gibberish. I mean French.
The President said, “I’ll be right back.” Then he hurried out of the room. Well, it wasn’t exactly a room. It was the Oval Office. But he did hurry out of it.
So there’s the Vice President tête-à-têting with the Ambassador from Some-Godforsaken-Place-He-Couldn’t-Pronounce and they were discussing the price of eggs in China when, you guessed it–
Next Week: Should Have Gotten Himself Out of Dodge
Once a week on Monday, Uncle Bardie shares a movie with his Readers he gives a big two thumbs up. It will simply be a short excerpt or a trailer. Uncle Bardie might even throw in a reflection on the movie. If so, it will make an appearance below the video. So pop some popcorn and give yourself a treat. This week’s pick is “Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children” (2016)
I thought I would end with a movie I thoroughly enjoyed. Tim Burton has given me hours and hours of entertainment. Edward Scissorhands. Beetlejuice, Ed Wood, Mars Attacks, Big Fish, Alice in Wonderland and Big Eyes. All thoroughly enjoyable. I had been disappointed with Tim Burton lately. After “Dark Shadows” and “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”, I wasn’t sure I wanted to see another of his films. Then I saw “Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children”. Hurrah, Tim Burton.
Even John Huston made some bad ones. So I forgive Tim Burton for the bad ones because of all the good ones he’s given me. Even though I did not read the book, I have to say that this is one of his good ones.
It’s Thursday again. You know what that means. Uncle Bardie’s Weekly Music Pick. Uncle Bardiie gives a double thumbs up to this week’s selection. “Room at the Table” by Carrie Newcomer:
I know it’s Christmas, and some of you are saying, “Where’s your Christmas song”. Well, this one is my Christmas song. It gets to the spirit of what Christmas is. On top of the lyric of the song, the music makes you want to get up and dance. And what a great video. I just love them giraffes and those dancers. So Merry Christmas, y’all.
Al Fresco, the Presidential King Maker, was frantic. He was old friends with the CIA Director. The Director had told Al all that had happened in the Oval Office in Chapter 37. Stever the Cleaver was a Canadian. If he tried to attempt to assassinate Bessie Mae Hogg, he might get caught. The President would definitely be going after the Canadians.
And Al Fresco knew his history. During the War of 1812, the United States had invaded Canada and got whopped. It was about to happen again. For Al knew the Canadians were not about to be beat. Those guys really knew how to play hockey. The United States definitely did not want to take on guys like that.
However there was a problem. Stever the Cleaver was not contactible. When he was about to do a job, there was no contacting him for anything. His smartphone was off. His cell phone was off. His smart watch was off. His smoke signal detector was off. Nobody was about to contact the Cleaver.
To say that it was a dark and stormy night when Big Al Fresco headed across the back lawn of the White House is a bit like saying Canadians love hockey. Of course, they love hockey, and of course, it was a dark and stormy night. What other weather would you expect when Big Al was trying to track Stever the Cleaver down? And do it sneaky-like? If it had been a warm and sunny day, the Secret Service would have stopped him. In fact, it was so dark and stormy the weather made the words “dark and stormy” a cliché. And I’ve seen some clichés in my time. This really was a cliché.
Big Al slipped through the Gate and sneaked across the White House lawn toward Bessie Mae Hogg’s Pig Pen. To say that he was as wet as all-get-out was not stretching it none too much. He was as wet as all-get-out. And getting wetter all the time. It was so dark and stormy there was not a star in the sky and it looked like the moon had lost his way.
Big Al slipped and fell in a ditch the White House Lawn Guys were digging. For what reason, they were digging a ditch in just that place was anybody’s guess. They were government employees and we all know how far they will stretch themselves not to work.
“But digging a ditch is work,” you say. Of course, it’s work. That’s how far government workers will go to get out of work.
Big Al picked himself up out of that ditch. If he had been drenched before, he was drenched now with a cake of mud all over him. He was beginning to look like some monster that you might encounter on Halloween. He was regretting every political thing he had ever done. He was thinking it was time to look for a new line of work.
Not too far ahead of him, he saw his goal. Stever the Cleaver. The Cleaver was looking just as bad as Big Al, only worse. He had been out in the dark and stormy night a half hour longer than Big Al, so he was looking a half hour worse.
Big Al saw that The Cleaver had pulled his big gun with the big silencer out of its big holster. He was headed straight for the P F Sneaze’s Blue Ribbon pig. Big Al ran and he ran fast and tackled The Cleaver. The Cleaver, of course, was surprised. And when you surprise up on an assassin with a gun with a silencer out and ready to shoot his target, you have done a mighty lot of surprising. That’s how surprised The Cleaver was.
Big Al and Stever wrestled for the gun. If you are looking for an example of how much they wrestled, think Jacob and the Angel. It was one whopper of a wrestling match. First Big Al had the upper hand, then The Cleaver, then Big Al, then The Cleaver.
It got to the point where everything came to a draw. That was when it happened. The gun with the silencer went off.
Next Week The Beat Goes On
Uncle Bardie's Stories & Such 