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An empty chair

July 16, 2008

Hello. My name is Spaz and I as well was invited to leave a guest post here at the cabin in the sky. One of my favourite things to in summer is to sit by the edge of lake Ontario in the evening and wait until it gets dark. Then most people leave and it’s only me, the water, the sky and the summer night air. Below an attempt to describe what it felt like the first time:

I could feel lonely and cold out here, sitting at the end of the empty pier, with the vast lake’s deep breath roaring in my ears while its surface lays down a rolling blanket of eerie darkness around me. The concrete ground which lends me its seat is still warm, but soon even those remnants of the sun will be gone and night will take over completely.

How good it feels to lay the day’s thoughts to rest and let the waves wash away the last imprints! Above, seagulls dance around the red harbour light, and for a moment it seems that one can hear the drunken song of long passed mariners screeching from their beaks.

So no, lonely is unfitting for this newly discovered scenery which welcomes me into its midst, and even though the inviting gesture lacks sociable warmth, I accept it gladly, just like a virgin sailor would accept the nod of a weathered seaman towards an empty chair.

SPAZ

Posted in amazing, Guest post, life, nature, Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

God Speaks to Me

May 10, 2008

Our minister recently posed an interesting question in her sermon. How has God spoken to you? After telling the story of how she came to be part of our ministry, she even went so far as to encourage members to write to or tell her about their experiences in which they felt God had spoken to them.

Now, there are two things that popped into my mind right away. First of all, if I was ever to start hearing “the voice” I would never admit it for fear of the big men in white coats packing big butterfly nets looking for me. Second of all, if anyone starts getting up to “testify” and it even looks like it is going to turn into a bible thumping repent-fest, I’m going to turn around and start waddling out of that church as fast as my five-kid butt and thunder thighs will take me.

And then I got “the e-mail”. (Yeah, blew me away too. Who knew God could be so technological?)

All funning aside, I received an e-mail this week that caused me to, once again, stop and realize just how far all my blessings extend. Someone who hardly knows me, mostly knows of me, took the time to drop me an e-mail and say she hadn’t “seen” me on the net recently and was concerned that things had gotten difficult with Superbabe. She just wanted me to know that she was thinking of us and hoping for the best. It sat me back, and I realized that there are blessings far beyond what I see in my normal everyday life.

Originally, I thought I would post this about how great the net and blogging is for connections and friends, people we would otherwise never meet. Sound familiar? Yes, done to death I know, but I was going to do it anyhow. Then this morning I started thinking about it differently.

It’s strange, you know, that whenever I most need that little pick me up, that little nudge or help, there it is. Things have been difficult with Superbabe lately. At the time our minister was delivering her sermon, I was actually in outpatients for the fourth time in three weeks with him. He’s been very sick, having trouble breathing, losing weight and despite all my exhausting efforts, will likely end up with a feeding tube once more. I have one more trick to try and then I will have no choice but to give in. That message in my e-mail showed up on a day when I was feeling particularly down. As well, life, you know, does not exist just for Superbabe. There are many other things going on in this house which all compound his situation, and depending on the day, sometimes it is just too much. To receive word from someone who hardly knows me that they are thinking of us and wishing us well, touched me in a way that can only be described as spiritual. Weight was lifted and replaced with comfort. What else could you call it?

So in answer to my minister’s question, no I don’t hear voices. I have however, been touched by angels and lifted up and carried various times in my life. I have had situations turn out completely different to what I would have expected, some better and some worse, and had life changed inexplicably overnight. I believe that my life is led by God and that gives me great comfort whenever I feel scared or lonely. I now find myself in situations where I am being called upon to give the comfort or counsel, and with God’s helping hand and angels around me, I hope to make a difference in both small and large ways.

Now tell me, has God spoken to you recently?

Posted in amazing, e-mail, friends, life, me, miracles, Spiritual, superbaby | 3 Comments »

February 20th

February 20, 2008

One year ago today…….

I was in Edmonton for the ‘regular’ ultrasound check-ups on our baby. The fetal echo of his heart was done in the morning, and everything looked as it had the two weeks before. The ultrasound was done in the afternoon, and they found signs of distress in the baby that were not present in the morning.

One year ago today…….

My baby was delivered by emergency c-section. A team of professionals from the NICU were standing by, waiting for him. The hour and a half that I waited for them to stabilize him was horrendously nerve wracking. The first time I got to see him, he was covered with tubes, I.V. lines, and on a breathing tube. The nurses sat me up just enough so that I could reach into the transport isolate and touch the one bare spot I could see on his head. Then they whisked him away to the other hospital, and I stayed where I was for the next three days.

One year ago today……

I didn’t know or really even believe that my baby would survive. Today, he is my proof that miracles exist. How far we’ve come Babe, how far you’ve taken us.

Happy 1^st birthday to my little Superbaby, Sean.

Posted in amazing, anniversary, dedications, family, kids, miracles, superbaby, tributes | 2 Comments »

We’re back!

January 5, 2008

So New Years has come and gone, and we have been to Edmonton and back. The trip was great as far as travelling in the winter goes. Plus, everything with Sean went so much better and smoother than we had even hoped.

I don’t know how many nurses and Dr’s asked us if we had been through the cath lab before. Of course we would say ‘yes, when he was two weeks old.’ They would then ask how it all went and we would say, ‘it was a disaster and he nearly died.’ The reaction was always the same. “Oh”, and then the kid gloves would come out and we were treated with the utmost sensitivity. Of course, at that point, it was useless for them to downplay any risks, because we had already seen just what could happen in the worst case senario. As well, we were sure to let everyone know about what happened when Sean went through the MRI and how upset and traumatized he was afterwards. Everything was so different this go around, and Sean was much happier. (Which means, of course, so were we!)

We were at the hospital at 6am Thursday morning because Sean was booked to be the first case in the cath lab. We were called in at 7:30, and he had fallen asleep about 45 min before that. I went in with him this time, and he woke up as they were looking at his hands and feet, trying to decide where to put the IV. He started to get upset, and they decided very early on to give him the sleepy gas. He panicked and tried to hold his breath, but he calmed down some when he looked at me. He fell asleep and then I left. It was so much less traumatic than the MRI was! Also, we were both allowed in the recovery room, which was really nice. Sean was extremely upset, and we were able to pass him from one to the other according to what he needed. I layed down with him in the stretcher to go up to room where we spent the rest of the day and the night. When we got to the room, I immediately asked for him to have a bed (they had a nice crib already made up and waiting) and that was changed for us right away. All I had to do was sign a waiver and there were no problems. That way it was easy for me to nurse him, and we were both happier over night.

The cath lab itself went very well. There was absolutely no problems! They did a balloon dialtion on one spot in the left pulmonary artery, and the pressures in the artery and his heart were a little bit lower afterwards. Apparantly the Dr found that the flow and pressures weren’t as bad in there as they originally thought. His artery is quite elastic and was letting the blood through quite well anyhow. Nonetheless, the dialtion did make some improvement as proven by the follow up tests and scans that were done the next day. They predict that he will need to have the pulmonary valve replaced sometime in the future, which would be open heart surgery again, but don’t expect to have to do anything other than monitoring for quite some time. The longer the better I say!

So Sean was rather out of it for much of the day, but by the time my friend Anna found us at 3:00 or so, he was feeling close to his old self again. He was getting tired of laying down, but they wouldn’t let him sit up until 4. As soon as 4pm hit I sat him up and he was smiling, waving and clapping and banging his arm with the IV around. We were surrounded by very sick babies all going through morphine withdrawal after surgeries, so little Sean with his smiles and cute antics was very enjoyed by all the nurses. We also found that when he was sitting up he could keep his oxygen levels up enough that we could keep him on room air. As the day wore on, we found that as long as he was awake, it didn’t matter if he was sitting or laying down and playing, the extra oxygen could stay off. Yeah! When we left, it was shown that he only needs the oxygen when he is both laying down and sleeping at the same time. Halleluah!

So I count this trip as a complete success, and 2008 can now officially begin!

Posted in amazing, family, health, superbaby | 4 Comments »

Inspiration

December 30, 2007

So many bloggers I know have been posting Maxine this past week….I just couldn’t resist! 😆

Annie at Writerchick recently posted a list of insights she has recently realized. I thought some of her new found views to be very beautiful and inspiring. I think it is good for each of us to do a bit of deep soul searching from time to time. My list is going to be all the lessons I have learned in this past roller coaster year we all know and love as 2007. Here goes, in no particular order:

Life is a beautiful thing. Some days are terribly frustrating, difficult, sad or exhausting, but in the end, tomorrow is a new day, a new chance, and life is very worth living.

I am stronger than I think. Sometimes I really don’t think I can cope with what I see looming on the horizon, but you know what? When I get to the thick of it, when it really is necessary, I can do it, whatever needs to be done.

I am loved, and I love back. Love is a thing to be shared and given away; it is the one true gift which we can give of ourselves, and no matter what, it truly can heal all things. I know this seems rather preachy and I can already hear the eyes rolling, but true love of others and of ourselves really is amazing.

Have faith. Faith in yourself, faith in others, and most of all, faith in the powers of the universe and ultimate powers that be.

Whatever happens is for the best. Even when I can’t see it right away, in the end, it all works out the way it is supposed to.

There is no place like home, and home is where the heart is.

There truly are angels in this world.

I’m no special person, but for whatever reason, I have been touched and changed and granted a special opportunity to raise part of the next generation, and it is a true honor. I have been blessed.

There is nothing wrong with taking some space for myself when I am stressed. In fact, I am a better parent for it.

So that is my list for 2007. If any one out there is looking for a bit of blogging inspiration, may I suggest a list of your own. It really does feel very good, and I think it is much more productive than a list of resolutions!

Now while I am looking forward to 2008, I have the first week of it to get through first. Superbaby is going in for a cardiac catheterization on Jan 3rd and it is producing a fair bit of anxiety for the family. I just keep reminding myself of some of my lessons from this past year. In the end, we will all be just fine. Once we are through this initial bump, 2008 is looking like a stellar year!

Posted in amazing, family, friends, holidays, list, New Years | 1 Comment »

Snow days

December 4, 2007

We all love snow days, right?
Unless we have to try to go somewhere in them! Right now we are under heavy snowfall warnings until tomorrow sometime. 10- 20 cm (4-8 inches) they tell us. Not quite as bad as the picture above, but still not a great day to take Superbaby out for a Dr. appointment. He does, however, need to have his cold checked and make sure that everything is still ok. I have a couple of things I need to ask the Dr about, so snow or not, we will be going out. Meanwhile, I have four other children all praying for cancelled buses and a day off school. Literally praying.
Whatever your weather, enjoy your day.

Posted in amazing, family, fun, home, kids, life, nature, superbaby, weather | Leave a Comment »

Go play

November 14, 2007

When was the last time you spent time just playing with someone? Hanging out, having fun, laughing for no real good reason?

I seem to be a bit on a kick lately. First it was about my son’s new friend, and then about the baby laughing, and now I’m thinking about playing. Or perhaps it is the lack of in my case.

I’ve been finding that I’m in a pretty good mood these days. Until my crew gets home that is. Then I turn into the queen bitch around here. My head starts to pound and all my patience that I told myself I would have tonight disappears. It may have to do with the fact that there is five (or six if you count the Mr. Man) of them and only one of me. It may have to do with my oldest two bickering and picking at each other every waking moment. It may have to do with me trying to get supper on for a large family, help with homework, chase kids down to do chores, everyone talking at once and have to repeat myself five times everytime I need to tell something to anyone. It may having something to do with all of that, but I actually doubt it.

Frankly, none of that is new. I’ve been dealing with all of that since my daughter entered kindergarten nine years ago. If I can’t handle the after-school-making-supper-stress by now, I’m a failure as a parent. No. I think it is because I have forgotten how to play lately.

Oh sure, my daughter wants me to play backgammon with her, and we all played a rousing game of Cranium this weekend, but that’s not what I need. I need to go hang out with friends, get goofy and laugh my ass off for about three hours. Not with my family. My friends, my pals, mes amigos. I need to just go have some fun.

So go do it, right? Sure! Except that they all have day jobs, are not home, busy with their own lives, schedules don’t jive…..the list of why it doesn’t work out is enormous. Timing is everything you know. So, here I sit, pounding head, telling all of you to take time to play. And if you need any encouragement, watch the link. Even the animals are smarter than I am. You know what, watch the link anyhow, it’s just bloody cool.

Animals at Play

Posted in amazing, animals, bears, dogs, friends, kids, life, miracles, nature, play, Video, wild | 2 Comments »