We have had a house guest since Wednesday. A man we met in New Orleans last year. He is from North Carolina. And our neighbor Sam (Dorothy) also has a friend visiting from North Carolina. Turns out they both live in the suburbs of Raleigh. It’s a small world.
Today we have a little break. He is visiting with a friend in Palm Springs for lunch. So I have a little time to blog.
I posted about our hummingbird bird nest. Well that’s on the front patio (courtyard). Now we have a Mallard duck family on the back patio. So far it’s just a male and a female but it is spring.
Not the best picture cause I didn’t want to spook them off. He is there on the patio and she is in the dirt next to that flower pot.
Tonight we are going to happy hour at the clubhouse. Hopefully our visitor will return and go with us, but he is on a sort of date so he may or may not return this evening. Such a tramp. My kind of friend.
Anyway we will have some neighbors over after the happy hour with or without him. I do hope he returns so they can meet him. He’s a hoot.
I bought this swimsuit last summer. The model wearing it looks great.
Expectations
I’ll be honest: sharing this image below wasn’t easy. For a long time, I was the guy who only went swimming when the coast was clear. I’m a big guy, and at first, the shame of being seen in this suit kept me in the shadows. I’ve spent years avoiding families at the pool because, let’s face it, children can be unintentionally cruel. Even in baggy trunks, I’ve dealt with their filters-off comments, and while I know they’re just young and haven’t been taught the impact of their words yet, those moments still sting.
Twins! Don’t you think?
But everything shifted the other day. I was in the water when my new neighbor stopped by the pool to chase some ducks away. He didn’t blink, didn’t judge, and couldn’t have cared less what I was wearing. Seeing his total lack of concern made me realize that I was the only one holding onto the shame.
If he isn’t bothered, why should I be? I’ve decided to stop worrying about the extra material dragging through the water and just focus on being comfortable. I’m learning to project a positive image—one where I’m okay with exactly who I am today, even while I keep a mental vision of where I’m headed. In my mind, I’m killing it, and honestly? That’s the only view that matters.”
I am working on my body through diet and exercise. Maybe next year I will look more like the guy in the advertisement. I have started to adopt that “I don’t give a damn what you think additude”.
Okay, maybe I still care a little tiny bit sometimes 😂.
P.S. I let Gemini help me rewrite some of this and I like the edits.
We have a hummingbird nest right outside our front door. She has built a nest in a potted miniature pomegranate tree. It seems awfully exposed. But she is unafraid.
Posted in family, health on March 17, 2026 by jefferyrn
I have come to the conclusion that the only way I will ever have a flat stomach is if I get hit by a car. But I am still trying. I visited my doctor and found I had gained 10 pounds since she last saw me. Wow!
Of course, I knew the truth, but having it in my chart was scary. She ordered some new blood work and got me a referral for a neurologist.
I went back to see her and went over the results last week. My blood work was excellent and I actually lost five pounds in those three weeks. Yeah!
I started walking. And this week I am back to swimming. So far so good. But I am still up ten pounds from this time last year. I think it is emotional eating. I know it is night snacking too. Now I sit with a glass of water and try not to eat while watching shows.
We are currently working our way through Victoria on Netflix. It is a British series that has three seasons. Ricky nods off through most of it but I love these historical dramatizations.
The warmer weather makes me happy.
My sister finally got a ramp. When we visit she can get out of her house and go to dinner or bingo. This makes me happy too. I stood my ground and didn’t bail her out. She and her son made their own priorities and this ramp finally moved to the top of the list without me flipping the bill. I love my sister but I can’t let her manipulate me. It was hard. I almost ordered her a ramp a couple of times. But I realized this would not be helping.
My parents bailed her out for years. I am not stepping into that role and she gets it, surprisingly.
Okay so this has turned into a mix of things. I will try to write something more focused and interesting next time.
Posted in friends, random on March 9, 2026 by jefferyrn
On Saturday we were invited to another couple’s home for cocktails. They live in the complex. It is nice to have friends who are neighbors. We met them a few weeks back at the clubhouse happy hour.
Jon is from England and his husband Gonzalo is from Spain. They threw the Spanish themed party I wrote about. Anyway, this was a chance to get acquainted without all the commotion of a party going on.
We shared stories of how we met our partners. We talked about our families. We talked about work. They both still work. We discussed what we did before retirement. The usual getting to know you type conversations
We also shared a little gossip about the other neighbors. That’s always the fun part. Turns out they really don’t like the happy hours at the clubhouse either. It’s not a welcoming environment. People are generally cliquey and unresponsive to new people. The loose interpretation is homophobic Trumpsters. But we are not giving up on it totally.
At the last happy hour we set up our own table and chairs and formed our own clique. Some who are gay allies, stop by and said hello. There is safety in numbers so we agreed to coordinate any return visits.
And we are trying to be friendly with the neighbors. Maybe if they see us enough they will come around. We need to plan a gay event and see what happens. Could be fun or they could resent us more. Nothing ventured nothing gained. We shall see.
Anyway, we have new neighborhood friends in Jon and Gonzalo. That makes me smile.
For LGBTQ+ Days there was a drone show last night. Here are some pictures.
Agua Caliente Casino is one of the sponsors. The casino is next door to City Hall Love equals love, Jackpot!Record player This is the city symbol used on all the signage around town The Roost is a gay bar located in the restaurant complex next to the Mary Pickford Theatre and City Hall. They hold all sorts of events from Karaoke to drag bingo and live entertainment.This is what was in the sky the night before the show.
Today is the festival in front of City Hall followed by a sold out concert in the amphitheatre in the park behind it. David Archuleta is the headliner as I mentioned in my last post.
We may check out the fair for a while but we have plans with some neighbors for cocktails this evening. Cheers!
Posted in random with tags pride, random on March 6, 2026 by jefferyrn
It has been a week. On Monday I got a bill for medical supplies the insurance didn’t pay for. Then Tuesday I got food poisoning and stayed in bed all day Wednesday after a night on white porcelain. Then Thursday I had a blood draw only to come out to a dead car battery. Thank goodness for AAA.
I am afraid to say what else could happen. On a high note it is pride weekend in Cat City. Truly a maller event as these things go but it is the first of the season. A few goings on in front of city hall and a celebration at Agua Caliente on Sunday as they sponsor the infamous bed races. It should be a good time.
Here is a shot from a previous year.
Oh and David Archuleta is headlining a show on Saturday. He is a former American Idol contestant who came out recently to the chagrin of his Mormon family.
Oh David! (Not the one from HGTV.)
Side note, after several phone calls I think I got the insurance payment straightened out. It was “a billing error.”
Today is take the car for an oil change day. Since we only have one vehicle it means scheduling a day with the neighbor so we can drop it off and pick it up later. When you retire, everything is painful. It’s not like we don’t have all the time in the world, but it somehow feels restricting. It’s a doctor’s visit for the car.
It should be done by noon. Then we can go to lunch and enjoy the afternoon. I’ve been contemplating swimming this morning or perhaps some yoga. But so far all I have done is drink coffee and watch the news.
The darn president came on with a special report on the war in Iran. This has been concerning. This administration has gotten us in a pickle and the end and outcome seem uncertain. Is it the end of the world?
Posted in family, pets on February 26, 2026 by jefferyrn
My brother-in-law is being treated for cancer. The treatment has been successful in keeping him alive. But the quality of that life has changed.
He is still mobile and actually drives himself to the facility for is ongoing procedures. But he has COPD and is on oxygen. This has limited his ability to do a lot of things he used to enjoy.
Before Christmas his dog had to be put down. The dog also had cancer. This dog was his joy. He talked to him like a human. They had a route each day. Tricks for treats, a feeding schedule, and playtimes were all part of their day together.
So he got a puppy to replace his beloved dog. It seemed like this would work. But the puppy was too much for him to take care of and the routine he had with his old pal was not possible. His son ultimately took the puppy
Rick texted him the other day to see how he was doing. He said “Holster” (the dog) had to be put down and I’m okay but lonely.
That’s when we heard about the puppy experiment. It makes me sad that he is so lonely. He has two children and four grandchildren. But they have their own lives and he doesn’t want to interfere or be a bother to them.
Truth be known he didn’t really participate in their lives when they were younger either. His wife raised them. That relationship needs to change now but it’s hard for all of them to adapt.
I had a thought. Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a place where people like him could go and get a pet that was already trained and ready to go? He doesn’t qualify for a guide dog or anything like that, he just needs a companion.
Posted in random on February 24, 2026 by jefferyrn
I read an article this morning about loneliness. It was an interesting take about people who seem socially active but are still lonely. Their social persona is fake. They are playing a role and are hiding behind it. They are not being their true self out of fear of rejection.
I’m not totally explaining this right but the concept is that we are not sharing ourselves as we would be at home in our comfy clothes on a Sunday afternoon relaxing on the coach watch amour favorite movie or tv show for the seventh or eighth time.
Kind of sounds like gay people who live a double life in the closet. Interesting but not surprising that this form of loneliness does not just exist in our gay world.
I am not an expert by any means but it got me thinking about my own loneliness. Yes, you can be surrounded by people and still feel left out and alone. Thankfully I do not become sad and depressed. I deal with it in my own way.
Sometimes “I want to be alone.” Marlene Dietrich is credited with this line whether she actually said it or not she lived it.
“Marlene Dietrich spent the final 11 to 13 years of her life (approx. 1979–1992) as a secluded recluse in her Paris apartment at 12 Avenue Montaigne. Following a successful career, she became bedridden, relying on painkillers and alcohol while avoiding public view. She maintained contact only with a select few, dying alone in 1992.”
While I am not planning on becoming a recluse, I do enjoy being alone sometimes. Having a partner who is also retired has made these moments few and far between. I make them by getting up early or staying home while he goes to the store. I love those early mornings.
One of my faults as it were is I am not keen on affection. This has resulted in a friendship style marriage. The intimacy is awkward or non-existent. There I said it. I know it is my fault. I am not sure how to overcome it. Now that I am on so many medications the sex drive is very limited. While I feel excited sometimes I cannot show it outwardly and act on it anymore. ED etc.
Why am I going down this rabbit hole. I think because it is related to the lonely persona. I am hiding my true feelings and needs out of fear of rejection. It is an unreal fear to be sure because my husband loves me unconditionally.
Don’t worry about me I am just brain dumping right now. We are planning a trip into the city on Friday. A gay night out. Maybe that will break the solitude.
Flowers from Trader Joe’s. Rick sent me a picture in case I didn’t see them on the cradensa.
Life Beyond the Casinos 
